NationStates Jolt Archive

I am told that it is very painful for a woman to lose her virginity because a membrane is torn. As a strict pacifist, I couldn't accept the guilt of inflicting pain. It's a major moral dilemma that I've never seen addressed.

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] Modifying the title of the post is not modifying the title of the thread. Also, I think "not for children" will suffice. [/modedit]

do eet! :D

get her drunk first

ok ok if it really bothers you that much, only have sex with non virgins

ok ok ok ok if you are IN LOVE with a virgin and both of you agree that it is immoral to inflict the (potential) pain of deflowering have her doctor surgically remove the problem under anesthetic.

So do things like running and lifting weights. Do you refuse to inflict pain on yourself even when it will make things better in the long run? Or maybe she could just jam something up there and get it out of the way. Would that make it better?

anyone ever have that feeling they have heard something so annoyingly distrubing they want to bang their head on a wall? yeah...

Well, not all girls are born with that part (whatever it's called, I can't remember), so that partially rules out your idea.

Also, some girls masturbate, and so the part that you're talking about may already be torn and gone.


But really, from what I've heard, sex is a little painful at first for most females because they are...hmm...how to say this nicely...too tight?



Anyway, the title of this needs to be edited to include [NC-17] because there is no way to talk about this in a way that is safe for children.

If the guy takes time with the girl and they are both close enough to work through it, the pain doesn't have to be that great. Most girls don't have the hymen anymore by the time they lose their virginity (you can lose the hymen riding a bicycle), but being tight does cause some pain.

Um... without getting too graphic. Make sure everything is moist enough. And go slow. Also, allowing the girl to control things will keep it from being too painful for her. And finally, include a little manual stimulation - this will help keep her mind on the pleasure of the situation.

acutally now that i think it over
you better swear off sex entirely
sex leads to babies
childbirth is way more painful than losing ones virginity

acutally now that i think it over
you better swear off sex entirely
sex leads to babies
childbirth is way more painful than losing ones virginity
Actually, more importantly...

Sex leads to babies leads to little Letila's running around bugging me about anarcho-communism.

...

Letila, she's gonna get hurt no matter what you do. Half the time they got to go to the hospital. Just avoid sex altogether.


(For those of you who didn't catch it, that was entirely sarcastic :p )

But my morality leaves no way to justify inflicting pain for my own benefit.

But my morality leaves no way to justify inflicting pain for my own benefit.

Now you're just being selfish. She is supposed to enjoy it too, you know.

If she wants to do it, then technically she's benefiting as well as you.

Now you're just being selfish. She is supposed to enjoy it too, you know.

But she won't enjoy something painful. I'm not being selfish if I'm sparing people pain. Making her endure pain for my own pleasure would be selfish.

By the way, I was looking for a solution to this moral dilemma, not just mentioning it.

Huh. Guess you'll just have to tell her no, because its against your morals.

Letila, if you become wrapped up in morals every which way, you should just cryofreeze yourself - there's absolutely nothing else you can do

But she won't enjoy something painful. I'm not being selfish if I'm sparing people pain. Making her endure pain for my own pleasure would be selfish.

Ok, now that the not for children rating is on there.

The first guy I ever slept with didn't care. He took the "it's going to hurt the first couple of times anyways so why should I do anything to help" route. And it hurt quite a bit both times we slept together. This is what you should try and avoid.

The second (and last) (and best) guy I have ever slept with was bothered by the fact that it was painful. However, he realized a few things I didn't.

1) Half of the reason it was painful was that I was so tense and scared of it being painful.
2) There are ways to make it so enjoyable that you don't even feel the pain anymore.

If you are really worried about this, all you have to do is be very careful with the girl, make sure she is as relaxed as possible, let her be in control of the movement, provide clitoral stimulation, and stop if she says so. And make sure she is extremely lubricated before trying anything.

But she won't enjoy something painful. I'm not being selfish if I'm sparing people pain. Making her endure pain for my own pleasure would be selfish.

By the way, I was looking for a solution to this moral dilemma, not just mentioning it.
The solution is to not ask for sex. Just take it when it comes, and if she wants to stop because of the pain, then let her.

Well, not all girls are born with that part (whatever it's called, I can't remember)....
It's called the "hymen", as I recall.

Actually, more importantly...

Sex leads to babies leads to little Letila's running around bugging me about anarcho-communism.
Humor aside, childrearing is a very important responsibility. This is slightly off-topic, but should be addressed, Letila. If she accidentally becomes pregnant then (in my moral opinion), you and your mate have the responsibility of raising the child. That's an expensive responsibility.

Getting back on-topic....

But she won't enjoy something painful. I'm not being selfish if I'm sparing people pain.
It's possible that the preliminary pain is unavoidable. In this case, it's up to her to decide if she's willing to try it. If she decides to go through with it, knowing full well what risks that sex entails, then (in my opinion) you are absolved of the responsibility* of causing her momentary pain**; she chose to accept it. First, she's enduring suffering for her own benefit (physical pleasure afterwards and emotional bonding with you), and second, she's enduring suffering for your pleasure because she wants that to be her gift to you.

* Again, this does not absolve you of the responsibility of childrearing if an accidental pregnancy occurs.

** Still, I agree with Dempublicents that she should control the pace. I'd suggest that she remain on top the first time, as this would best allow her to control the pace; she doesn't have your weight pressing on her.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia

The solution is to not ask for sex. Just take it when it comes, and if she wants to stop because of the pain, then let her.

The vast majority of women who understand how painful it will be won't want to, though.

The vast majority of women who understand how painful it will be won't want to, though.

Doubtful. Women want sex too ya know.

What would you do? Would you prevent yourself pleasure because it would hurt the first couple times?

no pain....no gain.....

What would you do? Would you prevent yourself pleasure because it would hurt the first couple times?

Definately.

no pain....no gain.....
There ya go.

Definately.
Letila...it's kind of like riding a bike...

Start off with the training wheels...let her ride on top so that you don't hurt her....

Once she starts getting better, take of the training wheels, get on top, and learn how to ride her properly...

Sure, you're going to fall down the first few times, but you'll eventually get the hang of it. You'll be better at riding bikes and your bike will get better too.


NOTE: I do not mean to turn females into objects, but I couldn't think of a better way to anologize (form of anology?) this for Letila...

But she won't enjoy something painful. I'm not being selfish if I'm sparing people pain. Making her endure pain for my own pleasure would be selfish.

Actually, I kind of like the pain. It enhances the pleasure for me. There's a very fine line between pleasure and pain, you know. :)

To cause as little pain as possible, go with what Dem said: Make sure she's good and wet, go slow, and if she wants to stop, then stop. *shrug* You really can't do any more than that.

Definately.


Ok...so...for example, you would rather never have sex again if it meant getting punched in the face once?

The vast majority of women who understand how painful it will be won't want to, though.
I don't have any statistical information on-hand about this, but I doubt that "vast majority" is accurate. Some women will probably be deterred by this, and some women will not; it'll probably depend upon how strong the emotional bond is. Again, since she's the one who has to endure any pain, it'll be her decision. If she's not willing to endure the pain, then she'll say "No"; if she's willing to endure the pain, then she'll say "Yes".

Although I have little firsthand experience, I would imagine that the strength of a relationship is measureable by how much each partner respects the other partner and how much each is willing to give up (or endure) for the other.

What would you do? Would you prevent yourself pleasure because it would hurt the first couple times?
Definately.
Are you willing to endure pain to yourself for the sake of having sex*?
Is she willing to endure pain to herself for the sake of having sex? Don't assume anything; take the time to explain the facts to her (if she doesn't know, already) and ask her for her opinion. You may be surprised at her response.

If the answer to both questions is "Yes", then each of you is willing to pay your respective price for the sake of gaining something, and you don't have the moral dilemma that you're worried about.

* Admittedly, there is not likely to be any pain for you. I'm glossing over that point.

"Think about it for a moment."

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

Actually, I kind of like the pain. It enhances the pleasure for me. There's a very fine line between pleasure and pain, you know. :)
I don't think Letila is interested in BDSM...or whatever that stuff is called...

Ok...so...for example, you would rather never have sex again if it meant getting punched in the face once?

No way.

Are you willing to endure pain to yourself for the sake of having sex*?
* Admittedly, there is not likely to be any pain for you. I'm glossing over that point.
Actually...apparantly, if a girl is too tight, it can possibly also be painful for the male...

Actually, I kind of like the pain. It enhances the pleasure for me. There's a very fine line between pleasure and pain, you know. :)
I don't think Letila is interested in BDSM...or whatever that stuff is called...
Opal Isle: That is the correct term.

Kaitoupia: Given Letila's concerns, so far, I think it's best if we stayed off of that topic. :p

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

No way.

You have got to be kidding me. A bit of pain for a lifetime of pleasure. You're officially nuts, Letila.

I am told that it is very painful for a woman to lose her virginity because a membrane is torn. As a strict pacifist, I couldn't accept the guilt of inflicting pain. It's a major moral dilemma that I've never seen addressed.

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] Modifying the title of the post is not modifying the title of the thread. Also, I think "not for children" will suffice. [/modedit]
It can hurt, however its not always the case. I know of women who say that their first time was not unpleasent. The pain can be overridden simply by larger amounts of pleasure, as was their experience.

Its also possible for the hymen to be broken prior to any sexual contact, through many kinds of sporting activity, masturbation or even using tampons. This isn't uncommon, and I'd imagine might well make sex less painful.

You have got to be kidding me. A bit of pain for a lifetime of pleasure. You're officially nuts, Letila.

More like a great deal of extreme agony. Also, I may be very compassionate, but I'm not the bravest person alive.

I don't think Letila is interested in BDSM...or whatever that stuff is called...

It's not BDSM. How many times have you or your SO accidentally bitten or scratched each other while in the act? Or gone a little too fast, but not so fast you want to stop? The pain melts into pleasure very quickly.

Also, BDSM is where a dominant person uses pain to bring about a pleasureable reaction in the sumissive person. It can be as simple as tying them up and spanking them lightly or as serious as piercing or tattooing while in bondage. The dominant person will sometimes "get off" to the pain the submissive is in. Very big difference from first-time intercourse.

But my morality leaves no way to justify inflicting pain for my own benefit.Egads! Regressive stereotypes... timewarp 1955.

Its for her benefit too. If she's aware that pain may be a part of it and is willing to go along, you'd be wrong to refuse out of a misguided sense of protecting her.

Kaitoupia: Given Letila's concerns, so far, I think it's best if we stayed off of that topic. :p

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

Just posted regarding the differences, sir/ma'am. I'm not into BDSM, but it's best to be informed. *salutes* ;)

More like a great deal of extreme agony.

I can assure you that, unless the guy is huge and purposely trying to hurt her, it isn't "a great deal of extreme agony."

But she won't enjoy something painful. I'm not being selfish if I'm sparing people pain. Making her endure pain for my own pleasure would be selfish.

By the way, I was looking for a solution to this moral dilemma, not just mentioning it.
Unless she's planning to stay celibate forever, then its gotta happen sooner or later. If its with you, then at least you know that you'll be doing your best to make it as non-painful as possible, as opposed to another guy who might not give a shit.

I can assure you that, unless the guy is huge and purposely trying to hurt her, it isn't "a great deal of extreme agony."

I used to know a girl who's idea of foreplay was slugging me in the face. Luckily she was only about 100 lbs. Different strokes I guess...but it was worth it.

Unless she's planning to stay celibate forever, then its gotta happen sooner or later. If its with you, then at least you know that you'll be doing your best to make it as non-painful as possible, as opposed to another guy who might not give a shit.

I know, but I just don't think I could do it without imagining how I would feel in her place.

dude...pain for pleasure...it will hurt her in the short run but shell love it in the long run and she maynot even have the "membrane". like someone said it can be torn riding a bicycle. jus bring it up slow. lub alot and maybe use ur fingers first till she gets used to it. its like a cavity. it could hurt gettin rid of it for short tim, but it will feel better and will be worth it. and if ur conseince is bother in u...get married so u have nothin to worry about ^_^

Also, BDSM is where a dominant person uses pain to bring about a pleasureable reaction in the sumissive person. It can be as simple as tying them up and spanking them lightly or as serious as piercing or tattooing while in bondage. The dominant person will sometimes "get off" to the pain the submissive is in. Very big difference from first-time intercourse.

Not all people in the BDSM lifestyle are into pain. A lot of them get the kick out of contorting another's emotional and physical response. The whole lifestyle is somewhat complicated and entirely off the subject.

Letila.
Have you thought of trying oral sex for starters and working your way to intercourse?

I know, but I just don't think I could do it without imagining how I would feel in her place.

Well, if you want to go for the reciprocal experience thing, you could let her lube up a latex glove and stick a finger up your rectum. But that is only if you really want to do it.

Seriously, it really doesn't hurt that bad. Unless you're amazingly well-endowed and your penis is as big around as a Coke can. In which case, I would recommend lots of lube.

The previous statement was a joke. I hope it makes you laugh, as you need to relax some in order to enjoy the sex. ^.~

Letila.
Have you thought of trying oral sex for starters and working your way to intercourse?

How will that make intercourse less painful?

The problem is that I simply can't deal with the guilt of inflicting pain.

Well, if you want to go for the reciprocal experience thing, you could let her lube up a latex glove and stick a finger up your rectum. But that is only if you really want to do it.

Actually, having a finger chopped off sounds closer to it.

Alright Letila, if you want my honest opinion, I don't think that this has anything to do with the pain that you're worried about causing her. I think that what's going on is that you're nervous about this, as you rightly should be, and you're looking either for a rationalised reason for your trepidation or a way to back out of this altogether. Either way, something bigger than what you're talking about here is going on, and no matter how many "painless first time" sites and sex FAQs we send you to, its not gonna make a blind bit of difference. I'd suggest that you try and build up your confidence/ resolve a bit, or talk to the gal in question about what it is that she likes/wants/needs from you to feel comfortable about it.

Not all people in the BDSM lifestyle are into pain. A lot of them get the kick out of contorting another's emotional and physical response. The whole lifestyle is somewhat complicated and entirely off the subject.

Yes, yes it is, and I apologize for being off-subject.

How will that make intercourse less painful?

The problem is that I simply can't deal with the guilt of inflicting pain.
Well, as someone said before on this thread, a lot of the pain is tension and fear. If she's looking forward to it, then its not gonna hurt as much. Reverse placebo effect kindof thing.

I honestly think that you are way too wrapped up in morals, Letila.

Then again I think you mentined you are like 2 yrs older than me so how should I know?

Actually, having a finger chopped off sounds closer to it.
Erm, what article is it that you've been reading?

Erm, what article is it that you've been reading?

None, but that is what I've heard.

Well, as someone said before on this thread, a lot of the pain is tension and fear. If she's looking forward to it, then its not gonna hurt as much. Reverse placebo effect kindof thing.

If she realizes just how painful it will be, she won't look forward to it, though.

Yes, yes it is, and I apologize for being off-subject.
Oh! I'm not being mean and yelling! Wasn't trying to lecture like that. I was more or less excusing myself for not going on more.

None, but that is what I've heard.
In that case, I STRONGLY recommend that you look at some credible experience. Painful I have heard, having a finger chopped off, I don't think so.

In that case, I STRONGLY recommend that you look at some credible experience. Painful I have heard, having a finger chopped off, I don't think so.

Then what is the pain comparable to?

If she realizes just how painful it will be, she won't look forward to it, though.
Right, so you go gently, let her know how it can end when it ends well, and if she can't handle it, stop for a bit and try again some other time.

It doesn't have to be painful, its not as painful as I you seem to think it will be, and there are things you can do to make sure that she's as comfortable and in control as possible. Is there still a problem?

Here we go

http://www.avert.org/firsttime2.htm

Will it hurt?

Many girls worry that it will hurt when they have sex for the first time. It can hurt, but often not a lot, and some girls do bleed a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse.

"I didn't 'Get Off' and it hurt really bad doing it. Honestly, I never thought it would feel that painful."

". . .But my first time felt so good. SHOCKING!"

The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of the vagina and protects it when she is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl might already having broken her hymen without knowing about it - this can happen as a result of playing sports or horse riding.

Sex the first time shouldn't hurt for a boy, but he can make it easier for his partner by being gentle and taking it slowly - try to make it special for you both.

"What was it like? - Well it's difficult to describe because I'd never felt anything like it before really. I'd had orgasms through masturbation before, but sharing yourself with someone you love and respect was really good. It brought us closer together."

Oh! I'm not being mean and yelling! Wasn't trying to lecture like that. I was more or less excusing myself for not going on more.

Oh, no, you weren't yelling, but it was off-topic, and I think the idea of a lifestyle where people inflict pain on each other for any reason would probably scare/turn off Letila even more to the subject of sex than anything else has yet. ^^() And since sex is just that great, I really don't want him to miss out on such a wonderful experience.


Actually, having a finger chopped off sounds closer to it.

The hymen breaking or the finger in the sphincter?

The hymen breaking or the finger in the sphincter?

The hymen breaking.

JESUS H. CHRIST! This is worse then arguing with Letila about anarcho-communism.

The hymen breaking.
Really, I've read quite a bit of stuff, I've never heard of it being remotely that bad. Words like "discomfort" come up far more frequently than "agony".

The hymen breaking.

No, seriously. Gravely, even. Unless her hymen is extremely thick, which is very unusual, there will be a small amount of pain and discomfort. You could also ask if she uses tampons (if you haven't been sent to the store for them already ;) ), and if you know she rides a bicycle or horses or does any of the other things that have been listed as causing erosion or removal of the hymen already, in any combination. Especially in combination; that means there's a much greater chance that you won't cause her any discomfort at all.

She might even know if she still has her hymen or not; the question's embarassing, to be sure, but since it's going to get broken sooner or later, her embarassment over the question might be worth your guilt over causing her pain. And if you explain yourself properly before you ask, you lessen your chances of getting slapped. ;)

And yes, I am teasing you a little. Teasing you truthfully, but teasing nontheless. Sex should be fun and occaisionally funny. It makes it more enjoyable. :D

http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm

From page 2:

It appears that in order to persuade young women not to engage in sex and intercourse our society has employed scare tactics. Society has tried to make teens fearful of their first experience by leading them to believe it will be painful and bloody. If you know it will be so, you are less likely to do it, or so some believe; the powerful influence of sexual desire is often overlooked. While a woman's first experience with intercourse can involve some pain and bleeding, it is not as bad as we are often led to believe. While most women do experience some pain or discomfort, it is rarely extremely so. In any event, pain is an indication that something is wrong.

About fifty percent of women experience some bleeding the first time, or the first couple times, they have intercourse. The cause of this bleeding is usually the tearing of their hymen. Sometimes, the vaginal wall or vulva can be injured and this too can result in some bleeding. There is usually very little bleeding, a tablespoon or less (In comparison, about four tablespoons of blood are lost during each menstrual period.) On rare occasions, there can be a lot, but this is the exception and women should not expect this to happen to them. There may appear to be more blood loss than there actually is as the blood will mix with the vaginal lubrication and sweat that are present.
(emphasis mine)

You of all people should be able to understand how society manipulates people's perceptions of sex and sexuality.

From the same site:

Preparing the Vagina for Intercourse

The way to avoid pain and bleeding is to slowly and gently stretch the hymen and vagina prior to engaging in intercourse. It seems if the normal course of sexual development occurs, the hymen would be slowly and painlessly dilated long before intercourse occurred for the first time. A woman can do this herself using her fingers. Lubricate your finger with a water based lubricant or saliva and then slowly and gently insert it into your vagina while masturbating. You must be sexually aroused when you do this. Use one hand to caress your clitoris while the other explores your vagina. In the beginning, only the tip of your finger may enter. With your finger or fingertip inside your vagina, gently press your finger outward from the center of your vagina. Imagine your vagina is at the center of a clock face and gently press your finger towards each number on the clock face. Press until you feel some resistance, but not so much that you feel pain, for a couple seconds, then repeat pressing in a new direction. Work your way around the clock face. This stretches the hymen and muscles. Over time, slowly work your way up to three fingers, or an object of equivalent size. Some will find they can do this without difficulty within a week or less, others will require several months. It all depends on how elastic your hymen is and how relaxed and flexible your pelvic and vaginal muscles are.

And again:Why does it Hurt?

There can be several factors that can combine to make not only the first time but also the first few times painful or uncomfortable. Women who have not engaged in intercourse for an extended period of time may find themselves in the same situation. The potential causes for pain and discomfort are listed below. They are not presented in hopes of persuading women not to explore intercourse, but rather to better prepare them for it. I receive many e-mails asking, "Why did it hurt?" or "Why does it still hurt?"

Nervous Tension: While not necessarily a major factor, a young woman may be apprehensive or even fearful of intercourse and as a result her muscles constrict. This as a natural defensive mechanism intended to protect our body from injury. A woman may be concerned about how much pain she will experience or she may not be fully prepared for intercourse emotionally. She may also fear becoming pregnant. Other factors that contribute to nervous tension are fear of being caught or found out about by parents, or friends if a girl's peers are not sexually active. Often, youthful enthusiasm and a strong sex drive overcome these feelings.

If a young woman finds herself all tensed up, or if her partner notices that she is, this is an indication she is not ready to have intercourse. If a woman is lying there motionless with her hands and teeth clenched, she is extremely tense. Ideally, she should be as relaxed as a bowl of Jell-O. If a woman is tense, intercourse should not be attempted. The couple should discuss and figure out what is making her feel this way. Efforts should be taken to resolve these issues. Some cannot be resolved easily and intercourse may need to be postponed, perhaps for an extended period of time.

Talk to her about it. ;)

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Sensible advice

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Hear, hear!

i can do it, well her..

there, problem solved :)

i can do it, well her..

there, problem solved :)

:headbang:

I know, but I just don't think I could do it without imagining how I would feel in her place.

you CANT know how you would feel in her place so it should be up to her

the pain isnt that bad although it does vary from woman to woman. ive never personally had any woman tell me a horror story about her first time.

its more a factor of the quality of her lover's technique. since teen girls most often have their experience with teen boys, and teen boys, especially virgin boys, dont know much about sexual technique

for most teens its "do it quick before my parents get home". if you find a private place where you can really take your time. and GO SLOWLY, use FOREPLAY (which is all the kissing, hugging, touching, caressing, etc, that goes on before you get to the intercourse part) and make sure that she knows that you will back off if she asks you to, then she'll end up feeling so amazingly good that any pain will be meaningless compared to the orgasm she will have before the end

oh yeah, and that means you have to learn to control your OWN response to the point where you can last as long as she needs you to in order to reach her own climax

dont mistake what you see in pornography for what real men and women do in bed. its really not a good educational tool. before the time comes you might want to check out some sex manuals like "the joy of sex" just to get an idea of what you are really gonna find under your girl's clothing and in bed.

More like a great deal of extreme agony. Also, I may be very compassionate, but I'm not the bravest person alive.

Letila, buddy, no offense, but the world is going to eat you alive.

To quote the great Samuel L. Jackson ...

Smack her in the mouth and shout, "Pop goes the weasel!"

Send her to me and I'll get her ready for you.

I am told that it is very painful for a woman to lose her virginity because a membrane is torn.

That membrane is called a hymen, and it can be broken by riding your bike when you're four. By reproductive age it's definitely gone, especially if the girl in question masturbates. If losing virginity hurts, it has nothing to do with the hymen and isn't anyone's fault, least of all the guy, unless it's a rape or something. Which doesn't mesh with your character or your post. So quit worrying and screw if you both want to.

Send her to me and I'll get her ready for you.
Roffle my felloffle...

I As a strict pacifist, I couldn't accept the guilt of inflicting pain. It's a major moral dilemma that I've never seen addressed.


Stop posting then. It's very painful.

Stop posting then. It's very painful.

And that's just flaming, so please refrain from making rude comments when we're trying to have a serious discussion.

Have a nice day. :)

I am told that it is very painful for a woman to lose her virginity because a membrane is torn. As a strict pacifist, I couldn't accept the guilt of inflicting pain. It's a major moral dilemma that I've never seen addressed.


I wonder how dentists get through their days.

my first time didn't hurt.

if she's been horseback riding or bike riding or engaged in vigorous exercise, chances are her hymen's already broken.

if you're really worried about it, take her out to a ranch and play on the horsies for a while.

I am told that it is very painful for a woman to lose her virginity because a membrane is torn. As a strict pacifist, I couldn't accept the guilt of inflicting pain. It's a major moral dilemma that I've never seen addressed.




I wonder if anyone can provide a link to either a point or question authored by Letila that has any relevance to anything in the real world.

my first time didn't hurt.

if she's been horseback riding or bike riding or engaged in vigorous exercise, chances are her hymen's already broken.

if you're really worried about it, take her out to a ranch and play on the horsies for a while.


There is play and “play” with horsies … but in that case deffinatly wont have a problem with you :-D

There is play and “play” with horsies … but in that case deffinatly wont have a problem with you :-D

:confused:

:eek:

*headasplode*

Thank you for that delightful mental image. Now I must go wash my brain out with Clorox.

:headbang:

But my morality leaves no way to justify inflicting pain for my own benefit.
Does that include walking on grass? Do it often enough and you **shudder** KILL IT!

Eating plant life KILLS IT!

Picking flowers KILLS THEM!

One must adjust from absolute extremes or one must die. But then that principled death also causes pain to those who care for them.

In short, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Choose a different limit.

Letila, if you become wrapped up in morals every which way, you should just cryofreeze yourself - there's absolutely nothing else you can do
That too would cause pain to those who want/need Letila now.

There is play and “play” with horsies … but in that case deffinatly wont have a problem with you :-D
what?

i meant put a saddle on the horse's back, sit on top of the saddle and ride the damn thing on a trail. if you mean that i won't have a problem with that, then you're right, i've ridden horses since i was 7, granted not on a regular basis.

if however, you are insinuating something else... then *slaps* *kicks in groin* pervert. at least we all know how you get your jollies.

Just posted regarding the differences, sir/ma'am. I'm not into BDSM, but it's best to be informed. *salutes* ;)
Noted. :)

Alright Letila, if you want my honest opinion, I don't think that this has anything to do with the pain that you're worried about causing her. I think that what's going on is that you're nervous about this, as you rightly should be, and you're looking either for a rationalised reason for your trepidation or a way to back out of this altogether. Either way, something bigger than what you're talking about here is going on, and no matter how many "painless first time" sites and sex FAQs we send you to, its not gonna make a blind bit of difference. I'd suggest that you try and build up your confidence/ resolve a bit, or talk to the gal in question about what it is that she likes/wants/needs from you to feel comfortable about it.
I don't want to provoke you, Letila, but Spoffin is making sense, here. Is there something else that's really bothering you? You don't have to tell us if you don't want to, but at the very least, you should identify it in your own mind. If you don't feel comfortable about it, then "I'm not ready" is a perfectly good and valid reason not to have sex; nobody can (legitimately) force anybody else to have sex.

I'll retierate what others have said and assert that sex is supposed to be fun. You're supposed to enjoy it (in my opinion; I'm not going to debate sex and morality too deeply, here).

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia

...

Stop posting then. It's very painful.
And that's just flaming, so please refrain from making rude comments when we're trying to have a serious discussion.

Have a nice day. :)
"Trolling". When someone is posting something merely to provoke an emotional reaction, it's called "trolling". "Flaming" is when you're throwing personal abuse (includes, but isn't limited to, directed insults) at other Players.

DeaconDave: I strongly recommend that you refrain from trolling.

Kaitoupia: An unsincere "Have a nice day." could be interpreted as flamebait. Not an official warning, just a friendly piece of advice: Don't taunt other Players.

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator

...

:confused:

:eek:

*headasplode*

Thank you for that delightful mental image. Now I must go wash my brain out with Clorox.

:headbang:
I can bainwash you. :D

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

what?

i meant put a saddle on the horse's back, sit on top of the saddle and ride the damn thing on a trail. if you mean that i won't have a problem with that, then you're right, i've ridden horses since i was 7, granted not on a regular basis.

if however, you are insinuating something else... then *slaps* *kicks in groin* pervert. at least we all know how you get your jollies.


Lol was not making a joke on how choose to play with a horse … because you made it clear that the side effect of your normal riding habits happen to be this

I was making fun of the alternate meaning of play as applied to the recommendation that she do it. Specifically because in this case either definition of play would work to get rid of the little hymen problem

"Trolling". When someone is posting something merely to provoke an emotional reaction, it's called "trolling". "Flaming" is when you're throwing personal abuse (includes, but isn't limited to, directed insults) at other Players.

Kaitoupia: An unsincere "Have a nice day." could be interpreted as flamebait. Not an official warning, just a friendly piece of advice: Don't taunt other Players.

I can bainwash you. :D

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

Thank you for the clarification... I tend to just percieve attitude when it comes to stuff like that.

Yessir. *nod* But I really do hope he has a nice day... that means my wish worked, and I can use future ones for world domination. XD

No, thank you. I think the political threads already are. *wry grin*

More like a great deal of extreme agony. Also, I may be very compassionate, but I'm not the bravest person alive.
Whatever pain it is, it is surely not extreme agony. You have been given great advice here and you seem to be an extremely caring person. I would encourage you to be less afraid, follow the advice given, especially Cogitation's, and remember one thing. It is a natural transition. The possible discomfort initially experienced will be nothing compared to the wonder that lays ahead of you and your partner. She is very fortunate to have such a caring person.

If a virgin ASKS you to deflower her, you’re morally obligated to do it. I think that’s in the U.S. constitution somewhere.

Now you're just being selfish. She is supposed to enjoy it too, you know.Amen, and can I get a hallelujah from the choir! It's been quite a few years since I've had to consider something like this but there was a time......

Suffice to say that conversations with partners post coitum revealed that there was not much pain, and some enjoyment (which increased upon subsequent incidents). But from what I've heard from others, it all depends upon the circumstances and consideration of your partner.

So Letila, if you and your partner are truly ready, the burden is upon you. Inflicting pain is not unavoidable, but you have to be gentle, patient and empathetic to your partner. Remember that intercourse is not the whole of lovemaking and don't rush her, most of the unpleasant stories I've heard were from women who were pressured into the act. The most guilt free memory I have of such an incident, I was not the instigator of the act and we took a long time working up to the big moment. If the pressure isn't too overwelming already, remember that the first time may very well shape her attitude torwards sex for the rest of her life, so think before you act.

I agree with "THE LOST PLANET"; take it slow. Kiss, cuddle, stroke her ribs, let her squeeze your butt. Even if you never get around to actually having sex, the foreplay alone could be quite enjoyable (or so I've heard; again, I have no firsthand experience).

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

...

If a virgin ASKS you to deflower her, you’re morally obligated to do it. I think that’s in the U.S. constitution somewhere.
First: Putting it in the Constitution would make it a legal obligation, not a moral obligation. :p

Second:
You (http://www.house.gov/Constitution/Constitution.html) Wish (http://www.house.gov/Constitution/Amend.html). :p

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester