NationStates Jolt Archive

The other day I was diagnosed with Clinical depression, but I turned down the drugs. If I feel this way, it's natural, and theres no way I'm gonna kill myself.

How many others have depression here? how does it effect your life? and have you ever contemplated suicide? I know I have. But I never did actually try to kill myself. I see that as the cowards way out. I'm gonna face my depression, and beat it.

The one thing I really hate? always feeling tired.

I am depressed aswell. Though not diagnosed, I know that I am. Lacking motivation for anything and just waiting for the world to end. I've contemplated suicide, but I lack the courage to do it and I still have some hope that I'll get out of this dark hole I am currently in. And ya, always feeling tired and requiring a lot of sleep is bad. My day-night rhythm is totally out of whack. Combine that with addiction to computer/internet/MMORPGs and you got a nice mixture to ruin your life.

Sounds to me like you just need a girlfriend... :)

I'm not depressed; just cynical

Sounds to me like you just need a girlfriend... :)
Maybe . . ..

I'm not depressed; just cynical

I'm both depressed and cynical...

Hey, I've had problems myself. I went to see my doctor and he said it was.. well basically subclinical depression. Still, I felt, and sometimes still do, feel pretty bad.

I've never thought about killing myself seriously. Sometimes I've wished it would all go away, but thinking of the people (or person) I love usually helps.

I know about the tiredness. It's not helped by the fact that I probably have glandular fever as well. (I didn't want to get the tests, since there's no treatment anyway) I used to stay in bed all day, miss my lectures. It's a wonder I havent failed anything.

Spending time with friends helped me. I saw a counsellor too. It helped a bit, although I think a sustained program of therapy might have helped more- maybe you could look into that? I know I have self-esteem and anxiety issues that I need to deal with.

It helps me to have a plan of what have to do in a day, and just to keep busy, so that I don't stop to think too often. I've taken up printing T-shirts, I read or play guitar.

It sounds like you have a good atititude. Stay strong and try to be positive. And trying to beat it without the drugs is a positive step since I believe there are lots of side-effects and stuff.

Here's a website I found interesting. beyondblue (www.beyondblue.org.au)

Meh.

We all hate reality. Why the hell do you think we play this game? :D

Wow. Impressive Preebles, thanks! ;)

I have suffered from it for about 7 years. There were a couple of factors that probably brought it on, and a few that helped maintain it. I'm on anti-depressants, and while they control it, sometimes it's still in charge. In particular, over the winter months it increases - this phenomenon is known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). While most people are affected in some way by the seasons, in some cases SAD can be serious too.

Anyhow, depression affects me in different ways; sometimes I want to cry and cry, sometimes I can't be bothered doing *anything*, when depressed I usually don't see any hope, sometimes I want to be alone (sometimes the opposite), often I am exhausted for no good reason, and sometimes I tend to use others as scapegoats for how I feel, which I rationally know is completely unfair. Usually when I'm depressed there's a combination of the above. And yes, I certainly have contemplated suicide. Several times in fact - and on two occasions, some years ago mind you, I did attempt it. I'm not entirely proud of that, but in the situation things can often seem so desperate. Oh yeah, and I'm *extremely* cynical myself :)

I must say that Prozac is a wonder drug, but as I said above, it can't completely blot the illness out, and if you don't want to accept medication, that's obviously fine; there are certainly other ways of controlling depression. However, I would advise you to at least *consider* them. Counselling never worked for me, but it can for some people. A lot recommend cognitive behavioral therapy, though I've never tried it myself.

Good luck in beating it!

PS - I have a long-term partner!

Man. I just took the depression test on that site and got the top score-it says I have nasty depression. :(

I did have depression but with a combination of drugs and counselling I was back in the game and now I'm holding down a job. A girlfriend is more likely now (but since I'm moving hundreds of miles away in a few months its a bit pointless to get one at the moment :( )

I suggest you take the pills and get counselling. Letting an illness fester is no way to cure it. A bacterial infection is 'natural' and believe me, letting it run without treatment results in DEATH, not a cure.

Seek treatment.

The other day I was diagnosed with Clinical depression, but I turned down the drugs. If I feel this way, it's natural, and theres no way I'm gonna kill myself.

that's just about the dumbest thing i have ever heard. if you broke your leg you wouldn't say, "well, this pain is natural, so i won't take an aspirin or have my leg put in a cast. i'll just kill myself if my leg doesn't heal perfectly on its own."

not only will drug therapy often help alleviate your symptoms (i.e. make you feel less depressed), but in many people it will actually help your brain to find the correct, healthy balance that it has been unable to acheive so far. many people can go off of antidepressant drugs after only a few years, and their brain chemistry will remain stable because their system has readjusted and learned the correct levels to maintain.

Do what you're comfortable with Imperial Navy... just realize, talking with friends can help. If they know your situation, we'll all help. Good luck and I hope for the best.

Perhaps I should explain why I refused treatment.

My auntie had depression. The doctor gave her prozac or whatever that crap is. 7 months later she killed herself. The drugs made her even worse than ever. So I decided to try and beat depression without the drugs.

in many people it will actually help your brain to find the correct, healthy balance that it has been unable to acheive so far. many people can go off of antidepressant drugs after only a few years, and their brain chemistry will remain stable because their system has readjusted and learned the correct levels to maintain.
I think this is a very fair point. As I said above, you're entitled to turn down the drugs and seek other treatments, but the stuff about chemical imbalances is very true. Medicine can control that, and as Bottle said, in many cases the brain will readjust in the long-term after taking them.

No, it doesn't. The drugs are fucked and have nasty side effects. I have a friend who took zoloft - a mild treatment - had a strange reaction to it and went running down the street naked.

Consequently, he became alienated from his usual group of friends and became even more depressed.

I was depressed for a time in my life, but I got over it. Music was a big help for me. :)

Perhaps I should explain why I refused treatment.

My auntie had depression. The doctor gave her prozac or whatever that crap is. 7 months later she killed herself. The drugs made her even worse than ever. So I decided to try and beat depression without the drugs.
Oh right, OK. Sorry to hear about that :( I can understand your reluctance therefore, but really, in the majority of cases it can help. However, it is of course your choice, and I wish you luck whatever you do.

EDIT: Sorry, Kanabia, but that's really not always true. For some people they certainly don't help, and I am very sorry to hear of your friend. But as I said above, the majority of people who take medication for depression find that it helps them. I am certainly one of these people, and just about everyone else I know that has ever suffered from it is in the same boat. But it's a personal choice.

Perhaps I should explain why I refused treatment.

My auntie had depression. The doctor gave her prozac or whatever that crap is. 7 months later she killed herself. The drugs made her even worse than ever. So I decided to try and beat depression without the drugs.
just because a doctor gave her medication doesn't mean she was taking it, you realize. i think you probably need more information before you use her case to justify your own fear of psychoactive medication.

that's just about the dumbest thing i have ever heard. if you broke your leg you wouldn't say, "well, this pain is natural, so i won't take an aspirin or have my leg put in a cast. i'll just kill myself if my leg doesn't heal perfectly on its own."

not only will drug therapy often help alleviate your symptoms (i.e. make you feel less depressed), but in many people it will actually help your brain to find the correct, healthy balance that it has been unable to acheive so far. many people can go off of antidepressant drugs after only a few years, and their brain chemistry will remain stable because their system has readjusted and learned the correct levels to maintain.

I.E. You are now a drugged zombie. Bottle: Do we not outlaw phsycho-active substances? Unless proscribed by doctors?

I have fought both depression and substance addiction, and I, I won.

Do what you're comfortable with Imperial Navy... just realize, talking with friends can help. If they know your situation, we'll all help. Good luck and I hope for the best.

If he has friends. I know I lost my close friends due to depression and other circumstances. I'm trying to find out what normal is and building my life back up as we speak. At first I found the size of the task ahead daunting but over the past while, as I have become braver, I have noticed the gap between me and normalcy closing.

One thing is for sure though: I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS GOOD! :) :)

just because a doctor gave her medication doesn't mean she was taking it, you realize. i think you probably need more information before you use her case to justify your own fear of psychoactive medication.

she was taking it-she was living with us and I was making SURE she took it every morning. I was also the one who found her corpse.

I.E. You are now a drugged zombie. Bottle: Do we not outlaw phsycho-active substances? Unless proscribed by doctors?

I have fought both depression and substance addiction, and I, I won.
Are you inferring that those of us that take medication for depression are losers? I certainly do not consider myself as such.

EDIT: Sorry, Kanabia, but that's really not always true. For some people they certainly don't help, and I am very sorry to hear of your friend. But as I said above, the majority of people who take medication for depression find that it helps them. I am certainly one of these people, and just about everyone else I know that has ever suffered from it is in the same boat. But it's a personal choice.

No, its not always true. But it can be done without drugs.

My dad was recently diagnosed with depression caused by thyroid problems, and I seem to share a large number of the symptoms he had before going on medication. I'm not going to try and get anything diagnosed until I'm 20, because I distrust any sort of hormone-altering drugs while I'm still a teenager.

I also have the always being tired thing (even on the rare occasions I sleep for around 20 hours straight). My body clock is royally screwed, and I'll go from 1 hour a night's (well, morning's) sleep to sleeping for 18-20 hours. I don't eat much, and that probably contributes to the tiredness.

All that plus low blood pressure and low blood sugar = fun. 'Yay'.

Luckily, I've come to terms with the difference between 'cutting for stress relief' and 'cutting as an attempt at suicide'. Using the former I've managed to cut out most of the more harmful things I was doing, like overdosing on painkillers (readers rejoice, I was attempting to use tablets with 12.8mg of codeine... it takes around 2.4 grammes to overdose, or 187.5 of those tablets. Needless to say, I was never in much danger).

The most annoying thing for me is trying to sort out the dangerous parts of the depression from just general angsty teenage bollocks. I keep having to second-guess my motivations for being upset. Plus, it all gets mixed up with my usual chronically-low self-esteem.

...

And this is why I never trust people who talk fondly of their youth.

Perhaps I should explain why I refused treatment.

My auntie had depression. The doctor gave her prozac or whatever that crap is. 7 months later she killed herself. The drugs made her even worse than ever. So I decided to try and beat depression without the drugs.

If you notice the drugs are having a negative effect and not a positive then get your doctor to try something else. Don't forget to seek counselling and/or some sort of esteem-building activity since drugs themselves are only part of a successful treatment.

I was so foolish to make her continue to take those drugs... I have never forgiven myself for causing her death... I feel so responsible.

and then there was darkness...

Cognitive behavioural therapy. Take it.

I was so foolish to make her continue to take those drugs... I have never forgiven myself for causing her death... I feel so responsible.

There are two sides to every coin. Perhaps if she had stopped taking the medicine she would have committed suicide sooner. We cannot predict the future. All we can do is what we believe is best for our loved ones. It is NOT your fault. If she was suicidal before taking the medicine then she would have died either way.

I have a sister who has been fighting depression for decades. She has attempted suicide a couple of times. She takes medication and sees a psychiatrist, but nothing is very helpful. Medication can help, do nothing, or make it worse. There is no way of knowing unless you try.

If he has friends. I know I lost my close friends due to depression and other circumstances. I'm trying to find out what normal is and building my life back up as we speak. At first I found the size of the task ahead daunting but over the past while, as I have become braver, I have noticed the gap between me and normalcy closing.

One thing is for sure though: I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS GOOD! :) :)

The Great Thing About Friends is they can be made everywhere... even here. Most of us have opposing views, but when the going gets tough... I think even I'll be surpise the support that will appear.

Oh and Congrats on your success... may they keep comming. :D

I don't know... maybe she just wasn't effected by the drugs. all I know is that somtimes I wonder if her death caused my own depression.

I don't know... maybe she just wasn't effected by the drugs. all I know is that somtimes I wonder if her death caused my own depression.

Hey, its a good sign that you can talk about it. It's the best thing, really.

Are you inferring that those of us that take medication for depression are losers? I certainly do not consider myself as such.

No I am just sad at who you might have been. And I really do not trust drugs to make me more me or somehow "better"

Signed: Jim

I was diagnosed a couple times with depression. My doctor put me on Zoloft mostly because of my anger level. I was getting irritated and annoyed by everything and sometimes absolutely nothing. I was to the point where I was close to going off on complete strangers. And my anger seemed to be snowballing, where something would set me off and every tiny thing that would happen afterwards would double my irritability. Let me tell you - grocery shopping was a scary thing, cause you know how annoying crowded stores can be! I was in line and some old man was right up behind me. I turned around and was like, "I don't know what your deal is, but you can get off my ass."
So I started taking Zoloft and I found it didn't do a thing for the depression, it just kept me from getting to the snapping point as far as anger goes. I recently stopped taking the Zoloft because I was frustrated that it didn't work better and I was sick of my doctor just upping my dosage everytime I saw her and she found out it wasn't working. So now I'm slowly going back to my easily annoyed and irritated state. Yay me!!

I don't know... maybe she just wasn't effected by the drugs. all I know is that somtimes I wonder if her death caused my own depression.

Not to dwell on my families past but My Grandfather killed my grandmother and then committed suicide. My father heard the shots and found the bodies. My Aunt was very young at the time and was also there when it happened.

My father became an alcoholic and my aunt a drug addict. This in turn screwed up her family and mine as well. And so it passes from one generation to the next. There are now great-grandchildren who are screwed up.

So I would say that yes, it is quite possible that this event did bring on your depression, assuming you were not depressed before. The question then is what happens now? Do you spiral down into depression, turn to alcohol or drugs, or do you pull youself up by the bootstraps and get back with the living. The choice you make (and it is a choice) can have effects that last for generations.

I was diagnosed a couple times with depression. My doctor put me on Zoloft mostly because of my anger level. I was getting irritated and annoyed by everything and sometimes absolutely nothing. I was to the point where I was close to going off on complete strangers. And my anger seemed to be snowballing, where something would set me off and every tiny thing that would happen afterwards would double my irritability. Let me tell you - grocery shopping was a scary thing, cause you know how annoying crowded stores can be! I was in line and some old man was right up behind me. I turned around and was like, "I don't know what your deal is, but you can get off my ass."
So I started taking Zoloft and I found it didn't do a thing for the depression, it just kept me from getting to the snapping point as far as anger goes. I recently stopped taking the Zoloft because I was frustrated that it didn't work better and I was sick of my doctor just upping my dosage everytime I saw her and she found out it wasn't working. So now I'm slowly going back to my easily annoyed and irritated state. Yay me!!


Maybe you were just mad, and your anger was both justified and natural?

Com'n: we are a violent species, anyone who wants to claim being a person
Has to realize this

Good, don’t take the medication. I’ve heard of statistics that people who are on depression medication are more likely to commit suicide. I was talking to my brother who is currently working on his masters for psychology and we came to the conclusion that depressed people are too depressed to commit suicide. As soon as they start taking drugs they still have all of these painful memories but suddenly they don’t feel that suicide is such a bad idea after all. It helps give them the motivation that they need to kill themselves that they were otherwise lacking. Well the conversation was slightly more in depth than that but that was the general idea. Of course the person would have to have a level of depression sufficient enough that would make them think about committing suicide to begin with.

Coming from a family with a history of extreme depression (on both sides, along with alcoholism - damn thee, Irish genes!), I can certainly sympathise with you.

I seriously recommend doing exercise.
It helps for several reasons:

It helps promote the body into releasing endorphins, which give you a temporary high - and it feels great. A temporary and NATURAL relief from your affliction.

It helps give you a structure to your day. One of the worse things about depression, as you mentioned is feeling tired all the time. Everything's too much trouble; you make half-hearted plans to do something with the day, only to put them off until it's too late. And of course, not fulfilling your plans for the day just 'proves' how useless you are, which drops you further down the spiral.
So ensuring you get out to the gym (or go for a run/cycle/swim etc) gives you a feeling of having accomplished at least one thing for the day. It gets you out of your room which is seriously important.
Also give yourself a small treat afterwards - even if it's just sitting in a cafe having a coffee. You already feel good from the exercise and doing something nice for yourself is just an added bonus.

Off on a bit of a tangent: Get into the habit of writing out 'To Do' lists for yourself. It makes you focused on what you need to do each day. And you will feel good at the end of the day when you look back and see that you have in fact done something. And if you're really low, write down everything: 'Get up at 8am, make bed, clean teeth,'. You know petty shit everyone else takes for granted, but when you're depressed seems too much trouble. At least you know you are doing something with your day. And the maintenance of normality does help - though at times it doesn't feel like it, but if you stop doing it, you'll soon find out just how terrible you can feel.

You'll start to look good! And sure it sounds shallow, but it's certainly a great pick-you-up when someone makes appreciative comments on your new physique. Trust me. ;)

It gives you something to aim for - even if it's something minor like you want to add 10kg to your bench. What's important is that by setting yourself a goal, you're starting to look ahead and make future plans.
This is VERY important. Depression has the shitty effect of making you just dwell in the present, and make you think you don't have a future. So making any sort of future plan is a good step.

If you join a gym, and go regularly, you'll eventually get to know some of the regulars,. This means you'll get to have conversations with them. One of the worst things about depression is the tendancy to withdraw into your shell and stop talking to anyone. Especially close friends/family, cause you don't want them to see how depressed you are and get worried. So the chance to talk to a person who's little more than an acquaintance is really nice. You don't need to tell them anything about yourself you don't want them to know (and vice versa). And cause it's in a gym, and you're working out, it's not going to go much above fitness, sport and politics. But it is important because it means you stay in practise for conversing with others.

While you're exercising, you can do one of two things:
If it's low-level intensity, it gives you a chance to think about your life and problems. This is a good time cause of all the afore-mentioned endorphins sloshing about your body and brain means your thoughts aren't going to be too negative.
If it's high-level intensity (I mean to the point of exhaustion/puking) you can't focus on anything but the exercise. So for a few minutes a day you've got no depressed thoughts in your head! Wonderful! And the added bonus of pushing yourself to pukedom, is that you release SO MUCH endorphins you'll be buzzing for hours. Trust me. ;)

Hope this helps.

The other day I was diagnosed with Clinical depression, but I turned down the drugs. If I feel this way, it's natural, and theres no way I'm gonna kill myself.

How many others have depression here? how does it effect your life? and have you ever contemplated suicide? I know I have. But I never did actually try to kill myself. I see that as the cowards way out. I'm gonna face my depression, and beat it.

The one thing I really hate? always feeling tired.

Good move, anti-depressants make some people more suicidal than they originally were! Your doctor might be trying to push the anti-depressant drug cocktails on your using depression as the cause.

It seems nationstates is full of people like me...

The other day I was diagnosed with Clinical depression, but I turned down the drugs. If I feel this way, it's natural, and theres no way I'm gonna kill myself.

How many others have depression here? how does it effect your life? and have you ever contemplated suicide? I know I have. But I never did actually try to kill myself. I see that as the cowards way out. I'm gonna face my depression, and beat it.

The one thing I really hate? always feeling tired.

I can completley relate to you. Only often I have this extreme depression that turns to anger at times. I am angry at myself and society in general and as a result I have become anti-social and I have only a couple of people that I would consider to be my "friends". I tried to convince my parents that I have this sickness but they never listen and feel that im just lazy or something and thats why they think im depressed. Long story short I hate life and dont look forward to any day anymore......

P.S: At times I question why God has put me on this planet to live such an anonymous and worthless life....owell

At times I question why God has put me on this planet to live such an anonymous and worthless life....owell

I don't even believe in god... I just reckon life is a waste of eternity.

I am not diagnosed with it but I know I have it. About contemplating suicide...yes I have thought about it and have tried it...3 times to be exact and I have cut myself many times aswell. But as I read earlier in this thread...a girl friend would really help. But since I'm not popular or that good looking I guess I'm screwed!

I have suffered from depression for 5 years now. The only way I can describe it is you feel like drowning. All these feelings submerge you, and you cant take it, so you draw back, but can never really get away.I had to go on drugs at one point, I had attempted suicide twice.....but you never really get over it, its always skulking around in the background,and you have to consciously work at it each and every day so as not to allow it to take over again.

How many others have depression here?

Depression runs heavily in my family. My mother and father have members of their extended family (my father's sister and a I think a few of my mother's cousins and an uncle) who have commited suicide. Both of my brother's got really depressed right after high school. I got really depressed my senior year in high school. I just hated everyone, everything. It was almost like one giant NS forum...

But I moved on from that senior year after a summer of games and doing things I wanted to do. Nowadays, removed from that period in life, I still suffer some bouts of not liking life. I usually content myself with passing proposals without once drafting them in the United Nations Forum. Yay! Victory for proposal writers! Power to the writers!

I've never been on any medicine, though.

I have suffered from depression for 5 years now. The only way I can describe it is you feel like drowning. All these feelings submerge you, and you cant take it, so you draw back, but can never really get away.I had to go on drugs at one point, I had attempted suicide twice.....but you never really get over it, its always skulking around in the background,and you have to consciously work at it each and every day so as not to allow it to take over again.

I myself drink a lot of alcohol to make it go away. A nice 6 pack of Beck will make ya feel better(at least thats what does it for me)

The other day I was diagnosed with Clinical depression, but I turned down the drugs. If I feel this way, it's natural, and theres no way I'm gonna kill myself.

How many others have depression here? how does it effect your life? and have you ever contemplated suicide? I know I have. But I never did actually try to kill myself. I see that as the cowards way out. I'm gonna face my depression, and beat it.

The one thing I really hate? always feeling tired.

I am depressed, typically and contemplated suicide before. People have reccomended I take anti-depressent drugs, but I told them I don't want to take drugs to give me a false sense of happiness.

I am against the idea of anti-depressent drugs.

One Last time; Just say no to drugs.

I am just sad at who you might have been. And I really do not trust drugs to make me more me or somehow "better"
Well, despite having depression and being on tablets for it, I am quite happy with who I am. If I hadn't taken them, I may not have been here at all - and if I were, I am fairly sure I would still be feeling the same horrendous way I once did. I still have off days, but am for the most part OK. Moreover, I am still 'me', not some adjunct of the medication.

That, of course, is not to say that everyone should take them. As I said before, I really do feel it's a personal choice. For some - probably many - defeating depression can be done without drugs, but we can't really generalise about it; each case is individual.

I am depressed, typically and contemplated suicide before. People have reccomended I take anti-depressent drugs, but I told them I don't want to take drugs to give me a false sense of happiness.

I am against the idea of anti-depressent drugs.

Anti-depressent drugs have never given me any sense of happiness - false or otherwise. They just make me feel very confused, clumsy, and out of touch, which in turn makes me more depressed.

Same thing happens with alcohol.

They are psycho-active drugs after all. Everyone knows that the drugs labeled as "recreational" (whether legal or illegal) can have positive effects on the mood of one person and disasterous effects on the mood of another. The "medical" ones are the same, just fewer people feel the EXTREMELY euphoric effects that tend to get a drug made illegal (although there are people out there who do, and there are several people who do use anti-depressants for recreation).

Maybe the people anit-depressents help are the ones who have a good but not extreme enough reaction to get high? Which may smooth things over long enough for a person's life to settle down, but certainly doesn't cure anything by itself. Therapy is more helpful than drugs in actually changing what caused the problem in the first place. And changes in thought change brain chemistry.

I was depressed for four years, until very recently. Three days recently. The cure: the best boyfriend I've ever had, and ever hope to have. He's caring, appreciative, and really effing hot. Regardless, my point is this: we all need someone who we can love so mcuh our heart aches, and then feel the love be returned in equal amounts. To live without something like this for too long results in (my opinion) depression.

I'll just inject a final word to make the nazis here go mad - I'm a guy, and my boyfriend makes a great gay lover. :D

Suck it up and deal with it. If you are not in physical pain there is no reason to be miserable.

I think they diagnose everyone who comes in with some sort of mental "illness." Which I think only makes it worse my enforcing the notion that something is wrong. Your'e fine, go for a jog, get some fresh air, go to the rifle range, and you'll feel better.