Opal Isle
14-10-2004, 04:43
FATTIES MAKE THE BEST LOVERS
New survey finds Americans are sexiest people on Earth!
And that's why Americans, the fattest people on earth, have just been named the world's greatest lovers.
Italians choked on their spaghetti and hopping mad Frenchmen spat out their frog legs in disgust after a team of international researchers announced its findings last week.
"After three years of research in a dozen different countries we discovered two very interesting facts," says team leader Dr. Susan Boyd of Manchester, England.
"The first was that overweight people have a higher sex drive than their skinny cousins, and that Americans have replaced both the Italians and French as the world's greatest lovers.
"We used some basic criteria to come to this conclusion: The number of times males and females engaged in sexual intercourse, the pleasure and satisfaction index of both sexes, graded on a scale of one to 10, and finally the perceived attractiveness of the sexual partner, again on a one to 10 scale.
"In all three categories, Americans scored highest. And the fatter the man or woman, the higher the score.
"Americans say they engage in sexual intercourse 5.5 times a week, far surpassing the Italian average of 2.1, the French running a poor third at 1.0 even.
"When asked how much pleasure and satisfaction they got from sex, on a scale of one to 10, Americans, both male and female, entered the lists at an incredible 9.5. The Italian satisfaction index was 5.5 and the French a measly 2.3.
"When asked how attractive they considered their sex partner on a scale of one to 10, Americans responded with a whopping 10. The more fastidious Italians gave their partners a 5, and the French a woeful 2."
The study was bankrolled by beauty product companies in Europe and the U.S., and was similar to a study they financed 25 years ago.
"Americans have come a long way since then," Dr. Boyd says. "In 1979 the world's greatest lovers were the Italians, with the French a close second. America tied with Ethiopia near the bottom of the list, beating only Russia and Morocco.
"The difference is that the fattest nation on Earth is now the sexiest, proving that fat can indeed be beautiful -- it's all in the eye of the beholder.
"Scientists will now study our results and try to determine why being obese makes us sexier. Perhaps it's a throwback to cave man times when the fatter a man or woman was, the more likely they were to survive hard times, which would make them very attractive as potential mates.
"Why sexual performance is enhanced among fat people is a mystery. It's possible that, since they know they are not skinny and attractive like the fashion model ideal, they try harder.
"And why Americans see their obese sex partner as attractive could be a changing beauty norm. The reign of the skinny could be over, giving way to the obese. Today, in America at least, fat's where it's at."
The French are crying foul over the report, saying that the enduring reputation of Frenchman as great lovers was established centuries ago and continues to this day.
"This report was skewed in favor of Americans who buy more beauty products than any other nation," sniffs a government spokesman. "I fail to see how two, great, 300-pound porkers rolling on a squeaking bed is sexy."
An Italian Ministry of Tourism spokesman adds: "People should vacation in Italy where they will quickly discover that we are still the greatest lovers on Earth.
"I do not believe this report. Somebody was bought -- big time."
-- G.A. Gunns
Published on: 09/28/2004
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/sex/61242
I'm pretty sure this is a tabloid however. I mean, on the main browser, the first link is "Alien & UFO Reportings"
Interesting read however.
New survey finds Americans are sexiest people on Earth!
And that's why Americans, the fattest people on earth, have just been named the world's greatest lovers.
Italians choked on their spaghetti and hopping mad Frenchmen spat out their frog legs in disgust after a team of international researchers announced its findings last week.
"After three years of research in a dozen different countries we discovered two very interesting facts," says team leader Dr. Susan Boyd of Manchester, England.
"The first was that overweight people have a higher sex drive than their skinny cousins, and that Americans have replaced both the Italians and French as the world's greatest lovers.
"We used some basic criteria to come to this conclusion: The number of times males and females engaged in sexual intercourse, the pleasure and satisfaction index of both sexes, graded on a scale of one to 10, and finally the perceived attractiveness of the sexual partner, again on a one to 10 scale.
"In all three categories, Americans scored highest. And the fatter the man or woman, the higher the score.
"Americans say they engage in sexual intercourse 5.5 times a week, far surpassing the Italian average of 2.1, the French running a poor third at 1.0 even.
"When asked how much pleasure and satisfaction they got from sex, on a scale of one to 10, Americans, both male and female, entered the lists at an incredible 9.5. The Italian satisfaction index was 5.5 and the French a measly 2.3.
"When asked how attractive they considered their sex partner on a scale of one to 10, Americans responded with a whopping 10. The more fastidious Italians gave their partners a 5, and the French a woeful 2."
The study was bankrolled by beauty product companies in Europe and the U.S., and was similar to a study they financed 25 years ago.
"Americans have come a long way since then," Dr. Boyd says. "In 1979 the world's greatest lovers were the Italians, with the French a close second. America tied with Ethiopia near the bottom of the list, beating only Russia and Morocco.
"The difference is that the fattest nation on Earth is now the sexiest, proving that fat can indeed be beautiful -- it's all in the eye of the beholder.
"Scientists will now study our results and try to determine why being obese makes us sexier. Perhaps it's a throwback to cave man times when the fatter a man or woman was, the more likely they were to survive hard times, which would make them very attractive as potential mates.
"Why sexual performance is enhanced among fat people is a mystery. It's possible that, since they know they are not skinny and attractive like the fashion model ideal, they try harder.
"And why Americans see their obese sex partner as attractive could be a changing beauty norm. The reign of the skinny could be over, giving way to the obese. Today, in America at least, fat's where it's at."
The French are crying foul over the report, saying that the enduring reputation of Frenchman as great lovers was established centuries ago and continues to this day.
"This report was skewed in favor of Americans who buy more beauty products than any other nation," sniffs a government spokesman. "I fail to see how two, great, 300-pound porkers rolling on a squeaking bed is sexy."
An Italian Ministry of Tourism spokesman adds: "People should vacation in Italy where they will quickly discover that we are still the greatest lovers on Earth.
"I do not believe this report. Somebody was bought -- big time."
-- G.A. Gunns
Published on: 09/28/2004
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/sex/61242
I'm pretty sure this is a tabloid however. I mean, on the main browser, the first link is "Alien & UFO Reportings"
Interesting read however.