NationStates Jolt Archive

when you go to the bathroom and there's no toiletpaper.

when you go to the bathroom and there's no toiletpaper.
:eek:

yep :(

But there's always socks :D

When you go to the bathroom and forget to bring something to read so you have to settle for reading the back of a shampoo bottle.

When you go to the bathroom and forget to bring something to read so you have to settle for reading the back of a shampoo bottle.
Why in GODS name do you read on the toilet?
You take a shit/pee and leave... Where is time for reading?

I hate blowing my own trumpet. I end up in hospital needing very serious surgery.

Why in GODS name do you read on the toilet?
You take a shit/pee and leave... Where is time for reading?

You know, Ghandi used to ask people if they had a good bowel movement when they woke up. He knew the secret to a good day was a great shit in the morning. Relax. Take your time on the bowel. Read the paper. You'll be happier.

You know, Ghandi used to ask people if they had a good bowel movement when they woke up. He knew the secret to a good day was a great shit in the morning. Relax. Take your time on the bowel. Read the paper. You'll be happier.
it's not like more shit will come out if you wait longer

it's not like more shit will come out if you wait longer

No, you're right. But it's the relaxation factor.

No, you're right. But it's the relaxation factor.
I'd rather read my book on the couch

I'd rather read my book on the couch

Ok. If you prefer a quick evacuation, rock on. I like a little time to reflect.

Yeah!

It's a chance to catch up with that magazine you were reading...

You know, Ghandi used to ask people if they had a good bowel movement when they woke up.

Unless I have fallen asleep on the toilet I consider it a better idea to leave having a bowel movement until sometime after I wake up.

Unless I have fallen asleep on the toilet I consider it a better idea to leave having a bowel movement until sometime after I wake up.

That's what I meant, wise ass.

I've had a really good shit today!

I've had a really good shit today!

Always nice to start the day on the right note. Have a good one!!

Two things come to mind when reading this scaterlogical thread:
First thing:
I can honestly tell you there is one thing worse than taking a dump (seeing the kids off at the pool, snapping one off, laying a cable etc etc) and there being no toilet paper. And that's having the runs (squirts, bum gravy, rusty water, etc etc) and no toilet paper.
Trust me on this one. It ain't pleasant.
The other thing:
The toilet at the gym I've recently started going to is weird. The water goes up to only a couple of inches below the rim. When I first went into a cubicle I (naturally) assumed it was blocked, but then noticed all the toilets were the same, and being desperate used one. They designed to be like this.
I've since found, having not far to fall, they process is quicker, more is evacuated (I'm trying to be polite here, so bear with me), there's no strain and the stools are longer than any I've ever done before. We're talking foot-long monsters here! I think it's because there's no pressure on the spincter - as soon as they're in water they're weightless, so it just keeps oozing out. Y'know, it's like when you have a crap in the public baths, or at the beach just down from the happy family on vacation:
"Mum! Mum! look at this weird fish I've found!"
So. Have I put anyone off their dinner yet?

I was going to post this in the 'Good Joke' thread but it seemed more apt here:

One day this man was driving for hours through the country side and needed to go to the bathroom urgently. He sees an old store off the side of the road, pulls up and proceeds to the bathroom. When he was done dumping his captains log, he looks around and notices to his shock there was no toilet paper and a sign on the wall - "Sorry, there is no toilet paper, but if you wipe your arse with your index and middle fingers and stick them in this hole they will be licked clean." The man thinks that this too disgusting and there's no way he's going to do that.
So he sits for a further hour trying to figure out what to do, and eventually decides that although disgusting, it's the only way out. So he wipes his arse with his fingers and sticks them in the hole. Then a man on the other side slams two bricks onto the man's fingers so hard, the pain causes him to shove his fingers in his mouth.

when you go to the bathroom and there's no toiletpaper.

Oh hell yeah.