NationStates Jolt Archive

Do you follow any of the above philosophies? Do you have others? Can I have a taco? :)

How bout a taco with big breasts?

http://www.freewebs.com/locopuyo/n-gage.jpg

If life sucks, hand it a lemon. It's funny to see life make a pucky-face.

Nuke the Moon: http://www.imao.us/docs/NukeTheMoon.htm

World peace cannot be achieved by sitting around on our duffs singing hippy songs to the moon. Peace can only be achieved through excessive acts of seemingly mindless violence. Who do bullies pick on in the playground? The giant, crazy looking guy who looks ready to snap and kill the person nearest or some harmless looking weenie who appears to do anything to avoid conflict? People pick on the weenie because people like to start fights they think they can win. In the same way, people will continue to attack America and our interests when they get the idea that they can piss off America without us immediately eradicating them and everyone around them in the most painful way possible.

Now, if I were president, here’s what I would do. Next time some country does something we don’t take a pining too, such as supporting terrorism or speaking French, I’d pick the dumbest reason for an attack, e.g., "A ‘q’ should always be followed by a ‘u’. I don’t make the rules, Iraq, but I will enforce them." The more irrational you look, the more scared the country will be that you will really hit them hard. I’d then give the country the old one-week notice until bombing starts. Then, after just twenty-four hours, I’d start bombing. When the stupid dictator calls to complain, I’d say, "I meant one week max. Oh, and by the way, ground troops - one week." I’m sure that would be enough to capitulate the average evildoer, but some extra measures could help intimidate others as well. Like, instead of just saturation bombing a city, super-saturation bomb it. After annihilating everything until nothing but ash is left, I’d nuke the ashes. It’s that extra bit of extremely disproportionate use of force that makes other countries start to wonder if America "has it all together" and really worrying who we’ll lash out against next.

Of course, Europe will start complaining, and Europe’s bad mouthing of America gives comfort to our enemies. I mean, those guys values are so messed up they think calling someone a "cowboy" is an insult. Best idea would be to assassinate the leader of the first European country we hear a peep out of. This will probably make us look evil, though, when we want the image of crazy and violent. So, when the Europeans ask why, I’d claim to never have heard of the person: "I didn’t even know France had a leader. Sure it wasn’t suicide? Yeah, committing suicide with a sniper rifle would be hard, but not impossible if you had a five-hundred yard length of string to work the trigger." Assassination does seem a little extreme, but we’re talking about Europe. I mean, what are they going to do other than quickly capitulate under a mild threat of force. We’ll probably start seeing, "We all love America!" parades in bids to not be our next targets.

Now the world will be pretty convinced that America is frick’n nuts and just looking for a fight, but we need to really ingrain it into everyone’s conscious so that no one will ever even contemplate crossing us. This requires making good use of our nukes. I know, nukes can kill millions of people, but they sure aren’t doing anyone any good just sitting around. I mean, how many years has it been since we last dropped a bomb on someone? No one even thinks we’ll actually use one now. Of course, using nukes shouldn’t be done haphazardly; all uses have to be well planned out because the explosions are so cool looking that we’ll want to give the press plenty of notice so they can get pictures of the mushroom cloud from all sorts of different angles. But what to nuke? Well, usually the idea is populated cities, but, by the beliefs of my morally superior religion, killing is wrong. So why can’t we be more creative than nuking people. My idea is to nuke the moon; just say we thought we saw moon people or something. There is no one actually there to kill (unless we time it poorly) and everyone in the world could see the results. And all the other countries would exclaim, "Holy @$#%! They are nuking the moon! America has gone insane! I better go eat at McDonalds before they think I don’t like them."

But why stop there. We’ve got like tons of national parks; we surely wouldn’t miss just one if we nuked it. Our excuse will be that we heard a drug dealer was hiding there. Then the foreign nations would be like, "Sacre bleu! These Americans are nuking themselves! Surely they will think nothing of bombing us! Let’s adapt their vapid culture as our own so they might consider us one of them."

Now all other countries will be completely freaked out and never even dream of messing with us. They’ll say the name of America with hushed whispers and always praise us in public for fear of reprisal. We’d be like an Old Testament god to them; perhaps they would even start worshiping us - actually, we should make that a condition of favored trade status. Not only will we have ensured peace for ourselves, but we can also now easily end any conflict between other countries. We see two nations warring over some territory, all we’ll have to do is say, "Hey, break it up," and they’ll be racing to concede to each other rather than get on the bad side of the "crazy, homicidal Americans." And, if people are being oppressed by an evil government, all we’ll have to do is say, "Hey you! Stop being communist!" and the next day they’ll have elections, capitalism, and free-press to keep from having their country turned into a parking lot. It will be that easy to motivate our fellow man, because there is hardly anything people treasure more than not being annihilated.

Now all that’s needed to keep peace is to come up with new and creative ways of looking insane and belligerent without actually harming anyone. Missile defense is probably a good step in that direction. Next time some country steps out of line, we launch a nuclear missile at them. Just seconds before it hits, we blow it up with our missile defense so that everyone there sees the huge explosion in the sky. Then the president would just call up their leader and say, "Hey, we lost sight of our SDI test. Did you see if it worked?"

By now, you’re probably saying, "Great idea. But how to do we pay for all these random acts of violence?" Just create an "Other Country Tax", a tax for being a country other than the U.S. After implementing my plan, all the countries will be eager to pay the money, and probably add a nice tip to win favor.

So there you have it, a real peace plan that could actually work. Warmongering pacifists want us to act all nice such that countries think we’re rational and won’t kill everyone with a blind fury, thus making it possible they might actually attack us and draw us into a war. But, if America follows my idea and lashes out at the slightest provocation with unmeasured vengeance, there can be peace. So there’s the choice: either be a homicidal maniac thus ensuring peace and love in the world, or be some pacifist hippy while the streets flow with the blood of the innocent.

Nuke the Moon: World peace cannot be achieved by sitting around on our duffs singing hippy songs to the moon. Peace can only be achieved through excessive acts of seemingly mindless violence. Who do bullies pick on in the playground? The giant, crazy looking guy who looks ready to snap and kill the person nearest or some harmless looking weenie who appears to do anything to avoid conflict? People pick on the weenie because people like to start fights they think they can win. In the same way, people will continue to attack America and our interests when they get the idea that they can piss off America without us immediately eradicating them and everyone around them in the most painful way possible.
So ...America is a weenie?

First two seem to fit me, I like "It's time to punch a Goth."

Playing in mud is pleasantly popular so far. :)

I must say that mud just kicks ass, and it kicks it hard.

Nuke the Moon: http://www.imao.us/docs/NukeTheMoon.htm


Best. Post. Ever.

Not because I'm pro-America American (I'm not so fond of how America's been..) but because I found it damned amusing.

Other: Speak softly and carry a big stick.

I must say that mud just kicks ass, and it kicks it hard.
I must agree.

I have been partial to

Today is a good day to die.

Today is a good day to teleport!

If life gives you lemons, you're in a cliché.

There's always room for jell-o ...wrestling. :D

If life gives you lemons, make lemonaide
If life gives you gators, make gatorade
--some guy

mine would have to be, We're all going to end up dead so i might as well enjoy myself along the way

Do you follow any of the above philosophies? Do you have others? Can I have a taco? :)

Certainly.

(hands LG a taco)

To steal a line from BHG -
"Life's short and hard, like a bodybuilding elf"

Certainly.

(hands LG a taco)

Yum! *eats the taco* :)

Yum! *eats the taco* :)

Ha! I put rat poison in it! :D :D :D

(Just kidding! ;))

Ha! I put rat poison in it! :D :D :D

(Just kidding! ;))

*munches* WOuldn't matter if you did. I used to eat Navy Food. I have a high tolerance for lethal toxins and microbes. :)

Of course you can have a taco. The question is, may you have a taco, and the answer is no. Or, George Washington. But I'm pretty sure it's no. Sorry. :(

Of course you can have a taco. The question is, may you have a taco, and the answer is no. Or, George Washington. But I'm pretty sure it's no. Sorry. :(

Your description of Minnesota is 100% accurate.

Of course you can have a taco. The question is, may you have a taco, and the answer is no. Or, George Washington. But I'm pretty sure it's no. Sorry. :(

Touche' pussycat!

Judge a man by how he treats his juniors not his equals.

Judge a man by how he treats his juniors not his equals.

I like to throw them both in mud. *nod*

My philosophy is: "I love my grandma."

Do you know what Josh calls him? Grandma-Man.

bump

A true friend stabs you in the front.

A true friend stabs you in the front.

Then he throws you in the mud. And pelts you with eggs. ANd offers you fresh lemonade. :D

"Better a full bottle in front of me, than a full frontal lobotomy."

...works better out loud than as text...

Just like farts! :)

Dance in the rain every chance you get
Stop and smell a flower once in awhile
Find something to appreciate in nature and in people once a day if you cant swing that one try once a week.
Live by the Four R's
Respect- Demand it, Give it, Earn it
Reciprocity- Don't just take, Give
Responsibility- Take it for your own actions, demand it from others
Reality- You dont have to live here, just pay a visit once in awhile, and remember to have realistic expectations of your self and others, it will save you bad headaches and a big ulcer.

Love with all your heart, bravely, aware of risks of pain but focused on all the many joys.

in carlemnaria we say:

"beat me over the head
and i will have a beaten head.

kill me
and i will have a dead body.

show me REAL evidence
and i'll think about it!"

we've also been know to say (of material objects):

"if you can't be creative with it
and it doesn't keep you out of trouble,
help you survive, or look pretty,
what good is it?"

and things like:

"if you don't get to play with your toys
what good is dying with them?"

and finaly:

"it's not about being a saint
it's about the kind of world we all have to live in."

=^^=
.../\...

Here in Goofballia we have a similar saying;

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world laughs AT you. :D

Takes a big man to cry, but a bigger man to laugh at him.

Takes a big man to cry, but a bigger man to laugh at him.

Not necessarily. I laugh at large crying men on occasion...until I join them.

Dance in the rain every chance you get
Stop and smell a flower once in awhile
Find something to appreciate in nature and in people once a day if you cant swing that one try once a week.
Live by the Four R's
Respect- Demand it, Give it, Earn it
Reciprocity- Don't just take, Give
Responsibility- Take it for your own actions, demand it from others
Reality- You dont have to live here, just pay a visit once in awhile, and remember to have realistic expectations of your self and others, it will save you bad headaches and a big ulcer.

Love with all your heart, bravely, aware of risks of pain but focused on all the many joys.

fucken hippie. makes me want to adopt john lydon's motto "never trust a hippie". But mine is from PigKiller in mad max 3:

Remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Never miss an opportunity to take a nap or a piss.

Don't trust anyone who never dances.

Don't trust anyone who never dances.

There's a novel that has this axiom in it: 'Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance.'

I have several mottos, some not appropriate, so I'll beep it out.

You're f**ked or you're f**ked so get the best possible one. :fluffle:

Did you eat the turtle???

Love like you've never loved before, cry when you want to, and shake your booty like nothing on earth.

I live by all of these mottos!!!

There's a novel that has this axiom in it: 'Never give a sword to a man who cannot dance.'Makes sense, what's the book?
Me, I just don't trust anyone too uptight to shake their booty now and then.




BTW I'm making Tacos on Saturday LG if you still want one.

Makes sense, what's the book?
Me, I just don't trust anyone too uptight to shake their booty now and then.




BTW I'm making Tacos on Saturday LG if you still want one.

'The Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. The first book in the series is called, 'The Eye of The World'. I think it's in there. If not, it's definitely said in the second book, 'The Great Hunt'.

Outstanding set of books, by the way.

And I never tire of tacos. :D

'The Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. The first book in the series is called, 'The Eye of The World'. I think it's in there. If not, it's definitely said in the second book, 'The Great Hunt'.

Outstanding set of books, by the way.

And I never tire of tacos. :DThanks for the tip and if you find yourself in northern California on Saturday I got a cold cerveza and a taco waiting for you.

Me, I just don't trust anyone too uptight to shake their booty now and then.

Same. I don't like people who are uptight. And I will never EVER be uptight enough to not shake it. Unless I'm on psychotropic drugs... :eek:

Thanks for the tip and if you find yourself in northern California on Saturday I got a cold cerveza and a taco waiting for you.

If i ever find myself in northern california on a sunday I'll be freaking out wondering what in swansea i was doing the previous saturday night to get me to california, in which case i'd probably be grateful for a cold pijiu*.

(*chinese for beer. I hear that there are a lot of chinese speakers in california).

If I ever find myself in Northern California, I'm going to try to track down a microbrewery that makes a beer called, 'Arrogant Bastard'. I had one once, and it was the best beer I ever had. *nod*

If I ever find myself in Northern California, I'm going to try to track down a microbrewery that makes a beer called, 'Arrogant Bastard'. I had one once, and it was the best beer I ever had. *nod*

If I ever find myself an arrogant bastard, I'm going to track down northern california. It's the best microbrewery I ever had. *stare*

- At least I don't work for Jews
- Hey, I still have my penis
- Are you gonna pass it or what?

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, set it on fire. (courtesy of George Carlin)

-Just shut up and give me your money.
-Batteries taste like happiness.
-Fancy restaurants may come and go, but fast food is eternal.

bump

bumping is an odd philosophy. Worked great during the Disco Era, though. *nod*

Doctors and lawyers help us live.
Teachers and artists make life worth living.

*Other*

CARPE DIEM!