NationStates Jolt Archive

I'd like to tell you about my adventure today with the voting clerk, the
lady whose job it is to determine my identity and hand me my ballot. These
eagle-eyed defenders of the American way have the important task of
preventing voter fraud, on the theory that stringing millions of idiots
together in series will yield good decisions but only if each idiot only
gets one vote.

I stepped up to the desk and silently handed her my driver's license, which
has my legal name on it, right? These may seem like obvious points to you;
but I feel it's important to emphasize:

1) My driver's license clearly lists my name as John Strauss
2) I gave the clerk my driver's license first thing

With my driver's license IN HER HAND, the clerk looked down at her book and
picked the first unused name on the page.

Her: Gary Stiles?

Me: No, my name is John Strauss.

Her: (Looking back down at her book, then back up at me, frowning.) Are you
saying you're NOT Gary Stiles?

Me: That's correct, ma'am. I'm not Gary Stiles.

Her: (brandishing my driver's license with annoyance) Then what IS your
name?

Me: It's John Strauss.

Her: (looking down at her book again, then back up) Jack Stiller?

Me: No. I'm not Jack Stiller.

Her: (deeply annoyed at me) What is your name, please?

Me: John Strauss.

Her: May I see some identification, please?

Me: Would you like to see my driver's license?

Her: A driver's license is fine.

Me: (leaning forward conspiratorially) It's... in... your... hand.

Her: (seeing the card) You could have just given me this sooner.

Me: I'm sorry. I should have given it to you right away.

Her: (comparing the card to Jack Stiller's entry) Very good, Mr. Stiller.
Please sign here.

At this point, I confess that I was sorely tempted to make sure Jack
Stiller's vote was for Bush and for prohibiting gays from forming
families, then come back later on and use my own ballot. But, truth is, I
know that Bush will win by a huge lead in Missouri, and likewise I am sure
Missourians will continue to believe they should have a say in what goes on
in other people's bedrooms. My vote doesn't actually matter. I'm really only
here to escort my wife to the polls, when we could be doing REAL service by
shuttling voters an hour away in Ohio, where votes count.

Me: I can't sign that.

Her: If you don't sign, I can't give you your ballot.

Me: I'm... not... Jack... Stiller...

Her: (looking at her book) It says Jack Stiller right here.

Me: I'm John Strauss, and this has been an entertaining look at the
electoral process; but I'd like to vote and go home, now.

Her: Why did you say you were Jack Stiller?

Me: (as patiently as I could manage) Please read my driver's license, and
turn thru the pages of your book until you find an entry that matches my
name. I'll sign that, and then you can give me a ballot.

Her: (angry) I know what my job is. Give me your driver's license.

Me: (wordlessly pointing to my license in her hand. I no longer trust myself
to speak.)

It took her another 7 minutes to find my entry. She compared each and every
name to mine, page by page, until she got to Joe Straus, which stumped her
for a good long while. When I began to speak, she GROWLED, stared at the
name a little longer, decided to move on, and then found mine two spaces
lower. She stared at it and the card a good long time, until she was sure
that "John Strauss" was the same as "John Strauss". She gave me my ballot
and my driver's license, and I left the table.

Behind me I heard her say:

"Robert Stroud?"

I kept on walking.

Scary!
Did she think that everyone was lining up in alphabetical order?
:eek:

I sincerely hope you made that up (or someone else did)

two words: whiffle bat

There must be a law that all poll workers must be at least 80 years old...that what it seemed like here....

Who did you vote for?

Nope im afraid to say I didnt make it up, the women really was that dam stupid, of course I live in the South, well I guess Missouri isnt considered the South.

Haha, I voted absentee ballot. You're all suckers.

Meep!

Surely you have supervisors there you could complain to?

Still, voting is always weird. For the local elections last month, I was due at a party afterwards, so I wandered in wearing my best pirate outfit. The various pamphleteers went insane trying to ensure that I was holding one of their 'how-to-vote' cards - completely ignoring the people around me. I wasn't aware that the pirate vote was considered so valuable! :D

Welllllllll

You get all kinds.

I had a very efficent crew.

she must have something wrong with her.

Nope im afraid to say I didnt make it up, the women really was that dam stupid, of course I live in the South, well I guess Missouri isnt considered the South.

MO is midwest. My own experience at the polls wasn't too bad, though the workers did average about 82 yrs old. The one surprise I had was the little old man distributing the "I voted" stickers. He managed to find all of the men's shoulders, but kept drifting south on the ladies. When he started heading to me, having seen his stickering technique, I held up my hand, palm forward, and said "Please put it on my hand." This made it extremely difficult to put a sticker on my boob...but he managed!! Groped by an octagenarian!! :eek:

Meep!

Surely you have supervisors there you could complain to?

Still, voting is always weird. For the local elections last month, I was due at a party afterwards, so I wandered in wearing my best pirate outfit. The various pamphleteers went insane trying to ensure that I was holding one of their 'how-to-vote' cards - completely ignoring the people around me. I wasn't aware that the pirate vote was considered so valuable! :D

Jeez. I managed to avoid even seeing a how-to-vote card at the ACT election. Maybe I should have worn a pirate costume!

did you also have to stand 2 hours in line?

I was working in the polls today, in Bucks County, PA. Everything seemed to go rather smoothly, minus a few malfunctioning machines early in the day.

The one thing I noticed was the HUGE turnout. The estimates I heard gave it at around 80% in our area. That's absolutely phenomenal. Whoever wins, that turnout is simply magnificent.

dont worry politicians and their stooges are donkeys everywhere in the world.

cheers

KG
Aus ;)

Lucky old man. I mean...*Cough* Sadly, I couldn't vote...I was a lazy bastard, but even if Id id vote, I wouldn't have been satisfied. I refuse to vote for Bush, becuase he's Bush. I refuse to vote for Kerry just becuase he's *not* Bush.

And we all know that we shouldn't encourage Nadar.

Lucky old man. I mean...*Cough* Sadly, I couldn't vote...I was a lazy bastard, but even if Id id vote, I wouldn't have been satisfied. I refuse to vote for Bush, becuase he's Bush. I refuse to vote for Kerry just becuase he's *not* Bush.

And we all know that we shouldn't encourage Nadar.

Then go out and write yourself in. Anything. I just can't stand it when people DON'T vote.

In my opinion, if you don't vote, you forfeit all rights to complain about the system when it's not going how you wanted it to go.

MO is midwest. Well, I can't speak for everyone but perceptions clearly differ. I've heard MN (where I live) to be the 'upper midwest', which confuses me (aren't we just sorta.. mid-north?), but you ask anyone around here, and they'll reassure you.. missouri is generally considered a part of the south.

As far as voting goes.. ugh. I'm not even going to relay the headache story. Mr. Bush, I hope you revel in your intentionally orchestrated complications for this year.
:sniper:

And they wonder why our nation is so fucked up!! We have jackasses such as that lady signing in voters. :headbang: What the fuck?!?!? The man handed her his DL as soon as he walked up to her, then she started reading through names from the top of her list!?!? Wow!

I must say though, you seem to have handled it very well. If that was me, I would of ended up smacking her within the first 2 minutes and then probably end up in jail for assulting the dumb ass.

I would of ended up smacking her within the first 2 minutes and then probably end up in jail for assulting the dumb ass.

dumb bitch, get it right

Haha, I voted absentee ballot. You're all suckers.
Me too. That's absurd! You'd think they'd require at least some basic ability to do the job...

I tried to be respectful but I was srously pissed, and no the women was actually not that old, early 50s perhaps.

Holy crap, thank god for absente ballots.