NationStates Jolt Archive


Coping with relationship grief

Rhyno D
18-09-2004, 14:58
Eh, I just wanted people to look at this thread...


So what do you do when you feel like total shit? Cuz I feel like total shit and I don't know what to do.

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] Changed the title to something a little more descriptive than "Kerry Sucks!" [/modedit]
Almighty Kerenor
18-09-2004, 15:33
Slit your wrists.
Rhyno D
18-09-2004, 15:50
Slit your wrists.
too extreme...
Ashmoria
18-09-2004, 15:56
i get a big glass of tropicana orange juice (not from concentrate) and go back to bed until i feel better
Kryozerkia
18-09-2004, 16:01
Go into the bathroom, turn on the shower and just stand under the steady stream of hot water.
Pandaemoniae
18-09-2004, 16:03
emotionally, physically, or both?
Notorious Jay
18-09-2004, 16:09
Stand naked in the wind.
Rhyno D
18-09-2004, 16:11
emotionally, physically, or both?
emotionally...
My GF and I decided we should go on a break, to explore other options, right? She felt like it wasn't really going anywear right now, and I feel that way too, but as I told her, i'd rather go nowhere with her than everywhere with anyone else...
Copiosa Scotia
18-09-2004, 16:11
Listen to emo.

/me ducks
Rhyno D
18-09-2004, 16:13
Stand naked in the wind.

Hmm....just might have to try that....
Evestria
18-09-2004, 16:16
Try just sucking it up and getting on with life. For some people it works, especially if your relationship had fizzled out and their wasn't a lot of love left to be missed in the first place. But if you really need to get the emotions out, just close yourself off in a room and let everything out. Cry, write, sing, whatever. Most of the time we feel bad because we're denying ourselves something. Those are the two extremes I'd recomend, if it's small, ignore it till it goes away, if it's big, release it and dive into your mind, see how far down the rabbit hole goes.
Notquiteaplace
18-09-2004, 16:22
No. Listen to meeeeeehhhhhttaaaaalllll!

Machine head are good for this. Chimaira too. "cleansation" or "wipe away the tears", much miore regenerative and about standing up for yourself.

Stupid emo types.

*offers emo boy/girl a drink and offers condoloences for poor taste in music*

Talk to my friends. Unles they are the reason. I sulk. go on the net and play net games. Laugh at some of Roycelandia's posts in II (hes a really funny guy). Or if desparate, alone and in possesion of the requisite ingredients cook some hash cookies.

I dont reccomend this in a country where possesion of a personal supply is illegal. Nor do i reccomend it for under 16 year olds. I dont want to be responsible for law breaking. This is also no good if you are living with your parents.

Failing all that I just sit around like a zombie or go for a walk. Avoiding the happy confident people. They just rub it in. Especially couples, go somewhere that is nice but nobody else likes it. Dead quiet. Find somewhere nice to shelter/sit and just enjoy it.

Play some fallout2, damn that game is funny, or "Killers" by Iron maiden, that always puts a smile on my face (especially "oh Ive done it again!" towards the end of "Killers")

Or if all else fails, discuss it with someone in a simular situation. Just to remind you that other people cope with it (though some dont do so as well) and live through it, and you arent alone in being sad.
Crazed Marines
18-09-2004, 16:26
ah, shake it off and drink a can of Mountain Dew.
Crazed Marines
18-09-2004, 16:27
Unless you're obsessive compulsive... Then you could be lost in the rabbit hole indefinitely...

That happened to me.

More than I needed to know
Burecia
18-09-2004, 16:31
i went through the exact same thing 4 months ago rhyno best thing to do is pick up a new girl get your mind off the old one or you can do what i did sit around for 4 months not dating anyone it works cuz im completely over the girl i was with and we dated for 4 years
Burecia
18-09-2004, 16:33
Go into the bathroom, turn on the shower and just stand under the steady stream of hot water.


this helps alot rhyno and before you get outa the shower turn it on cold oo its so refreshing like a sierra mist :)
Kingdom Doom
18-09-2004, 16:35
I am not too old and have not had many girlfriends. But I know how you feel and what I did was just sit and feel sorry for yourself for a couple of weeks and you'll be fine. It just happened to me this summer infact. I was really sad and quiet for long time, I thought a lot about the person, after a couple weeks I realized I didn't love her anymore, I just went on with my summer and now we're friends again. :fluffle:
Rhyno D
18-09-2004, 17:00
ah, shake it off and drink a can of Mountain Dew.
eh, MD does evil things to guys...
Rhyno D
18-09-2004, 17:01
I know i'll get over it...thing is, i have nothing to do until then...
Oomblaya
18-09-2004, 17:03
I think Bush sucks. So there. :p

i guess that is kinda off topic.
Notquiteaplace
18-09-2004, 17:12
stil OT: isnt the conservative arguement "Kerry sucks, you dont like him really!" and the Liberal one "Bush sucks, look at him, hes a moron and liar"

And you know what. They are both right. Kerry sucks. So does Bush. Keryy isnt anything special, and Bush lied and is infact below avergae intellegence. The worlds second most powerful nation (well in the next ten years it will be) and he has an IQ of 95! 100 is distinctly average. Look at me im 130 and I still type like a retard! America should be run by really clever people!

If I was american I d be distraught. then again the UK isnt much better...

Rhyno D. You know there is going to be an end. Look to it. the light at the end of the tunnel, at least you know there is going to be an end. Just have fun and stay off your arse, think again. Your single, you dont want another girl for now? fair enough, dont hurt anyone else, but you cans till play flirty games and ogle passers by again. Maybe she'll see sense and come back. Maybe not. Just hang in there and enjoy your singleness while it is still fresh (and not stale)
Sgt Peppers LHCB
18-09-2004, 17:20
emotionally...
My GF and I decided we should go on a break, to explore other options, right? She felt like it wasn't really going anywear right now, and I feel that way too, but as I told her, i'd rather go nowhere with her than everywhere with anyone else...

Well, Ill tell you, your a wuss, your not a man at all, you have the emotions of a woman, or a gay man, if you act like that she'll think your a pussy too and wont want to be with you, you need to be more masculant in situations like this.
Iceasruler
18-09-2004, 18:00
Work through it. Listen to sad love songs and allow yourself time to be sad. It is sad when a relationship ends, of course it is, so you must let yourself BE sad for a while. And then, one day, you'll wake up and realise that you no longer WANT to moon around at home and you'll feel a lot better.
Cogitation
18-09-2004, 18:11
emotionally...
My GF and I decided we should go on a break, to explore other options, right? She felt like it wasn't really going anywear right now, and I feel that way too, but as I told her, i'd rather go nowhere with her than everywhere with anyone else...
There's not much good advice that I can give you to help you through this. All I can think of, at the moment, is to keep in mind that there are only two general, long-term outcomes for romantic relationships: either you stay together or you don't. Have an exit strategy: If you're going to break up, then how are you going to do it?

Her: "I don't think that this is working out between us; we should probably start seeing other people."
Him: "Yeah, well, we knew we might break up. I've enjoyed going out with you these past months, but I agree, we should see other people now."

First, I'll admit that that's very badly scripted and sounds more like what you'd find in some cheesy novel or TV script rather than an actual conversation. However, my point is that if you plan ahead and you know how you're going to deal with each possible outcome, then you won't be as disappointed when it happens and you're not going to be worrying about it for extended periods of time during the relationship.

Remember: These sorts of things are supposed to be fun for both people involved*. People who are fun to be with are more attractive to potential dates/mates. It's easier to have fun if you're not worrying about the relationship. It's easier to not worry about it if you've planned ahead.

You don't have to have a very specific plan, but a general, but solid, idea of how you're going to handle various kinds of situations will help you. As situations arise (expected or unexpected), you can adapt the details of your general ideas to the specific situation.

* If marraige becomes a serious possibility, then, yeah, there are going to be serious components to the relationship which have to be handled seriously. For the most part, though, both people are supposed to be having fun with this.

"Think about it for a moment."

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia
The Sadistic Skinhead
18-09-2004, 18:31
Slit your wrists.


listen here mate you should never tell anyone to do this
Conistonia
18-09-2004, 18:42
I went through a very similar situation a few months ago and I've got some bad news for you. It hurts, it's going to keep hurting, and there's no easy thing to do to make you feel better. It hurts less with time, but the best thing I found to do is to keep busy, to keep my mind off of what had happened.
Crazed Marines
18-09-2004, 19:39
eh, MD does evil things to guys...

No it doesn't. I've been drinking a dew or two a day for the past four years and nothing bad has happened to the twins.
The Island of Rose
18-09-2004, 19:59
Well, Ill tell you, your a wuss, your not a man at all, you have the emotions of a woman, or a gay man, if you act like that she'll think your a pussy too and wont want to be with you, you need to be more masculant in situations like this.

Men cry too :rolleyes:

Rhyno, sit back, relax, and look at Comedy Central...
Japaica
18-09-2004, 20:10
Eh, I just wanted people to look at this thread...


So what do you do when you feel like total shit? Cuz I feel like total shit and I don't know what to do.

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] Changed the title to something a little more descriptive than "Kerry Sucks!" [/modedit]

You post on SSA

http://www.myfreeib.com/members/?mforum=SSA

Happy, rhyno? :D
Revolutionsz
18-09-2004, 20:42
emotionally...
My GF and I decided we should go on a break, to explore other options, right? She felt like it wasn't really going anywear right now, and I feel that way too, but as I told her, i'd rather go nowhere with her than everywhere with anyone else...
whenever it happens to me...I heal myself with...Sex. :fluffle:

It works for me...
Johnistan
18-09-2004, 20:46
I deal with it by not loving people. I've never actually loved anyone outside my immediate family. Except for this one girl, who I'm incredibly attracted too, but I don't know if it's love.
Seket-Hetep
18-09-2004, 20:46
i've got a list of things i don't want or need, and can be disposed of.
when shit hits the fan...
i start venting on 'em.
then i go talk to someone.
Goed
18-09-2004, 21:28
Usually, I spend a bit of time alone, really quiet...you know, mentally/emotionall purging it. During that stage I usually listen to a mix of sad and thoughtful music, go on walks alone, write a bit (ironically, this is usually when my creativity hits a peak). Then I go hang out with friends and talking to people a lot; sort of a social rehabilitation.
Ravea
18-09-2004, 22:00
Play the Piano or listen to this song:

http://www.flashplayer.com/music/18hoursofmylife_movie.php
The Holy Word
18-09-2004, 22:37
Well, Ill tell you, your a wuss, your not a man at all, you have the emotions of a woman, or a gay man, if you act like that she'll think your a pussy too and wont want to be with you, you need to be more masculant in situations like this.
You're a virgin.

@Rhyno D- sleep with her best friend. ;)
Revolutionsz
18-09-2004, 22:39
laugher and sex the best emotional healers...sometimes i add mari :D
Raishann
18-09-2004, 23:14
Well, Ill tell you, your a wuss, your not a man at all, you have the emotions of a woman, or a gay man, if you act like that she'll think your a pussy too and wont want to be with you, you need to be more masculant in situations like this.

Bullshit. I think that if this girl could not realize what sort of dedication that Rhyno D was willing to give her (even though he feels the relationship has stalled, it's clear that he takes it seriously instead of treating it like a toy), it's her fault for not being able to return it, not HIS fault for feeling that in the first place.

Maybe YOU can't feel that, or refuse to for whatever reason, but attacking Rhyno D's masculinity is just about the most childish thing you can do.
Wivles
19-09-2004, 03:11
Eh, I just wanted people to look at this thread...


So what do you do when you feel like total shit? Cuz I feel like total shit and I don't know what to do.

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] Changed the title to something a little more descriptive than "Kerry Sucks!" [/modedit]
ah, come on, you take the fun out...
Wivles
19-09-2004, 03:17
Well, Ill tell you, your a wuss, your not a man at all, you have the emotions of a woman, or a gay man, if you act like that she'll think your a pussy too and wont want to be with you, you need to be more masculant in situations like this.

You've obviously never loved anyone like he has. Go out and find a girl who ain't a whore and then give some advice.
1248B
19-09-2004, 03:22
Eh, I just wanted people to look at this thread...


So what do you do when you feel like total shit? Cuz I feel like total shit and I don't know what to do.


Really depends. If I use my common sense than I distract myself with a nice walk in the woods, a movie or something like that.

If I let my self-pity take over I might go as far as opening a bottle of scotch and get drunk. Luckily the later rarelt happens, very rarely.
Crazed Marines
19-09-2004, 04:54
You've obviously never loved anyone like he has. Go out and find a girl who ain't a whore and then give some advice.

DANG! Smackdown!
Japaica
19-09-2004, 15:58
Guys, when you are down in the dumps, post on SSA for a happy fun time:

http://www.myfreeib.com/members/?mforum=SSA :D
Copiosa Scotia
19-09-2004, 16:33
No. Listen to meeeeeehhhhhttaaaaalllll!

Machine head are good for this. Chimaira too. "cleansation" or "wipe away the tears", much miore regenerative and about standing up for yourself.

Stupid emo types.

*offers emo boy/girl a drink and offers condoloences for poor taste in music*

Eh... I thought it was pretty clear I was joking.
Moontian
19-09-2004, 16:36
I suggest doing something to completely occupy your mind. Sport and reading are good, and I use them all the time. I often run out of reading material, though.
Being on the forums on NS for 32 straight hours might work in a mind-deadening way.

But, probably there are only two complete cures for it: A kick up the *ss and a pretty young girl.
Notquiteaplace
20-09-2004, 14:23
Eh... I thought it was pretty clear I was joking.


hehe. You thinking i was being entirely serious either? I do have a sense of humour. THe ducking bit gave that away...

Oh and for fun I would suggest kicking Sgt Peppers LHCB for being a throwback and an emotional retard. Or maybe for being so unfunny with his joking....
Cogitation
20-09-2004, 15:51
Well, Ill tell you, your a wuss, your not a man at all, you have the emotions of a woman, or a gay man, if you act like that she'll think your a pussy too and wont want to be with you, you need to be more masculant in situations like this.
Bullshit. I think that if this girl could not realize what sort of dedication that Rhyno D was willing to give her (even though he feels the relationship has stalled, it's clear that he takes it seriously instead of treating it like a toy), it's her fault for not being able to return it, not HIS fault for feeling that in the first place.

Maybe YOU can't feel that, or refuse to for whatever reason, but attacking Rhyno D's masculinity is just about the most childish thing you can do.
You've obviously never loved anyone like he has. Go out and find a girl who ain't a whore and then give some advice.
Oh and for fun I would suggest kicking Sgt Peppers LHCB for being a throwback and an emotional retard. Or maybe for being so unfunny with his joking....
Sgt Peppers LHCB has demonstrated a considerable lack of tact, almost bordering on "trolling" (though I'm going to stop just short of officially declaring it as such).

That said, he does touch upon something important: Confidence is an attractive quality (though I will argue that confidence is not strictly a masculine quality). Confidence is sometimes difficult to exhibit (that I know firsthand), but if you can pull it off, you will be more attractive to whomever you deal with*. Again, advance planning becomes useful, here; if you know how you're going to deal with a possible break-up, then you won't worry so much about it and it will be easier to be confident about the matter.

Yeah, break-ups can hurt. Take some time to get over it. Read, exercise, build ships in Bottle... I mean... in bottles, play NationStates, or practice whatever other hobbies that you have. Eventually, you'll get over this, and you'll be fine. :) The important thing is to not carry emotional baggage into the next relationship.

* Generally speaking, that is. Other factors are involved, of course, but confidence is an important one.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia

...

Guys, when you are down in the dumps, post on SSA for a happy fun time:

http://www.myfreeib.com/members/?mforum=SSA :D
Okay, that's the second time you've advertised that link in this thread. Once was enough.

Not an official warning (yet).

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator
Raishann
20-09-2004, 18:27
Confidence is important--but it should never, EVER be equated with machismo the way many people seem to. That is the mistake I think Sgt Peppers makes. Machismo, to my eye, becomes arrogance--and that has nothing to do with real confidence, which to me is an unspoken thing. Confidence does not announce itself--it just IS. Confidence can even be manifested by someone with a quiet, sensitive personality...even a person who cries (and that DOES include men), if they have the ability to simply feel those feelings in their time and then move on. Heck, even that is a form of confidence. As long as you have a solid core underneath whatever personality you have, that's all that matters.
Lakren
20-09-2004, 18:39
emotionally...
My GF and I decided we should go on a break, to explore other options, right? She felt like it wasn't really going anywear right now, and I feel that way too, but as I told her, i'd rather go nowhere with her than everywhere with anyone else...

That sounds familiar...
I'm sorry I don't have anything to say, but I can understand your situation, somehow.
Coyemans
20-09-2004, 18:51
Play some fallout2, damn that game is funny, or "Killers" by Iron maiden, that always puts a smile on my face (especially "oh Ive done it again!" towards the end of "Killers")


i love iron maiden!
:D
Copiosa Scotia
20-09-2004, 19:49
hehe. You thinking i was being entirely serious either? I do have a sense of humour. THe ducking bit gave that away...

Oh and for fun I would suggest kicking Sgt Peppers LHCB for being a throwback and an emotional retard. Or maybe for being so unfunny with his joking....

Alright, you got me. :sheepish:
The Reunited Yorkshire
20-09-2004, 20:13
I'd suggest getting stoned as a Dutchman (no offence to any Dutch people on here who don't smoke, it's a figure of speech) and listening to some fitting music, Radiohead or the Eels generally does the trick, then spending a couple of nights going out and getting so smashed you can hardly walk before doing your best to get on with your life.....
Crazed Marines
20-09-2004, 23:20
Well, you could train a lot to help get her out of your mind. Running to the point of muscle failure kinda does that to you.