Inho
04-11-2004, 09:34
This is not originally my own post and is taken from a different forum, but represents greatly what I think right now.
America, we of the Discordian Society have an important message for you:
You're fired.
Please vacate your workspace at once. Don't ask for a severance and don't even think about your pension. Otherwise we will be reduced to having to tell you exactly where to go.
You're fired.
We delegated to you the job of freedom as you were once, way back in the beginning, one of the most promising applicants. After taking the job, you fought for freedom admirably. Immediately you were beset with problems of racism and imperial expansion, but you proceeded to start correcting those problems. Or so we thought, you lying brat. Yeah, you worried us about the fact that, instead of being actually free yourselves, you decided to elect a team of managers. But we thought that was just a little, albeit scary, bump on the road to your succesful struggle alongside us for freedom. What a big oversight that was on our part.
Frankly we are tired of being disappointed with your performance. You were given chance after chance to make up for every mistake you made. But no more.
You're fired.
Gross incompetence and mass stupidity does not cut it within the ranks of our illustrious company...You know, the company of people who stand up for freedom no matter how scary the enemy, or no matter how backstabbing the friend or no matter how 'morally godfearing' the tryant is or even no matter how pretty the fall fashions and shiny cars that the corporate pimps use to woo lesser peoples.
You're fired.
As said before, you wanted to pick people to manage you, your own representative management, because you couldn't handle full freedom yet. Somehow we conceded that to you, believing you to be sincere. We were right. You were sincere, but frankly, damned stupid. Who else but you would choose the most incompetent management teams ever, and not only do it once but over and over and over...all the while complaining about how the management sucks. Well, you didn't want to listen when we told you that you could remove them. You didn't listen when we told you that you were getting weak and ineffectual. You didn't listen when we warned you repeatedly that your job performance had been steadily declining. You didn't listen when we told you to start ponying up to the bar and do something for yourselves like you did back in the early days. All the while you kept blaming your own elected management team for making your lives a living hell, even as they wooed you to elect them again and again with nice new toys and slick marketable moral qualities.
You're fired.
This business of your recent election for your Head Manager has made it clear that you can no longer handle your tasks here in the Discordian Society. You claimed throughout the last management term that the Idiot Boy Emperor stole the election, and yet, not only did you not investigate him (probably because it was too much of a diversion from your TV programs), but you allowed him to run for office again. All the while blaming your cowering before such an infantile screw-up of a manager on your fear of terrorism. NOT ONLY THAT, but you idiots went and fucking re-elected him. ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? You must be, if you think we are going to let you stay on with us in the cause for freedom after this latest debacle.
You're fired. Your fear of terrorism is not an excuse for your lack of backbone and resolve. When we hired you for the job, we warned you that such things as terrorism could happen to you. The tyrants are everywhere, and you must be ready - No. We don't mean ready as in ready to go off and kick the first ass that even remotely resembles a tyrant. We mean ready as in ready and steadfast in your own home to stay the course towards freedom, regardless of your whimpering feelings to the contrary that would lead you to cower behind the first tyrant who could promise you security by pulling the wool over your eyes and getting you involved in some spurious war to make himself richer. We mean ready to stand up for yourself. Instead you let your own elected management team walk all over you and tell YOU what to do. Not only what to do, but HOW TO THINK ABOUT IT. You have clearly lost sight of who is in charge of your job. You are. At least you are supposed to be. It is very concrete to us now, that you can't handle such a job which requires free thought and self actualization...a job which requires personal independence...the type of job that requires critical faculties and discerning insights...a job for someone who doesn't need nor want anyone to tell them what to do. Your performance has been miserable. But don't worry about that any longer, America. You're out of here. You're fired. Terminated. Take your pink slip and go.
Just what the hell do you think freedom is all about anyway? Obviously you have misunderstood your job description and our company's mission statement. And we won't tolerate it any longer. You see, we need our employees to be able to comprehend every subtle nuance of freedom. We need a certain ability to carry out concrete actions without getting lost in political rhetoric. Since you have proven again and again that you are the sort of person that prefers rhetorical ideas over concrete actions towards freedom, we not only have to let you go, but vehemently kick you to the curb.
And you know what? You can take your whole management team with you. Since you no longer work for us, obviously they're all out of a job as well.
We warned you again and again. We even asked you to step up to the plate like you did in the old days...you know, back before the triple lie (often used by tyrants to dupe lessor peoples) of religion, security, and national unity became more important to you than freedom. We asked you over and over if you still felt up to the task, and you said that you were. All the while you were pulling the wool over our eyes, or at least trying to. You are worse than an evil tyrant enemy of freedom. You know why? Because you were dumb enough to elect one as your head manager. We are not sorry, but you know the rules. Company policy clearly states that in order to retain employment with us, you must be absolutely dedicated to freedom. There is no tolerance for tyrants in this business. You knew it when you started. And you know it now. You're fired. Get out. Your last paycheck will be withheld from you as a fine for breach of conduct.
America, you're fired. Clean out your desk at once. Take your smelly stupid over-comfortable fashion zombie ass somewhere dark and far away. We'll carry on just fine without you. And don't worry, America. We're sure you'll get along just fine without freedom. You have already demonstrated that you can. We are sure that you'll be happy to send your sons and daughters far off to fight some pointless war in some neighbor's yard, all the while your own damned yard grows overcrowded with the weeds of joblessness, apathy, repression, stupidity, glitzy entertainment, and buck-passing towards your management team. You are irresponsible, counter-evolutionary, and frankly bad for our business of freedom.
Move along now, before we call security and have you removed.
America, you make us sick.
[november 3rd, 2004 with apologies to reverend roger]
America, we of the Discordian Society have an important message for you:
You're fired.
Please vacate your workspace at once. Don't ask for a severance and don't even think about your pension. Otherwise we will be reduced to having to tell you exactly where to go.
You're fired.
We delegated to you the job of freedom as you were once, way back in the beginning, one of the most promising applicants. After taking the job, you fought for freedom admirably. Immediately you were beset with problems of racism and imperial expansion, but you proceeded to start correcting those problems. Or so we thought, you lying brat. Yeah, you worried us about the fact that, instead of being actually free yourselves, you decided to elect a team of managers. But we thought that was just a little, albeit scary, bump on the road to your succesful struggle alongside us for freedom. What a big oversight that was on our part.
Frankly we are tired of being disappointed with your performance. You were given chance after chance to make up for every mistake you made. But no more.
You're fired.
Gross incompetence and mass stupidity does not cut it within the ranks of our illustrious company...You know, the company of people who stand up for freedom no matter how scary the enemy, or no matter how backstabbing the friend or no matter how 'morally godfearing' the tryant is or even no matter how pretty the fall fashions and shiny cars that the corporate pimps use to woo lesser peoples.
You're fired.
As said before, you wanted to pick people to manage you, your own representative management, because you couldn't handle full freedom yet. Somehow we conceded that to you, believing you to be sincere. We were right. You were sincere, but frankly, damned stupid. Who else but you would choose the most incompetent management teams ever, and not only do it once but over and over and over...all the while complaining about how the management sucks. Well, you didn't want to listen when we told you that you could remove them. You didn't listen when we told you that you were getting weak and ineffectual. You didn't listen when we warned you repeatedly that your job performance had been steadily declining. You didn't listen when we told you to start ponying up to the bar and do something for yourselves like you did back in the early days. All the while you kept blaming your own elected management team for making your lives a living hell, even as they wooed you to elect them again and again with nice new toys and slick marketable moral qualities.
You're fired.
This business of your recent election for your Head Manager has made it clear that you can no longer handle your tasks here in the Discordian Society. You claimed throughout the last management term that the Idiot Boy Emperor stole the election, and yet, not only did you not investigate him (probably because it was too much of a diversion from your TV programs), but you allowed him to run for office again. All the while blaming your cowering before such an infantile screw-up of a manager on your fear of terrorism. NOT ONLY THAT, but you idiots went and fucking re-elected him. ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? You must be, if you think we are going to let you stay on with us in the cause for freedom after this latest debacle.
You're fired. Your fear of terrorism is not an excuse for your lack of backbone and resolve. When we hired you for the job, we warned you that such things as terrorism could happen to you. The tyrants are everywhere, and you must be ready - No. We don't mean ready as in ready to go off and kick the first ass that even remotely resembles a tyrant. We mean ready as in ready and steadfast in your own home to stay the course towards freedom, regardless of your whimpering feelings to the contrary that would lead you to cower behind the first tyrant who could promise you security by pulling the wool over your eyes and getting you involved in some spurious war to make himself richer. We mean ready to stand up for yourself. Instead you let your own elected management team walk all over you and tell YOU what to do. Not only what to do, but HOW TO THINK ABOUT IT. You have clearly lost sight of who is in charge of your job. You are. At least you are supposed to be. It is very concrete to us now, that you can't handle such a job which requires free thought and self actualization...a job which requires personal independence...the type of job that requires critical faculties and discerning insights...a job for someone who doesn't need nor want anyone to tell them what to do. Your performance has been miserable. But don't worry about that any longer, America. You're out of here. You're fired. Terminated. Take your pink slip and go.
Just what the hell do you think freedom is all about anyway? Obviously you have misunderstood your job description and our company's mission statement. And we won't tolerate it any longer. You see, we need our employees to be able to comprehend every subtle nuance of freedom. We need a certain ability to carry out concrete actions without getting lost in political rhetoric. Since you have proven again and again that you are the sort of person that prefers rhetorical ideas over concrete actions towards freedom, we not only have to let you go, but vehemently kick you to the curb.
And you know what? You can take your whole management team with you. Since you no longer work for us, obviously they're all out of a job as well.
We warned you again and again. We even asked you to step up to the plate like you did in the old days...you know, back before the triple lie (often used by tyrants to dupe lessor peoples) of religion, security, and national unity became more important to you than freedom. We asked you over and over if you still felt up to the task, and you said that you were. All the while you were pulling the wool over our eyes, or at least trying to. You are worse than an evil tyrant enemy of freedom. You know why? Because you were dumb enough to elect one as your head manager. We are not sorry, but you know the rules. Company policy clearly states that in order to retain employment with us, you must be absolutely dedicated to freedom. There is no tolerance for tyrants in this business. You knew it when you started. And you know it now. You're fired. Get out. Your last paycheck will be withheld from you as a fine for breach of conduct.
America, you're fired. Clean out your desk at once. Take your smelly stupid over-comfortable fashion zombie ass somewhere dark and far away. We'll carry on just fine without you. And don't worry, America. We're sure you'll get along just fine without freedom. You have already demonstrated that you can. We are sure that you'll be happy to send your sons and daughters far off to fight some pointless war in some neighbor's yard, all the while your own damned yard grows overcrowded with the weeds of joblessness, apathy, repression, stupidity, glitzy entertainment, and buck-passing towards your management team. You are irresponsible, counter-evolutionary, and frankly bad for our business of freedom.
Move along now, before we call security and have you removed.
America, you make us sick.
[november 3rd, 2004 with apologies to reverend roger]