Shalrirorchia
20-10-2004, 20:28
As I watched the last debate the other night between President Bush and John Kerry, I realized I was on the wrong side of the political fence, sitting as I was in my local Democratic Headquarters.
The President's speech was full of rousing, martial themes. The armies of compassion are on the march, he told us! I felt joy enter my heart, especially when I thought of all the assault weapons the army of compassion will have, now that Bush has allowed that icky weapons-ban to die. ONWARD! And bring a bazooka along for the ride.
I was also mightily impressed at Bush's promises of health care, once we get those damn trial lawyers under control. Yessir, once we take away your right to sue, everything will be just PEACHY! You will have all the healthcare you need. Premiums will go down. Quality will go up. And I will sprout wings out the back of my head and fly around the ceiling distributing candy that adds years to your life!
And the President's foreign policy is just breathtaking! To borrow a phrase from the Daily Show's Colbert, we've discovered that anyone who is on the receiving end of a good ol'fashioned U.S. -ss stomping eventually becomes our friend. Who would Jesus bomb? EVERYONE! Don't forget France...remember Fox's Bill O'Reilly told us that France is the enemy too. A few bombs and maybe we'll even convince them to stop eating all those snails! Hell, if -I- ate snails, I'd be begging for U.S. bombs to just ROCK me back to my senses! I am happy to bring you Bush's magnifcient war schedule for the next four years:
2005- Syria, Iran, Lebanon
2006- Libya, Saudia Arabia, France
2007- Canada, Japan, and those damn Scandinavians
2008- California, New York, Michigan, and Illinois
And the Bush economic plan is divinely inspired. No joke, the President has a hotline STRAIGHT to God in the Oval Office. It's sitting next to the line to Moscow. Thanks to the power of the Almighty, Republicans can magically know what the intents of the Founding Fathers are, even though they've been dead for a couple of hundred years.
I'm glad the Bush campaign cured me of my filthy liberal ideas. Now I can be a normal, patriotic American! Cause as we all know, only REPUBLICANS are Americans. Or real people, for that matter.
The President's speech was full of rousing, martial themes. The armies of compassion are on the march, he told us! I felt joy enter my heart, especially when I thought of all the assault weapons the army of compassion will have, now that Bush has allowed that icky weapons-ban to die. ONWARD! And bring a bazooka along for the ride.
I was also mightily impressed at Bush's promises of health care, once we get those damn trial lawyers under control. Yessir, once we take away your right to sue, everything will be just PEACHY! You will have all the healthcare you need. Premiums will go down. Quality will go up. And I will sprout wings out the back of my head and fly around the ceiling distributing candy that adds years to your life!
And the President's foreign policy is just breathtaking! To borrow a phrase from the Daily Show's Colbert, we've discovered that anyone who is on the receiving end of a good ol'fashioned U.S. -ss stomping eventually becomes our friend. Who would Jesus bomb? EVERYONE! Don't forget France...remember Fox's Bill O'Reilly told us that France is the enemy too. A few bombs and maybe we'll even convince them to stop eating all those snails! Hell, if -I- ate snails, I'd be begging for U.S. bombs to just ROCK me back to my senses! I am happy to bring you Bush's magnifcient war schedule for the next four years:
2005- Syria, Iran, Lebanon
2006- Libya, Saudia Arabia, France
2007- Canada, Japan, and those damn Scandinavians
2008- California, New York, Michigan, and Illinois
And the Bush economic plan is divinely inspired. No joke, the President has a hotline STRAIGHT to God in the Oval Office. It's sitting next to the line to Moscow. Thanks to the power of the Almighty, Republicans can magically know what the intents of the Founding Fathers are, even though they've been dead for a couple of hundred years.
I'm glad the Bush campaign cured me of my filthy liberal ideas. Now I can be a normal, patriotic American! Cause as we all know, only REPUBLICANS are Americans. Or real people, for that matter.