NationStates Jolt Archive

A teacher is speaking to her young young pupils.

Teacher: Jimmy what did you do today?
Jim: Played in the sandpit, miss.
Teacher: Spell sand & you can have the afternoon off.
Jim: S.A.N.D.
Teacher: Off you go

Teacher: David what did you do today?
David: Played in the sandpit with Jimmy, miss.
Teacher: Spell pit & you can have the rest of the day off.
David: P.I.T.
Teacher: Off you go then.

Teacher: Ho Ching what did you do today?
Ho Ching: Nothing, miss, those boys wouldn't let me play in the sandpit.
(The teacher looks really alarmed by this)
Teacher: That is the worst case of racial discrimination I have ever seen...




...spell racial discrimination.

LOL

A teacher is educating the children on how to plan their lives. He picks a big bowl and some rocks:"These rocks are the your primary needs. Clothes, food a house." He fills the bowl with rocks. "Now is this bowl full?" Some student say "yes".

"Now these pebbles are things that are useful in life. A car, tables, education." He fills up the bowl with pebbles. "Now is the bowl full?" More students answer "yes".

"This sand are luxuries. A TV, art, pedicures." He fills the bowl with sand. "Now this bowl is filled with the primary needs, the useful things and the luxuries. If you start out with planning luxuries in your life, you'll never be able to fit in all the primary needs. Any questions?"

One students stands up, walks up to the bowl, opens up a can of beer and pours it into the bowl. "No matter how full your life is, there's always room for beer."

A duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender, "Say, you got any crackers?"

Looking puzzled, the barkeep says, "We don't have any crackers." The duck waddles out.

The next day, the duck walks back in and says, "Say, you got any crackers?"
The barkeep, a bit annoyed, says "Dude, I told you we don't have any crackers!" The duck waddles out.

The next day, the duck walks back in and says, "Say, you got any crackers?" The barkeep, beside himself with anger, says, "LOOK BITCH! I told you the first day, and I told you yesterday we don't have any g-damn CRACKERS! Ask again and I will nail your beak to the fuckin' wall!" The duck waddles out.

The next day, the duck walks back in and sits at the bar. The barkeep gives him a stern look and says nothing. Looking around, the duck says,

"You got any nails?" Barkeep shakes his head.

"You got a hammer?" The barkeep says, "NO! This a BAR, dude!"

Smiling, the duck says, "Say, you got any crackers?"\

A teacher is speaking to her young young pupils.

Teacher: Jimmy what did you do today?
Jim: Played in the sandpit, miss.
Teacher: Spell sand & you can have the afternoon off.
Jim: S.A.N.D.
Teacher: Off you go

Teacher: David what did you do today?
David: Played in the sandpit with Jimmy, miss.
Teacher: Spell pit & you can have the rest of the day off.
David: P.I.T.
Teacher: Off you go then.

Teacher: Ho Ching what did you do today?
Ho Ching: Nothing, miss, those boys wouldn't let me play in the sandpit.
(The teacher looks really alarmed by this)
Teacher: That is the worst case of racial discrimination I have ever seen...




...spell racial discrimination.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.....I don't get it. :confused:

The little kids are mean to him because he's asian, so the teacher says that bad. Then she makes him spell not only two words, but two words I'd probably mess up at my first go of spelling them, though that isn't all that odd since I can't spell anyways.

Gogo education!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.....I don't get it. :confused:

The kids discriminated by not letting him play in the sandpit. The teacher discriminates by asking him to spell racial discrimination, while the other kids have to spell "sand" and "pit". It's irony. Or hypocrisy. Or both.

LOL


One students stands up, walks up to the bowl, opens up a can of beer and pours it into the bowl. "No matter how full your life is, there's always room for beer."

Truer words were never spoken :D.

A traveler has been lost in the forest for several days. After reaching the brink of starvation and despair, he spots a small town across a river at the edge of the forest.
"Dear god, thank you for guiding me out of the forest."
As he runs toward the town, a bear leaps out and mauls him to death. before digging in, the bear gets on its knees.
"Dear god, thank you for this meal."

The kids discriminated by not letting him play in the sandpit. The teacher discriminates by asking him to spell racial discrimination, while the other kids have to spell "sand" and "pit". It's irony. Or hypocrisy. Or both.

Ahhhh....I see.

why do bees hum?


because they can't spray deodorant

An English man, a Welshman, a Scotsman & an Irishman are speaking about what could be the fastest thing on Earth.

Englishman: Its got to be thinking hasn't it? I mean you think & its there.
Welshman: Its blinking (blinks his eyes repeatly to demonstrate).
Scotsman: Electricity, you turn the light on & its there straight away.
Irishman: Diarrhoea
Englishman: Diarrhoea? How did you work that one out then?
Irishman: Well one night I drank 12 pints of Guiness & ate a large vindaloo curry, I then went home & got into bed. Then I felt strange before I could Think, Blink or Turn the light on, I'd shit myself.

Nerd humour: f(x) = x^3 -2x + 5 walks into a bar and says 'Can I have a cheese sandwich?'
'Sorry,' the barman says 'No can do. We don't serve functions.'

:confused:

I got the nerd joke, it just wasn't very funny.

Three Englishmen are in a pub, drinking beer. An Irishman comes in. The English say: "Come on, let us make that stupid Irish really angry. It will be fun." So one of the English walks up to the Irishman and says: "I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!" The Irishman stays calm and responds: "Oh, hmm, really? I didn't know that." He walks back to his buddies, telling them thie Irishman is unshakeable. The second Englishman says: "Watch and learn! I'll make him angry!" He walks up to the Irishman and says: "I hear your St. Patrick was a girly-man." Response: "Oh, hmm, really? I didn't know that.", as calm and quiet as before. The Englishman walks back to his friends and also tells them: "You were right. He can't be fooled." So the third Englishman says: "You just don't know how to set him off." He walks over to the Irish, taps him on the shoulder and says: "I hear your St. Patrick was not Irish but he was English!!!" The Irishman: "Oh, I know. That's what your two friends were trying to tell me." :D

Man walks into a bar, sees a horse standing in a corner with a huge jar full of money infront of it. Sign near jar says "Pay $10. Make the horse laugh, you get the jar of money".
The man walks up to the horse, pays his money, whispers in the horse's ear and the horse breaks into side splitting laughter. The man calmly picks up the jar and leaves.
Months later, same man walks into same bar. Same horse, same jar full of money. The sign now reads "Pay $10. Make the horse cry, you get the jar of money".
The man walks up to the horse, pays his money, whispers in the horse's ear. The man and horse walk outside the bar, and after a pause the horse is heard bawling and crying.
Man walks back into the bar and grabs the jar. The bartender has had enough and asks "Hey man, how did you first get the horse to laugh, and then cry?"
The man replies "First, I told him I was better hung then he was... then I proved it."