NationStates Jolt Archive


jokes ....that are good

Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 00:05
This thread will be dedicated to the fine art of.......telling jokes!!!!
My only request is that if you tell a joke make it funny and not too sick
OH and NO GOTH JOKES!!!!!

SO heres a good joke:

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side DUH!

( im terribly sorry you had to read that. you may all beat me in public)
:headbang:
Kahta
27-10-2004, 00:18
John Kerry completed combat training. He's killed people before too.
Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 00:21
PLZ dont make this into a freakin political thingy

I just made this poll because i could
and its kinda funny
Yannia
27-10-2004, 00:33
Who'd win in a fight? Lets have a look at the contestants:

1: George W. Bush: draft dodger, never completed combat training.

2: John F. Kerry: fought in Viet Nam, was wounded in combat thrice.

Hmm, i think i'll put my money on JFK... :D


Oh, a joke:

A man walks into a bar, and says "Ouch!"
Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 00:37
WOW that was really bad how long did it take you to think of that??

Mine was worse tho :)
Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 00:46
ok heres what our life would be like if our world was run by idiots
and if neone responds to the comment i just made i will cry :(

ok
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the Field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
Superpower07
27-10-2004, 00:50
How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They need Germany (or the USSR) to invade and screw it in for them.


(I'm part polish so I have right to make Polish jokes)
Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 00:52
im sorry but neone who visits this site needs to point and laugh at that joke because it was so stupid it was funny
I comend you
Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 00:53
9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for
the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel
manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just! want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there
has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must
have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn
thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
CthulhuFhtagn
27-10-2004, 01:31
why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side DUH!

That joke sucks more than Britney Spears after her third drink.
Goed
27-10-2004, 01:35
9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for
the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel
manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just! want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there
has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must
have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn
thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Whatever you say, Carlin :rolleyes:

In Soviet Russia, toilet shits into YOU!
1 Eyed Weasels
27-10-2004, 01:37
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?

There's not a Cadillac in my garage.
Alansyists
27-10-2004, 01:42
How many Goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1. First they have to get over the stress of having to screw in a lightbulb.

2. They have to screw it in with their feet to be "non-conformists"

3. Then they'll whine about it like the little faggots they are.
Superpower07
27-10-2004, 01:45
In Soviet Russia, toilet shits into YOU!

In Soviet Russia:

a tool is you!
1337 5p34ks j00!
Poland forgets you!
Catholic Germany
27-10-2004, 01:47
In Soviet Russia, Road Forks You!
Goed
27-10-2004, 01:56
In Soviet Russia:

a tool is you!
1337 5p34ks j00!
Poland forgets you!

That Poland one is the best ever :p
Jumbania
27-10-2004, 02:07
Is the poll question really who would win a fight between a stout, broad shouldered Texas ranch owner and a tall, lanky Massachusetts senate metrosexual?
Personally, I think Teresa Heinz can probably kick John Kerry's ass.
Selivaria
27-10-2004, 02:21
In Soviet Russia, cracker wanna Polly?

In Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU!

In Soviet Russia, people kill guns!

In Capitalist America, law violates YOU!

In America, we can dial 911 and be connected to the police. That's nothing: in Soviet Russia you don't even have to dial!

In Soviet Russia, shit takes YOU!
Backwatertin
27-10-2004, 20:49
these jokes are getting really lame and not even funny