The New Jesus
Keruvalia
31-10-2004, 06:08
So, ok ... it's been 2,000 years, right? Right!
We're now (Americans) living in a society that's ruled by judges and conditioned by the wealthy elite, right? Right!
So who's going to be the new Jesus? Who's going to be the next guy to step up to the plate and say, "I have had enough!" and actually do something about it?
I'm not a Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm curious ... who will have that kind of courage?
Discuss!
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 06:10
I don't know, but I'll tell you this, whoever does that will almost certainly get nailed to a tree as well. :)
I don't know, but I'll tell you this, whoever does that will almost certainly get nailed to a tree as well. :)
That describes america alright
Our most treasured Right is the the Secound Amendment :mp5: :sniper:
what was jesus rising up against? italians? do americans resemble italians? damn romans. america isn't an empire. we don't want to be an empire. if we did we would have done it by now, and no other country could stop us. except maybe china. but we can buy them off with food! :D
Monkeypimp
31-10-2004, 06:28
The most common claim by people in mental institutes is that they are Jesus. Odds are one of them has to be telling the truth... right?
Lunatic Goofballs
31-10-2004, 06:31
The most common claim by people in mental institutes is that they are Jesus. Odds are one of them has to be telling the truth... right?
Best of all, Jesus probably speaks fluent Klingon. ;)
The most common claim by people in mental institutes is that they are Jesus. Odds are one of them has to be telling the truth... right?
nice
Dobbs Town
31-10-2004, 06:42
Meet the new Jesus
Same as the old Jesus
Dah-d-dah-d-dah-dah-d-dah!
Fnordish Infamy
31-10-2004, 06:44
what was jesus rising up against? italians?
Jesus was more against the clergy than the Romans.
And if I were to be the new Jesus, I'd be creative enough to at least call myself something different. I mean, who wants a messiah with no imagination?
Jesus was more against the clergy than the Romans.
And if I were to be the new Jesus, I'd be creative enough to at least call myself something different. I mean, who wants a messiah with no imagination?
Jerome Lopez de Caliente is catchy, don't you think?
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 06:50
I'm waiting for the gardener jokes to start.
it's me.
but the world won't listen to me 'cause i don't have a cock.
Fnordish Infamy
31-10-2004, 06:51
Jerome Lopez de Caliente is catchy, don't you think?
Eh, it's getting there, though I personally would throw in a few gratuitious Zs.
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 06:53
it's me.
but the world won't listen to me 'cause i don't have a cock.
Don't be silly! Jesus wouldn't come back as a girl.
Don't be silly! Jesus wouldn't come back as a girl.
well, i'm here aren't i?
and these are tits *sqeezes for demonstration*
and when you're in hell, don't try to say i didn't warn you.
well, the Bible mentions that the second coming will be "like a thief in the night." hmmm a thief... :eek: WAITAMINUTE!!! Isn't G.W. Bush accused of stealing the election from Gore "like a theif?" :eek:
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 06:59
well, i'm here aren't i?
and these are tits *sqeezes for demonstration*
and when you're in hell, don't try to say i didn't warn you.
Well then if you are Jesus, where is your big horse and sword?
Jesus is from a small Middle Eastern land occupied by a great empi-
The next Jesus is an Iraqi?!
Well then if you are Jesus, where is your big horse and sword?
over there.
*points*
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 07:17
over there.
*points*
Well you've got me there then. I guess you are Jesus, that proves it.
Fnordish Infamy
31-10-2004, 07:21
So, Jesus, is the whole washing your feet thing required? Because I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
uhhh, isn't the way to paradise "through you" hmm. [thinks about it for a second... looks down] exscuse me I need to take a cold shower [remembers Squeezing of tits] make that an ice cold bath...
...
..
.
*Splash*
So, Jesus, is the whole washing your feet thing required? Because I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
nah, that's ok, i can take care of my own personal hygene.
Fnordish Infamy
31-10-2004, 07:30
A self-sufficient lord and saviour? I'll toast to that.
What if Jesus turns out to be black? ;)
A self-sufficient lord and saviour? I'll toast to that.
yeah, i don't need any of that worship crap. just be nice to other people and maybe help them out if you can.
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 08:12
So, jesus, where is all that kingdom of heaven stuff you promised in the bible?
And can I have a free car?
So, jesus, where is all that kingdom of heaven stuff you promised in the bible?
And can I have a free car?
psh. you don't need a car. you do have legs for a reason.
and the disciples made that shit up about the kingdom of heaven getting all set out for you. i was saying we have to make it heaven on earth, you know with treating other people well and creating equal conditions everywhere. allowing everyone to be happy here. heaven after this life is after this life, for now it doesn't matter so forget about it until it happens, ok? just do your little bit to help make things better here and you won't even have to wait to die to get to heaven.
DeaconDave
31-10-2004, 08:18
psh. you don't need a car. you do have legs for a reason.
and the disciples made that shit up about the kingdom of heaven getting all set out for you. i was saying we have to make it heaven on earth, you know with treating other people well and creating equal conditions everywhere. allowing everyone to be happy here. heaven after this life is after this life, for now it doesn't matter so forget about it until it happens, ok? just do your little bit to help make things better here and you won't even have to wait to die to get to heaven.
Well that's no good.
The deal I was sold told me I could sit on my ass and just be given good stuff. What kind of religion is this your offering?
Pshaw.
You mean you didn't know? That was the Demo verson of Paradise.
Let's have a reality show where contestants compete to be the new, improved Jesus.
Somehow, I don't think alot of people will pass the walking on water test. :D
Jeruselem
31-10-2004, 09:43
So, ok ... it's been 2,000 years, right? Right!
We're now (Americans) living in a society that's ruled by judges and conditioned by the wealthy elite, right? Right!
So who's going to be the new Jesus? Who's going to be the next guy to step up to the plate and say, "I have had enough!" and actually do something about it?
I'm not a Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm curious ... who will have that kind of courage?
Discuss!
George W Bush has been acting like he was Jesus, the saviour of the human universe (the new Messiah).
Somehow, I don't think alot of people will pass the walking on water test. :D
Sure they will. Just hold the competition in a skating rink.
Tactical Grace
31-10-2004, 11:29
So, ok ... it's been 2,000 years, right? Right!
We're now (Americans) living in a society that's ruled by judges and conditioned by the wealthy elite, right? Right!
So who's going to be the new Jesus? Who's going to be the next guy to step up to the plate and say, "I have had enough!" and actually do something about it?
I'm not a Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm curious ... who will have that kind of courage?
Whoever the new Jesus will be, he is going to have the s--- kicked out of him by the police all over again, amidst accusations of him being a commie.
Greedy Pig
31-10-2004, 13:39
How come no one mentioned Osama Bin Laden?
He seems to be hero worshipped in most parts of the Islamic world.
Big Jim P
31-10-2004, 13:57
I am Jesus. :p
Keruvalia
31-10-2004, 16:43
Let's have a reality show where contestants compete to be the new, improved Jesus.
Ha! I like it ...
Tune in to Fox for the all new American Savior!
Alinania
31-10-2004, 16:59
just like a watched pot never boils the saviour won't come if all we do is wait for him.
though i think it's gonna be robbie :D
Superpower07
31-10-2004, 17:01
-snip-
ME! Some kid with Turret already says I'm Jesus. However if that is true, then I am a lot more cynical than I used to be.
Gear Head
31-10-2004, 17:12
well, the Bible mentions that the second coming will be "like a thief in the night." hmmm a thief... :eek: WAITAMINUTE!!! Isn't G.W. Bush accused of stealing the election from Gore "like a theif?" :eek:
HMMMMMM....32 Million dollars of Haliburton money in Cheneys pocket sounds like something a little more close to thievery if you ask me...But who am I kidding....http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=7367708#
P.S. Bush doesn't speak while Cheney is drinking water...check that stuff out.http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=7367708#
Gear Head
31-10-2004, 17:14
Oh, I forgot to mention. Seems like most of the supposed "saviors" lately claim to be the son of God. I almost believed them too. They looked real official about everything as they walked around in fatigues at a gas station spurting out "yessir!" in a southern accent as they claimed to be talking to God himself on a two way radio. :eek:
Keruvalia
31-10-2004, 17:17
ME! Some kid with Turret already says I'm Jesus. However if that is true, then I am a lot more cynical than I used to be.
Some guy with Tourettes Syndrome told me I was a fart faced pig fucker ...
I haven't explored the possibility of its truth, though.
Faithfull-freedom
31-10-2004, 17:37
So, Jesus, is the whole washing your feet thing required? Because I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
I believe it was Jesus who washed the feet of his deciples not the other way around. Being humble is a great thing in deed.
Keruvalia
31-10-2004, 17:41
Being humble is a great thing in deed.
Yes ..... for me to poop on!