NationStates Jolt Archive

it's all too easy to say that gay people choose to be gay, but was there ever a moment in your life where you chose who you were attracted to?

note that sexual orientation is not related to actions of a sexual nature, but attractions of a sexual nature.

i would be very interested in hearing from people who chose their orientation... who say down one day and said "you know, i'm only going to be attracted to the same/opposite sex" or who sat down and said "you know, i feel like i'm going to be atracted to both genders"

No... I'm a natural

I never chose to be straight.

I was born that way.

I could never "choose" to be gay either.

I am attracted to...what I am attracted to.

I laughed at someone who suggested this was the case.

Choosing sexual orientation would be like choosing who we find attractive. But yet we generally agree on these things. So there is no way you chose. I was born straight and I have to live with going for taken girls time after time....

Yep I chose to be straight! :D

Nope, didn't choose. And if I had had the choice, at the time, I certainly would've decided to take the easy way out and turn out straight like 90% of the population. However, faced with a similar choice today, I admit I'd stay just the same as I am.

You don't get to choose who you're attracted to, but you do get to choose whether you deny that attraction and live an unfulfilled life, or embrace it and fight your wayt through to find happiness.

Yep I chose to be straight! :D

since i specifically asked if those who claim to have chosen their sexual orientation could elaborate...

unless this is a joke, which it seems to be.

No - being a guy and liking girls just kinda came naturally to me

I will say though, bisexuals probably seem to be able to choose their sexual orientation, by pursuing one desire moreso than another.

If you actually chose your sexual orientation, I would say you are bisexual by default.

I chose to be straight, I guess. I'm quite naturally attracted to women, but I think I could "be gay" if I really wanted to. We have some control over our attractions. I really don't think sexual orientation or attraction must either be a matter of concious choice or genetics. It's much more complicated than that. Consider middle aged men who are attracted to prepubescent boys.

since i specifically asked if those who claim to have chosen their sexual orientation could elaborate...

unless this is a joke, which it seems to be.

Well you see, I find women more attractive than men. I would rather be swimming in a sea of women than a sea of men. Also there was that time when I was 10 and I discovered boobs.

I chose to be straight, I guess. I'm quite naturally attracted to women, but I think I could "be gay" if I really wanted to. We have some control over our attractions. I really don't think sexual orientation or attraction must either be a matter of concious choice or genetics. It's much more complicated than that. Consider middle aged men who are attracted to prepubescent boys.

so when did you choose to be attracted to women rather than men? what makes you think you could be genuinely attracted to men?

also, isn't it the case with pedophiles that they were usually sexually abused as children?

Well you see, I find women more attractive than men. I would rather be swimming in a sea of women than a sea of men. Also there was that time when I was 10 and I discovered boobs.

so are you somewhat attracted to men?

or are you and have you only ever been attracted to women?

also, isn't it the case with pedophiles that they were usually sexually abused as children?
*cough* Prejudgist *cough*

of course I chose!Whe I was born,the doctors asked me weither I wanted to screw guys or girls,first thing!Just like everyone else.That happened to you guys,right?

No, I chose my Sexual preference.

of course I chose!Whe I was born,the doctors asked me weither I wanted to screw guys or girls,first thing!Just like everyone else.That happened to you guys,right?
Can't I screw sheep?

... hmm... I'll cost you...

No, I chose my Sexual preference.

when? when did you choose who you were attracted to?

why isn't anyone who says they chose getting back to me when i specifically asked them if they could explain the circumstances in ym first post?!

As long as I can think back to in my life, I've been gay. I'd no way choose to be this way, it's too dangerous nowadays.

As long as I can think back to in my life, I've been gay. I'd no way choose to be this way, it's too dangerous nowadays.

there ya go.

Well, I have been straight ever since I figured out what that meant. Way back in junior high, I was disgusted by the male body, which is an all-too common problem with men in our society. For a long time homosexuality was a joke, unnatural, and no one ever actually 'knew' gay people. Then, in high school, my best friend was bi, and I met a lot of other gay people as well. Soon, I realized that they were just people, nothing more or less, and so I wondered why they were the way they were. Homosexuality was still funny, but it wasn't a joke any more. Now I flirted with other guys to be silly and began to develop a sense of what made guys attractive to girls (an invaluable skill, I must say, for attracting girls). I also realized at this point that homosexuality was not new, nor particularly uncommon. Throughout history there have been many different ways that homosexual attraction was addressed. In Greece and Rome, there was pederasty, a homosexual institution that became a right of passage for young boys to become men. A similar practice evolved in Japan. Some Native American tribes had fluid sexuality, so if you wanted to, you could say one say 'I'm switching', and from then on dress as and perform the tasks of the opposite sex. In addition, there are many examples from the animal kingdom (though mostly between males).

I began to realize that this was and had been part of our social and genetic heritage going further back than Jesus, and occuring all over the world. Since that time, I have done more study, and often asked myself why I am the way I am. The end result of this has been that I find men more attractive (though not lessening my feelings for women) and I consider more and more that perhaps the only reason I never dated a man was that the right one never came along. For me, sex is not as important as the match. If you get along with a person, can see living a life with them, they feel the same way, and you can satisfy one another's needs, what else is there? So, in some seven or eight years, I have transformed from homophobic, to accepting, to real empathy and identification with my own homosexuality. So I suppose you could say that I have changed and chosen my sexuality.

I am currently affianced to a beautiful, intelligent, talented girl two years my junior who satisfies me in every way and who, should nothing change drastically, I would be more than happy to spend my life with. So it looks like my sexual change wont mean much to my social life, but from a psychological standpoint I find it fascinating.

As long as I can think back to in my life, I've been gay. I'd no way choose to be this way, it's too dangerous nowadays.

bah, it's so shiek to a lesbian these days.

My dad is gay, always has been. He tried to be straight and that's how I was born but he eventually realized that he was gay from the day he was born and nothing could stop that...

I will say though, bisexuals probably seem to be able to choose their sexual orientation, by pursuing one desire moreso than another.

If you actually chose your sexual orientation, I would say you are bisexual by default.
Well I am one and you're wrong. I didn't choose that I was attracted to both sexes.

my sexual orientation is for attractive people. i've never seen any reason to ignore 50% of the attractive people on the planet based merely on their gender. i was almost 18 before i realized that some people actually aren't attracted to one gender or the other; i had always assumed that everybody felt the way that i do, and thought that people just decided to be "exclusive" to one gender or the other based on a variety of factors in their lives.

*cough* Prejudgist *cough*

How so? How is saying that pædophilia can be traced to child abuse prejudice?

Well, i never actually chose to be straight, just attracted to the opposite sex.

I will say though, bisexuals probably seem to be able to choose their sexual orientation, by pursuing one desire moreso than another.

If you actually chose your sexual orientation, I would say you are bisexual by default.

Well I am one and you're wrong. I didn't choose that I was attracted to both sexes.

What I meant was, gay OR straight people who claim they "chose" their sexuality are actually bisexual. However, being bisexual itself is not a choice. Sorry for the confusion. :)

ive always been attracted to women, except sometimes there was dudes that i thought 'damn, that fucker is sexy' but it wasnt like 'damn, i wanna screw that dude' cuz thats gross (in my mind).

that and i like shopping sometimes, lol.

Oh I got cha.

and i like to accessorize and choose clothes and look good. lol.

prefrence isn't the same as sexual orientation...

sexual orientation is who we are attracted to. i seem to have a prefrence for brunette men... at times i'm attracted to blondes, but that doesn't mean that i'm sexually oriented more towards brunettes... it means that i have a prefrence for brunettes.
Symantics.
I agree to disagree with you.

Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.

what about metrosexuals?

Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.
awwwww, somebody needs a hug!

Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.

How do you know you're not confused?

God tell you that too?

I'll be the different one then and say that yes, I did choose.

I'm bisexual... I was absolutely fine as a heterosexual, didn't feel like I was missing out on some necessary part of me, nothing like that. But I admired the freedom of bisexuals around me and in porn movies, an decided that logically, it would be more fun even though I felt no attraction to other males and even had the same distaste most males have towards the idea. I forced myself to get over that and experiment, and found that my sexual orientation had been a social influence rather than something pre-programmed. Bisexuality feels completely natural to me now, and heterosexuality did before.

So in some cases, choice is possible.

I'll be the different one then and say that yes, I did choose.

I'm bisexual... I was absolutely fine as a heterosexual, didn't feel like I was missing out on some necessary part of me, nothing like that. But I admired the freedom of bisexuals around me and in porn movies, an decided that logically, it would be more fun even though I felt no attraction to other males and even had the same distaste most males have towards the idea. I forced myself to get over that and experiment, and found that my sexual orientation had been a social influence rather than something pre-programmed. Bisexuality feels completely natural to me now, and heterosexuality did before.

So in some cases, choice is possible.
No, it was just your genes, you never had a choice. :rolleyes:

bah, it's so shiek to a lesbian these days.

You have no idea what you're talking about. :rolleyes:

No, it was just your genes, you never had a choice. :rolleyes:

I've mentioned earlier, for bisexuals (whom I believe are not that way by "choice") may seem like they can choose men or women, because that's just their nature.

One on day, I may decide I like Orange juice more than apple juice.

On another, I may decide I like apple juice more.

Doesn't change the fact that I like both through no choice of mine.

Originally Posted by Birdland549
Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.


You realise this idea is really not supported by reality. While biologically it would make sense for everyone to at least be attracted to the oposite sex, that is by no means proof that no exeptions could exist.

I do agree to some extend that choice can have a lot to do with it, but it's rather evident from some homosexual people that really tried their best to be 'normal' and like the oposite sex, that some people really are not able to.


My belief? the great majority of people are by nature bisexual. Exceptions exist both ways, some people can only enjoy the same sex, some can only enjoy the oposite. These would be roughly the same percentages of the total population. All other heterosexuals are just that because of social influence (and no doubt some homosexuals are as well).

No, it was just your genes, you never had a choice. :rolleyes:
That isn't logical thinking Erinin. I'm not denying genes play a role, but you can't deny social influence can play one. Doing that out of hand in the face of superior evidence is rather blind.

You realise this idea is really not supported by reality. While biologically it would make sense for everyone to at least be attracted to the oposite sex, that is by no means proof that no exeptions could exist.

I do agree to some extend that choice can have a lot to do with it, but it's rather evident from some homosexual people that really tried their best to be 'normal' and like the oposite sex, that some people really are not able to.


My belief? the great majority of people are by nature bisexual. Exceptions exist both ways, some people can only enjoy the same sex, some can only enjoy the oposite. These would be roughly the same percentages of the total population. All other heterosexuals are just that because of social influence (and no doubt some homosexuals are as well).
SO you are saying that as we spend our formative years in a particular culture we tend to follow the example before us, that we learn our sexual preference.
SO we can relearn it as well.
....nope just genes never had a choice. :rolleyes:

That isn't logical thinking Erinin. I'm not denying genes play a role, but you can't deny social influence can play one. Doing that out of hand in the face of superior evidence is rather blind.
I actually agree with you 100% I was just being sarcastic because the many people in this forum believe it is a matter of nature not nurture(s/p?).
And any opinion to the contrary is most assuradly shot down.

I actually agree with you 100% I was just being sarcastic because the many people in this forum believe it is a matter of nature not nurture(s/p?).
And any opinion to the contrary is most assuradly shot down.
Ah alright, my apologies. I did not read the entire thread.

I chose yesterday.

Blue pill

or...

Pink pill

or...

Bluish-pink pill

so....am i bisexual if i excessively look at myself in the mirror to make my hair just right? and like pink, and wear bracelets and etc..?

Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.

hahaha. and i'm supposed to pull my head out of my ass?

Symantics.
I agree to disagree with you.

it isn't a difference in semantics. you're saying that prefrence and orientation are the same things when they're obviously not.

what about metrosexuals?

aren't metrosexuals basically straight men who are in touch with their feminie side?

or basically straight men who don't roll out of bed into a t-shirt and jeans, who actually make their hair all nice and dress nicely and in some cases, practise stereotypically feminine grooming practises...

Dakini, let me get this straight.
You think you are going to argue-online no less- until I recognize your opinion-which is all it is-- over my own.
Yes, you really should get your head out of your ass.
I disagree with you.

it isn't a difference in semantics. you're saying that prefrence and orientation are the same things when they're obviously not.
In the terms 'sexual orientation' and 'sexual preference' they actually do mean the same thing. In another context they can have another meaning, but that discussion is in fact semantics.

I actually agree with you 100% I was just being sarcastic because the many people in this forum believe it is a matter of nature not nurture(s/p?).
And any opinion to the contrary is most assuradly shot down.

again, when did i say that it was entirely genetic. when did everyone say it was entirely genetic?

there is a genetic compotnent, however it is partially environmental. stop putting words in people's mouths.

I've mentioned earlier, for bisexuals (whom I believe are not that way by "choice") may seem like they can choose men or women, because that's just their nature.

One on day, I may decide I like Orange juice more than apple juice.

On another, I may decide I like apple juice more.

Doesn't change the fact that I like both through no choice of mine.


Precisely, you cannot choose to like tar soaked in feces and laced with gasoline.

You can force it down your throat, but you cannot choose to enjoy the flavor.

aren't metrosexuals basically straight men who are in touch with their feminie side?

or basically straight men who don't roll out of bed into a t-shirt and jeans, who actually make their hair all nice and dress nicely and in some cases, practise stereotypically feminine grooming practises...
http://67.18.37.17/html/emoticons/laugh.gif

again, when did i say that it was entirely genetic. when did everyone say it was entirely genetic?

there is a genetic compotnent, however it is partially environmental. stop putting words in people's mouths.
that player seems to really like arguing against straw men. visit the Do You Believe In God thread if you want to see another example of this behavior...he's just so durn cute when he's arguing against ideas or positions that nobody is actually advocating!

yeah, i'm really wondering where he got that. he used it on the is puberty a choice thread too and i don't recall seeing anyone else use that argument there either.

aren't metrosexuals basically straight men who are in touch with their feminie side?

or basically straight men who don't roll out of bed into a t-shirt and jeans, who actually make their hair all nice and dress nicely and in some cases, practise stereotypically feminine grooming practises...

urgh yuck! I have enough problems with women over grooming themselves. Why cant they just roll out of bed and sling some rough clothes on. It does it for me.... :D

Hilaris populus es sinners quisnam ire ustulo in abyssus pro infinitio.

There was an interesting news item in New Scientist that proposed that the gene for 'being gay' in men is on the X chromosone and that this gene governs atraction to men, thus causing women with this version of the gene to have more children and there by perpetuating the gay gene and balancing the fact that gay men father fewer children. However it does not say that this gene alone makes a person gay, they still postulate that other genes and even enviroment play a role.

This is all just a theory at present but so is the big bang. But it is interesting no?

Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.
Only in YOUR opinion! What if I'm happy being bisexual? I sure as hell don't FEEL "sexually confused".

Plus, your grammar annoys me. YOUR means your. YOU'RE means you are.

Nope, didn't choose. And if I had had the choice, at the time, I certainly would've decided to take the easy way out and turn out straight like 90% of the population. However, faced with a similar choice today, I admit I'd stay just the same as I am.

You don't get to choose who you're attracted to, but you do get to choose whether you deny that attraction and live an unfulfilled life, or embrace it and fight your way through to find happiness.

Good post! The ability to "choose" virtually any path in life is limited by a number of things, not the least of which are your genetic makeup, the way you were raised, the society in which you were raised, etc.

I'll be the different one then and say that yes, I did choose.

I'm bisexual... I was absolutely fine as a heterosexual, didn't feel like I was missing out on some necessary part of me, nothing like that. But I admired the freedom of bisexuals around me and in porn movies, an decided that logically, it would be more fun even though I felt no attraction to other males and even had the same distaste most males have towards the idea. I forced myself to get over that and experiment, and found that my sexual orientation had been a social influence rather than something pre-programmed. Bisexuality feels completely natural to me now, and heterosexuality did before.

So in some cases, choice is possible.

Thank you, sir. I feel that I could choose to be gay or bi as you did, but I choose not to.

Perhaps you guys need to wake up and open your mind, and pull it out of your butt.

You choose to be gay, PERIOD! Maybe God created us all Bisexuals, maybe not, but either way if you do not like the oppisite sex, your messed up. You choose that life style, and you chose the wrong lifestyle. No one should be gay, I don't think any one really is gay, they are just sexually confused. But what you all need to do is just not be gay or whatever the hell you call it, because its not natural and it is not right.

Just from a philosophical stand point... you do realise that attempting to tell other people not only what they THINK, but also what they FEEL makes you look stupid, right?

Right?

Because, um, well, you aren't them. You have no way of knowing what they think, or what they feel.

And judging by everything else you've said, you're also fairly ignorant of everything modern science knows about the brain. Good luck with that.

Sorry to 'revive' this discussion, but many here seem to confuse 'chosing' with 'realizing'.

I've read that there are 5 stages on the road to a gay or bisexual identity.
1. identity confusion
2. identity comparison (or steadily building up of the identity)
3. identity tolerance (or recognition of the identity)
4. identity acceptance (or positive appreciation of the identity)
5. identity manifestation (or coming out)

Does that sound familiar to someone?

Did I choose to be heterosexual? I don't think so. I am just naturally attracted to women. I do not think that we "choose" our sexuality, we just are who we are.