NationStates Jolt Archive

In light of the presidential debates, we need some gratuitous violence to soothe our American minds from the dangerous and unnecessary practice of thinking.

So, John Kerry would be able to flip and flop out of harms way if George tried to attack him. But Bush would be able to use his wealth & influence to get a tag team going and put the smack down on Kerry. Also, Kerry's face is so large it makes a huge target. Also, what would Kerry do if Bush called in Cheney and had him use his bald head to reflect light into Kerry's eyes? However, John could use his younger and more nimble John Edwards to sneak up behind Bush and get him in a chokehold tighter than the ties between Kerry and the Swift Boat veterans. Also, Edwards could use his legal ties in case Kerry dies to sue Bush and gain sizable campaign funds!

So, who would win this climactic struggle?

In light of the presidential debates, we need some gratuitous violence to soothe our American minds from the dangerous and unnecessary practice of thinking.

So, John Kerry would be able to flip and flop out of harms way if George tried to attack him. But Bush would be able to use his wealth & influence to get a tag team going and put the smack down on Kerry. Also, Kerry's face is so large it makes a huge target. Also, what would Kerry do if Bush called in Cheney and had him use his bald head to reflect light into Kerry's eyes? However, John could use his younger and more nimble John Edwards to sneak up behind Bush and get him in a chokehold tighter than the ties between Kerry and the Swift Boat veterans. Also, Edwards could use his legal ties in case Kerry dies to sue Bush and gain sizable campaign funds!

So, who would win this climactic struggle?
Bush he owns a gun and knows how to use it while Kerry is saying how he was in veitnam the other vets would jump him with their scar coverd on him.

Actually, both Bush AND Kerry own a gun.

Actually, both Bush AND Kerry own a gun.
Yeah but bush has a handgun I think.

PRESIDENTIAL BATTLE

Bush
1,000 HP

Kerry
1,000 HP

GO!

Bush uses "Dumbasss Beam"!
Kerry takes 236 Damage! Kerry has 764 HP.

Kerry uses "Debate!" "Bush is weak against debate"!
Bush takes 329 Damage! Bush has 671 HP.

Bush uses "War in Iraq!" John Kerry is strong against "War in Iraq".
John Kerry takes 100 damage. John Kerry has 664 HP.

John Kerry is charging an attack!

Bush uses "Mind Drain!"
John Kerry takes 200 Damage! John Kerry has 464 HP.
Bush's Attack Rose.

John Kerry uses "THREE PURPLE HEARTS THAT I GOT IN VIETNAM!"
Bush is weak against "THREE PURPLE HEARTS THAT I GOT IN VIETNAM!"
Bush takes 350 Damage. Bush has 321 HP.
Kerry gains 50 HP. Kerry has 515 HP.

Bush uses "Patriot Act!"
John Kerry takes 135 damage! John Kerry has 380 HP.

John Kerry must re-charge.

Bush says "Tax Cut!"
Bush gains 200 HP. Bush has 521 HP.
Kerry gains 100 HP. Kerry has 480 HP.

Kerry uses "Fahrenheit 9/11"! Bush is weak against "Fahrenheit 9/11"!
Bush takes 300 damage. Bush has 221 HP.

Bush uses "Personal Attack!" John Kerry shrugged it off....sorta.
John Kerry takes 86 damage. John Kerry has 394 HP.

Kerry uses "Intellectuality!" Bush is weak against "Intellectuality!"
Bush takes 220 damage. Bush has 1 HP.

Bush summons Cheney. Cheney uses Heart Attack!
Dick Cheney takes 1,000 Damage.
Bush takes 278 Damage.
Kerry hides behind a podium and takes 376 damage.

Bush Fainted.
Cheney Fainted.
JOHN KERRY HAS 18 HP. JOHN KERRY IS TEH 1337 Uber Ownxxors.

Yeah but bush has a handgun I think.ANd George W.'s head is to thick for a bullet to get through anyway, he wouldn't knoww when he's dead. He'd have to wait for Chaney to tell him.

ANd George W.'s head is to thick for a bullet to get through anyway, he wouldn't knoww when he's dead. He'd have to wait for Chaney to tell him.
Cheney would be too "busy" somewhere else.

Actually, both Bush AND Kerry own a gun.

Good point, but it appears as if Kerry doesn't know how to shoot.

Where's that wascally wabbit? (http://www.sportsmenforkerryedwards.com/jkhunting.htm)

PRESIDENTIAL BATTLE

Bush
1,000 HP

Kerry
1,000 HP

GO!

Bush uses "Dumbasss Beam"!
Kerry takes 236 Damage! Kerry has 764 HP.

Kerry uses "Debate!" "Bush is weak against debate"!
Bush takes 329 Damage! Bush has 671 HP.

Bush uses "War in Iraq!" John Kerry is strong against "War in Iraq".
John Kerry takes 100 damage. John Kerry has 664 HP.

John Kerry is charging an attack!

Bush uses "Mind Drain!"
John Kerry takes 200 Damage! John Kerry has 464 HP.
Bush's Attack Rose.

John Kerry uses "THREE PURPLE HEARTS THAT I GOT IN VIETNAM!"
Bush is weak against "THREE PURPLE HEARTS THAT I GOT IN VIETNAM!"
Bush takes 350 Damage. Bush has 321 HP.
Kerry gains 50 HP. Kerry has 515 HP.

Bush uses "Patriot Act!"
John Kerry takes 135 damage! John Kerry has 380 HP.

John Kerry must re-charge.

Bush says "Tax Cut!"
Bush gains 200 HP. Bush has 521 HP.
Kerry gains 100 HP. Kerry has 480 HP.

Kerry uses "Fahrenheit 9/11"! Bush is weak against "Fahrenheit 9/11"!
Bush takes 300 damage. Bush has 221 HP.

Bush uses "Personal Attack!" John Kerry shrugged it off....sorta.
John Kerry takes 86 damage. John Kerry has 394 HP.

Kerry uses "Intellectuality!" Bush is weak against "Intellectuality!"
Bush takes 220 damage. Bush has 1 HP.

Bush summons Cheney. Cheney uses Heart Attack!
Dick Cheney takes 1,000 Damage.
Bush takes 278 Damage.
Kerry hides behind a podium and takes 376 damage.

Bush Fainted.
Cheney Fainted.
JOHN KERRY HAS 18 HP. JOHN KERRY IS TEH 1337 Uber Ownxxors.

*CLAPS* Brilliant, absolutely brilliant! *Kerry pokevolves into President Kerry!

Also I noticed that during the debates it looked as if both were wearing body armor under their shirts. Have to take either a head shot or use....................Something Bigger! (http://www.ashw.co.uk/defence/20mm.sniper.rifle.front.jpg)

Lets see. Kerry's larger, and been in war...And Kerry can afford better shit, if his wife cracks in ;)

kerry would confuse bush with super smarts but bush would later regroup and bush would win because he'd fight dirty.


...man i hate bush

kerry would confuse bush with super smarts but bush would later regroup and bush would win because he'd fight dirty.


...man i hate bush

Dirty? Kerry's the one that chased down that vietnamese sniper and executed him...

*is not anti-kerry, just stating what he's heard*

President Kerry has encountered a wild Bill Clinton!

Clinton
2,500 HP

President John Kerry
1,500 HP


Clinton uses "OMG Sex Scandal!" Kerry is shocked by such a turn of events.
Kerry takes 250 damage. Kerry has 1,250 Hp.

Kerry uses "Nuclear Proliferation!" Clinton is confused!
Clinton takes 267 damage. Clinton has 2233 HP.

Clinton is confused. Clinton tries to use "Impeach!" Clinton's attack fails. Clinton rapes himself in his confusion.
Clinton takes 233 Damage. Clinton has 2,000 HP.

Kerry uses "Vietnam!" Clinton is weak against Vietnam.
Clinton takes 358 damage. Clinton has 1642 HP.

Clinton is confused no more!
Clinton uses "Impeach!"
John Kerry takes 200 damage and loses attack. Kerry has 1,050 HP.

Kerry uses "Abortion!"
Clinton is aborted.
Clinton takes 350 Damage. Clinton has 1292 damage.

Clinton uses "Second Term!"
Clinton gains 1 point on all stats and gains 200 HP. Clinton has 1492 HP.

Kerry fires the doctors who are supposed to operate on Clinton!
Clinton has five turns before death!

Clinton uses "Somalian Conflict!"
Kerry takes 196 damage. Kerry has 854 HP.

Kerry is charging an attack. It looks like a kick-ass thing.

Clinton uses '"Diplomacy!"
Clinton gains 2 points on Special Atk. Stat.

Kerry is still charging!

Clinton uses "Saxophone Blast!" Kerry is strong against Saxophone blast.
Kerry takes 100 damage. Kerry has 754 HP.

Kerry uses "Vietnam Veterans Unite! (AKA Lots o' Purple hearts!)"
Clinton is screwed.
Clinton takes 1,000 Damage. Clinton has 492 HP. Clinton gets a heart attack!
CLINTON DIES

President John Kerry grows a level.

Well as someone who lives outside the US, but is having the US election stuff shoved down her throat almost everywhere she turns, my answer is simple, quick and easy...

Who cares :D.

President John Kerry grows a level.
Sings pokemon theme
"To be a leader, presidential leader, I think the next fight, will be a bleeder!"