NationStates Jolt Archive

Great Reasons To Be A Guy...

1. Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. You know stuff about tanks.
3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. You can open all your own jars.
5. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
8. You can kill your own food.
9. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
10. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
11. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
12. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
13. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
14. Everything on your face stays its original color.
15. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
16. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
17. You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
18. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
19. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
20. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
21. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
22. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
23. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
24. Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
25. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
27. You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
30. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
31. You don't have to shave below your neck.
32. Gas (at either end) is cool.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

And you copied that off which site?

as a girl, i shall point out the ones that apply to me too.



3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. You can open all your own jars.
5. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
6. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
13. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
14. Everything on your face stays its original color.
15. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
16. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
19. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
22. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
23. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
25. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
27. You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
30. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.


so umm... yeah... stereotypes suck.

You forgot one.

35. Farting is funny

Great Reasons To Be A Guy...

8. You can kill your own food.


Are you trying to say that only guys can hunt?

Christ people. Cut the PC and take a joke. :rolleyes:

Are you trying to be a dick or does it come naturally? Here's an idea. Sit back, relax, drink a coke, and have some fun. Either contribute, or fuck off. Either way, if you can't just chill out for a minute then feel free to not come and look at this thread. And all of those are true for the majority of women. As already pointed out by one girl.

1. We can Sit back, relax, drink a coke, and have some fun. Women seem to be incapable
2. We don't talk all the time
3. We can get an erection after we're dead
4. We've got bigger muscles
5. We aren't judged by bra size

as a girl, i shall point out the ones that apply to me too.




so umm... yeah... stereotypes suck.
He's only joking...


But in truth, 2 pairs of shoes are more than enough, let alone 3.

6. We can cut our hair back without peoploe thinking we're gay.
7. We don't care if we chipped a nail, wer'e ok as long as we didn't break a bone.
8. Our snoring drowns out other people's snoring.
9. We don't have to experience "the miracle of birth" firsthand.
10. It takes about 20 seconds to get dressed, not 20 minutes.

We don't need to sit down to take a piss.

12. We do have to wear high heels to make us taller than everyone else.
13. Higher paycheck.
14. No matter how bad we smell, as long as we don't choke on the fumes, we don't care.
15. You can act like a total idiot and people will assume you're drunk.
16. People aren't always telling you to take your top off. (most of the time they're telling you to put it back on though :( )

We don't need to sit down to take a piss.
Though I find it more comfortable to sit down and it greatly reduces the risk to miss, which would require cleaning up, which can be avoided :)

The number one reason to be a guy:
We're not expected to live our lives 20 pounds underweight.

Of course, on the other hand:
1) We would still be expected not to cry even if we got our head caught in the weed eater.
2) We don't get free beer just for showing up.
3) Speaking of beer, we're expected to be superhuman athletes. When we're not, we're automatically prohibited from making beer commercials.
4) Any guy who likes Emily Dickinson is apparently a pansy.
5) If a woman slaps our ass, it's supposed to be a compliment. If we return the favor, it's a lawsuit.
6) Child-custody laws

18. No PMS No PMS No PMS
19. I can enjoy Lord of the Rings for real reasons
20. I can enjoy Pirates of the Carriean for real reasons
21. I get to use the term "wench"

The number one reason to be a guy:
We're not expected to live our lives 20 pounds underweight.

Of course, on the other hand:
1) We would still be expected not to cry even if we got our head caught in the weed eater.
2) We don't get free beer just for showing up.
3) Speaking of beer, we're expected to be superhuman athletes. When we're not, we're automatically prohibited from making beer commercials.
4) Any guy who likes Emily Dickinson is apparently a pansy.
5) If a woman slaps our ass, it's supposed to be a compliment. If we return the favor, it's a lawsuit.
6) Child-custody laws


LOL.

35. We don't have to wake up next to a hairy, unshaved ass every morning
36. We can eat twice our body weight without feeling guilty
37. We can write our name in the snow
38. We thinking the idea of kicking a small puppy is hilarious
39. We never have to worry about being raped
40. We look forward to someone breaking into our house so we can use the new 12 guage
41. We don't have to do laundry
42. The only foods we cook involve a grill
43. Two heads are better than one ;)
44. We can spit and cuss, and no one will think less of us
45. Growing a mustache increases our sex appeal

40. We look forward to someone breaking into our house so we can use the new 12 guage

I absolutely love this one.

Stereotypes DEFINITELY suck.

Great Reasons To Be A Guy OR a Girl ;-)

2. You know stuff about tanks.
3. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

Unless you plan on doing major shopping, and need to take an empty suitcase, you should NOT require more than one suitcase. I have been known to take one suitcase, and a backpack of entertainment (books, CD player, journal) for a two-week trip with no problem

5. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

The trick is NOT to go for stupid fads like dyeing, perms, and highlights. These are wastes of time and money--be happy with the kind and color of hair you have and select styles that work well with what you have, instead of trying to become someone else. You still pay more than guys with short hair would (I imagine long-haired guys may pay more), but at least you avoid the MAJOR ripoffs.

7. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
12. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

Come on, not all women's underwear is that stupid, expensive Victoria's secret stuff. The key: go to Wal-Mart.

13. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

In the age of the career woman, this is becoming less and less of an issue.

15. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

If asleep. Which is definitely known to happen on long car trips. ;-)

16. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

While slightly exaggerated for me, I have far fewer pairs of shoes than most women, by far. I HATE shoe-shopping, with a passion.

Here's what I own. I would definitely reduce this number by 3 (leaving 4) if it weren't for the fact that I do so much walking and can wear out some shoes after half a year's abuse.

2 pairs of everyday sandals (same style, so when I wear 1 out I can start with the other)
2 pairs of everyday boots (same exact style, so when I wear one out I can start with the other)
1 pair of rain (athletic) sandals
1 pair of nice boots
1 pair of nice sandals

17. You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
18. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
19. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
22. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
32. Gas (at either end) is cool.
34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

Definitely one wallet. What's the point of having more?

About LoTR, I do NOT think that Legolas guy is cute. Too pale, too blond. Bleh. (Sorry to all the blonds out there!)

As for Pirates of the Caribbean...I am guilty of some Johnny Depp watching, in that one. ;-)

But Xenophobialand, you are definitely right about those cons of being a guy. I cannot understand why culture places that kind of strain on guys. In the end I don't think either gender has it easy! :-/

38. We thinking the idea of kicking a small puppy is hilarious

I HOPE not.

39. We never have to worry about being raped

Untrue. While it's definitely less common, you had better be sure that it DOES happen.

41. We don't have to do laundry

Any man who said that to me would be barred from marrying me. End of story. ;-)

42. The only foods we cook involve a grill

Substitute "microwave" for "grill" and you've pretty much got a description of me.

45. Growing a mustache increases our sex appeal

Sorry to break it to you, but most of the time...no. ;-)

46. We can look at girls in public without fear of shunning
47. We don't cry at weddings
48. We give, not take ;)
49. We're expected to act immature longer
50. We can take our shirts off in public
51. We can walk into car shops and not get swindled
52. We eat more

We don't need to sit down to take a piss.

I know a girl who pees standing up. She thinks the school bathrooms are disgusting.

Are you trying to say that only guys can hunt?
Only French-looking senators hunt for deer while crawling around a forest with a 12-gauge shotgun. Every other deer hunter sits up on a tree...

Behind every good man, there is a better woman ;)

Behind every good man, there is a better woman ;)
Usually.

Girls grow up to become women. Boys get bigger. :D

Girls grow up to become women. Boys get bigger. :D
And the toys get more expensive.

I HOPE not.
Untrue. While it's definitely less common, you had better be sure that it DOES happen.
Any man who said that to me would be barred from marrying me. End of story. ;-)
Substitute "microwave" for "grill" and you've pretty much got a description of me.
Sorry to break it to you, but most of the time...no. ;-)

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE A JOKE
MAKE YOUR OWN GODDAMN GREAT REASONS TO BE A WOMAN THREAD\
FKU!!!!

Now back to our politically incorrect humor.

More Great Reasons to Be a Guy
46. We don't care what people think about us
47. We don't hold grudges
48. We can have a fist fight and still be friends
49. We can lift weights and not be shunned
50. We like the idea of killing our own food
51. We think meat is the only food worth eating
52. We don't have to remember last names
53. People think we are cool if we sleep with lots of members of the opposite sex
54. We can cut our leg off with a chainsaw and just drink another beer
55. We are expected to spend 3/4 of our time drunk
56. We are expected to think about sex every 6 seconds

39. We never have to worry about being raped

men can and do get raped. actually at my school there's been a string of sexual assaults invloving someone grabbing men...

41. We don't have to do laundry

yes you do unless you live with your mom still...

50. We can take our shirts off in public

so can i. hoorah for living in ontario.

and also eating more has the disadvantage of the higher grocery bill.

Some women on this forum are incredible assholes. Get OVER IT. Take a joke, or shut up. I don't really give a damn if my jokes bother you. You don't have to read them. So shut up or try to have a good time. If it is completely beyond you to pull that stick out of your ass, then go away. I, on the other hand, can chill out and just have a good time. Which is another great reason to be a guy. We aren't uptight morons. Granted, neither are most of the women I know. But since I live in the South, maybe we just aren't as politically correct. Or maybe you just need to take a pill. Either way, shut UP.

how am i being an asshole? because i'm pointing out that the things you claim are so great aren't exclusive to guys?

Because you seem to feel the need to ruin a good thread that was worth some laughs, and instead enforce the rule of politically correctness. Not to mention that just because you are manly as hell doesn't mean that you are anything like the majority of women. And if you can't cook anything without a microwave, then I seriously doubt you could get married in the US. Because we like a woman that is at least proud enough of her gender to be able to make a decent meal. As a guy, I can cook out on a gril. I'll make a steak, hamburgers, hotdogs, whatever. You obviously couldn't make Kraft macaroni and cheese. So good luck, I wouldn't marry your ass, I would have to do all the damn cooking, and my kind of food gets expensive.

And for your own information, my mother never made my dad do laundry. You know why? Because he was working all day, and even though she worked too she got home a good 3 or 4 hours before he did. Therefore, because she was a decent person, she didn't complain about him not doing laundry. She didn't even mind.

And I am fairly sure that men are far less likely to get raped than women. And if a woman tried to rape me, it wouldn't be rape, because you can't rape the willing.

In fact, everything I said is applicable to most women. Just because it doesn't apply to your manly little GI Jane ass doesn't mean all women are the same as you. And if they were, I would feel sorry for the guys.

More Great Reasons to Be a Guy
46. We don't care what people think about us
47. We don't hold grudges
48. We can have a fist fight and still be friends
49. We can lift weights and not be shunned
50. We like the idea of killing our own food
51. We think meat is the only food worth eating
52. We don't have to remember last names
53. People think we are cool if we sleep with lots of members of the opposite sex
54. We can cut our leg off with a chainsaw and just drink another beer
55. We are expected to spend 3/4 of our time drunk
56. We are expected to think about sex every 6 seconds
Well, this seems to start to apply to a farily low share of men, at least of those I know. Believe it or not: Male vegetarians exist! I don't like beer (but I do love wine)! The whole idea of masculinity is to be subject to an external ideal (or "caring what people think about us")!
Besides the chainsaw thing is just bunk - except for that Darwin Awards story: Polish men got drunk and wanted to prove their manliness. One, in a fit of ambition, sawed off his big toe with a chainsaw. The next wanted to top this, took a frightening swing and took off - his head.
:headbang: :headbang: :headbang:
Well, you can see why men have a lower life expectation. It's not only that Y chromosome.
At the start, however, the whole thing was quite funny. The whole fashion thing is something I'm quite happy not having too much to participate with (though it's certainly brought on for men, too: see "metrosexual")! :D

The whole idea of masculinity is to be subject to an external ideal (or "caring what people think about us")![/I]


Not true. I don't act tough because I don't want people to think I'm a wimp. I ignore pain because I don't want to think I'm a wimp. If somebody else does you can always fight them and become friends afterwards ;).

By the way, I love the Darwin Awards story!

lol, man be careful

Some women right activists may break down your door and nag you to death about this thread. This is like the nuclear attack on Femminist Headquaters!

Ah, i remmeber my thread...The Evil That Is Teenage Girl and like a thousand girls tried to yell and make it seem as if they werent evil, then they made a thread and it bombed.

At least we understand the Godfather.

I love reading these, i love seeing how defensive the females get its funny,

"NO!!!!! I CAN DO IT TOO!!!! I CAN!!! Watch! Cook Me? NEVER boy you betta get your buns in the kitchen cause its new times."


Well, i better end this post before someone angry woman attempts to kill me.


woMAN

woMEN

feMALE
just to point that out. We even got more letters in your label!


Well, I'm not going to read this post again so any snappy remarks, telegram me

Some women on this forum are incredible assholes. Get OVER IT. Take a joke, or shut up. I don't really give a damn if my jokes bother you. You don't have to read them. So shut up or try to have a good time. If it is completely beyond you to pull that stick out of your ass, then go away. I, on the other hand, can chill out and just have a good time. Which is another great reason to be a guy. We aren't uptight morons. Granted, neither are most of the women I know. But since I live in the South, maybe we just aren't as politically correct. Or maybe you just need to take a pill. Either way, shut UP.

As I recall, you were the first one to explode with a stream of infantile cussing and personal insults (which I have not and will not do in return)...yet you ask ME to take a pill. There's something quite hypocritical about that, to say the least.

Why men arn't better

1) They make a stupid ass list of jokes that arn't funny at all, and when someone proves them wrong, they throw a hissy fit

I want to know why knowing your way around a kitchen seems to be considered unmanly. All these "great things about being a man" seem to include the fact that men only know how to operate a grill. What kind of whiny bitch of a man can't cook?

I want to know why knowing your way around a kitchen seems to be considered unmanly. All these "great things about being a man" seem to include the fact that men only know how to operate a grill. What kind of whiny bitch of a man can't cook?

Exactly. Call me a pussy/wuss/pansy/nancy boy/whatever, but I'm learning how to cook italian food and I'm damn proud of it. And I DON'T take pleasure in gas. And I like to talk about feelings and emotions, too! HA!

Exactly. Call me a pussy/wuss/pansy/nancy boy/whatever, but I'm learning how to cook italian food and I'm damn proud of it. And I DON'T take pleasure in gas. And I like to talk about feelings and emotions, too! HA!

I am Italian, and I know how to cook as well as any woman, and not just Italian food. That makes me a wuss? Why? Because I've had more women tell me how sexy it is that I know how to cook a romantic dinner than most of these "men" will ever even speak to? It's ridiculous.

Male vegetarians exist
In my opinion, vegitarianism, both male and female, is evil. Some of the teeth are designed for chewing through meat and fat. I'm sure that male vegetarians exist...so do other mythical creatures...but it still remains that by far the majority of vegetarians are women. It is a gross generalisation, but if it was accurate it wouldn't be funny.

They've also proven that beer turns males into women:
They gave 100 men 8 pints in one hour, and at the end of the hour they had to sit to pee, they wouldn't stop talking nonsense and they couldn't drive. It also increases breast size in males, and testosterone in females

*point self* Female.

And I think this thread his hilariously funny. Yes, there more than a few of those where I'm like 'Hell no!' or '*Gasp!* how sexist!' But... that's kinda what makes it funny. You know- it's like the Redneck jokes. Only- for guys in general. ;p

So while I don't /personally/ 'pee in a packs', I do still think it's funny. 'Cause it's true enough to be a sterotype.

And- while there are some people on this forum who don't know how to take a joke- there are a couple of people who've responded with a 'Nuh uh' that's just as amusing as the list itself. So, yah. Go people with senses of humor. ^^

So since he did, I will write a few things down that you guys can do that I wish I could get away with.

1. pee standing up
2. never have to wait in a long in order to pee
3. scratch anyplace anywhere anytime whenever itchy, or whenever bored ;)
4. Belch and fart when I have the need rather than clench til death or implosion
5. Sleep in that extra half hour because no one expects me to look like a doll
6. Have just as much sex as I want to, AND brag about it to my friends (though a lady never tells)
7. Have a BIG "O" every time (that is just SO not fair!)
8. Eat whatever I want, whenever I want and not have to think about how its going to look when it inevitably lands on my a$$
9. Bathe intermittently
10.Flirt without being considered easy.

In all honesty in reading these posts as well as my own, I realize I am truly blessed to have a man who may embody some of these things, but is MUCH better in MANY ways. For one thing my man knows his way around a kitchen better than I ever will, and well lets just say he keeps me happy ;) :fluffle:

18. No PMS No PMS No PMS
19. I can enjoy Lord of the Rings for real reasons
20. I can enjoy Pirates of the Carriean for real reasons
21. I get to use the term "wench"

Hey, I'm a girl, and I call all my friends 'wench'.

Then again, I also covet the term for myself and... well, I digress.

But 'wench' can be used by either sex... and people are less likely to complain when it's coming from another girl (I think it causes shock).

I wish I could flirt without being thought as a slut...I have the worst rep in my year level... Honestly, it's stupid, I defend myself, and I stand up for what I believe in, and I flirt a bit more than my friends, now I am considered a dominatrix bitch!!! :confused: :mad:

I happen to be a male vegetarian, who does know how to do his own cooking and his own laundry. ;)

And yes, being a man is fun for most of the reasons quoted. <G> In a similar style, here is the "male manifesto" (http://www.ledman.ch/humour/nous_hommes.html). If I have time one day I'll translate it for those of you who don't speak French.


MANIFESTE MASCULIN (UNE FOIS POUR TOUTES)

Femme,

1.- Si tu penses être grosse, c'est probablement vrai. Ne me pose pas la question, je refuserai de répondre.

2.- Si tu veux quelque chose, il suffit de le demander. Mettons les choses au point : nous sommes simples. Nous ne comprenons pas les demandes indirectes subtiles. Les demandes indirectes directes ne fonctionnent pas. Les demandes indirectes evidentes ne fonctionnent pas non plus. Dis les choses comme elles sont !

3.- Si tu poses une question a laquelle tu n'attends pas de reponse, ne sois pas surprise d'entendre une reponse que tu ne voulais pas entendre.

4.- Nous sommes SIMPLES. Si je te demande de me passer le pain, je ne veux dire que cela. je ne suis pas en train de te reprocher qu'il ne soit pas sur la table. il n'y a pas de sous entendus ni de reproches, nous sommes vraiment SIMPLES.

5.- Nous sommes SIMPLES. ca ne sert a rien de me demander a quoi je pense, 96,5% du temps c'est au sexe. et non, nous ne sommes pas des obsedes, c'est simplement ce qui nous plait le plus, malheureusement, nous sommes SIMPLES.

6.- Parfois je ne pense pas a toi. ce n'est pas grave. s'il te plait habitue-toi a cela. ne me demandes pas a quoi je pense, a moins que tu ne sois prête à parler de choses comme la politique, l'economie, le football ou les voitures de sport.

7.- Dimanche = grosse bouffe = copains = Football devant la tele. c'est comme la pleine lune ou la maree, c'est inevitable.

8.- Faire du shopping n'est pas amusant, et moi, je ne le trouverai jamais amusant.

9.- Quand nous devons aller quelque part, quelque soit le vetement que tu mettes, il t'ira parfaitement. je te le jure.

10.- Tu as suffisamment de vetement. Tu as trop de paires de chaussures. Pleurer, c'est du chantage.

11.- La plupart des hommes a trois paires de chaussures. J'insiste, nous sommes simples. Qu'est-ce qui peut bien te faire croire que je peux te servir a decider laquelle de tes trente paires te va le mieux ?

12.- Les reponses simples comme OUI ou NON sont parfaitement acceptables, quelle que soit la question.

13.- Si tu as un probleme, ne viens me voir que si tu esperes de l'aide pour le resoudre. ne me demandes pas de te plaindre comme si j'etais une de tes copines.

14.- Un mal de tete qui dure 17 mois n'est pas un mal de tete. Va voir un medecin.

15.- Si je te dis quelque chose qui peut s'interpreter de deux facons differentes et que l'une d'entre elle te rendrait triste ou inquiete, mon intention est de dire l'autre.

16.- TOUS les hommes ne voient que 16 couleurs. la prune est un fruit, pas une couleur.

17.- Qu'est-ce que c'est que cette putain de couleur fuschia ? et pire, comment s'ecrit cette saloperie?

18.- La biere nous plait autant qu'a vous les sacs a main.

19.- Si je te demande ce qui ne va pas et que tu me dis "rien", je te croirai et je ferai comme si tout allait bien.

20.- Ne me demande pas "tu m'aimes ?" sois sure que si je ne t'aimais pas, je ne serais pas avec toi.

21.- La regle de base, avant toute hesitation a notre egard : vas au plus simple. NOUS SOMMES VRAIMENT SIMPLES

And the toys get more expensive.

but don't tend to include batteries

I want to know why knowing your way around a kitchen seems to be considered unmanly. All these "great things about being a man" seem to include the fact that men only know how to operate a grill. What kind of whiny bitch of a man can't cook?

LOL, I would actually find cooking skills (among other traits, of course) appealing in a man. One reason being that I have neither the interest nor the skill in cooking beyond a rudimentary level, myself.