NationStates Jolt Archive

A thread purely for shooting off a couple of rounds of pure python gold.


All hail Monty! Ni!

'....your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!...'

Actually, any scene with an abusive french soldier in it cracks me up.

'I told zem we already av one'.....'*sniggers*

and

'Run away, Run away!'

"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

Im seriously considering setting up "The Society for Putting Things Ontop of Other Things" within my university.
It seriously lacks a python society at the moment.

No, my name is spelled Luxuray Yacht but its pronounced Throat Wobbler Mangrove.

The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe but also the redcurrants.

"The bloody bird is expired! He's joined the bleedin' choir eternal! He's shuffled off this mortal coil!"

It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. :D

Dennis: 'Come and see the violence inherent in the system!.....HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!'

Arthur: 'Bloody PEASANT!'

Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see 'im repressing me? You saw it, din't ya?!

You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy they are a positive boon.

We're knights of the Round Table
We dance whene'er we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot

We're knights of the Round Table
Our shows are formidable
But there are times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable
_____________________in Camelot
______________________a lot

We're knights of the Round Table
___________________________-able
Between our quests we sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
________________________
I have to push the pram a lot




Someone please fill in the blanks

It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. :D

ROFLMAO!!! THAT'S IT!!! :D

"Well then, do you want to go up to my place?" Hehehe!

"Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin"

"I break wind in your general direction"

ROFLMAO!!! THAT'S IT!!! :D

"Well then, do you want to go up to my place?" Hehehe!


if you want the transcript its here http://homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/Quotes/Popular/Films/Monty_Python.html

Actually, any scene with an abusive french soldier in it cracks me up.

'I told zem we already av one'.....'*sniggers*

Actually it's "I told him we've already got one!"

or the best quote:

"YOU BASTARD!"

yelled by john cleese in Fawlty Towers (ok not python but still) at random people, but the best time at the guy who pretended to be a Lord, with more venom than a black widow.... :D

It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. :D

I actually do not think that the Dead Parrtot sketch is their best one.My favourite is as follows:

Scene:
Sporting Field, in particular a running track.
Five competitors run onto the pitch.

Commentator (John Cleese):
Good afternoon and welcome to Hurlingham Park.
You join us just as the competitors are running out onto the field on this lovely winter's afternoon here, with the going firmunderfoot and very little sign of rain. Well it certainly looks as though we're in for a splendid afternoon's sport in this the 127th Upperclass Twit of the Year Show. Well the competitors will be off in a moment so let me just identify for you.

(camera zooms in on the competitors)

Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has an
O-level in chemo-hygiene.
Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, married to a very attractive table lamp.
Nigel Incubator-Jones, his best friend is a tree,
and in his spare time he's a stockbroker.
Gervaise Brook-Hampster is in the Guards,
and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.
And finally Oliver St John-Mollusc,
Harrow and the Guards, thought by many to be this year's outstanding twit.
Now they're moving up to the starting line,
there's a jolly good crowd here today.
Now they're under starter's orders...
and they're off.

(the starter fires the gun, but nobody moves)

Ah no, they're not.
No they didn't realize they were supposed to start.
Never mind, we'll soon sort that out, the judge is explaining it to them now.
I think Nigel and Gervaise have got the idea.
All set to go.

(starter fires gun again and the twits move offer in different directions)

Oh, and they're off and it's a fast start this year.
Oliver St John-Mollusc running a bit wide there and now they're coming into their first test, the straight line.

(All the Twits run erratically along five white lines)

They've got to walk along this straight line without failing over and Oliver's over at the back there, er, Simon's coming through quite fast on theoutside, I think Simon and Nigel, both of them coming through very fast. There's Nigel there. No. Three, I'm sorry, and on theoutside there's Gervaise coming through just out of shot and now, the position...

(the twits approach a line of matchboxes
piled three high)

Simon and Vivian at the front coming to the
matchbox jump... three layers of matchboxes to clear... and Simon's over and Vivian's over beautifully, oh and the jump of a lifetime -
if only his father could understand.
Here's Nigel... and now Gervaise is over he's, er, Nigel is over, and it's Gervaise, Gervaise is going to jump it, is it, no he's jumped the wrong way, there.he goes, Nigel's over, beautifully.
Now it's only Oliver. Oliver... and Gervaise...
oh bad luck.
And now it's Kicking the Beggar.

(the twits are kicking a beggar with a tray)

Simon's there and he's putting the boot in, and not terribly hard, but he's going down and Simon can move on. Now Vivian's there. Vivian is there and waiting for a chance. Here tie comes, oh a piledriver, a real piledriver, and now Simon's on No. l, Vivian a, Nigel 3, Gervaise on 4 and Oliver bringing up the rear.
Ah there's Oliver...

(Oliver is still trying to jump the matchboxes)

...there's Oliver now, he's at the back. I think he's having a little trouble with his old brain injury, he's going to have a go, no, no, bad luck, he's up, he doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy, lie doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus. Oh there's Gervaise

(He is still kicking the beggar)

and he's putting the boot in there and he's got the beggar down and the steward's giving him a little bit of advice, yes, he can move on now, he can move on to the Hunt Photograph. He's off, Gervaise is there and Oliver's still at the back having trouble with the matchboxes.

(the twits approach a table with two attractive girls and a photographer)

Now here's the Hunt Ball Photograph and the first here's Simon, he's going to enjoy a joke with Lady Arabella Plunkett. She hopes to go into films, and Vivian's through there and, er, Nigel's there enjoying a joke with Lady Sarah Pencil Farthing Vivian Streamroller Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave Gore Stringbottom Smith.

(shot of twit in a sports car reversing into cut-out of old woman)

And there's, there's Simon now in the sports car, he's reversed into the old woman, he's caught her absolutely beautifully. Now he's going to accelerate forward there to wake up the neighbour. There's Vivian I think, no Vivian's lost his keys, no there's Vivian, he's got the old woman, slowly but surely right in the midriff, and here he is. Here he is to wake up the neighbournow.

(a man in bed in the middle of the pitch.
The twit slams car door repeatedly)

Simon right in the lead, comfortably in the lead, but he can't get this neighbour woken up. He's slamming away there as best he can. He's getting absolutely no reaction at all. There, he's woken him up and Simon's through. Here comes Vivian, Vivian to slam the door, and there we are back at the Hunt Ball, I think that's Gervaise there, that's Gervaise going through there, and here, here comes Oliver, brave Oliver. Is he going to make it to the table, no I don't think he is, yes he is,

(twit falls over the table)

he did it, ohh. And the crowd are rising to him there, and there I can see, who is that there, yes that's Nigel, Nigel has woken the neighbour - my God this is exciting. Nigel's got very excited and he's going through and here comes Gervaise. Gervaise, oh no this is, er, out in the front there is Simon who is supposed to insult the waiter and he's forgotten.

(Simon runs past a waiter standing with a tray)

And Oliver has run himself over,

(Oliver lying in front of car)

...what a great twit!
And now here comes Vivian, Vivian to insult the waiter, and he is heaping abuse on him, and he is humiliating him, there and he's gone into the lead. Simon's not with him, no Vivian's in front of him at the bar.

(the twits each have several goes at getting under a bar of wood five feet off the ground)

Simon's got to get under this bar and this is extremely difficult as it requires absolutely expert co-ordination between mind and body. No Vivian isn't there. Here we go again and Simon's fallen backwards. Here's Nigel, he's tripped, Nigel has tripped, and he's under and Simon fails again, er, here is Gervaise, and Simon is through by accident. Here's Gervaise to be the last one over, there we are, hero's Nigel right at the head of the field,

(the twits approach five rabbits staked out on the Found;
they fire at them with shotguns)

and now he's going to shoot the rabbit, and these rabbits have been tied to the ground, and they're going to be a bit frisky, and this is only a one-day event. And they're blazing away there. They're not getting quite the results that they might, Gervaise is in there trying to bash it to death with the butt of his rifle, and I think Nigel's in there with his bare hands, but they're not getting the results that they might, but it is a little bit misty today and they must be shooting from a range of at least one foot. But they've had a couple of hits there I think, yes, they've had a couple of hits, and the whole field is up again and here they are.

(they approach a line of shopwindow dummies
each wearing only a bra)

They're coming up to the debs, Gervaise first, Vivian second, Simon third. And now they've got to take the bras off from the front, this is really difficult, this is really the most, the most difficult part of the entire competition, and they're having a bit of trouble in there I think, they're really trying now and the crowd is getting excited, and I think some of the twits are getting rather excited too.

(the twits are wreaking havoc on the dummies)

Vivian is there, Vivian is coming through, Simon's in second place, and, no there's Oliver, he's not necessarily out of it. There goes Nigel, no he's lost something, and Gervaise running through to this final obstacle.

(they approach a table with five
revolvers laid out on it)

Now all they have to do here to win the title is to shoot themselves. Simon has a shot. Bad luck, he misses. Nigel misses. Now there's Gervaise, and Gervaise has shot himself- Gervaise is Upperclass Twit of the Year. There's Nigel, he's shot Simon by mistake, Simon is back up and there's Nigel, Nigel's shot himself: Nigel is third in this fine and most exciting Upperclass Twit of the Year Show I've ever seen. Nigel's clubbed himself into fourth place.

(three coffins on stand with medals)

And so the final result:

The Upperclass Twit of the Year -
Gervaise Brook-Hampster.
Runner up - Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
Third - Nigel Incubator-Jones

Well there'll certainly be some car door slamming in the streets of Kensington tonight.

Having had to watch my dad act out the Dead Parrtot with a girl at the exotic pet shop I'd have to say it's my total favorite. She was only 16-ish and didn't have a clue what he was doing but that made it even funnier.

Crucifixion?



"Now, I have a very important announcement to make. Some third year boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now, you may not think that the comorant plays an important role in the life of the school, but may I remind you that it was presented to us by the local community to commemorate Empire Day, when we try and remember all those who bravely gave their lives to keep China British. So, from now on, the cormorant is OUT OF BOUNDS!!"
(not remembered that exactly, don't bother correcting, it's petty)



Ah, I see you've got the machine that goes *BING*!

Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**

Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**
Meow**smack**

No! There's no shrubbery here!

Crucifixion?



"Now, I have a very important announcement to make. Some third year boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now, you may not think that the comorant plays an important role in the life of the school, but may I remind you that it was presented to us by the local community to commemorate Empire Day, when we try and remember all those who bravely gave their lives to keep China British. So, from now on, the cormorant is OUT OF BOUNDS!!"
(not remembered that exactly, don't bother correcting, it's petty)



Ah, I see you've got the machine that goes *BING*!

Everyone says that "The Meaning of Life" is shit, but actually I think it is very funny. OK, it is not as good as the previous three, but it's still hilarious.

Everyone says that "The Meaning of Life" is shit, but actually I think it is very funny. OK, it is not as good as the previous three, but it's still hilarious.

Previous three? They only did three! Grail, Brian and Meaning

Previous three? They only did three! Grail, Brian and Meaning

Wrong!

Monty Python's And Now For Something Completely Different (1971).

Wrong!

Monty Python's And Now For Something Completely Different (1971).


Aha!! You fell into my trap. Not actually a film, but a rehash of the original Flying Circus series.

Aha!! You fell into my trap. Not actually a film, but a rehash of the original Flying Circus series.

Still a film.

Doesn't count.

nudge nudge SAY NO MORE!!!!

Doesn't count.

I fart in your general deerection!

Im seriously considering setting up "The Society for Putting Things Ontop of Other Things" within my university.
It seriously lacks a python society at the moment.

No, my name is spelled Luxuray Yacht but its pronounced Throat Wobbler Mangrove.

You're a very silly man and I'm not going to talk to you!

I fart in your general deerection!

Llama!

No! There's no shrubbery here!

We are the Knights who say "Nghie!"

Llama!

"Right what happens now?"
"Well, Lancelot, Sir Galahad and I, jump out of the rabbit and take the castle."
"Who jumps out of the rabbit?"
"Er, Lancelot, Sir Galahad and...ohh."
<Sighs>
"I have another idea sir. What we could do is build this large wooden badger."

We are the Knights who say "Nghie!"

It's Ni!

nudge nudge SAY NO MORE!!!!

LOL! You made me laugh just thinking about that one!

"Does she like water sports?" :D

It's Ni!

Perfectionist! : P

LOL! You made me laugh just thinking about that one!

"Does she like water sports?" :D

"Does she like photography? Can...candid photography?"

"Well she takes holiday snaps"

"Could be, could be taken on holiday!"

"Right what happens now?"
"Well, Lancelot, Sir Galahad and I, jump out of the rabbit and take the castle."
"Who jumps out of the rabbit?"
"Er, Lancelot, Sir Galahad and...ohh."
<Sighs>
"I have another idea sir. What we could do is build this large wooden badger."

"Run away! Run away!"

Dennis: 'Come and see the violence inherent in the system!.....HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!'

Arthur: 'Bloody PEASANT!'

Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see 'im repressing me? You saw it, din't ya?!


really, this needs the whole scene:


ARTHUR: Old woman!

DENNIS: Man!

ARTHUR: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

DENNIS: I'm thirty-seven.

ARTHUR: I-- what?

DENNIS: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old.

ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you 'Man'.

DENNIS: Well, you could say 'Dennis'.

ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'.

DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?

ARTHUR: I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked--

DENNIS: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!

ARTHUR: Well, I am King!

DENNIS: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--

WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?

ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?

WOMAN: King of the who?

ARTHUR: The Britons.

WOMAN: Who are the Britons?

ARTHUR: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.

WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--

WOMAN: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

DENNIS: That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of--

ARTHUR: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

WOMAN: No one lives there.

ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?

WOMAN: We don't have a lord.

ARTHUR: What?

DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,...

ARTHUR: Yes.

DENNIS: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

ARTHUR: Yes, I see.

DENNIS: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,...

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: ...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--

ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

WOMAN: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.

ARTHUR: I am your king!

WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.

ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.

WOMAN: Well, how did you become King, then?

ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,...[angels sing]...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!

DENNIS: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

ARTHUR: Shut up!

DENNIS: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

ARTHUR: Shut up, will you? Shut up!

DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

ARTHUR: Shut up!

DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!

DENNIS: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?

"Run away! Run away!"

"Bring forth the holy hand grenade of Antioch!" :D

Dennis : Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away. :D



damn it too late.... :(

"Death awaits you ... with sharp teeth."

"Death awaits you ... with sharp teeth."

"It's just a silly rabbit!"

"But it's vicious and has teeth!"

Bump.


Produced by the Society of Putting Things on top of Other Things.

"Threeeee shall be the numbah, and the numbah shall be threeee. Thou shalt not count four, nor shalt thou count two. Five is right out!"

"Threeeee shall be the numbah, and the numbah shall be threeee. Thou shalt not count four, nor shalt thou count two. Five is right out!"

"Two shall not be uttered, unless it is immediately followed by the word Three."

"Two shall not be uttered, unless it is immediately followed by the word Three."

I just want to thank everyone who has participated in this thread! You guys totally made my day! :D

Let's call it a draw ej?

Interviewer: Mr, er, Mr Vercotti, what is your chief task as Ron's manager?

Mr Vercotti: Well my main task is, er, to fix a sponsor for the big jump.

Interviewer: And who is the sponsor?

Mr Vercotti: The Chippenham Brick Company. Ah, they, er, pay all the bills, er, in return for which Ron will be carrying half a hundredweight of their bricks.

(We see a passport officer checking Ron's passport.)

Interviewer: I see. Well, er, it looks as if Ron is ready now. He's got the bricks. He's had his passport checked and he's all set to go. And he's off on the first ever cross-Channel jump. (Ron runs down the beach and jumps; he lands about four feet into the water) Will Ron be trying the cross-Channel jump again soon?

Mr Vercotti: No. No. I'm taking him off the jumps, Er, because I've got something lined up for Ron next week that I think is very much more up his street.

Interviewer: Er, what's that?

Mr Vercotti: Er, Ron is going to eat Chichester Cathedral.

... At least I don't work for Jews

But then the cartoonist died and they were safe

We're knights of the round table
We dance whene'er we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

We're knights of the Round Table
Our shows are formidable
But many times we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.

In war we're tough and able.
Quite indefatigable
Between our quests we sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot.

I have to push the pram a looooooot.

Please don't curse! Begone with the bloat already... :eek:
We want Parrot :)

Please don't curse! Begone with the bloat already... :eek:
We want Parrot :)

Parrot for Prez! :)

I just want to thank everyone who has participated in this thread! You guys totally made my day! :D

You're welcome.

Parrot for Prez! :)


http://freshmeat.net/articles/view/1339/
Critique of Where Perl 6 is Heading
by Shlomi Fish, in Editorials - Sat, Oct 16th 2004 00:00 PDT

fun read.. :eek:

http://freshmeat.net/articles/view/1339/
Critique of Where Perl 6 is Heading
by Shlomi Fish, in Editorials - Sat, Oct 16th 2004 00:00 PDT

fun read.. :eek:

Huh? I was referring to the deceased parrot in the Monty Python skit, not PEARL. I know next to nothing about PERL. :(

Huh? I was referring to the deceased parrot in the Monty Python skit, not PEARL. I know next to nothing about PERL. :(

lmfao :D

(btw, its Perl ;))

lmfao :D

(btw, its Perl ;))

The Life of Brian is the best satirical film ever made. Disagree? Then taste these snippets:

Brian's Mum: There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess alright but no messiah!
Rabble: Brian! We want Brian! Messiah!
Brian's Mum: Right my lad what have you been up to!
Brian: Well, Mum they just sort of started following me yesterday!
Brian's Mum: Right well they can stop following you right now! Now listen here. Stop following my son. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Rabble: He's the messiah!
Brian's Mum: Now listen here. He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

or

Brian: No, listen to me people, I'm not the Messiah, honestly I'm not the Messiah!
Rabble: Only the true Messiah denies his divinity!
Brian: Well what chance does that give me!? Ok I am the Messiah!"
Rabble: HE IS! HE IS THE MESSIAH!

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!

Our chief weapon is surprise!

Our chief weapon is surprise!
No fear.

Anybody know the name of the sketch in the courtroom where one guy gets away with three months for some sort of rampage. In the end they all sing "he's a jolly good fellow". I must see it, name of episode or sketch pretty please? :)

Anybody know the name of the sketch in the courtroom where one guy gets away with three months for some sort of rampage. In the end they all sing "he's a jolly good fellow". I must see it, name of episode or sketch pretty please? :)

Episode 27, Court scene - multiple murderer

http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode27.htm

Episode 27, Court scene - multiple murderer

http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode27.htm
Um, Islas del Sol -a friendly tip: you don't want to dig up old threads. The Lumberjack one was bad enough, but this one is wayyyy beyond reasonable limits.

It's called "gravedigging", it's against the rules (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=410573), the thread will be locked if someone reports it or a mod sees it, and it might get you into trouble.

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Brought forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh, brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken!
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.

His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowls unplugged,
And his nostrils raked and his bottom burnt off,
And his p-

Robin (interputing): That's...That's, uh... That's enough music for now,
lads. It looks like there's dirty work afoot.

I actually do not think that the Dead Parrtot sketch is their best one.My favourite is as follows:

Scene:
Sporting Field, in particular a running track.
Five competitors run onto the pitch.

Commentator (John Cleese):
Good afternoon and welcome to Hurlingham Park.
You join us just as the competitors are running out onto the field on this lovely winter's afternoon here, with the going firmunderfoot and very little sign of rain. Well it certainly looks as though we're in for a splendid afternoon's sport in this the 127th Upperclass Twit of the Year Show. Well the competitors will be off in a moment so let me just identify for you.

(camera zooms in on the competitors)

Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has an
O-level in chemo-hygiene.
Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, married to a very attractive table lamp.
Nigel Incubator-Jones, his best friend is a tree,
and in his spare time he's a stockbroker.
Gervaise Brook-Hampster is in the Guards,
and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.
And finally Oliver St John-Mollusc,
Harrow and the Guards, thought by many to be this year's outstanding twit.
Now they're moving up to the starting line,
there's a jolly good crowd here today.
Now they're under starter's orders...
and they're off.

(the starter fires the gun, but nobody moves)

Ah no, they're not.
No they didn't realize they were supposed to start.
Never mind, we'll soon sort that out, the judge is explaining it to them now.
I think Nigel and Gervaise have got the idea.
All set to go.

(starter fires gun again and the twits move offer in different directions)

Oh, and they're off and it's a fast start this year.
Oliver St John-Mollusc running a bit wide there and now they're coming into their first test, the straight line.

(All the Twits run erratically along five white lines)

They've got to walk along this straight line without failing over and Oliver's over at the back there, er, Simon's coming through quite fast on theoutside, I think Simon and Nigel, both of them coming through very fast. There's Nigel there. No. Three, I'm sorry, and on theoutside there's Gervaise coming through just out of shot and now, the position...

(the twits approach a line of matchboxes
piled three high)

Simon and Vivian at the front coming to the
matchbox jump... three layers of matchboxes to clear... and Simon's over and Vivian's over beautifully, oh and the jump of a lifetime -
if only his father could understand.
Here's Nigel... and now Gervaise is over he's, er, Nigel is over, and it's Gervaise, Gervaise is going to jump it, is it, no he's jumped the wrong way, there.he goes, Nigel's over, beautifully.
Now it's only Oliver. Oliver... and Gervaise...
oh bad luck.
And now it's Kicking the Beggar.

(the twits are kicking a beggar with a tray)

Simon's there and he's putting the boot in, and not terribly hard, but he's going down and Simon can move on. Now Vivian's there. Vivian is there and waiting for a chance. Here tie comes, oh a piledriver, a real piledriver, and now Simon's on No. l, Vivian a, Nigel 3, Gervaise on 4 and Oliver bringing up the rear.
Ah there's Oliver...

(Oliver is still trying to jump the matchboxes)

...there's Oliver now, he's at the back. I think he's having a little trouble with his old brain injury, he's going to have a go, no, no, bad luck, he's up, he doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy, lie doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus. Oh there's Gervaise

(He is still kicking the beggar)

and he's putting the boot in there and he's got the beggar down and the steward's giving him a little bit of advice, yes, he can move on now, he can move on to the Hunt Photograph. He's off, Gervaise is there and Oliver's still at the back having trouble with the matchboxes.

(the twits approach a table with two attractive girls and a photographer)

Now here's the Hunt Ball Photograph and the first here's Simon, he's going to enjoy a joke with Lady Arabella Plunkett. She hopes to go into films, and Vivian's through there and, er, Nigel's there enjoying a joke with Lady Sarah Pencil Farthing Vivian Streamroller Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave Gore Stringbottom Smith.

(shot of twit in a sports car reversing into cut-out of old woman)

And there's, there's Simon now in the sports car, he's reversed into the old woman, he's caught her absolutely beautifully. Now he's going to accelerate forward there to wake up the neighbour. There's Vivian I think, no Vivian's lost his keys, no there's Vivian, he's got the old woman, slowly but surely right in the midriff, and here he is. Here he is to wake up the neighbournow.

(a man in bed in the middle of the pitch.
The twit slams car door repeatedly)

Simon right in the lead, comfortably in the lead, but he can't get this neighbour woken up. He's slamming away there as best he can. He's getting absolutely no reaction at all. There, he's woken him up and Simon's through. Here comes Vivian, Vivian to slam the door, and there we are back at the Hunt Ball, I think that's Gervaise there, that's Gervaise going through there, and here, here comes Oliver, brave Oliver. Is he going to make it to the table, no I don't think he is, yes he is,

(twit falls over the table)

he did it, ohh. And the crowd are rising to him there, and there I can see, who is that there, yes that's Nigel, Nigel has woken the neighbour - my God this is exciting. Nigel's got very excited and he's going through and here comes Gervaise. Gervaise, oh no this is, er, out in the front there is Simon who is supposed to insult the waiter and he's forgotten.

(Simon runs past a waiter standing with a tray)

And Oliver has run himself over,

(Oliver lying in front of car)

...what a great twit!
And now here comes Vivian, Vivian to insult the waiter, and he is heaping abuse on him, and he is humiliating him, there and he's gone into the lead. Simon's not with him, no Vivian's in front of him at the bar.

(the twits each have several goes at getting under a bar of wood five feet off the ground)

Simon's got to get under this bar and this is extremely difficult as it requires absolutely expert co-ordination between mind and body. No Vivian isn't there. Here we go again and Simon's fallen backwards. Here's Nigel, he's tripped, Nigel has tripped, and he's under and Simon fails again, er, here is Gervaise, and Simon is through by accident. Here's Gervaise to be the last one over, there we are, hero's Nigel right at the head of the field,

(the twits approach five rabbits staked out on the Found;
they fire at them with shotguns)

and now he's going to shoot the rabbit, and these rabbits have been tied to the ground, and they're going to be a bit frisky, and this is only a one-day event. And they're blazing away there. They're not getting quite the results that they might, Gervaise is in there trying to bash it to death with the butt of his rifle, and I think Nigel's in there with his bare hands, but they're not getting the results that they might, but it is a little bit misty today and they must be shooting from a range of at least one foot. But they've had a couple of hits there I think, yes, they've had a couple of hits, and the whole field is up again and here they are.

(they approach a line of shopwindow dummies
each wearing only a bra)

They're coming up to the debs, Gervaise first, Vivian second, Simon third. And now they've got to take the bras off from the front, this is really difficult, this is really the most, the most difficult part of the entire competition, and they're having a bit of trouble in there I think, they're really trying now and the crowd is getting excited, and I think some of the twits are getting rather excited too.

(the twits are wreaking havoc on the dummies)

Vivian is there, Vivian is coming through, Simon's in second place, and, no there's Oliver, he's not necessarily out of it. There goes Nigel, no he's lost something, and Gervaise running through to this final obstacle.

(they approach a table with five
revolvers laid out on it)

Now all they have to do here to win the title is to shoot themselves. Simon has a shot. Bad luck, he misses. Nigel misses. Now there's Gervaise, and Gervaise has shot himself- Gervaise is Upperclass Twit of the Year. There's Nigel, he's shot Simon by mistake, Simon is back up and there's Nigel, Nigel's shot himself: Nigel is third in this fine and most exciting Upperclass Twit of the Year Show I've ever seen. Nigel's clubbed himself into fourth place.

(three coffins on stand with medals)

And so the final result:

The Upperclass Twit of the Year -
Gervaise Brook-Hampster.
Runner up - Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
Third - Nigel Incubator-Jones

Well there'll certainly be some car door slamming in the streets of Kensington tonight.

best scene ever!

Everyone says that "The Meaning of Life" is shit, but actually I think it is very funny. OK, it is not as good as the previous three, but it's still hilarious.

O fishy fish fishy fish, a fish a faish a fishy -o,who went wherever I did go!
Live organ trasplant!
Sex education lesson!
Its brilliant!

Wrong!

Monty Python's And Now For Something Completely Different (1971).

stop that, its silly(and I love the killer cars,and the giant cats)

Bravely bold Sir Robin
Brought forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh, brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken!
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.

His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowls unplugged,
And his nostrils raked and his bottom burnt off,
And his p-

Robin (interputing): That's...That's, uh... That's enough music for now,
lads. It looks like there's dirty work afoot.

That is my favorite song from the whole monty phthon collection!!!
Thank you thank you thank you.
(although my favorite scene is the one that end with, come back here Ill bite your ankles off!)

That is my favorite song from the whole monty phthon collection!!!
Thank you thank you thank you.
(although my favorite scene is the one that end with, come back here Ill bite your ankles off!)

He, he. It's dark but still great in my opinion. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eMkth8FWno

The foot is from a very famous painting.
-------------------------------------------------
FRANCIS:
Well, blessed is just about everyone with a vested interest in the status quo, as far as I can tell, Reg.
REG:
Yeah. Well, what Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it's the meek who are the problem.
JUDITH:
Yes, yes. Absolutely, Reg. Yes, I see.

http://www.nnm.ru/imagez/gallery/komment/1127426265_i_3637.gif

I found this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=489542&page=132&highlight=Monty+Python)...
Goes on for a few pages.
*Swoons*

As for Ruffy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11271209&postcount=1975).
DIE! :mad:

I found this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=489542&page=132&highlight=Monty+Python)...
Goes on for a few pages.
*Swoons*

As for Ruffy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11271209&postcount=1975).
DIE! :mad:

Where did that thread come from?!?

*galahad dashes up a path towards castle*

*guards stand unfazed*

*Galahad rushes up same path*

*Guard 1 takes bite of apple*

*Galahad sprints up path for the third time*

*Guards stand nonchalantly*

*Galahad pushes guard one against castle wall and impales him then rushes into castle*

Guard 2: "hey!"

:D

"My hovercraft is full of eels."

He, he. It's dark but still great in my opinion. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eMkth8FWno

thank you, I now love you!:D

Where did that thread come from?!?
Someone else made a so so version, Kanabia perfected it, and i searched it.
It has been dead for around 2 months.:cool:

"It's just a flesh wound."

Heehee I'm actualy wearing a t-shirt with that and the quadroplegic himself on it right now:cool:

"It's just a flesh wound."

Heehee I'm actualy wearing a t-shirt with that and the quadroplegic himself on it right now:cool:
Cool, i watched it two weeks ago.

Don't bring up the Spanish Inquisition.

It's a funny act, but, I knew a guy who would quote it ruthlessly and regularly. He never stopped. It ruined the skit for me. It almost ruined Monty Python for me.

Let's call it a draw ej?

"COME BACK HERE! I'll bite your legs off!"

or

"Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?"

"I have a problem with the parrot you sold me."
"What?"
"It's dead."

"Ah! My nipples explode with delight!"

"Ah! My nipples explode with delight!"

I nearly forgot about that sketch!Which one is is from, now for something completly different?

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/dwarf.gif"SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM!" SPAM!http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/dwarf.gif

thank you, I now love you!:D

I'm here to help. :)

Hey, I just realized that someone resurrected this thread! It is nearly two years old! :D

Never saw any python.

Never saw any python.
Unbefuckingleavable.

Do so.

Do so now.

Don't you dare return before you have watched everything Monthy Python has ever made.

Go. No, run, before anyone else sees this...

Unbefuckingleavable.

Do so.

Do so now.

Don't you dare return before you have watched everything Monthy Python has ever made.

Go. No, run, before anyone else sees this...

Can't be arsed..

CENTURION:
What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'?
BRIAN:
It-- it says, 'Romans, go home'.

CENTURION:
No, it doesn't. What's Latin for 'Roman'? Come on!
BRIAN:
Aah!
CENTURION:
Come on!
BRIAN:
'R-- Romanus'?
CENTURION:
Goes like...?
BRIAN:
'Annus'?
CENTURION:
Vocative plural of 'annus' is...?
BRIAN:
Eh. 'Anni'?
CENTURION:
'Romani'. 'Eunt'? What is 'eunt'?
BRIAN:
'Go'. Let--
CENTURION:
Conjugate the verb 'to go'.
BRIAN:
Uh. 'Ire'. Uh, 'eo'. 'Is'. 'It'. 'Imus'. 'Itis'. 'Eunt'.
CENTURION:
So 'eunt' is...?
BRIAN:
Ah, huh, third person plural, uh, present indicative. Uh, 'they go'.
CENTURION:
But 'Romans, go home' is an order, so you must use the...?
BRIAN:
The... imperative!
CENTURION:
Which is...?
BRIAN:
Umm! Oh. Oh. Um, 'i'. 'I'!
CENTURION:
How many Romans?
BRIAN:
Ah! 'I'-- Plural. Plural. 'Ite'. 'Ite'.
CENTURION:
'Ite'.
BRIAN:
Ah. Eh.
CENTURION:
'Domus'?
BRIAN:
Eh.
CENTURION:
Nominative?
BRIAN:
Oh.
CENTURION:
'Go home'? This is motion towards. Isn't it, boy?
BRIAN:
Ah. Ah, dative, sir! Ahh! No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! Ah! Oh, the... accusative! Accusative! Ah! 'Domum', sir! 'Ad domum'! Ah! Oooh! Ah!
CENTURION:
Except that 'domus' takes the...?
BRIAN:
The locative, sir!
CENTURION:
Which is...?!
BRIAN:
'Domum'.
CENTURION:
'Domum'.
BRIAN:
Aaah! Ah.
CENTURION:
'Um'. Understand?
BRIAN:
Yes, sir.
CENTURION:
Now, write it out a hundred times.
BRIAN:
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
CENTURION:
Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
BRIAN:
Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir! Oh. Mmm!

Or

'I'm not a Roman, Mum, and I never will be! I'm a Kike! A Yid! A Hebe! A Hook-nose! I'm Kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it!'

Can't be arsed..
I pity you, for you have yet to see the truth!