NationStates Jolt Archive

If you had a kid (hypothetically speaking, or not), what would you least want to tell him/her the truth about?

Death, Sex, or Santa Claus?

Santa Claus.

Santa Claus.Ditto. The death speech is already written, and I'm pretty open about sex. SC just scares me, I think I'll let the brats learn about that one from the kids in the schoolyard.

i loathe santa claus crap, but i want my presents damnit.

I think I'd want to avoid talking about God.

I can't imagine I'll ever want children, but if I did, I suppose I'd try to avoid teaching them with any religious slant at all, either for or against, to shield them from all that brainwashing until they're old enough to make informed decisions by themselves.

But you can't keep them from finding out about it somewhere, and wondering what it is. Stuff like sex and death are different, because we know what they are, and they happen whether you want to believe in them or not.

I hope that any kids i have will be able to figure out all of those for himself without requiring too much help from me. I guess the sex one might be tricky but sex ed in school is pretty reliable.

I think I'd want to avoid talking about God.

I can't imagine I'll ever want children, but if I did, I suppose I'd try to avoid teaching them with any religious slant at all, either for or against, to shield them from all that brainwashing until they're old enough to make informed decisions by themselves.

But you can't keep them from finding out about it somewhere, and wondering what it is. Stuff like sex and death are different, because we know what they are, and they happen whether you want to believe in them or not.

I picked these 3 things because you'll have to tell them sooner or later. Which would you least want to tell them?

But, yea, I agree with the religion thing.

Is it a boy or a girl? This matters in my view. If it's a girl, I'm being so protective about sex I'm talking cameras around the house to keep the boys away, and keeping the girl in a sexual bubble, if you will. As for a boy, I'd give the same advice my dad gave me..... hey, my dad never gave me any advice. None at all! About anything! My dad sucks.

I picked these 3 things because you'll have to tell them sooner or later. Which would you least want to tell them?

But, yea, I agree with the religion thing.

Well, I think religion is something you'd also have to at least mention sooner or later, unless you live in the wilderness somewhere.

Out of those three, it'd probably be sex. Not that I have any particularly conservative views on the subject, I just don't think I'd be comfortable talking to a kid about it.

oh my son is 18 now,

ive had all the talks.

there isnt anything scary about any of those talks, you just have to start when they are very young and only tell them as much as they can understand.

if you understand what you believe about all those things you wont have a problem with them.

but there does come a time when the LAST thing a boy wants to hear his mother talk about is SEX.

Death and Santa are easy to deal with. I would give them the talk about Santa before anybody contaminated their minds with that filth. Sex on the other hand is much more complicated. However I wouldn’t give any BS stories like the stork and cabbage patch.

Sex

What that dog is doing to that other dog.

The seedier things I've done in highschool.

Sex and death are the easy ones. I've always been very open with my kids about both, and it's worked out pretty well, so far (although my daughter is just starting puberty, and that scares the hell out of me).

Santa, though - that's a tough one. Because he represents something decent and good in this world, and you don't want to take that away from them until you absolutely must.

Is it a boy or a girl? This matters in my view. If it's a girl, I'm being so protective about sex I'm talking cameras around the house to keep the boys away, and keeping the girl in a sexual bubble, if you will. As for a boy, I'd give the same advice my dad gave me..... hey, my dad never gave me any advice. None at all! About anything! My dad sucks.
Mine too. Our sex talk? "Son, hand me that female plug." "Dad, why is it called a female plug?" "A female has something like this, you have something like this. You put that there."

End of sex talk. The first sex act I ever got close to seeing was the rape scene in Excalibur...I spent a lot of time thinking that a man did push-ups ontop of the woman. Ugh.

Santa is a slippery subject. I don't really want to fool my kid (theoritical kid), but I DO NOT want him/her to be that little brat that runs around ruining every other kids joy by telling them Santa doesn't exist. Far more interested in not raise a shithead than anything else.

On the Santa thing, a friend had an interesting observation regarding "Santa is real" movies. The parents have to know two things in order to not believe in Santa in the first place: 1. Santa has not been visiting thier kids up to that point. 2. Santa did not visit them when they where kids, their parents had to have taken credit for the Santa gifts up to that point.

Given that, the parents in those "Santa is real" movie have to on some level feel pretty shafted.

I'd probably not even begin a Santa Claus fetish for my kid. I won't avoid the other two subjects, but I'd hate to bring them up too early.

nothing; if you think you will have to lie in order to parent, you have no business having kids. it is impossible to raise an honest child with lies.

nothing; if you think you will have to lie in order to parent, you have no business having kids. it is impossible to raise an honest child with lies.
Eeeezackly. As a parent of a teenage daughter, let me tell you that it's the toughest to talk about sex--the Santa Claus discussion was nothing in comparison--especially if you're a dad talking to a daughter. IN fact, my daughter and I are about to go a step further in the sex talk--the part where you tell your child that the sex you read in porn is nothing like sex in reality--and sorry if I burst anyone's bubble with that little revelation.

the sex you read in porn is nothing like sex in reality--and sorry if I burst anyone's bubble with that little revelation.
Whew...I just thought I was bad at it....I guess I can stop being so hard on myself.....You hear that Tonya? Huh? HUH???? ;)

Sex is definately the topic you don't want to tell them about. Cuz you don't want them running out and trying it with their friends.

I probably wouldn't feed the filth of Santa in the first place, but thats probably because I'm rather anti-materialistic. (viewed more from a waste standpoint than a communist standpoint. buying things you dont need doesnt even make sense in the american economy, since the money you dont waste would go into investments anyway)

death would be fairly easy, although a long process for explanation. explaining death without trying to brainwash the kid to believe a certain religion would probably be interesting. plus, you dont want the kid growing up with a totally hopeless view of the world (whats the point, we're all going to die some day anyway)

Eeeezackly. As a parent of a teenage daughter, let me tell you that it's the toughest to talk about sex--the Santa Claus discussion was nothing in comparison--especially if you're a dad talking to a daughter. IN fact, my daughter and I are about to go a step further in the sex talk--the part where you tell your child that the sex you read in porn is nothing like sex in reality--and sorry if I burst anyone's bubble with that little revelation.
it's odd to hear people refer to having "a talk" about sex; in my family, i always knew about sex. i can't remember ever learning about it, since i always was familiar with my body and how it worked. i learned "vagina" and "penis" at the same time i learned "elbow" and "leg." my dad was never uncomfortable when we talked about sex, and he and i read my "Where Did I Come From" book together a whole lot because he could do the funny voices for the sperm better than Mommy could. i've never had trouble talking to my little brother about sex (he's 10 years younger than me, putting him smack a the very beginning of puberty), or with talking to him about my sexuality when he expressed curiosity about what two girls could possibly want to be doing together.

i'm not saying all this to brag, or to criticize other people's systems, but just to try to convey how odd it seems to me when people talk about "having the talk" or about having trouble discussing sex with their kids/parents.

I wouldn't have a real problem with any of them, but I think sex would be the most difficult. I never really got "the" talk, but I sort of learned a little bit about it from a scientific/medical standpoint when I was very young (probably because my dad's a doctor, and didn't mind talking about that stuff), and the rest I mostly picked up from my real parent, television. Death would be about the same as sex, just less awkward, and I would never attempt to make my kid think that Santa was real. I never believed in Santa Claus, but I never ruined it for the other kids, because I assumed that they knew it was just a story, because that's how it was presented to me.

it's odd to hear people refer to having "a talk" about sex; in my family, i always knew about sex. i can't remember ever learning about it, since i always was familiar with my body and how it worked. i learned "vagina" and "penis" at the same time i learned "elbow" and "leg." my dad was never uncomfortable when we talked about sex, and he and i read my "Where Did I Come From" book together a whole lot because he could do the funny voices for the sperm better than Mommy could. i've never had trouble talking to my little brother about sex (he's 10 years younger than me, putting him smack a the very beginning of puberty), or with talking to him about my sexuality when he expressed curiosity about what two girls could possibly want to be doing together.

i'm not saying all this to brag, or to criticize other people's systems, but just to try to convey how odd it seems to me when people talk about "having the talk" or about having trouble discussing sex with their kids/parents.We had talks in my family, but they started well before my sister and I were really sexually aware. They were pretty clinical discussions, and strangely enough, they were tied in with our Bible study sessions--I was raised in a very conservative Christian household, but they felt ignorance was a greater danger to our souls than prurient knowledge. For that much, I thank them. When I remember the ignorance of both my fellow classmates and later on, my students, when it came to simple human biology, I'm really glad that my parents were open with me about it.

I've done the same with my daughter, since my ex seems to have trouble with the subject. I just break out the anatomy textbook and go to it, and she blushes and we laugh and she understands how everything works.

She also understands that if she winds up pregnant before she's finished with college, she'll get--and I quote--my boot in her ass. :D I don't play around with this stuff--the redneck runs too deep on both sides of her family for me to take any chances with her getting pregnant early and not finishing school.

On the subject of Sex:

I see no reason why I would have to lie to my son about 'where babies come from'. Oh, I'm not about to go into the whole mechanics of it when he's four, but I don't feel a need to involve storks. The truth is weird enough. As for sex, I have a very open and(in my opinion) healthy opinion about sex. When I actually discuss these topics with my son is going to depend more on him than on me. But I'd like it if my son were the one informing his less knowledgeable buddies rather than vice-versa.

On the subject of death:

This is closely tied to religion and faith. And because of that, is a little more complicated. Especially since what I believe is such a composite of common religious beliefs myself. A lot of questions that people shoot at me about my faith can often be answered with; 'It doesn't matter.' Let me give you an example.

Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Yes. I believe in Christ and his teachings. Do I believe he was the Son of God? It doesn't matter. Christ represents an ideal. If you believe in his ideals, you believe in the man. But, yes. I believe he is the Son of God. I hope my son is intelligent and open enough to understand his father's opinions, and I hope he can form his own. I want my son to believe in God. But much more important to me is that he believe in Ideals. With that said, death is an easy subject. Death is the next great adventure.

On the subject of Santa Claus:

I'm all in favor of harmless and fun deception. I'm a clown and a magician. It's what I do. :) There's nothing wrong with letting your child believe in Santa Claus. My biggest concern on this is the polar opposite of my view on sex. I'm concerned that my son will be the only one of his buddies that doesn't believe in Santa Claus, and he may spoil it for them. So, my son iwill believe in Santa Claus if I can manage it.

Two serious topics I would not like to talk about would be sex and Santa Claus, for basically the reasons stated above.

Even harder, though, would be explaining to my child(ren) why they should work hard in college and not spend all their time meddling in the politics of pretend nations...

All the evil shit i done in High School and College.

All the evil shit i done in High School and College.

Oh, let's not even go there. I certainly don't want to explain some of my more daring exploits with my kid. I don't even talk about em here. LOL.

Oh, let's not even go there. I certainly don't want to explain some of my more daring exploits with my kid. I don't even talk about em here. LOL.
man, I'm LOL. I can just picture the look on Little Goofballs face when you go into the list of "Things Your Father Has Done Naked".

man, I'm LOL. I can just picture the look on Little Goofballs face when you go into the list of "Things Your Father Has Done Naked".

I once lost a game of Strip Paintball. :D

I once lost a game of Strip Paintball. :DHmm, maybe you can do this speech before LG learns English, then you can say you already told him all about it later when he asks. Nah, then you'd have to stop doing things you'd be embarased to tell you kid about.

Hmm, maybe you can do this speech before LG learns English, then you can say you already told him all about it later when he asks. Nah, then you'd have to stop doing things you'd be embarased to tell you kid about.

Stop? :eek: NEVER!!! Heh. But I have evolved over the years. I used to be the sort who targeted people who couldn't handle my mischief for further mischief. Seemed appropriate at the time. Now, I seem to favor targeting those who can. Maybe I'm getting soft.

Telling a son or daughter the truth about sex is easy. I mean, it took my parents just a few minutes. You walk into a Sears store and you buy the model you want. How hard is that?;-)

No, I jest. I wish my parents had been that ingenious. Basically, I was told a few things in two different speeches. In the first speech, I was told that sex was pleasurable. . .when you're about 35 and married. In any other case, it's verbotten. In the interim, there were certain things I could do to myself that were pleasurable and perfectly natural. . .but I wasn't allowed to know what they were. The second speech consisted of my mother asking me if I was still a virgin at 16. When I replied that I was, she replied that that was good, because if I ever had sex and got a girl pregnant, I would be out of the house on my own in 24 hours. That constituted the limit of my knowledge about sex ed from my mother (way to man the barricades there, Mom).

Sex-ed in school was even funnier. I didn't even receive any until my junior year in high school, at which point I received the following speech verbatim (I kid you not):

Teacher: Well, I'm sure everyone knows what the birds and the bees are about, so I'm just going to cover profi. . .photo. . .birth control. Now, there are three kinds of birth control: Abstinence (writes A on board), Birth Control (writes B on board), and Condoms (writes C on board). But I don't believe in B or C (crosses off B and C on board), and I don't think you should either. So, let's go on to the dangers of marijuana. . .

Most of what I learned on sex I learned from reading books at the local library. Specifically, Dr. Ruth's book on sex was pretty good. Kinsey was just disturbing.

Sex and death are easy. As long as you never tell them "Oh, grandma just went on a trip" or "storks bring babies" then you just present the facts of the matter. And that's all there is to it. I was introduced to death at a very young age, and my parents didn't try to pull any crap on me. They were blunt. Sex, well, I don't know exactly when I learned where babies come from, but I remember knowing it when I was very little. When I got old enough to be interested in females, my parents talked to me about such matters.
We never had a Santa Claus talk though. I don't know when I stopped believing, but I never had a formal talk about it. These days, even though we all know none of us believe in Santa Claus, we all just play along because it's fun.

So I'd say telling your kid that Santa Claus wasn't real would be worst. Because the other two just involve telling him/her something that he/she didn't know about before. Telling your kid that Santa Claus isn't real, though, is a reversal of a very firmly held belief. So that's the talk I'd least want to have.

I don't see myself being a dad, though...

Well ... let's see ... talking about death has already happened. Our dog died, I explained it to the children. They were upset, but seemed to understand.

Talking about sex won't be very difficult since life begets sex and vice versa.

My children have never believed in, nor concerned themselves, with anything Christmas related at all, hence Santa is a non-issue.

There should be a "none of the above" option.

Is it a boy or a girl? This matters in my view. If it's a girl, I'm being so protective about sex I'm talking cameras around the house to keep the boys away, and keeping the girl in a sexual bubble, if you will. As for a boy, I'd give the same advice my dad gave me..... hey, my dad never gave me any advice. None at all! About anything! My dad sucks.

Why does that make any difference? If you raise the girl with a bit of common sense and basic morals, she won't be opening her legs for every boy who asks nicely.

Sex and death are easy. As long as you never tell them "Oh, grandma just went on a trip" or "storks bring babies" then you just present the facts of the matter. And that's all there is to it. I was introduced to death at a very young age, and my parents didn't try to pull any crap on me. They were blunt. Sex, well, I don't know exactly when I learned where babies come from, but I remember knowing it when I was very little. When I got old enough to be interested in females, my parents talked to me about such matters.
We never had a Santa Claus talk though. I don't know when I stopped believing, but I never had a formal talk about it. These days, even though we all know none of us believe in Santa Claus, we all just play along because it's fun.

So I'd say telling your kid that Santa Claus wasn't real would be worst. Because the other two just involve telling him/her something that he/she didn't know about before. Telling your kid that Santa Claus isn't real, though, is a reversal of a very firmly held belief. So that's the talk I'd least want to have.

I don't see myself being a dad, though...

Are you sure your not related to me because that happens in
my family. I will still play along and I will always get a santa present no matter what. Sex, my parents were straightforward and I will be too, death i'd have a problem with because I don't want to scare them. (or myself)

The big question is, how do you tell your kid the truth about Cthulhu?

The big question is, how do you tell your kid the truth about Cthulhu?

who's cthulhu?

Well, from experience, sex and death are easy enough - you just answer the questions that naturally arise, honestly and simply as far as you can. Kids think one is wierd and one is scary, so you just have to deal with that. Actually, on reflection, they think both are pretty wierd and scary.

Santa Claus is going to be a toughy for my son, who still believes in Shrek (it's an autism thing). But my daughter, after her initial amazement at the stunning trick we've pulled all these years, will figure, eh, the presents will still be rolling in, so what the hey? That was her attitude to the unmasking of the tooth fairy anyway.

The thing I remember most about my own formal sex education was the fainting. My school's sole sex education class was a lecture by an STD clinician on the various forms such diseases could take, with graphic slides of the worst cases from his clinic. Boys vomiting and fainting at intervals during the lecture were a welcome relief. Quite remarkable. I don't think it made a blind bit of difference to our behaviour, though.

who's cthulhu?

Your parents never told you!? How will you face the harsh reality of it now??

Repeat after me: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"

i loathe santa claus crap, but i want my presents damnit.
at least we can agree on something.

I'd say sex purely on the basis that I remember what I did when I was a kid. My mum 'prepared' herself mentally for 'the talk' and asked that question "do you understand about sex?" However, she conviently asked just after I'd had sex ed and so the answer i gave was yes"....ever since the relief I saw on her face, and my regret at not making her go through it, I've been worried that my kids may turn out a bit too much like me! ;-)

besides, if i have to have the Santa Claus talk, then im going to have to talk about religion (which i want my children, when i have some *shudders* to learn of on their own), and id have to tell them that even the ficticious character known as santa claus is based on misplaced ideology and false idols.

I'm most scared about telling my hypothetical child about Santa Claus..they might start to wonder where all the cookies they would leave out for him are going to..

But sex and death talks should really come natural, and no, you cannot rely on school sex-education to teach your kids about sex. Good example from Xenophobialand..

The big question is, how do you tell your kid the truth about Cthulhu?

Oh don't worry ... in the end, you won't have to. :D