NationStates Jolt Archive

Me and a friend shall be doing a skit in High School for a (Non) Talent Show exclusivly for us Cross Country runners. Me and the friend have decided on doing on a Kerry/Bush debate. With me being Bush and him being Kerry.

Thing is, we want to be as hilarious as possible. And I know you guys are better than me if not as good with political humor. Can ANYONE make short or long, doesn't matter, bits for a script? Preferably, the script calls for a debate where Bush/Kerry ask each other questions. But one or two of our friends can be asked to ask us the questions if we really need to.
Sadly, I cannot give you credit. But just as well, I don't think people would understand it when I give credit to someone like...Spayed Geminis.


Funny portions of the script and authors WILL be posted here on the first post.

Bush: The war...9/11...the war...9/11...the war

Kerry: The war...my war record...the war...my war record...

Bush: The war...9/11...the war...9/11...the war

Kerry: The war...my war record...the war...my war record...
ha, I should've thought of that. It'll be on the first page soon after my homework gets done

(bump)

I have a Zero Wing spoof off of Bush and Kerry in another thread - 'cept it will prolly offend somebody

John Kerry speaking to reporters:

Now, this war in Iraq is like that of Vietnam. We also had war criminals, for instance me. I killed women and children, but I, John Kerry, 3-time purple heart winner, am against this war....no wait! I'm for this war...no wait again! I , John Kerry, am against this war in Iraq....blah blah blah blah rant rant rant......(reporters fall asleep.)

Bush: I know we were right to go into Iraq, Rumsfeld told me so and Cheney agrees too.

Kerry: I've been trying for weeks now to get my daughter to tattoo "Kerry 2004" onto her chest, but she just isn't going for it.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=184841

I thought this was hilarous ... http://www.jibjab.com/default.asp

You might find something in there to use. It's a bit off-color in places, but not too much. And, yes, it takes jabs at BOTH Bush and Kerry! :)

Most of my works tend to be voice impersonations, so there's no point in sharing them here. My sense of humor tends to be racist, political or just dirty (which I also don't think is appropriate).

Here's a favorite that NS related: http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=355733

As a right-winger, I bash the hell out off commies in my RP posts.

Thus far, the script!

Friend 2: Bush and Kerry...make your opening statements!

Bush (me): I just wanna say that this is some good spagetti...mm mm mm...I'm George Dubya Bush...and I approve this spaghetti!

Kerry (Friend 1): *dead voice* Americans, I won three purple hearts in 'Nam.

Friend 2: Okay then...let your attacks against each other's poli-


*tune of My Land*

Bush: This land is your land, this land is my land! *holds a HUGE picture of Texas compared to midget Massachusetts* I'm a Texas cowboy, your a liberal hot dog! I'm a great crusader! Your a big haired weirdo! This land will surely vote for me!

Kerry:This land is my land *holds a picture of a rich house*, This land is your land! *picture of redneck mobile home* I'm an intellectual, your dumb as a doorknob! I'm a purple heart winner and yes it's true I won it thrice! This land will surely vote for me!

Bush: You got more waffles than a house of pancakes! You offer flip-flops, I offer tax breaks! You suck up to the UN! And yes, it's true...I kick butt! This land will surely vote for me!

Kerry: You can't say nuclear, that really scares me. Sometimes a brain can come in handy. But it's not going to help you, because I won three purple hearts! This land will surely vote for me!

Bush: Your a liberal sissy!

Kerry: Your a right-wing nut-job!

Bush: Hey! You got that Botox!

Kerry: But I still won three purple hearts!

Bush/Kerry: This land will surely vote for me!

*end "My land" tune*

Friend 2: Okay okay...Mr. President, what're your thoughts of the recent prisoner abuse scandel?

Bush: I'm disgusted and outraged over these scandels in...abu-...giraffe....abu kadabra? karina abu jibar? You know...that prison over there! You gotta remember that our policies in war times have changed ever since September...the uh...that day in September! Elecember-seleber!

Friend 2: Uh...Kerry?

Kerry: THREE PURPLE HEARTS!


--This space needs s;more stuff...--

Bush: I have values. I don't like anal sex. I think people should, like, own stuff. I value strategery, nucular disarmamation, and edumacation. I am the only thing between you and the terrorists, so vote for me.

Kerry: I have domestic policies that help people and stuff, and a decisive new stance on the war whenever I'm asked about it. I'm not vaguely ambiguous in the slightest. Did I mention my medals yet?

In the middle of the 'debate', have people sneak into the background and point signs at Bush and Kerry at various times. Have Moveon.org point 'AWOL' and 'Warmonger' signs at Bush, and SVFT can point 'Liar, Liar Pants on Fire' and 'Flip-flopper' signs at Kerry.

:)