NationStates Jolt Archive

Alright all you wacky forumites. Here we go. Clearly the parties of the U.S. are not doing a sufficient job in terms of the selection of good presidential candidates, so I need suggestions as to some sort of test(s) we could perform on Presidential candidates to ensure that we're not getting a dud. Please be creative, and elaborate. I'll give a free puppet nation to the person who gives me the best one. :fluffle:

1. They must appear in photos holding the book the RIGHT way round, or actually have the CAP of the binoculars.

2. They must speak proper vocabulary, and not say "They MISUNDERESTIMATED me"

3. They must not make comments that they have "better hair" when it is clearly a toupee.

4. They must actually be able to furfill their promises-neither candidate could do that anyway

5. They must be brave enough to admit there were no WMD's in Iraq, and there never were

6. They must recieve a landslide victory, to ensure the american people are behind them fully. If not, 2 new candidates will be chosen, so we don't have a leader that half the nation hates.

Thank you for your time.

If candidates are all gonna be upper-crust elitists, they must be fluent in el33t sp34k

Thanks TIN man and SP07.

And...uh..bump.

They must single-handedly save at least 50 puppies from a burning building armed with nothing but a toothpick and a quarter.

Do what they did in the Old West to see who would control a town...

Backs turned, 10 paces forward, DRAW!


It'll immediatly wear out guys like Cuccinich.

1. you must experience the life of an average american for at least 2 years. (if you were born with millions you must give it all up, get a job, support yourself the way the average american would for 2 years)

2. NO MORE PARTYS (The American election system seems to just be about party rather then candidate, George Washington himself warned the american people during his farewell address to be aware of the growing partys. If you dont have a mind of your own and must relly on a party to support you then maybe your not fit to lead)

3. Dont use celebrities in your campaign (If you must use celebrities to get peoples attention then you dont have what it takes to be president)

4. No more smear ads (Do not talk bad about your candidate let the american people decide if the candidate can be the next president, rather then talk about what your openant will or wont do, talk about what you will or wont do)

5. The United States Millitary must approve of the candidates (This will not make the millitary choose the next president but rather give the military the chance to talk up about a known traitor of the USA, Commander in Chief of a powerful millitary must have respect from the millitary)

6. Must give a valid reason why you think you are eligible to be President (most presidents have more money then what they earn as being president, most candidates are in it for the power and the title. this rule will make sure that they will actually be able to provide america with the service as being president)

Well I think we must get rid of the photogenic requirement currently imposed by the parties, therefore any male canidate for the presidency may not have a full head of hair and any female canidate for the presidency must rate no higher than a six on the babe scale. The US presency should not be decided on the basis of a battle of the hairdressers.

Primaries should be replaced with thumbwrestling tournaments. Then, when the winner's thumbs are in shape, they shall duke it out in a 15-hour-long Halo duel. And the winner shall be President.

They must wear at all times a polygraph machine that will broadcast it's readings when ever they speak.

The only money they can spend on the campain trail is their own... no contributions... ever.

Every instance of Mud Slinging or Negative Campain will result in a 1000 vote penalty in the state of the opponent's choosing.

They must submit an essay on Why I would like to be the President that must be read to every elementary school child. the winner (chosen by the children) will then become that party's nomime... and they must fulfill any promise made in the essay. Failure to do so means they are out of the race. After all, would you want a leader that would bold face break a promis to a Child?

Let's stick with the Constitution, it has mostly worked for the past 225 years.

Let's stick with the Constitution, it has mostly worked for the past 225 years.SO you ar eproposing what, each ofthe canidates must write an essay about what they think the constitution means? The prsidential debates should consist of taking portions of the constitution, like Ariticle 2 of the Amendments, and givieng a 5 minute presentation on what they feel it means and what their administration will do about it? I like this idea, sure presidential canidates must demonstrate a knowledge of the US constitution and inform the public of how they interpert it.

They must give up all their material possessions before running for office.
Any money that they have will be used to pay off the national debt.
They must be able to watch ET ten times in a row without falling asleep or being too interested in it.
They may not choose a VP, the runner up in the election gets that spot.
Anybody who uses negative campaign ads will be kicked several times in the ass for each time they use it.

I kinda like the requirements in the Constitution. Natural born citizen, 35 years old. However, I would like to add that candidates must be willing to kick puppies on live television during all State of the Union addresses and must have eaten at least one baby.

Incidently, this would mean nobody would vote for them, so we'd never have a President. Works for me.

they must lead a small army of 200 loyal followers into battle against a like number of opponents, whoever survives wins, if neither candidate survives the highest ranking surviving member of the victorious warband gets the job. the election only serves to select which candidate gets first choice of weapons and home feild advantage.

1) They must own at least one Transformer.
2) They must own at least one Star Wars action figure.
3) They must have a history of pryomania.
4) They must be willing to wear their underwear as a hat.
5) They must be willing to find out just how much lemon meringue they can possibly consume...on national television.

Well I think we must get rid of the photogenic requirement currently imposed by the parties, therefore any male canidate for the presidency may not have a full head of hair and any female canidate for the presidency must rate no higher than a six on the babe scale. The US presency should not be decided on the basis of a battle of the hairdressers.

Someone's level of attractiveness has nothing to do with whether or not they are qualified or would do a good job. It IS possible (although uncommon) to be attractive and smart at the same time. Not allowing attractive people to run is just as bad as only allowing attractive people to run.

I think there should be a minimum IQ requirement.

3. Dont use celebrities in your campaign (If you must use celebrities to get peoples attention then you dont have what it takes to be president)

4. No more smear ads (Do not talk bad about your candidate let the american people decide if the candidate can be the next president, rather then talk about what your openant will or wont do, talk about what you will or wont do)




Amen

Someone's level of attractiveness has nothing to do with whether or not they are qualified or would do a good job. It IS possible (although uncommon) to be attractive and smart at the same time. Not allowing attractive people to run is just as bad as only allowing attractive people to run.

I think there should be a minimum IQ requirement.You have a point, but when the first requirement imposed by the party in selecting a canidate is aesthetic, something must be done. I agree that banning all good looking people is discrimination, but it should serve to rectify past discrimination. I am, however, willing to compromise and only disqualify persons who use "product" in their hair, of either gender, Canidates should only be allowed to use generic, cheap shampoo during the campaign, and no dandruff shampoo either - let the people really see what they're getting.

How 'bout a bikini competition? ;) (Roach, I beat you to it!)

The only money they can spend on the campain trail is their own... no contributions... ever.

Every instance of Mud Slinging or Negative Campain will result in a 1000 vote penalty in the state of the opponent's choosing.

1. This one guarantees that only the super-rich will ever run for the office. Same as today then.

2. I agree withbeing against mud-slinging, but that's denial of voting rights.

Alright people, this contest ends on Thurday, so you still have time.

*dangles free puppet nation in front of the General Forum*

First off, they must pass a special lie-detector test based on their foreign policies. A truthful answer warrants a cream pie to the face. A false answer warrants a cow pie to the face.

From there, proceedings will move on to a ridiculous competition of athleticism, a la Most eXtreme elimination Challenge.

Finally, The Talent show portion will involve candidates doing something interesting on live television, like inventing the internet, tanking a large company under their name, or snorting a line of coke as long as a football field.

Should all these tests not yield a leader, then they must compete in a fight to the death, Kirk vs. Spock style, complete with the music.

dun-da DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH duh da dahhh duuh!

Alright all you wacky forumites. Here we go. Clearly the parties of the U.S. are not doing a sufficient job in terms of the selection of good presidential candidates, so I need suggestions as to some sort of test(s) we could perform on Presidential candidates to ensure that we're not getting a dud. Please be creative, and elaborate. I'll give a free puppet nation to the person who gives me the best one. :fluffle:

I think the actions of John Kerry as a senator should have been used as a test, just as the actions of George W. Bush as President should have been used as a test.

A precise test to a candidate is already in effect;

The major parties choose from which school the nominee graduated, as every president has come from a wealthy college. Generally, the American President will have a law degree or some physical representation that the person is well-educated.

They also choose which nominee has connections with America's wealthiest people, this usually means that the candidate comes from a wealthy family or has groups of wealthy friends. John Kerry would have been the wealthiest president in history if he were elected.

Both parties generally look for the individual whose political beliefs are extremely liberal or conservative. There have been no presidents that have sought a middle ground between these oppossing views.

You all have it wrong.

Instead of today's wide open system where anyone can become president, we should restrict the pool of applicants to members of a super-secret society in a prominent Ivy-league school. Preferably Yale. Just imagine what that would be like.

According to my research, a new ammendment to the constitution will require the following:

A candidate must be neither white nor black, male nor female.

A candidate must enjoy giraffes, climbing trees, and little kids.

A candidate must sing and dance and constantly touch themselves in waysthat make present comapny uncomfortable.

A candidate are required to dispay a psychotic fascination with nose-jobs, and be willing to dangle children from high balconies

A candidate must have an incredibly creepy sister who enjoys being "in sync" with her body.

With these requirements, I can only think of two possibilities: Michael Jackson and Pat Sajak.

Either way, Vanna or Bubbles is sure to be our best first lady yet.

You all have it wrong.

Instead of today's wide open system where anyone can become president, we should restrict the pool of applicants to members of a super-secret society in a prominent Ivy-league school. Preferably Yale. Just imagine what that would be like.Now, now, just because the last non-Eli to actually get the top spot on a major party ticket was Reagan does not mean there is any reason to be so sarcastic.

There is but one President and one nation--The Empire of Presidency.
To speak of any other is heresy and treason! The punishment for such crimes is imediate death!

I had some thoughts on this some time back. My idea is to have a completely open and nationwide nominating election where anyone, regardless of party, popularity, or anything else, could be nominated directly by general voting. Then have a run-off election between the top two. This would not only insure a more democratic election process, but would decrease the impact of all political parties. The top vote-getter would then be President and would choose his own Vice-President.

I suspect that what would eventually happen, after the dust settles, is that the two major parties would survive, but in different form.

*Renames the USA The Empire of America*

At least one serious candidate must be something other then some rich white guy :p

How 'bout a bikini competition? ;) (Roach, I beat you to it!)


1. This one guarantees that only the super-rich will ever run for the office. Same as today then.

2. I agree withbeing against mud-slinging, but that's denial of voting rights.No it means that those with who can't afford rich ads really do know how the middle class and lower feel. Hard to believe that someone feels the pain of the poor when they are stinking rich. Besides, it'll be their money spent... not ours.

and no... the voters can still vote... but would the canidates risk the penalty for mudslinging? if they do... then do they belong in office?

Candidates must be filmed poking a dead squirrel with a stick.

They must also drink their own barf.

Both candidates shall kiss, full tongue, on national TV. The first one to pull away is the loser.

Also, if either candiate attempts anything beyond PG-13, he/she shall be disqualified.

Both candidates must wear black leather when taking part in the debate surrounded by hot stage lights. First to drink water loses.

Do what they did in the Old West to see who would control a town...

Backs turned, 10 paces forward, DRAW!


It'll immediatly wear out guys like Cuccinich.

Oooh, I got it. When a President is elected he's got it for life until a challenger is nomitated by a state or two. Then, the challenger must be approved by a majority of the HoR. At this point the President must step down or duel the challenger. The President gets to pick the method of duel, and it may or may not be a fight to the death.

They should speak with a heavy French accent! :D

Said candidates must bungee jump. The one who does the most impressive jump becomes president. In the event of a tie, it will become a race to drink each others urine the fastest. Winner takes all (Loser most likely will vomit).

You all have it wrong.

Instead of today's wide open system where anyone can become president, we should restrict the pool of applicants to members of a super-secret society in a prominent Ivy-league school. Preferably Yale. Just imagine what that would be like.

He hee. Wow, you've really redeemed yourself to me with that one. You've proven that you can be both smart and funny.

In high school, we had a mock debate concerning Unemployment. One plan was to get half of the unemployeed to run for President. the Other Half had to assinate them... come Nov. the survivor becomes President. The benefits included No more campain speeches (would you stand on a stage knowing there were at least 5 guns pointing at you) no more political ads (see first reason... and why piss off the 'voters') and entertainment value as the body count rises...

1)the president must spend 2 hours as a normal joe.and 1 year in the millitary.
2)he must sign that should a national deficet accrue he pays for it himself.
3)he must sign that any millitary action done by him he shall lead...from the front. :mp5: and must continue to lead it untill its over,not just when he stops being president.
4)must forswear membership in a party.permanetly.
5)if he does a smear add he shall be shot,in the face....with a hammer :D
6)he must have graduated college with a B average.
7)must sign that if he makes policy based on religion he will be kicked out of politics for life.

Must be able to rub their tummy and pat their head at the same time.
Must show that they own some porno mags and/or have visited porn sites on the 'net (I don't trust any man who says they haven't).
Must be able to win consistently at 'Paper Rock Scissors'.

To be president a person must go up to a foriegn dignitary (it really doesn't matter whose) and punch them in the face. Further, they must then proceed to launch into a long diatribe about how they (and all of their pets) are tired of said dignitaries actions (it doesn't matter what those actions happen to be).
Additionally, the moment any of the following words or phrases fall from the candidates lips, they are disqualified: National Debt, elitist, skilled, dynasty, hamsters, compassionate, I feel [noun]'s pain (or any variant thereof), ninja, Vietnam, machete wielding gerbils, cyber, conspiracy, hamsters, lock box, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Boston, hamsters, unify, divide, draft, and (most importantly) hamsters. (more has been added)
Finally, if someone should lose the race for president, they must wash the winners car (or cars) while wearing a bikini (even if the loser is male), and then, for the rest of the winners term, the loser must quack like a duck in response to any political question asked of them.

Repeal the age rule. The only requirements for being President should be:

--Registered and able to vote (OK, so that means 18...yes, a teenager as President. Can't be any worse than what we have now.)

--Born somewhere in the known Universe. No one in parallel Universes should be allowed to be President.

--No one who has resigned or been removed or recalled from any office is eligible to run for President for 10 years after said resignation/recall/removal. Losing an election doesn't count.

--No non-citizens can be President, nor can anyone who got their citizenship in the last 10 years. (Fourteen years seems a little excessive...ten's about right.)

--No televangelists, either. And no telemarketers.

--Any person claiming to answer to a "higher authority" is diaqualified, unless said "higher authority" is their cat, in which case they receive a 10-electoral-vote bonus. If said cat is declawed through fault of the candidate, that electoral vote bonus is revoked and the President must run 20 laps around a standard high school track on national TV while dressed in a full suit and tie with huge stadium lights shining on him at all times. If said cat is declawed through fault of another person, not including immediate family, the electoral vote bonus is merely reduced to 5. No laps necessary, though the candidate can be pied in the face during debates.

--Anyone who appeared on a reality show can be deemed ineligible to run if a majority of voters during a primary declare them "too annoying." Omarosa from The Apprentice would likely be disqualified by this rule.

--Former Presidents who have had their heads kept alive in jars for several centuries are ineligible.

--Pickle jars are eligible, but only if they originally came with an odd number of pickles. And none of those awful bread-and-butter pickles. Gherkins and regular kosher dills are OK.

Results!

Name- Review

The Imperial Navy- Not bad, but not that good either.
SuperPower07- Cool, but needed more development.
Sdaeriji- Clever, pithy…I like it. A bit short, though.
Colodia- As a Texan, that appeals to me greatly. Rather short, though.
My country not yours- Nice.
Squi- It’s a nice thought, but…
Mentholyptus- That does appeal to my gamer side, but no.
JuNii- Mostly excellent.
Andaluciae- It’s a contest to devise *new* requirements. Get with the program.
Homicidal Pacifists- Some suggestions were great, others not so much…
Keruvalia- Disgusting, but a good result.
Nationalist Valhalla- Bloody, but getting rid of politicians that way is quite attractive…
Refused Party Program- ?? I never asked for a description of Lunatic Goofballs…
Dy dx- Interesting, but noone deserves to be subjected to that.
Stroudiztan- Pretty good.
Sukafitz- You totally missed the point, didn’t you? That’s ok. We’ll let it go.
DeaconDave- Very original. ;)
Powerhungry Chipmunks- Excellent!
Presidency- Too n00bish.
Eutrusca- Not bad.
Goed Twee- Cool, I guess.
The Imperial Navy (second entry)- Disgusting and weird.
Playtex- See response to Dy dx.
The Imperial Navy (third entry)- Good.
New Fuglies- Uhhh…okay.
The Imperial Navy (fourth entry)- Disgusting, but cool.
JuNii (second entry)- Hehe… :D
Rasados- Meh.
Demented Hamsters- Fair.
Hajekistan- A little too weird…
Ice Hockey Players- This most definitely is the best one. The last shall be the first! You win! You’ll get a telegram within the hour.

Disclaimer: This contest was utterly and obviously entirely subjective. Neither Texan Hotrodders nor any of it’s affiliates can be held responsible for injuries accrued in this contest. Have a nice day.