NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?

Re-write the Bible? Fire the Pope? Smight some Muslims? Feed the poor... some BS about tithing...?

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?


Exterminate owls.

Exterminate people who senselessly killed and basically correct the world.

Exterminate owls.
Tell everyone on the planet they got this religious thing all wrong… do it with love … not with a feeling of moral and religious certitude

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?

Re-write the Bible? Fire the Pope? Smight some Muslims? Feed the poor... some BS about tithing...?

What d'you mean 'if' I was God?!

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?

Re-write the Bible? Fire the Pope? Smight some Muslims? Feed the poor... some BS about tithing...?

If I were God, Muslims would worship me, so why would I want to smite them? - Christians, Muslims and Jews all believe in the same God.

Well, it's a big Universe. I think I would just forget about Earth and concentrate in other more interesting places.

Oops, wait...

I'd make a clear set of rules and let people know them, along with their reasoning, instead of relying on them to understand a millenia-old book of stories.

if i were god i wouldn´t have created humans

Scare the shit out of everyone by moving the moon closer.

if i were God, i would sit back and leave people be, as it must be bloody amusing watching humanity destroy itself and the planet whilst blissfully assuming that we are the greatest thing ever :D

What d'you mean 'if' I was God?!

I am God!

if i were god i wouldn´t have created humans

I wouldn't go that far, but I'd redesign the penis. That was a Friday afternoon job if ever I saw one.

I wouldn't go that far, but I'd redesign the penis. That was a Friday afternoon job if ever I saw one.

Lol. He must have had carrots and peas for lunch that day.

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?
Smite all invidels with my smiting powers. Out of pure boredom. Cause heaven is the dullest place in the universe. All one can do there is talk all day about stuff like the meaning of life. Or some other philosofical shit. Hell is where the real parties are at. But Lucifer doesn't want God to come there.

Demand human sacrifices!!!

No, probably would tell everyone to be a hippie.

Smite all the secular religious leaders(i.e. Not pope or Dhali Lama)
Take out politicians that use Religion as a tool
make all food healthy(but still just as tasty)
Let all the fat people be thin.
Send someone down to shut up all the people who won't shut up about "Our religion is the right religion. You're all going to hell, so convert now or burn forever." (Kinda like Jesus or one of the prophets, cept with more righteous fury and a healthy dose of asskicking, and good enough timing to do it on national live tv)
Also, get rid of all the stuff that no-one really knows what its for...(does the foreskin even have a purpose?)
Penis would get a total design change, its not fair that only girls get to be all pretty while naked.(i'm Bi and I still find the penis to be ugly as hell to look at, still fun to play with though:D)
Vagina gets changed a bit too, pretty from distance, ugly up close.

hehe, i'd definitely have to ban the royal family and and peas

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?

Re-write the Bible? Fire the Pope? Smight some Muslims? Feed the poor... some BS about tithing...?

Mwaahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Wouldn't you all like to know!!!!

I would give every child in the world a puppy. Then I'd have it die a violent death while the child watches. Then I'd take away their video games and tv and give them to the blind.

I would destroy rap. At least that "gansta rap" crap. There is some acceptable rap, but naything I deam unacceptable... deserves death!!!

I also might rewrite a version of the Bible in 1337. Just to pissed some people off. Ph34r d4 B!bl3!!!!

I would give every child in the world a puppy. Then I'd have it die a violent death while the child watches. Then I'd take away their video games and tv and give them to the blind.

:eek: You sick bastard!

I'd give each person there own mental bubble-universe, so they never had to interact with anything outside their control.

Then I'd have some fun recreating the eyeballs of people I dislike so that aqueous humours would slowly seep out of the corners of their eyes. Oohoohooh, or arm sociopaths in their neighbourhoods with surgical lasers, and convince them that slicing my enemies into slivers from the soles of their feet up is perfectly acceptable and moral.

I'd lay back and enjoy humans destroy the world. If there's other gods with their worlds aswell, we would bet who's world ended first. (And occasionally cheat by throwing some natural disasters on the leading gods worlds, or throw in a jesus figure)

My first ten changes:

1) I'd move everybody out and then erase Jerusalem from existence. I'd put an amusement park(see below) there instead. :)

2) I'd give everyone on Earth the gift of literacy.

3) I'd transform every weapon more complex than knives and swords into yummy cinnamon buns.

4) I would write in huge flaming letters around the moon, "Under New Management' to last a fortnight.

5) I would triple the world's mud supply.

6) Certain areas such as the Amazon rainforest and the Congo jungle would have their growth rate accelerated exponentially to retake land lost this century to development.

7) I would wipe out all sexually transmitted diseases.

8) All people would have to pray to me to have a baby. Each applicant will be judged on their merits.

9) I'd make water just a little bit thicker.

10) I'd start my own chain of Holy Amusement Parks where people could come to be closer to their Almighty and to be more spiritual while riding waterslides and exploring zany boobytrapped maze-like fun houses.

THat'd be a decent start. I'd adjust things as needed after that.

I'd show myself so people would start believing

...and get a lodger in.

I would also:

1. Command people to thank the animals they kill before they eat them.

2. Put decent public transport links into rural Britain.

3. Make ITV start showing some decent programmes, or smite them from the surface of the Earth.

4. Stop fat people from smelling so bad.

5. Redesign women so that their behaviour and speech makes more sense.

6. Instill all humans with an instinctive knowledge of how to make the perfect cuppa.

if i was god, i would make sure NO ONE worships me!! number 1 on my list

number 2. all rascists will take a permentent trip to the land of fire

number 3.... try and find a way to make good socialism work.. hey i'm god! who says it can't be done!

I'd put my feet up and do nothing... pretty much what the current guy does. :)

I'd give Britain some big beefy propellers so they can move to the carribean! Bloody weather.

Oh, and confiscate all pants.

I'd give Britain some big beefy propellers so they can move to the carribean! Bloody weather.

Oh, and confiscate all pants.

Worthwhile goals. :)

I'd give Britain some big beefy propellers so they can move to the carribean! Bloody weather.

Oh, and confiscate all pants.

Confiscate the pants?

What will you do with them then?

I dont know yet. Maybe wear them? not all of them at once you understand. Just a few at a time, just to get a feel for them.

Ok, i'm a pervy God. you got me

Hrmmm ....

In order:

1] Eliminate all churches. All of them. People would have to go outside to worship me. No matter what the weather.

2] Get rid of clothing unless it's for a practical purpose (such as warmth in the snow). Anyone caught in jeans on a warm sunny day would be smited. Nakedness would be next to godliness.

4] Get rid of the number 3.

5] Put on a Jesus mask, walk around the earth and say, "Don't worship me anymore. I was wrong. Go away."

6] Return the US to the Natives.

7] Create good quality entertainment on television.

8] Give deer bullet proof skin.

9] Make the worst disease you could get be a cold. People would only die when they get bored. When they do die, they'd get to come back with all knowledge of previous life. They can do this no more than 5 times. After 5 times, they would then be forced to work in my acid mines.

10] Make enjoying the music of Celine Dion, ABBA, or Michael Bolton a cardinal sin.

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?
Remove all devout extra-Mesopotamian-style worshippers of Yah from the face of the planet by sending them to hell.

1.) Fire my PR guys.
2.) Write my own definitive set of scriptures. (If you want something done right...)
3.) Get together with Lucifer and try to work things out.
4.) Personally inform all of the people who don't believe in my existence that I'm actually real. (It's only fair...)
5.) Get people to chill more. (Drink some lemonade...chat idly with friends...etc.)
6.) Pick a later date for the destruction of the universe.

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?

Re-write the Bible? Fire the Pope? Smight some Muslims? Feed the poor... some BS about tithing...?

Remove myself from existence. Yes, I'm serious.

I no longer have nice thoughts.

For me it would be pure justice, swift and simple.

Bigots would be gene-spliced into the race they most hate.

Child abusers would be desexed.

And people like you who cross over the center line would find a giant circular saw rising up out of the road right in the middle of the line to cut their car (and maybe themselves) in half.

For great justice!

And the Red Sox would win the series.

Bring back terrified agnosticism as a way of life. http://global.cscc.edu/demo/hum/111/readings1.htm

Rain the world with fire just for fun.

Make it a sin to leave the toilet seat up, or worse, not to put it up. (That's really disgusting).

Abolish the homework I'm supposed to be doing right now.

One day a year come down to earth to mess w/ peoples' heads.

Randomly change the laws of physics. ["Aw d***, gravity just reversed again! F***ing God!"]

etc. etc. etc.

I'd add 6 extra hours to the day. Or rather, the night. Think of how it would help the economy... an entire extra shift!

I'd also keep my powers selfishly to myself and people I liked. Probably would do things I saw in various animes.

Zap a few influential bad people, and fill the sky with the words "Wrong, try again".

I'd step up Armageddon.

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?

Re-write the Bible? Fire the Pope? Smight some Muslims? Feed the poor... some BS about tithing...?

Rewire the human brain so that people could easily understand each other and could quickly discern the truth.

Exterminate owls.

I'd bring all of the owls back.

I would Smite all stupid people.

Well, you're the Almighty... what would you do?
I'd start by giving having the Canadians in Afghanistan "miraculously" find Osama bin Laden, so that the Americans can't have that glory. Then, I'd smite all the fundamentalist religious Americans, sending them straight to tell, and on that same one-way high to hell, I'd send all the Jihadist who'd be waging war in my name.

Once that is done, I'd descend to earth, fire the pope, punish all politicians and have all anti-abortionists rounded up and shot, as well as everyone else who pisses me off. Then, I'd make it a nice and happy world with no violence and people would be tolerant of each other, otherwise they'd have a very angry God banging on their door!!

Oh, almost forgot. I'd make Carrot Top my Priest of Groin Kicks. The way it works is this: Everyone who kicks Carrot Top in the groin will be Saved. All sins forgiven. :D

Take a deep interest in peoples sex-life, and put in place all sorts of weird taboo's and restrictions. Then sit back and watch it play out.

I'd smite the lot of ya, then burn the universe to atoms in holy fire.