NationStates Jolt Archive

This thread will eventually contain the best insults and one-liners in the known world. It's up to you to make the best (or should I say worst) insults that you can think of. Flame on!

This thread will contain the best insults and one-liners in the known world. It's up to you to make the best (or should I say worst) insults that you can think of. Flame on!

Ummm...not to be insulting, but this is a bad idea for a thread in General.

Ummm...not to be insulting, but this is a bad idea for a thread in General.

But ... EVERY General thread uses this idea!

(At a funeral) "Bring out yer dead!"

originally from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

originally from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(in case you live in a cave)

How about

STFU N00b!

How about

STFU N00b!
da hell?

Most of my one-liners come from either movies or a videogame called Gex: Enter the Gecko, which I consider to be the best game in the history of any platform.

how about "u sux0rz?! olololoo rofl w00t!11!1111"

Hmmm.

Is a flame thread REALLY a good idea????

Hmmm.

Is a flame thread REALLY a good idea????

Sure! Why not skip the preliminary bullshit and get to the most entertaining part of reading all threads?

"You are a pig and your mother dresses you funny."

Who can guess where thats from? I'll give you a hint its from a PC game... thats ancient now...

your a complate and total smeg head

you're a necrophilic pervert, who eats his/her mom's feces for snacks.

Your physiognomy disgruntles me to such an extent that I no longer wish to urinate on you.

Your physiognomy disgruntles me to such an extent that I no longer wish to urinate on you.
your mom's physiognomy disgruntles me to such an extent that I no longer wish to urinate on her for our home movies.

your mom's physiognomy disgruntles me to such an extent that I no longer wish to urinate on her for our home movies.
How dare you!
For that I will defecate in your mom... again.
You heard me.
Yeah picture that!

How dare you!
For that I will defecate in your mom... again.
You heard me.
Yeah picture that!
i'll defecate on your mom's face and put the pictures online!

i'll defecate on your mom's face and put the pictures online!
Sorry I got you beat... Defecate IN your mom...

Check and mate.

Sorry I got you beat... Defecate IN your mom...

Check and mate.
that's totally not possible unless it's like diarrhea and you use a funnel.
the creepy thing is, that's probably a fetish.

Yo momma so fat she has more chins than the Chinese Phone Book

that's totally not possible unless it's like diarrhea and you use a funnel.
the creepy thing is, that's probably a fetish.

GAH!

...Must resist urge to search internet...

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you were saying . . .
I was distracted by the sight of your chins wobbling.

Hmm, I'm better at comebacks than insults, I'm not an agressive person really.

(FYI: The proven fail-safe way to win any argument ever is this: repeat everything said to you in a spazz voice. Never fails... ;) )

Hmmm.

Is a flame thread REALLY a good idea????
Well, they're not being directed at anyone (at least, not in seriousness).

On the other hand, this is rapidly getting rather disgusting. I'd appreciate it if participants would move away from the "disgusting" and just stick to the insults.

Thank you.

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator

Oh, how charming, you want to debate...run along to the short bus with your friends now.

You're ugly and your Mother dresses you funny

I think you'd be ideally suited for the marketing department...

Well, they're not being directed at anyone (at least, not in seriousness).

On the other hand, this is rapidly getting rather disgusting. I'd appreciate it if participants would move away from the "disgusting" and just stick to the insults.

Thank you.

Well, in that case.... (The following is not directed at you.)

Your cognitive functions are so impaired that you believe feral ursine creatures to be good pets.

Your grandmother is so horrificly obese that she uses the highway as a slip 'n slide.

Take that!!

hey why dont we get off of mothers? i just got off of yours. :)

If God were to give the world an enema, you would be the very first person to know.

hey why dont we get off of mothers? i just got off of yours. :)
OUCH! I think you're leading!

Somewhere there is a turd pining away missing his long lost twin. Why don't you just go and cheer him up?

Do you have to work at being an asshole or does it just come naturally?

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

While we're ripping off Monty Python...

Your so broke,When I saw you walking down the street kicking a can and asked you what you were doing you said movin.

Let me put this strait for those of you that are not:

Rule #1: I will allow no more sexually-based insults. If you choose to ignore me, you will be sacked.

Rule #2: NO ODDLY-WORDED OR CODED INSULTS/ONE-LINERS THAT WOULD CONFUSE A NORMAL PERSON! If you choose to ignore me, you will be sacked.

Rule #3: DO NOT MAKE SEXUAL JOKES ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S MOTHERS/FATHERS! If you choose to ignore me, you will be sacked.

These rules are FINAL! PERIOD! If you choose to ignore me, you will be sacked. And by hell do I mean it!

(after this character is told to do something. this is all in one sentence)
(main line)"Who do you think you are, my mother?
(this line explains it) Don't you think I can determine my own time to go to the bathroom?"
(to truely understand this line, you'd have to see the movie)

"I'm guessing your parents met at a family reunion."

hey why dont we get off of mothers? i just got off of yours. :)
Reminds me of the last school I was teaching at. I took a rubber band of a Year 13 student. He tried to get it out of my fist. He managed to squeeze one finger under my fist and said to me: "Geez you're got a loose fist, I've been in tighter women!"
The first thing that popped out of my mouth was:
"Yeah, but your mother doesn't count."
It was about that time I realised it was time to leave this school and find a job elsewhere before I really got into trouble with my facetious comments. Usually I'm good at keeping them under control. Boredom with my job allows them to squeeze out.

Here are one-liners from my favorite game of all time. Most of these come from specific areas in the game. These will be separated into sub-list. The ones that aren't under a title (the ones directly below this) are universal. Not all of them are here; it will be updated from time to time:

"You mean I'm not 99.9% clean?"
______________________________
(in the "BC" levels)
"All this, thanks to Mirical-Gro."
"And they said testing A-bombs on this island would have no effect."
"Ok, who's job was it to mow the lawn?"
"So, as soon as we clear out this pesky rainforest, there'll be room for a new strip mall."
______________________________
(in the "horror" levels)
"Bring out yer dead!"
"So this is Never-Never Land; you'd never guess it from the outside."
"Welcome to 'Under This Old House'."
"Welcome to the New York Mass Transit System."
"Man, heck has let this place go."
"Welcome to the only thing more evil than IRS Head Quarters."
"I am most certainly not in the vincinity of Kanses anymore."
______________________________
(in the "Computer" levels)
"This looks like a garage sale at NORAD."
______________________________
(in the "Space" levels)
"(in a high-pitched, Micky Mouse-like voice)Ok, who put helium in the oxygen tank!?"

*Classic* If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave it's butt and tell it to walk backwards.

good God! You're an idiot. just says so much. If someone says something intelligent sounding, just start laughing and say this. They'll get embarassed every time.

I do it to Goths talking about Anarchy.

I'd smack you, but shit splatters.

Your valor is dubious on the battlefield.
Best said to a Viking.

your a complate and total smeg head RED DWARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Fallout Tatics: I as your mayor have to say, no longer will taking a dump be called having ghoul babys, dropping a ghol at the pool, or pinhing off a ghoul.

Hmm. I've always wanted to get this routine into a movie

Man talking to male bureaucrat (cop maybe?), leaning in, in low voice :"Do you think I'm sexy?"

Bureaucrat, in homophobic startlement, jumping back: "Hell no."

Man in normal tone; "The why are you fucking me?"

"Tu made chupa los pollos de perros muertos in infierno"

Meaning "your mother sucks the cocks of dead dogs in hell". But best to say it in Spanish if you want to insult someone authoritative - assuming they don't speak Spanish, of course :D

'I fart in your general direction!'

*cough*montypython*cough*

Insulter: You're the second ugliest person in the entire world.

Insultee: Who's the first?

Insulter: I don't know, but there has to be someone, doesn't there?

"Tu made chupa los pollos de perros muertos in infierno"

Meaning "your mother sucks the cocks of dead dogs in hell". But best to say it in Spanish if you want to insult someone authoritative - assuming they don't speak Spanish, of course :D
Thats probably the worst spanish I've seen in my life... I'm assuming you remembered this by looking up each word in a Spanish dictionary a long long time ago.... because man... if someone who understood spanish heard you say that, they'd laugh their asses off.

You Ferk


I quite like the political ones.
Winston Churchill had a couple of good ones.
When coming home plastered one night he was accosted by a lady
"You Sir are Drunk"
"Yes, but in the morning i will be sober and you will still be ugly"

And accosted again by a woman
"If i was your wife i would poison your food"
"If you were my wife, i'd eat it"

Thats probably the worst spanish I've seen in my life... I'm assuming you remembered this by looking up each word in a Spanish dictionary a long long time ago.... because man... if someone who understood spanish heard you say that, they'd laugh their asses off.

Assumed incorrectly, actually - it was in a book of insults. Thanks for the tip-off, though.

I quite like the political ones.
Winston Churchill had a couple of good ones.
When coming home plastered one night he was accosted by a lady
"You Sir are Drunk"
"Yes, but in the morning i will be sober and you will still be ugly"

And accosted again by a woman
"If i was your wife i would poison your food"
"If you were my wife, i'd eat it"

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. :D


Somebody: "Hey, yo mom...enter yo mamma joke"

You: "Dude, get off my mom already...I just got off yours!" ;)

Hi.
Die.
Bye.

It must be such freedom to be completely unencumbered by thought.

originally from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Maybe thats why it is unfunny. Id rather under go experimental pile surgery than watch MP.

Maybe thats why it is unfunny. Id rather under go experimental pile surgery than watch MP.

Funny you should mention that... I'm pioneering exactly that kind of surgery. *digs out a couple serving spoons* I go in through the urethra.