NationStates Jolt Archive

"A fat woman came in the shoe store today, and when I looked up her skirt... It wasn't a woman!" - Al Bundy

dudes: don't just read the thread, POST!

Bah, I was hoping for a real, funny story.

DAMN I've got to do it myself then

"A fat woman sloshed into the shoe store today. Said she was retaining water. I told her not to worry the dam of cellulite should keep us all safe for the next few years!" - Al Bundy

"A fat woman clip-clops into the shoestore today and says "I want something I can feel comfortable in." so I said "Try Wyoming!"." - Al Bundy

"A fat woman walked into the shoe store today. She was so fat, she had three smaller women orbiting around her." - Al Bundy

"A woman comes into the shoestore today, so huge she's protected by GreenPeace. She asked for a pair of sixe 4 so I asked if she'd eat them here or take them home. Then she has the nerver to complain about my performance!" - Al Bundy

"A fat woman godzillas into the shoe store today, she asks for something she could wear to walk in the woods. Jokingly I suggest she wear a sign that says "Don't shoot! From the front I look human!" - Al Bundy

"A fat woman came into the shoe store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a Christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest, ugliest tree!" - Al Bundy

"Then a woman comes into the store, with a crocked nose and asked for something that will make her pretty. I told her that it will take a long time until someone that ugly to come and stand near her" - Al Bundy

finally one off topic:
"Women, you can't live with them." - Al Bundy

God bless Al Bundy.

*Proudly displays NO MA'AM shirt*

"Hooters, hooters yum yum yum, hooters, hooters on a girl that's dumb!"-Al Bundy

"A MAN IS A MAN ALL OF HIS LIFE, A WOMAN IS ONLY PRETTY UNTIL SHE BECOMES YOUR WIFE."

Behind every successful man is a woman who didn't marry me.

"WOMEN, YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH EM', YOU CAN'T HERD THEM ALL INTO CANADA..."

"A FAT WOMAN SLOSHED INTO THE SHOE STORE TODAY. SAID SHE WAS RETAINING WATER. I TOLD HER NOT TO WORRY THE DAM OF CELLULITE SHOULD KEEP US ALL SAFE THE NEXT FEW YEARS!!! NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY STARTED LETTING WOMAN CARRY STUN GUNS..."

"A SKINNY WOMAN WITH A HOOKED NOSE OLIVE OILS INTO THE SHOE STORE SAYS 'I WANT SOMETHING TO MAKE ME LOOK SEXY.' I SAY "YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT A LONG TIME BEFORE SOMEONE THAT UGLY COMES IN AND STANDS NEXT TO YOU!!!' NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY STARTED LETTING WOMEN CARRY NUNCHUKS..."

"THEN THIS WOMAN COMES IN WHO DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH. SHE POINTS AT THE SHOES, I POINT AT THE DOOR. SHE POINTS AT THE SKY AND KNESS ME IN THE NAY NAYS!!!"

The Fat Woman: "You would speak to me like that to my face?!?"

Al Bundy: "Well I would have said it behind your back but my car only has a half a tank of gas!"

::Also proudly displaying his "NO MA'AM " shirt::<~~Best 18 dollar purchase i ever made, I LOVE HOT TOPIC

Ahhh Al Bundy, the down trodden working mans hero,

This reminds about going shopping with my girlfriend a couple of weeks back. We were in a shoe store, and my gf was trying on all these shoes (just what I wanted to do with my Saturday :rolleyes: ) and a really fat woman waddles in and starts trying on different types of highheels. The fat was oozing over the straps! Ignoring how badly this is going to affect her ankles and arches, I was watvhing her and thinking "Yep you'll look so sexy in those high heels, no-one will notice just how hippo like your body is! Hey I know! Paint your toenails while you're at it. Then you'll look really classy."
Sad really. But still funny. Good thing I didn't think of any Al Bundy quotes or I'd have cracked up.

The Ten Commandments that should be displayed at the capitol of every city and every state, and every country.

1. It's OK to call hooters "knockers" and sometimes "snack trays".
2. It is wrong to be French.
3. It is OK to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder.
4. Lawyers, see rule 3.
5. It is OK to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes.
6. Everyone should car pool except me.
7. Bring back the word "stewardesses".
8. Synchronized swimming is not a sport.
9. Mud wrestling is a sport.
10. OK, there are only nine...

This reminds about going shopping with my girlfriend a couple of weeks back. We were in a shoe store, and my gf was trying on all these shoes (just what I wanted to do with my Saturday :rolleyes: ) and a really fat woman waddles in and starts trying on different types of highheels. The fat was oozing over the straps! Ignoring how badly this is going to affect her ankles and arches, I was watvhing her and thinking "Yep you'll look so sexy in those high heels, no-one will notice just how hippo like your body is! Hey I know! Paint your toenails while you're at it. Then you'll look really classy."
Sad really. But still funny. Good thing I didn't think of any Al Bundy quotes or I'd have cracked up.
you know why elephants paint their toenails red dont you? so they can hide in strawberry patches, dont believe me? ever see an elephant in a strawberry patch?

you know why elephants paint their toenails red dont you? so they can hide in strawberry patches, dont believe me? ever see an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Sweet Jesus, the man is on to something here. :eek:

I must look into this further.

"Thin may be in...but fat is where it's at!!!"-Quote from the XXX film, FATLINERS