NationStates Jolt Archive


Sarge's Uncle

Klonor
29-10-2004, 18:26
"Hey Sarge! Hold on a sec. Did you see something weird, Sarge?"

"Why yes I did, Simmons. Once, when I was a boy, my Aunt Bertha went away for many days. When she returned she had a full beard and a deep voice, and she had changed her name to Uncle Burt."

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"Once when I was visiting a carnival as a small boy I met an Albino man who claimed to by my uncle. Now it was later revealed to me that he was just a traveling salesman, but that's impertinent to this story. The man who claimed to be my uncle and I were traveling one day when we came across a large nest of alligators. Now they were green and scaly as alligators usually are, but the largest one among them had a pocketknife on him! The Albino man jumped up and said 'Damn you, you green bastard! Give me back my switchknife!'"

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"Well, I once did see my father appear as a ghost. He told me that he had been murdered by my Uncle and that my Unlce and wrongfully taken over his Kingdom and married my mother. Which of course now makes him my step-father. Oh the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!"

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"Did I see something weird? In fact I did. You see, many years ago when I was traveling in the African Sahara."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926116.jpg

"A rock fell and hit me on the head."

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"Knocking me unconcious. I awoke several days later to find I had been adopted by a family of chimps."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926123.jpg

"These chimps loved me and cared for me."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926118.jpg

"They picked the grubs out of my hair and the ticks out of my eyes. They taught me their chimp ways, their chimp language. Even their chimp dances."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926120.jpg

"It was all I could do to keep from becoming a chimp myself."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926122.jpg

"I even began to think of them as family members."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926119.jpg

"Then, many years later, after I had been reintroduced to human society, I was strolling through a mall one day when I saw a gorilla that I could swear was the spitting image of my chimp Uncle."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926121.jpg

"I ran up to him and grabbed him and hugged him and said 'Oh Unky! Oh Unky I've missed you so! I've missed the bananas!"

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926117.jpg

"But then he looked at me with fierce crazy eyes and suddenly he ripped off his head and underneath was a man!"

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926126.jpg
Klonor
29-10-2004, 18:27
"It was nothing but a costume. I was mortified. But the strangest thing of all was they had a pretzel stand right next door."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926129.jpg

"Where you could dip your pretzels into your choice of Hot Mustard."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926124.jpg

"Or Sweet & Sour Sauce."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926131.jpg

"But this man"

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926126.jpg

"impersonating my Uncle."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926121.jpg

"Had chosen to dip his pretzel"

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926129.jpg

"In both the Sweet & Sour Sauce"

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926131.jpg

"And the Hot Mustard."

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p926139.jpg

"Now that is weird."
Klonor
29-10-2004, 21:12
Nobody cares about Sarge's uncle?
OFK
29-10-2004, 21:14
You've way too much time on your hands, lol. Waaay too much.
United White Front
29-10-2004, 21:24
wtf
Klonor
30-10-2004, 00:33
Yes.
Gaeltach
30-10-2004, 00:54
Hehe...the things we never knew..
Roachsylvania
30-10-2004, 00:59
I told you, he wasn't my uncle!
Klonor
30-10-2004, 02:15
You wanna talk about it?
Klonor
31-10-2004, 21:03
Sweet Jibbly Jibblets!
Robesia
31-10-2004, 21:21
I see some walls, and some ceilings... No, wait, only one ceiling!

There just standing there, talking. That's what they were doing last week, and that's what they were doing 5 minutes ago. So 5 minutes from now, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?', my answers going to be, 'They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there.'

*Protests the Sarge love, raising a Caboose & Church sign into the air*

But Sarge is funny, nonetheless, as is anything RvB.