NationStates Jolt Archive

Here's my problem:

I've been dating the cutest girl for several months now. At the start of the relationship I loved her to death and we couldn't stand to be apart.
However as time has gone by, whether due to over-thinking and a whole bunch of little issue being blown out of proportion we are on kind of shakey ground right now.

This is where I need the advice:

You see, recently I've begun flirting with a female friend of mine, This is nothing unsual as we normally do, however we toned it down when I started dating my current girlfriend.
However, I recent "flirting session" went a litt too far (this was in class so don't go too wild).
Though suffice is to say there was alot of lewd comment, inuendo, horse-play and under-the-table "accidently rubbing for twenty minutes".

Now this is complicated:

Because I always do this around this time in a relationship, I kind of start lokking for other options and infact almost cheated on a prior girlfriend a few years back with this friend.

So I got thinking:

Is this really about my relationship, or is this some sick fantasy I have? Because when I first started dating my current girlfriend she hadn't even kissed a guy before. So it was the ultimate kind of turn-on for me every step of the way, even though we took it really slow.
But now that we've "gone a little bit further", infact right aroudn this time, I lost intrest.
Which brings me back to my friend, you see she also hasn't gotten past first.

So what do you think?

Do I have a legitmate issue, or am I just hunting for my fantasy?

Thoughts?

...I loved her to death...
Some chicks really dig corpses

Serious though: Just decide for Christs Sake! If your not interested anymore in your current girlfriend: end it! Jeez. "accidently rubbing for twenty minutes"? Shag her to death!

Here's my problem:

I've been dating the cutest girl for several months now. At the start of the relationship I loved her to death and we couldn't stand to be apart.
However as time has gone by, whether due to over-thinking and a whole bunch of little issue being blown out of proportion we are on kind of shakey ground right now.

This is where I need the advice:

You see, recently I've begun flirting with a female friend of mine, This is nothing unsual as we normally do, however we toned it down when I started dating my current girlfriend.
However, I recent "flirting session" went a litt too far (this was in class so don't go too wild).
Though suffice is to say there was alot of lewd comment, inuendo, horse-play and under-the-table "accidently rubbing for twenty minutes".

Now this is complicated:

Because I always do this around this time in a relationship, I kind of start lokking for other options and infact almost cheated on a prior girlfriend a few years back with this friend.

So I got thinking:

Is this really about my relationship, or is this some sick fantasy I have? Because when I first started dating my current girlfriend she hadn't even kissed a guy before. So it was the ultimate kind of turn-on for me every step of the way, even though we took it really slow.
But now that we've "gone a little bit further", infact right aroudn this time, I lost intrest.
Which brings me back to my friend, you see she also hasn't gotten past first.

So what do you think?

Do I have a legitmate issue, or am I just hunting for my fantasy?

Thoughts?

It sounds to me as if you should be concentrating on finding a female friend first and let all the "other stuff" come later. Any lasting relationship is built first on trust and secondly on friendship ... the two go hand-in-hand. All the really good relationships I have had in my life were based upon a trusting and lasting friendship first. Most of them remain my friends to this day.

I would also like to suggest that you seem to be setting very high standards later on in your relationships. It would be much more effective to know yourself well enough to decide up front what you're willing to settle for as a minimum in your significant other. This is much more effective than simply starting a relationship essentially at random, only to discover later that there are things about the other person you have trouble living with.

When you become friends first, you have a much better opportunity to assess the other's personality, intelligence, personal quirks, etc.

Are you the same guy who posted a few days ago? Wasn't our advice good enough then? It was as considered an opinion as you're ever likely to get from me. :confused:

I am puzzled about this "friend" you constantly flirt with. Why are you in a relationship with her if you are consistantly "friendly" with her, whether you have a girlfriend or not?

So what do you think?

Do I have a legitmate issue, or am I just hunting for my fantasy?

Thoughts?
You are posessed!!! Find a priest and confess your sins!!! And then have an excorcism or two and join a convent.

Go for the one who's easiest to keep happy. Low-cost, low maintenance gals are the best.

Go for the one who's easiest to keep happy. Low-cost, low maintenance gals are the best.
Myrth hits on bums

Myrth hits on bums

Only if they've got their own shopping cart.

Only if they've got their own shopping cart.
El Cheapo

Well if I had a penny fro every girl I split up with because I thought the grass was greener with someone else I'd have 12p.

However sometimes it was.

My advice...

While you're young have some fun

And don't stop when you get old.

Try not to hurt people while you're doing it.

If you're doing something that you wouldn't want your girlfriend to know about perhaps you shouldn't be doing it.

Ignore all advice.

Well if I had a penny fro every girl I split up with because I thought the grass was greener with someone else I'd have 12p.

You don't have 12p :eek: Myrth: nothing for you?

You don't have 12p :eek: Myrth: nothing for you?
No I have a mortgage, the bank own's my soul...

get a life. your divided efforts will earn you little result. Chose and concentrate on who you wanna be with. Make effort=result instead of effort/2=result/2. As you can see, equation #2 gives you less result on the individual.

Here's my problem:

I've been dating the cutest girl for several months now. At the start of the relationship I loved her to death and we couldn't stand to be apart.
However as time has gone by, whether due to over-thinking and a whole bunch of little issue being blown out of proportion we are on kind of shakey ground right now.

This is where I need the advice:

You see, recently I've begun flirting with a female friend of mine, This is nothing unsual as we normally do, however we toned it down when I started dating my current girlfriend.
However, I recent "flirting session" went a litt too far (this was in class so don't go too wild).
Though suffice is to say there was alot of lewd comment, inuendo, horse-play and under-the-table "accidently rubbing for twenty minutes".

Now this is complicated:

Because I always do this around this time in a relationship, I kind of start lokking for other options and infact almost cheated on a prior girlfriend a few years back with this friend.

So I got thinking:

Is this really about my relationship, or is this some sick fantasy I have? Because when I first started dating my current girlfriend she hadn't even kissed a guy before. So it was the ultimate kind of turn-on for me every step of the way, even though we took it really slow.
But now that we've "gone a little bit further", infact right aroudn this time, I lost intrest.
Which brings me back to my friend, you see she also hasn't gotten past first.

So what do you think?

Do I have a legitmate issue, or am I just hunting for my fantasy?

Thoughts?
This is a normal male behavior. You're only trying to find your soulmate.

Break up with your current girlfriend and go out with your slutty friend. It's the only answer (unless you can convince them of a threeway, which is the obvious best choice).

I am puzzled about this "friend" you constantly flirt with. Why are you in a relationship with her if you are consistantly "friendly" with her, whether you have a girlfriend or not?
1) She's in alot of my classes
2) Uh... hmmm... dunno

Dude! Seriously, if you're that inetrested in her and uninterested in your girlfriend, fuck the dramatic rubbing and get to it already.

I fucking hate highschool type shit....

fuck who's easy and have some fun with it.

ok. now, how old are you?

if you're in highschool, then whatever, those romances never turn out anyways. sew your wild oats and enjoy your youth.

just don't be stupid about it.

before getting it on, remember to wrap your schlong.

Break up with your current girlfriend and go out with your slutty friend. It's the only answer (unless you can convince them of a threeway, which is the obvious best choice).
Well, dispite the numerous mentions I've made that if my girlfriend wanted to have a leasbian affair I'd have no problems. As long as she brought back pictures, a preferably video.
This is normally met with that cute cyrcle of fist thing she does. You know the one where they try to hit you with their thumbs still inside their fists?

As for my friend, it could work, but it would cost me. (this is based on a conversation we had inwhich she stated she would not have a lesbian liason for less $2000)

ok. now, how old are you?

if you're in highschool, then whatever, those romances never turn out anyways. sew your wild oats and enjoy your youth.

just don't be stupid about it.

before getting it on, remember to wrap your schlong.
That's what I was going to ask. Your age has so much to do with this--I mean, if you're in your 40s and you're still having this problem, well, it runs deeper than if your're even in your early teens.

I was thinking about one of my favorite novels/movies last night--High Fidelity. There's this scene at the end where the main character comes to the realization that the fantasy never really pans out, precisely because it's the fantasy. It can never last.

And that's fine, as long as you realize it and roll with it. Too many people don't get their fantasies worked out and spend their entire lives being miserable because they think they missed out on something that never existed in the first place.

who cares, just have fun. you wont even remember in a few years.

It sounds to me as if you should be concentrating on finding a female friend first and let all the "other stuff" come later. Any lasting relationship is built first on trust and secondly on friendship ... the two go hand-in-hand. All the really good relationships I have had in my life were based upon a trusting and lasting friendship first. Most of them remain my friends to this day.

I would also like to suggest that you seem to be setting very high standards later on in your relationships. It would be much more effective to know yourself well enough to decide up front what you're willing to settle for as a minimum in your significant other. This is much more effective than simply starting a relationship essentially at random, only to discover later that there are things about the other person you have trouble living with.

When you become friends first, you have a much better opportunity to assess the other's personality, intelligence, personal quirks, etc.


Shit I agree with this flaming conservative diehard. It IS possible to be friends with more than one girl at once -- best of both worlds!!!1!!1 Maybe you should investigate the possibility?

I would also advise against more or less randomly sleeping around, since there is no way to avoid HIV/AIDS except abstinence and STDs are so rampant that it's really damn scary. You don't want to get into habits that give you something you can't get rid of later on.

Wish me luck, I'm in the middle of hooking up a date between my friend and me. Standard dinner and movies deal.

I think I'll "see what happens" then decide what to do from there.

Get em together and talk em into a threesome. That ALWAYS works...

Get em together and talk em into a threesome. That ALWAYS works...
Trust me, that'll never work. My girlfriend takes conservative to the next level, the fact she refers to seperated families as "estranged" and homosexuals as "confused" should have givent hat away.

Trust me, that'll never work. My girlfriend takes conservative to the next level, the fact she refers to seperated families as "estranged" and homosexuals as "confused" should have givent hat away.
Ew, she's probably not worth your time...

Ew, she's probably not worth your time...
only if your a bigot, man I have been waiting to say that

only if your a bigot, man I have been waiting to say that
Heh...it's bigotry to not want to go out with someone because they're not opened minded. If it's bigotry to criticize people of being close-minded, then I'm a bigot and everyone else is and the word "bigot" has lost all meaning.

Here's my problem:

I've been dating the cutest girl for several months now. At the start of the relationship I loved her to death and we couldn't stand to be apart.
However as time has gone by, whether due to over-thinking and a whole bunch of little issue being blown out of proportion we are on kind of shakey ground right now.

This is where I need the advice:

You see, recently I've begun flirting with a female friend of mine, This is nothing unsual as we normally do, however we toned it down when I started dating my current girlfriend.
However, I recent "flirting session" went a litt too far (this was in class so don't go too wild).
Though suffice is to say there was alot of lewd comment, inuendo, horse-play and under-the-table "accidently rubbing for twenty minutes".

Now this is complicated:

Because I always do this around this time in a relationship, I kind of start lokking for other options and infact almost cheated on a prior girlfriend a few years back with this friend.

So I got thinking:

Is this really about my relationship, or is this some sick fantasy I have? Because when I first started dating my current girlfriend she hadn't even kissed a guy before. So it was the ultimate kind of turn-on for me every step of the way, even though we took it really slow.
But now that we've "gone a little bit further", infact right aroudn this time, I lost intrest.
Which brings me back to my friend, you see she also hasn't gotten past first.

So what do you think?

Do I have a legitmate issue, or am I just hunting for my fantasy?

Thoughts?

Have you thought about trying a relationship with this friend you keep turning to? Maybe subconsciously she's the one you want to be with. Either way, it sounds like your current relationship needs to end, don't drag it out.

Heh...it's bigotry to not want to go out with someone because they're not opened minded. If it's bigotry to criticize people of being close-minded, then I'm a bigot and everyone else is and the word "bigot" has lost all meaning.
thats right now phrase them as "Close-minded" becasue they ain't gay and here I thought you found out your sexuailty when you to be like 14 or some'thin, and gasp your too close minded to belong to a religon does that make you Close minded, or is that just bigotry on my part.

As for my friend, it could work, but it would cost me. (this is based on a conversation we had inwhich she stated she would not have a lesbian liason for less $2000)

Alcohol will lower that figure considerably ;)