NationStates Jolt Archive

Here we list the worst jobs we can think of:

Non-lethal weapon test subject.
Karaoke bar owner.
Sewage tank scuba diver.
Porn film 'fluffer'. (The person whose job it is to keep the male pornstar at full-mast between takes. Ugh.)
Substitute Phys Ed teacher.
Bull semen collector(for artificial insemination)

Any others?

President of the United States
(imagine the mental stress you suffer knowing that 5.75 billion people hate your guts)

Shoe sales man. Lady shoes in particular.

Why is crackwhore not up there? Or Battle Royale contestant?

Shoe sales man. Lady shoes in particular.
*plays the Married With Children theme song*

Why is crackwhore not up there? Or Battle Royale contestant?
Something tells me that listing "crackwhore" as your occupation on your tax forms won't be liked by the IRS.

Something tells me that listing "crackwhore" as your occupation on your tax forms won't be liked by the IRS.
How about private entertainer with a medical habit?

And nobody gets my Battle Royale reference...

And nobody gets my Battle Royale reference...
No. I missed it. Is it a tv show?

No. I missed it. Is it a tv show?

Japanese movie where they put a class of seventh graders on an island and force them to murder each other until one is left who is the "champion".

There are jobs similar to the bull semen collection -- one in particular is for elephants. An individual must insert their entire arm into...well, anyways. Yeah, that.

Being on a jury (i.e. in the US. I'm generalizing), though not a job, can be a real crazy time too...especially in matters of life and death.

I think it was a book first...

I think it was a book first...

There have been numerous versions including a tv show, live action play, manga and an anime.

actually subbing in phys. ed. isn't too bad, you just generally take role then let the kids run around for 30 minutes and send them back to the lockroom to change, repeat until the day is over.

DEREK: So, what's the worst job you ever had?

CLIVE: Well, that's tricky, because I've had some terrible jobs, you know. Yeah, I think the worst actually was in the States.

DEREK: Oh, you've been over there?

CLIVE: Yeah, I've been Stateside. And I was working for Jayne Mansfield.

DEREK: Jayne Mansfield eh?

CLIVE: Yeah, you know, she was very big in her day.

DEREK: She was very big in her day, is that what you said?

CLIVE: She was very big all day, and you know, all night, but the point I'm coming to was that my job was to retrieve lobsters from Jayne's arsehole. 'Cause Jayne, like a lot of Hollywood starlets at the time. . .

....

There have been numerous versions including a tv show, live action play, manga and an anime.

I'm waiting for the puppet show version myself.

There's a movie called Cube that has a similar theme. Or so i gathered. It never really explained who put the people in the cube or why, but it was some sort of puzzle/challenge. make a mistake and get vaporized, or decapitated or whatever other grizzly death was in store.

But that's off topic.

Bad jobs?

bedpan cleaner or other medical janitor

or a janitor in a bar where they have "drink or sink" nights

a janitor or garbage collector of any kind, really.

BLEAH

From Saturday Night Live
ASSISTANT crack whore.

There's a movie called Cube that has a similar theme. Or so i gathered. It never really explained who put the people in the cube or why, but it was some sort of puzzle/challenge. make a mistake and get vaporized, or decapitated or whatever other grizzly death was in store.

I saw Cube 2. Hypercube.

There's a movie called Cube that has a similar theme. Or so i gathered. It never really explained who put the people in the cube or why, but it was some sort of puzzle/challenge. make a mistake and get vaporized, or decapitated or whatever other grizzly death was in store.

Incredibly good science-fiction film. You should rectify not having watched it yet by doing so at the first opportunity. It is kind of explained who put the people in the cube. The film's one weakness is the plot role that one of the characters plays late in the movie, which is meant to be a !!!!BIG SURPRISE!!!!SHIFT1111, but is pretty obvious about 20 minutes in.

Cube 2: Hypercube, isn't too shoddy a film either.

Incredibly good science-fiction film. You should rectify not having watched it yet by doing so at the first opportunity. It is kind of explained who put the people in the cube. The film's one weekness is the plot role that one of the characters plays late in the movie, which is meant to be a !!!!BIG SURPRISE!!!!SHIFT1111, but is pretty obvious about 20 minutes in.

Cube 2: Hypercube, isn't too shoddy a film either.

holy god cube sucked so bad. no explanation or anything. at least in battle roayle they exlained it... oh yeah, battle royale wasnt a total canadian shitfest of a aborted movie.

holy god cube sucked so bad. no explanation or anything. at least in battle roayle they exlained it... oh yeah, battle royale wasnt a total canadian shitfest of a aborted movie.

Well, some of the explanations are stated a bit more clearly in Hypercube.

Deciding whether Cube would have been improved or marred by the inclusion of more violent Japanese schoolgirls in short skirts is an exercise best left to the reader.

Has any cinema actually had the guts to screen a Battle Royale/Bowling For Columbine double feature?

Well, some of the explanations are stated a bit more clearly in Hypercube.
holy crap hypercube was even more convoluted and confusing like the time travel rapid aging sex crap halfway throught? what the hell was that about? and there were like, a million different rooms. even the fucking thing they put the characters in was a convoluted mess that made no sense whatsoever. (if you're wondering why i saw cube 2 after seeing cube one its because they're both shown really really late on scifi channel.

Well, some of the explanations are stated a bit more clearly in Hypercube.

Deciding whether Cube would have been improved or marred by the inclusion of more violent Japanese schoolgirls in short skirts is an exercise best left to the reader.

Has any cinema actually had the guts to screen a Battle Royale/Bowling For Columbine double feature?

Not to my knowledge. But it seems like a twistedly funny practical joke.

EDIT/ADDITION:

The schoolgirl crack is cute but you havent mentioned that Battle Royale ACTUALLY MADE SENSE.

i think we are dealing with professional hijackers.

Thread terrorists. :D

i think we are dealing with professional hijackers.

Thread terrorists. :D

Damn, the jig is up!

I can't believe no one has mentioned Mortician yet.

ya know, i have always wondered about someone who would choose that profession....

I can't believe no one has mentioned Mortician yet.

ya know, i have always wondered about someone who would choose that profession....
Cause it's one of the professions that never suffer from a recession?

Cause it's one of the professions that never suffer from a recession?
Maybe so, but i think one also assumes that the mortician likes his job or wouldnt be doing it. I mean, i never see ads in the classifieds looking for morticians. There seem to be enough people willing to do it. Which is a scary thought all in itself.

Porn film 'fluffer'. (The person whose job it is to keep the male pornstar at full-mast between takes. Ugh.)


Sorry but this does not apply to male stars. Female actresses use fluffers (ie personal toys) to get themselves worked up before their scenes so they can climax quicker. They usually do this themselves. You hardly see any male stars at "full-mast" when they begin a scene. A "great" male star is able to ejaculate on cue, and thus has great control over his schwantz.

Sorry but this does not apply to male stars. Female actresses use fluffers (ie personal toys) to get themselves worked up before their scenes so they can climax quicker. They usually do this themselves. You hardly see any male stars at "full-mast" when they begin a scene. A "great" male star is able to ejaculate on cue, and thus has great control over his schwantz.

http://www.adl.org/images/education/logo_nbc_the_moreyouknow.gif :D

http://www.adl.org/images/education/logo_nbc_the_moreyouknow.gif :D

AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE...GO JOE


"I see you're schwartz is as big as mine!"-Spaceballs

so once I learn to keep myself a full-mast all the time, I can become a porn star?

woah...

EDIT: if there are any such openings, please notify me

so once I learn to keep myself a full-mast all the time, I can become a porn star?

woah...

EDIT: if there are any such openings, please notify me
You could get one of those pumps. That will keep you high and mighty all the way.

Here we list the worst jobs we can think of:

Non-lethal weapon test subject.
Karaoke bar owner.
Sewage tank scuba diver.
Porn film 'fluffer'. (The person whose job it is to keep the male pornstar at full-mast between takes. Ugh.)
Substitute Phys Ed teacher.
Bull semen collector(for artificial insemination)

Any others?
Goat ball licker.

Something tells me that listing "crackwhore" as your occupation on your tax forms won't be liked by the IRS.

Reminds me of a great but dirty joke I know...which, to respect the mods, I won't post here.

busteds album producer ;)

Not quite sure about the worst.

But one of the best would be Editor for live sports events.

Actually, assistent editor would be pretty sweet too.

"Want a coffee boss?"