NationStates Jolt Archive

Here are the two greatest examples of someone saying something completely stupid to another person.

The first one happened to me.

I was working in a Dunkin Donuts once, and It was fairly early in the morning.
Im waiting behind the counter to help some local schmuck, when he looks at me, and blinks a couple of times and says:

"Hey, Whats in them Lemon filled?"

I just stared back cooly, and deadpanned.

"Lemon."

Wich is even worse that being asked for a dozen "Barbarian Cremes."

Trust me, if they did indeed make Barbarian Cream doughnuts, you wouldnt want one.

But the absolute dumbest thing Ive ever heard anyone say, actually happened to one of by best freinds.
He was working at a Pizza hut, and he was the shift manager.
He took a call from a customer that had a complaint.

This woman called him up to complain that her pizza tasted like bread.

IT IS BREAD!!!!!!


Please feel free to share some stupidity from the rest of humanity.

Wait until someone asks for a sandwich with no bread.

Wait until someone asks for a sandwich with no bread.


Atkins Dieter?

I've had to make a pizza with no sauce, and half no cheese.

That meant one half was dough and cheese, the other half just dough.

People order some freaking weird pizza

I worked part-time in a convenience store before I became a part-time dealer(blackjack. Get your mind out of the gutter. :p ).

From time-to-time, you would get a dense person who couldn't figure out how to operate a car wash. There is a call-button on the control panel just in front of the car wash.

One day, I got this call on the box:

Me: "Hello? Something I can help with?"

Dummy: "I don't know what to do."

Me: "Did you put your money into the machine?"

Dummy: "Yes."

Me: "Did you select your car wash type?"

Dummy: "Yes."

Me: Then just drive into the car wash and stop on the plate.

Dummy: "Where's the car wash?"

:eek:



Even better:

A patron comes inside and asks how the car wash works. After a short explaination of the automated car wash, he asks..."Does it only wash the outside?"

:eek:

Without missing a beat, I answer: "Only if the windows are closed."

Well this one posted in Red Arrows, er MKULTRA's thread on this page about Republican dirty tricks has to be the stupidest I've heard today......


Damn right.

Just makes up for 150 yrs of the demoncrats cheating.

Wait until someone asks for a sandwich with no bread.

I've asked for those before back when I was on the atkins diet. The dumbest thing anyone has said to me, I can't think of people have said so many stupid things to me.

A friend of mine worked in a souvenier store in Helsinki (capital of Finland) harbour. A middleaged American couple came in, walked around and asked : Why the prices are only in marks and euros? (mark was Finland's currency back then) Why they are not in krones?
-eh...Mark is the currency here...
-no no, it's the currency of Finland, We are in Denmark.
-er...We are in Finland
-No, no, little girl, we were there yesterday!

Or, maybe they just knew better...

I was sitting in class, and my teacher had just handed out textbooks with the sheets that you have to fill out your inormation (Name, Class, School, etc.) and this guy just asks loudly "Since when is my school name differnt from my normal name?"

it took him a few different explinations to understand

Or when I was working at a concession "Is this salt?" this question was frequently asked about the salt shaker (With the word "SALT" printed across it so many times that you'd have to be an idiot to miss it)



:sniper:

" I know what you're thinking/ feeling" no one but me can truly ever know that
" Your pants are like a mirror, I can see myself in them"
At a day care, "Do you get many kids here?"
Early in the morning when I am croaking into the phone, " Oh, Did I wake you up?"

I work at a veterinary clinic, and this lady brought in a puppy, and it was diagnosed with liver shunts, shortly there after she asked "what is the liver used for, i know it's used in patte, but what does it do?" the funny thing is that she was married to a nuerosurgeon

yay, the joys of marrying someone with an IQ below 20... I wonder what thier kids will turn out to be, maybe only half retarted if they're lucky...

yay, the joys of marrying someone with an IQ below 20... I wonder what thier kids will turn out to be, maybe only half retarted if they're lucky...


Im sorry, I just HAVE to point out that you mispelled "Retarded".

I was 12 or 13. The teacher was handing out brochures on human sexuality, about changes that are starting to affect our bodies. Or will be pretty soon anyway. When she came to my desk she smiled and said "I'm out of the ones with an apple but here you go!" and handed me the one with a pear.
The ones with an apple were meant for the boys. But we (the boys) found the ones with a pear much more interesting. "My breasts are growing. Is it wrong?" :D

"What time do the Midnight Movies start?"



.......noon......

Standing at nature reserve, next to a Wombat enclosure, with a huge sign stating WOMBAT in a view so clear as having to be blind to miss it, and a middle aged Southern American lady comming up, looking in the cage for about 5 minutes, then turning to me and saying "Is that what they call a koala?"

I work in Tech support (forget it guys, No Free advice from me) and I got Lots of em.

tho I'll start with
"I got this strange message on my computer... 'Password has expired, please enter new password' what am I suppose to do now?"
:headbang:

or

my Favorite left on our Office Answering Machine
"My F***ing computer is broken, it's always f***ing broken, I can't do my f***ing work with this Sh***y computer, I want you a***oles to come down here and fix my f***ing piece of S**t!"

He didn't leave any way to contact him, no Name, Phone Number, not even a description of the problem... I guess we're suppose to use magic or sumtin. Needless to say, we didn't fix his computer.

:D

I work in Tech support (forget it guys, No Free advice from me) and I got Lots of em.

tho I'll start with
"I got this strange message on my computer... 'Password has expired, please enter new password' what am I suppose to do now?"
:headbang:

or

my Favorite left on our Office Answering Machine
"My F***ing computer is broken, it's always f***ing broken, I can't do my f***ing work with this Sh***y computer, I want you a***oles to come down here and fix my f***ing piece of S**t!"

He didn't leave any way to contact him, no Name, Phone Number, not even a description of the problem... I guess we're suppose to use magic or sumtin. Needless to say, we didn't fix his computer.

:D

I had someone bring me a Hewlett Packard, running Windows ME, ask me
"Why do you suppose Im having these problems?"

I said, "Becuase your using a hewlett parckard that runs ME."

Wich is even worse that being asked for a dozen "Barbarian Cremes."Enlighten those of us who've never seen a Dunkin Doughnut,
what was a "Barbarian Doughnut" supposed to be?

Enlighten those of us who've never seen a Dunkin Doughnut,
what was a "Barbarian Doughnut" supposed to be?


Its supposed to be a Ba*V*arian Creme.

Bavarian. as in German, or Austrian.

Most certainly NOT a Barbarian.

Like Conan, or Attilla the Hun.

Its supposed to be a Ba*V*arian Creme.
Ah, right. That makes a certain amount of sense - the Bavarians like their cream.

I used to work for a community minibus hire firm. Our user groups paid an annual membership, which some groups occasionally allowed to lapse. I asked one group why they hadn't renewed that year. "Oh, we've been everywhere". Which says about all you need to know about the static memership of the local Railway Modellers Club.

"I'm voting for Howard."

IRC quotes

- d__<o.o>__b
- How you did the "b" backwards?

My mother is drivng with me and my siblings down the freeway. She likes to drive fast, and is frustrated when we come to several cars that she cannot pass.

MOM: I hate when a bunch of cars are all going the same speed.

ME: You mean the speed limit?

IRC quotes

- d__<o.o>__b
- How you did the "b" backwards?
WHAHAHAHA ROFL

"Is christmas on the same date as last year?"

Oh goody a dumb quotes thread.

It wasn't said to me but to a friend it's just such a great quote I thought I had to put it down:

"Stop f*****g dissing me you f*****g faggot. You f*****g diss me again and I'll f*** yo ass till it bleeds."

Who's he calling a faggot?

Oh goody a dumb quotes thread.

It wasn't said to me but to a friend it's just such a great quote I thought I had to put it down:

"Stop f*****g dissing me you f*****g faggot. You f*****g diss me again and I'll f*** yo ass till it bleeds."

Who's he calling a faggot?
nothing worse than angry homosexuals

nothing worse than angry homosexuals

I know. There are much better ways of threatening to beat the sh** into somebody.

"My breasts are growing. Is it wrong?" :D
YES, little girl! OMG YOUR BODY IS SINNING AS WE SPEAK!!!

"Cleanliness is next to godliness." 'Cause, you know, mercy and compassion and all that pale in comparison to the importance of washing your hands.

-

Me and my brother we talking geography...

Me: "Must be great living in California, i mean you can go from being up in the mountains to lazing on the pacific coast in a matter of hours..."

Brother: "Don't be stupid, California is on the east coast."

:confused:

I had to get the atlas and show him....and he is a uni student...kinda makes me worry... :(

Using the English flag in Dawn Of War I was asked why I was playing as the Red Cross.

Edinburgh has many tourists.
Best questions ever:
"How long is the royal mile?" (actually geniuine it is longer...)
"Why did they build the castle at the top of such a big hill?"
"Wasn't it nice of them to build the castle so close to the shops?"
"Do you build the castle every year for the tattoo?" (yes, we got it from IKEA and it stays flat packed all wingter, we each keep a piece under our couch, mine is one of the turrets)
"Isn't Scotland a town in Engerland?"
"What do you wear under the kilt?"
"Would you like a drink?"
And the all time number 1:
"What time does the one o'clock gun go off?" (5 to one, gives us time to set our watches as Scots are so tight we won't buy a digital one and we're all so thick it takes us 5 minutes to set it from 1am to 1pm)

Recently someone told me that John Kerry would win, I thought that was pretty dumb.

For all we know, they could have their eyes closed..

Hilarious at the time, but not funny at all if you don't know the story :D

That's true.

That's true.

Oh, fine.

We were just having a fun time roleplaying (cause we're huge nerds like that; whatcha gonna do about it? :D ), so..

I was an orc, and my brother was like, some human.. monk.. thingy, whatever, and we were adventuring in a swamp. I rush in, eager to get the thing started, when I see some eyes looking out at me in the water. I quickly get back to shore. Then the eyes disappear, and I'm about to go rushing back in when my brother stops me and says, "No! For all we know, they could have their eyes closed!"

Sigh.. I'm tired, and its only eight in the morning :(
Sleepy.. must.. not.. fall back.. asleep.. mrmph..

Edinburgh has many tourists.
Best questions ever:
"How long is the royal mile?" (actually geniuine it is longer...)
"Why did they build the castle at the top of such a big hill?"
"Wasn't it nice of them to build the castle so close to the shops?"
"Do you build the castle every year for the tattoo?" (yes, we got it from IKEA and it stays flat packed all wingter, we each keep a piece under our couch, mine is one of the turrets)
"Isn't Scotland a town in Engerland?"
"What do you wear under the kilt?"
"Would you like a drink?"
And the all time number 1:
"What time does the one o'clock gun go off?" (5 to one, gives us time to set our watches as Scots are so tight we won't buy a digital one and we're all so thick it takes us 5 minutes to set it from 1am to 1pm)


yup i know what you mean, i stay with some friends in edinburgh every now and again...was on the royal mile when an i heard a tourist (sorry for the cliche he was american) say to his friend, "Isn't it great they built the castle so close to the railway station." :confused:

Damn, I was reading through this thread with a comment in mind, and then I get to this page and realise that it's going to seem terribly unoriginal, but oh well. It's set in London rather than Edinburgh, and features -shockingly enough- an American tourist (looking up at a passing plane, probably full of American tourists): "Aw, why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"

Oh, I have a friend who is great at them. Poor him, he doesn't get what's so funny.

One time, a few friends were staying at my place, and I went out (after a cold and wet night) to fetch the paper that gets delivered to the doorstep every Saturday. My friend looked at me walking inside quizically and says "Why is the newspaper wrapped in plastic?"

Another time, he was convinced himself he wanted to try smoking weed. So we said "Alright mate, but just have a normal ciggie first" "Nah...I might get addicted."

We've got so used to him coming out with things like this that I don't take much notice anymore. A shame. :D

In a computer club (it was in the late 80s) I was showing the Amstrad CPC 6128 to some kids. After I made a brief presentation of basic BASIC one of them typed something like "x+3=5, PRINT x". When I started to explain what "Syntax error" means, he interrupted me and said "Why the computer doesn't get what I want him to do? He sure is smarter than I am!". :rolleyes:

Here's one:

"Your husband is from Latin America? Cool! I would love to learn Latin!"

:rolleyes:

my Favorite left on our Office Answering Machine
"My F***ing computer is broken, it's always f***ing broken, I can't do my f***ing work with this Sh***y computer, I want you a***oles to come down here and fix my f***ing piece of S**t!"

He didn't leave any way to contact him, no Name, Phone Number, not even a description of the problem... I guess we're suppose to use magic or sumtin. Needless to say, we didn't fix his computer.

:D
I also work in tech support :) and god how often I have heard that one lol gotten a few of those messages myself


My favorite was this (geeky)

The background … if you have a network spreading worm your port is de activated (shut off at the switch) by a script we have and put into a room disabled list right
(ohh btw the network coordinator for my college … specifically residential halls)
Simple … you have virus it is shut off

We had a girl call and ask “Could you re activate my port I don’t have a virus” I of course said sure … maybe it was her roommate that got it disabled.

But much to my surprise it was not on the list I replied “Mam your computer is not showing up on the list, maybe it is a settings issue rather then a disabled port”

She promptly replies “No its not the plug pushed back up into the box”

Lol (for those of you that didn’t catch it the plate was BROKEN and she thought we had a system that would retract the plug back into the wall if they have a virus … physically open the wall and pull the box into the wall”


:-P

During a discussion on monotheism:

Friend: all religions believe in one god.

Me: Not the hindus

Friend: No, I'm talking about the real religions, not some little cults.

Me: Dude, there's almost a billion of them.

Friend: really?

This one is not customer service related, geeky or whatnot, so some may not get it.

AT the college I went to, it was well known I was not one that sugarcoated things. One of my friends girlfriends was a mess of a kid. I mean nasty dreadlocked hair knotted up into itself; you could see the lint trapped in it. Overweight in the way that she just poured out of those below-the-belt pants. Dressed like a fashion nightmare and looked like herpes waged a campaign of terror on her skin.

She shows up at mt apartment, and is socializing. Nice enough girl, but anyways. She asks me if I find her cute. I look her dead in the eye and say. "No. You are hygiene-impaired, your face begars description, and your weight is out of control."

She takes a few beats, looks at herself in a mirror, and states "I think it's the legwarmers. It's the legwarmers, right?"

I just left the room.

This one is not customer service related, geeky or whatnot, so some may not get it.

AT the college I went to, it was well known I was not one that sugarcoated things. One of my friends girlfriends was a mess of a kid. I mean nasty dreadlocked hair knotted up into itself; you could see the lint trapped in it. Overweight in the way that she just poured out of those below-the-belt pants. Dressed like a fashion nightmare and looked like herpes waged a campaign of terror on her skin.

She shows up at mt apartment, and is socializing. Nice enough girl, but anyways. She asks me if I find her cute. I look her dead in the eye and say. "No. You are hygiene-impaired, your face begars description, and your weight is out of control."

She takes a few beats, looks at herself in a mirror, and states "I think it's the legwarmers. It's the legwarmers, right?"

I just left the room.

:D

Well, they say ignorance is bliss.

I used to work at an auto parts store as the counterman.

One day a customer comes into the shop needing a starter. I get all of t he details of the make and model of his car, look up the part number and go back and get out the one he needs. As I hand it to him he says to me, "Is this the right starter for my car?"

It took all of my self control to keep from responding with a comment like "We'll know in an hour..."

Another fellow casually informed me that if the part was wrong he'd come back and kill me. I guess job security isn't enough incentive for some folks...

I'm a bit like Kanabia, I knew someone who always came out with them. Unfortunately I have forgotten most of them.

As a bit of backgroud, this was a few years ago, when the "If you put your religion as Jedi on the census form then it will be a recognised religion" thingy.

Friend 1: I ticked the Jedi box

Friend 2: There was none

1: Are you sure?

Different person I know got upset with us occasionally calling him a protestant and was trying to stop us refering to him as such.

"Stop calling me a protestant, I'm not protesting anything"

My family was eating at a restaurant called the Training Table. If you've never been there, you place your orders through a phone at the table. Anyway, my brother likes plain burgers (no lettuce, cheese, ketchup, etc) but he was feeling brave. So he orders a bacon burger with nothing on it but the bacon. We wait for our meals, he gets his burger and unwraps it. Placed neatly between the two buns are two slices of bacon, and not a thing more. No lettuce, tomato, ketchup...or beef.

Another time, I was talking to a friend online about Final Fantasy 11. I said I was stopping playing. He asked me, I kid you not, "don't have an internet connection?"

All I could say was "..." "looks around the box."

lol, fun times.

In Holland we have this thing called a "frikandel speciaal". It's a sort of sausage (the 'frikandel') which you fry, then make a cut through the length of it, and put in union bits, ketchup and mayonaise.


So this friend of mine wanted to get one, but decided to confuse the kid behind the counter.

"Can I get a 'frikandel' with a cut in the middle and union bits and ketchup and mayonaise?"
"You mean a 'frikandel speciaal', right?"
"No, I mean a 'frikandel' with a cut in the middle and union bits and ketchup and mayonaise."

My friend got charged less as for a 'frikandel speciaal'.

A friend of mine worked in a souvenier store in Helsinki (capital of Finland) harbour. ...........................

Eeeee! Helsinki! *dances a happyhappy dance*

....

Whoa, sorry. Too much sugar or something (plus a recollection of one of the Artemis Fowl books, but I digress)

----------
Anyway, stupid things... humm...

"H. R. Giger art doesn't have any sexual undertones" (followed shortly by them being proven quite, quite wrong)

"Atheism is a religion" (Ugh, so, *so* pathetic)

"Your essay was A quality, but I had to give you a B because I only had my green pen with me" (seriously, it happened)

I remember one of my friends figured out that everything had a fifty fifty chance of happening ("Because it will either happen, or not happen.")

Me (sarcastically): "Oh no! They're going to arrest me for being German!"

Amanda (seriously): "They can do that???"

*Crossman smacks Amanda*

Atkins Dieter?
Like the Angus Burger at Hardees. A patty between slices of lettuce.

Okay here's the dumbest thing I've ever said.

My friends and I were playing Warhammer 40,000 and they noticed that it seemed that I outnumbered my friend Tristan.

Tristan: Man, look at all your guys!

Alan: Its like the friggin cowboys and indians.

Crossman: Wait. But those are two different sports...

"Earth was made in six days and is only six thousand years old."
"We never landed on the moon."

"Earth was made in six days and is only six thousand years old."
"We never landed on the moon."

:D LOL

I work in the computer labs at my University, and I occasionally have to answer the phone in the cleverly named "24 Hour Lab".

Conversation One:

Me: "Hello, this is the 24 Hour Lab."

Caller: "Hi. I was just wondering...how long do you stay open?

Me: "24 hours a day, ma'am."

Caller: "Oh, thanks."

Conversation Two:

Me: "Hello, this is the 24 Hour Lab."

Another Caller: "What's the number for the 24 Hour Lab?"

Lmao

A guy walks up to me and my friend.

"Give us your fucking mobile phone now"

My mate looking terrified says:

"Do you want mine too?"

we were doing this test, a fill in the gaps one..

so this one girl (a blond) puts her hand up and says "miss i think there are some mistakes, two of the sentences have missing words"

we were doing this test, a fill in the gaps one..

so this one girl (a blond) puts her hand up and says "miss i think there are some mistakes, two of the sentences have missing words"

Yeah I have a few friends like that.

Someone said to me once, "are you james?"
"nope" i say turning around.
"you are james aren't you."
"no, im martin"
"no, you're james"
"no im not"
"you dumb bastard, of course you're james. thick git"
"yeah whatever, i am james if you say so, now just leave me alone"
to his mate (incidentally called james, as i found out) "see james, i told you it was you"

i worry sometimes

I was eating fish (haddock) in a restaurant.

Someone I know says to me

"What fish are you eating?"

Me: "Haddock"

friend: Haddock's not a fish!

Me: Uh...yes they are.

friend: No, Haddock aren't real fish. Not like Goldfish and Salmon.


Yeah....anyway. Another time me and my friend were discussing British descriptions and American descriptions.

I told her that in America, they call some cars Sedans........


Friend: Sedan Hussein!!

You may think my friend is about 5. Actually she is in her 20's, and has been to university.

Lastly for now...

Someone I know was hysterical after September 11th, 2001.

"We are all going to DIE!!! Al-Korea are going to invade!"

Yes. That's right. Al-Korea. Osama Kim Yong Laden no doubt.

On these boards and others: "You're such a liberal!"

I usually reply "why thank you." as if liberal or conservative is an insult. :rolleyes:

well done. although calling someone ultra right wing fascist nazi bastard is offensive. i almost got kicked off for that one

I was eating fish (haddock) in a restaurant.

Someone I know says to me

"What fish are you eating?"

Me: "Haddock"

friend: Haddock's not a fish!

Me: Uh...yes they are.

friend: No, Haddock aren't real fish. Not like Goldfish and Salmon.


Yeah....anyway. Another time me and my friend were discussing British descriptions and American descriptions.

I told her that in America, they call some cars Sedans........


Friend: Sedan Hussein!!

You may think my friend is about 5. Actually she is in her 20's, and has been to university.

Lastly for now...

Someone I know was hysterical after September 11th, 2001.

"We are all going to DIE!!! Al-Korea are going to invade!"

Yes. That's right. Al-Korea. Osama Kim Yong Laden no doubt.

wow

"Communism works well in theory, just doesn't work in practice"

heh heh heh

my personal FAVORITE:

Ok so my friend lives in canada, about 120 miles north of me (he's in Nanaimo, BC. and I'm in Seattle, WA.). He was a night manager at a shell gas station.

This guy (a tourist from oregon we suspect, because his shirt said oregon on it) comes in, and asks where the nearest place to get gas was. Keep in mind this is a standard gas station, with the gas pumps clearly visible through the windows/door right behind this guy.

My friend totally had him convinced that not only did they not have gas stations in canada anywhere, but all of the cars he'd seen around were tourists, and if he wanted to get gas he'd have to cross the border back into the states.

But then a real canadian came in, plopped a 20 on the counter, and purchased some gasoline.


Another funny one:

I was helping my friend with his computer. He was having some bootup problems (on account of he had corrupted parts of his system files by turning his computer off and back on really fast on Win95). It started booting, but a system file was missing and it said "Press any key to continue booting."

So he calls me up, and hes like Dude I need help with my computer!
me: <heavy sigh> What'd you do this time?
him: I think my keyboard's defective or something, I cant find the any key.
me: There is no any key. Just press any key.
him: But I dont have a fucking any key! WHAT DO I DO! Do I need a new keyboard?

He totally freaked out. It took me about 10 minutes to explain it to him.

Some people are so dumb.

2 things:

We are just finishing this German coursework, our teacher says "when you're done add a wordcount".

Some girl at the back asks "what's a wordcount?"


Second best one - I was at Warwick castle and went on this ghost tour with my two younger sisters. Anyway we bought tickets that said "Warwick ghosts - Alive!!" (I felt they'd missed the point somewhat).

my personal FAVORITE:

Ok so my friend lives in canada, about 120 miles north of me (he's in Nanaimo, BC. and I'm in Seattle, WA.). He was a night manager at a shell gas station.

This guy (a tourist from oregon we suspect, because his shirt said oregon on it) comes in, and asks where the nearest place to get gas was. Keep in mind this is a standard gas station, with the gas pumps clearly visible through the windows/door right behind this guy.

My friend totally had him convinced that not only did they not have gas stations in canada anywhere, but all of the cars he'd seen around were tourists, and if he wanted to get gas he'd have to cross the border back into the states.

But then a real canadian came in, plopped a 20 on the counter, and purchased some gasoline.

....


Heh.

I was in Beaufort, S Carolina two years back, chatting to some locals in a coffee shop. One of them told me all about the internet, then asked me if we had personal computers in Europe yet. I informed her we did.

A guy walks up to me and my friend.

"Give us your fucking mobile phone now"
Walking home through Tooting (South London), many years ago, a bloke with a knife jumped out in front of me from an alley. Looked me up and down (I'm rather large) and ducked back in without a word. Since I lived a few yards from the police station I wandered in and explained. They sent a couple of coppers out to see what's what. I followed to see what happened.
Silly bugger jumped out in front of one, ducked back in again straight into the arms of the second copper who'd come up the alley from the other end.

Also, in my teens, got into a fight in my home town. Skinhead was trying to kick me so I grabbed his foot and lifted it. "Let go of my f***ing foot!" he screamed. Yeah, right, just what I was planning to do.

Had a customer come in to our landscape nursery, trying to return a plant. It looked perfectly healthy, so I asked her the reason, figuring that she had purchased too many or some such. Turns out that she has had this particular plant for six months, and it was 'defective'. Without going into how a plant cannot be defective, I asked for clarification:

Her: "I have had this plant for six months. You said when I bought it that it would probably be putting on roots for the first year or so, so I wouldn't see much growth. Well in all that time, it hasn't put on any roots at all!"

Me: "Ma'am, how could you tell it wasn't putting on roots?"

Her: "I kept digging it up to check!"

i was once in HMV with a couple of my friends, i was having a conversation with one them about chlamidia(sp?) and my other friend overheard and really loudly cause she was a bit further down the isle shouted 'who's chlamidia?!' and couldn't understand why everyone looked at her and me and my other friend were nearly on the floor laughing

when my brother was about 11 he asked me if it's illegal to burgle someone's house

one of my friends asked me 'do sheep really photosynthesise?'
the same friend also started telling me about how the surrogettes(sp?) fought to get women the vote

I work in a fast food thing and at least once a day someone will ask for a drink, I'll say 'small or large?' so they reply with 'medium' !? there isn't a medium! if there was i would've said 'small, medium or large?'!!!

one of my friends asked me 'do sheep really photosynthesise?'

To my eternal shame at about age 14 I answered a biology multiple choice question with the selection that claimed aphids reproduce by spores. Now, I knew what greenfly were, but the word 'aphids' had somehow escaped my notice prior to that test...

I get lots of them in my English classes. Some are just language difficulties and some are just stupid. A few gems:

Me: Where's Paris?
Student: Ummm... London?

Me: How are you today?
Student: Not so good. I left my air conditioner on all night, so I have diarrhea.

"what time is midnight mass?"
except that in this town midnight mass is at 9pm!

a man with a child of his own once asked my sister if she could have children after her stomach surgery!

To my eternal shame at about age 14 I answered a biology multiple choice question with the selection that claimed aphids reproduce by spores. Now, I knew what greenfly were, but the word 'aphids' had somehow escaped my notice prior to that test...
i didn't know what aphids were till you just said, i don't think it's that embarassing, my friend was 16 and doing GCSE biology and we managed to persuade that sheep photosynthesise by telling her that's why farmers spray green paint on them and why they eat so much grass

Computer Stupidities at:
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

Proof that most problems happen on the other side of the keyboard. ;)

George Bush Jr. has done a good job as president! :rolleyes:

I worked at the door at a Burlington Coat Factory (large discount clothing store) for a while. Every so often someone would come up and ask, "is this where I came in?". I knew it was because It was the only entrance to the store.

Also, BCF has a really crappy return policy. They don't give refunds no matter what. There are signs telling you this above the cash registers. You can only get store credit and you must have the reciept. People would often ask why this was the case. Look, I don't have a buisness degree or anything, but it seems pretty obvious that you can save a lot of money by not giving it back to the customers.

I doubt anyone else will get this/ appreciate it, but at the (american college football) OU game a couple weeks ago, the announcer was calling out the BSC standings for the week, and Texas was ranked 11th - my friend turned to me and went, "Texas dropped to 11th? Who beat them!?"


...which is absolutely hilarious and very dumb, as Texas is our biggest rivals and we had just beaten them the week before in a very exciting game.

Yeah, I knew no one else would get it.. but it was great.

I did enjoy it when one of my friends was getting all flustered about something he was working on when he was asked to help someone else at the same time. His immortal words:

I'm not an octopus, I only have eight pairs of hands.

Wrong on so many levels.

I had a friend once who was arguing with a Francophobe. The Francophobe- a real jerk- kept yammering on and on about how bad the French are because they're not helping us in Iraq, blah blah blah. I was about to punch him. Then my friend blurted out, "But if it wasn't for France, we'd all be speaking British right now!"

Then my friend blurted out, "But if it wasn't for France, we'd all be speaking British right now!"That's not dumb, that's brilliant. :cool:

I doubt anyone else will get this/ appreciate it, but at the (american college football) OU game a couple weeks ago, the announcer was calling out the BSC standings for the week, and Texas was ranked 11th - my friend turned to me and went, "Texas dropped to 11th? Who beat them!?"


...which is absolutely hilarious and very dumb, as Texas is our biggest rivals and we had just beaten them the week before in a very exciting game.

Yeah, I knew no one else would get it.. but it was great.

I got it, don't worry. ;)

I got it, don't worry. ;)
Aaah! You're that USC person. Evil -.-

I'm really beginning to think we aren't good enough to beat you... but it'd be a heck of a game...

Aaah! You're that USC person. Evil -.-

I'm really beginning to think we aren't good enough to beat you... but it'd be a heck of a game...

It amuses me that you think of me as the "evil USC person." :)

It would indeed be a good game. I'd be there, certainly.

"But if it wasn't for France, we'd all be speaking British right now!"

:D That's awesome! He deserves a spot on the Tonight show for that. :D

That's one of those things that so dumb, it's brilliant. And it's so brilliant, that it doesn't matter if he meant it that way or not. As in, "...like deja vu, all over again..."

this lad i used to go to school with once told me how he believed that dinosaurs never really existed

I guy I know walked into Burger king once and asked.
'Dya sell burgers here like?'

Ok, me and my friend are walking around in the woods. In the evening, about 6 O'Clock. The sun is setting.

Friend: Hey, why is the Moon so bright? *Stares intently at the sun*

Me: Thats the sun, Dude......

Friend: The sun's not yellow, stupid!

Me:.........God, your an idiot.

A lot of dumb things are said on this forum. For instance:

Everyone should receive the same level of health care, that is, the best available. It should be fully funded by the government so that no one dies needlessly of diseases like tuberculosis or the flu.

Without getting into a full debate on socialized medicine, I can't understand why government funding would prevent people from dieing from TB or the flu.

Ok, me and my friend are walking around in the woods. In the evening, about 6 O'Clock. The sun is setting.

Friend: Hey, why is the Moon so bright? *Stares intently at the sun*

Me: Thats the sun, Dude......

Friend: The sun's not yellow, stupid!

Me:.........God, your an idiot.

Are you serious? That's brilliant!

neone who that stupid should be drug out into the street and shot just becauseit would benefit mankind in a way only stealing could describe

as you can all see i am a total idiot. just wanted to make that clear

neone who that stupid should be drug out into the street and shot just becauseit would benefit mankind in a way only stealing could describe

as you can all see i am a total idiot. just wanted to make that clear

this ranks up there on the stupid things i've heard recently.

I once worked at a radio station. Whenever there is a problem people would call the station because we get all the news first. I once had someone call, on a groundline, and ask why phoneservice was out.

Im sorry, I just HAVE to point out that you mispelled "Retarded".

Sorry, I just HAVE to point out you misspelled "misspelled".
:D

My fave was when my friend e-mailed me with this message:

'CanYouFixTheSpacebarOnMyKeyboard? :p

My fave was when my friend e-mailed me with this message:

'CanYouFixTheSpacebarOnMyKeyboard? :p

That is high quaility. Your friend is my hero.

I've heard so many stupid things, it's not even funny. It would be pointless to decide which is the worst.

Sorry, I just HAVE to point out you misspelled "misspelled".
:D


A-HA!

Touche'!

Heres another Gem of True Life I was witness to.

My freind's ex-wife (Thank God!) was sitting in a car with us, waiting for her husband, my freind, to get out of work.
She sees a bumper sticker that reads :

"My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter".

She says, "Boy, that guy must really hate his boss!"

All true.

You cant make this stuff up.

My good friend Ed is always good for a laugh.

"You know, the letter P isn't really a letter if you think about it. It's just a little bit of lip movement and some breathing!"

*Shrugs* At one point back in high school I was getting very pissed off and frustrated at someone in a political debate. He wasn't the smartest person in the world either and he got very angry easily which made me angry too. And I ended up losing my cool and screaming at him "Are you ignorant or just apathetic!?" and the response, in a totally serious way, was "I don't know and I don't care! -Listen!-"

Without getting into a full debate on socialized medicine, I can't understand why government funding would prevent people from dieing from TB or the flu.

It's worked for TB so far. At least, it did in the UK. We've got trouble with it recurring now that funding has been cut. Mostly amongst the immigrant population who live rather jam packed on top of each other in some areas - which is a good way to spread TB.

:D An Australian I know was insulted when they went to Florida. Once the person found out where my friend was from (strong accent I suppose), she starting giving my mate a lecture on World War II and the Nazis. When my friend asked why she was having a go at him, he found out that it was because apparently "Hitler was Australian!"

*Shrugs* At one point back in high school I was getting very pissed off and frustrated at someone in a political debate. He wasn't the smartest person in the world either and he got very angry easily which made me angry too. And I ended up losing my cool and screaming at him "Are you ignorant or just apathetic!?" and the response, in a totally serious way, was "I don't know and I don't care! -Listen!-"

Reminds me of a "friend" in high school who accused me of being a communist.

Me: I'm an agnoistic.
Friend: So you're a communist?!
Me: huh?
Friend: Well you don't believe in God. Communists don't believe in gGod. So that makes you a communist, right?
Me: :confused:

Friend: Well you don't believe in God. Communists don't believe in gGod. So that makes you a communist, right?We have politicians like that.
1) Something must be DONE!
2) This plan is something.
3) Therefore, this plan is what we must do.

I had a student in a Nursing based health class say "I understand whole milk but not the other ones. Like 2% milk, if only 2% of the jug is milk what is the rest of the stuff in there?" Obviously he didn't understand whole milk either.

Not something that happened to me personally, but something that happened to a friend of mine. Which is good, because I would have strangled the kid in the following story.

Anyways, apparantly some 14 year old came up to my friend and told him, "Hey, did you hear about the new band called Metallica? They got this awesome CD out called St. Anger!"

And this was just less than a year ago...

Yup, I woulda strangled that kid... So ignorant.

Not something that happened to me personally, but something that happened to a friend of mine. Which is good, because I would have strangled him.

Anyways, apparantly some 14 year old came up to him and said, "Hey, did you hear about the new band called Metallica? They got this awesome CD out called St. Anger!"

Yup, I woulda strangled that kid... So ignorant.

Agreed. Sommat similar happened to me on a coach trip. I was chatting with my mates and some schoolgirl goes to her friend "Have you heard the Peppers latest album?"

The album in question "By The Way" had been out for a year at least prior to that incident. I started saying very loudly so they could hear how I "hated people who latch onto things late i.e. by buying music albums a year after they were released and saying they're new." The girls in question got off at the next stop. :p

Also, until a few years ago nobody in Britain had heard of the Chillis unless they'd seen the Simpsons episode "Krusty gets Kancelled". It annoys me how suddenly they've become popular despite being around for a good few years. :mad:

A supervisor I once had called me into his office and he says,

"Oh, I know. You think I'm paranoid, don't you?"

Agreed. Sommat similar happened to me on a coach trip. I was chatting with my mates and some schoolgirl goes to her friend "Have you heard the Peppers latest album?"

The album in question "By The Way" had been out for a year at least prior to that incident. I started saying very loudly so they could hear how I "hated people who latch onto things late i.e. by buying music albums a year after they were released and saying they're new." The girls in question got off at the next stop. :p

Also, until a few years ago nobody in Britain had heard of the Chillis unless they'd seen the Simpsons episode "Krusty gets Kancelled". It annoys me how suddenly they've become popular despite being around for a good few years. :mad:


I happen to agree … and specially when radio stations like 6 months after the cd has been released are like “and the new song from …” specially when they have been playing a single off that same cd for the last 6 months

Its like “dude you have been playing a song that is the same age! Why is this one new and the other one not”

Agreed. Sommat similar happened to me on a coach trip. I was chatting with my mates and some schoolgirl goes to her friend "Have you heard the Peppers latest album?"

The album in question "By The Way" had been out for a year at least prior to that incident. I started saying very loudly so they could hear how I "hated people who latch onto things late i.e. by buying music albums a year after they were released and saying they're new." The girls in question got off at the next stop. :p

Also, until a few years ago nobody in Britain had heard of the Chillis unless they'd seen the Simpsons episode "Krusty gets Kancelled". It annoys me how suddenly they've become popular despite being around for a good few years. :mad:

No, we really have had the Chilles here (England) for years now...

+ the best quotes aren't ever from sober people. Then you get stuff like
"the floor's all slopey."
"the ceiling spells out the number one"
"hey they're so dumb they're wearing matching jumpers. . .oh, they're cops"
and (when watching a video) "Oh no! He's going to shoot her! Go save her! You're not saving her, *kick* go save her!"

I was talking to a freind and said how I was very slightly Jewish (I had a Jewish great-great grandfather/mother or something). When another friend came up with "I'm half protestant and half catholic."

No, we really have had the Chilles here (England) for years now...

+ the best quotes aren't ever from sober people. Then you get stuff like
"the floor's all slopey."
"the ceiling spells out the number one"
"hey they're so dumb they're wearing matching jumpers. . .oh, they're cops"
and (when watching a video) "Oh no! He's going to shoot her! Go save her! You're not saving her, *kick* go save her!"

I know we have (I'm British too). I've been a fan for donkeys. It's just they've only become popular in England recently.

Ironically enough, I heard this as I was reading this:

"Hey, you're that....girl's friend. Wassup?"

During a discussion in high school biology, a girl raised her hand and asked the following question: "If bleach kills AIDS, why don't people with AIDS drink bleach?"

I proceeded to laugh my ass off. Unfortunatley this girl was in the top five for GPA.

"If it wasn't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college"

I was 12 or 13. The teacher was handing out brochures on human sexuality, about changes that are starting to affect our bodies. Or will be pretty soon anyway. When she came to my desk she smiled and said "I'm out of the ones with an apple but here you go!" and handed me the one with a pear.
The ones with an apple were meant for the boys. But we (the boys) found the ones with a pear much more interesting. "My breasts are growing. Is it wrong?" :D


So in essence this just happened to you.

"Tom Delay is good for America."

Not something that happened to me personally, but something that happened to a friend of mine. Which is good, because I would have strangled the kid in the following story.

Anyways, apparantly some 14 year old came up to my friend and told him, "Hey, did you hear about the new band called Metallica? They got this awesome CD out called St. Anger!"

And this was just less than a year ago...

Yup, I woulda strangled that kid... So ignorant.

The same thing happened around here when Thrice made their new cd. I had people talking about "this new band called Thrice, you gotta listen to them!"

I wanted to hurt them >_<

Okay, humiliating memories time. I was incredibly bored and had nothing to do, so I was hanging out with my sister. In defense of the following exchange, I will say that extreme boredom incapicates my intelligence.

Me (waving napkin in front of her face): You are memorized by the napkin.... you are memorized....

Her: The word you're looking for is mesmerized, deadhead, mesmerized.

Me: Big deal, forgot the Z. I was close.

Her: It's an S, dumbass, an S.

Me:....

So that's how I spend my weekends in a house with no internet. :)

"What time do the Midnight Movies start?"

I'm amazed at how often that one pops up.
I used to work at a theater box office and frequently heard something to the effect of "what time is the 8'o Clock show.
or, "the Little Mermaid, is that ok for children?"

I used to work at a supermarket and while I was putting milk on the shelf someone walked up to me and asked "where is the milk?"
At the same supermarket someone complained that we didn't have the milk he wanted. I told him it wasn't off the truck yet, but should be out in about 10 minutes. When he got impatient he growled "I'm gonna have your job for this." I got him an application.

My wife codes tax forms at the IRS. Occaisionally the line "occupation" will have something in it like "drug dealing" or "proceeds from criminal activity."
Most recently she got one that listed the job as "people give me their children and I sell them."

a couple...

when i was in america in february, i got asked, "where are you from?", "Belfast, Northern Ireland" "oh, cool, how long did it take you guys to drive here" i walked away. another was when someone (also in America) told me there was no difference between Northern Ireland and the Republic because "neither have snakes"

when i was in Romania in the summer, one of the people i was with was going to buy some dope from some romanians wed met. he then asked "do you reckon we can take it home" what made it even funnier was that he kept asking "what? what?" when we pissed ourselves laughing.

"If it wasn't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college"
I watch Louis Black too, good comedian.
My wife and I make the Horse Joke often, you must be one the people we have done it to, or you just decided to rip off one of the most aired Comedy Central Comics there is.



I was working a K-Mart when I was 19, in Housewares.

Customer: I am looking for a Shower Curtain Rod?
Me: over here---we walk to the aisle.
Customer: No I have looked here.
Me: /Reaching Down and lifting a curtain Rod/ RIght here sir.
Customer: No not those.
Me: You said a Shower Curtain rod right?
Customer:Yes, but that is far to short.
Me: I know, it gets longer-it extends to the correct length.
Customer: I know, I need a tension rod-that's the kind I need.
Me:/points to label which reads"Tension Rod"--You mean like the one I am showing you.
Customer: No!! I need a Shower Curtain Rod-the tension kind.
Me:Like the one in my hand-and the dozen at my feet.
Customer:I am getting your manager you are rude..::Stomps off::..
I stood there for a moment trying to analyze how I missed what had just occured.

I will go with my wife to the dollarstore then continuely bother her by asking what the price of an Item is.

I knew these 2 kids who were playing a game, acting out twins from a soap opera.
Kid 1: I'm 24, I live my own life, I can do what I want!
Kid 2: So what? I'm 100!

*

This one's from my own sister:
"A little bit of pain never hurt anyone!"
Thank God she was joking. ;)

its real fun to go to a gas station and watch someone pump gas
then you ask if they would like to take a loan out to help pay for the gas

"I heard a new version of American Woman by the Guess Who. The original version by Lenny Kravitz was much better."

Now which is better can be argued as it is a matter of taste. But when did a song done in the 70's was copied from the original made in the 90's?

i hate it when people remake songs that suck more than the originals

sry just had to say tht

I heard two people discussion parts of speech, for whatever reason.

Person 1: OK, adjectives describe nouns, and adverbs describe actions. That's pretty much all there is, right?

Person 2: No, you're forgetting proverbs. What do they do?

Person 1: (after thinking) They must describe pronouns.

The pain...hurts so much...

wow ok tht was really random

i once said someone had a brain the size of a small dead hamster

he said "ha you're wrong, my brain doesn't have fur"

(sound of me climbing a stepladder, a noose tightening, then the ladder falling to the ground)

hahahahahahahahaha
i think mine does cuz it tickles my thought sometimes

This is another one from the computer Help Desk I work at. I swear, we get some of the most ignorant people ever. My top 5.

"Which one is the left click?"

"Can you transfer me to Pizza Hut?"

"My computer won't get on the Internet!"
"Do you have the cord plugged in?"
*Click*

"How do I get this thing to do my taxes?"

"My f***ing password won't work!"
"Is your capslock on?"
*Click*

caps lock is really funny when people dont notice its on

Alright, I've got a couple. The first is an exchange between my friend and my roommate, while my roommate was playing this computer game called Freelancer:

friend: What's this?

roommate: It's called freelancer.

friend: Oh. So what do you do? Do you work for an army or something?

roommate: No, you're a FREElancer.

friend: Oh.

Then he sat there watching the game for a couple minutes as my roommate's flying around this asteroid field, with stars all around and a planet nearby, and my friend says, perfectly seriously, "Are you in space?"

The other one happened when I was smoking weed with a few other people. It wasn't very good weed, so I didn't feel that high. Then my sister's fiancee comes up with this little bit of wisdom:

"You know how, when you get stoned, your eyes glaze over? It's cool, cuz, like, everything is glazed. So when you look around... everything is glazed!"

Then this other guy who was there says, "So if I gave you a donut, it would be a glazed donut?"

"Yeah!"

I was about to say, "Dude, you're a dumbass. There's no WAY you're that stoned. Stop being a retard." That's what I meant to say. It actually came out as about 5 minutes of uncontrollable laughter. Not quite sure who was the stupidest in that situation.

yeah uh stuff like that will happen when ur stoned

A quote from one of my teachers

"You all think I'm as expendable as a human dinosaur"

what in gods name is a human dinosaur