NationStates Jolt Archive

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?

As soon as they're old enough to comprehend the question.

I believe in God, I want my children to believe in God, and I hope that they will, but I do not want to ever force them to pray to something they don't believe in or force them to conform to what I believe is true. To do so would simply lower myself and keep my children from finding happiness.

(EDIT on reading the next post)

I will teach them about Judaism and educate them in the history and practices, since it is what I believe, but I will not stand in their way if they want to look at any other religion and explore other options. I'll nudge them my way, but not steamroll over the other choices.

This raises an interesting thought. If you never told a child that anyone believed that god exists, it's not very likely at all that they would believe in god.

I'll be telling them that when they are born, it will be my first words to them. :)
I hope, more than anything, that they will actually be concerned with and about a spirituality. Whether they become Christians, Buddhists, Satanists, Hindus, Muslims, Animists, whatever.

This raises an interesting thought. If you never told a child that anyone believed that god exists, it's not very likely at all that they would believe in god.Not necessarily. They might not come to have an image of God in any doctrinalized way, or in any form which those of us conditioned by religious upbringings would recognize, but at its essence, the search for God is the search for the unknowable, and that's inherent in all of us. It's hardwired into our brains. Even atheism is simply the denial of the idea that anything is unknowable.

As to the question posed by the thread, there's no simple answer. I think you just let the child grow and mature and leave the possibilities open. Let them try to discover the unknowable all on their own, and be there to guide them through the morass of different belief systems and religious dogmas. Try to keep them from becoming too fucked up by it all.

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?

When our children begin asking about our different beliefs, me and my soon to be have agreed that, no matter what they chose to believe, the will be free to chose. We even know who they will learn from if they choose Wicca. No child of ours will be forced to be a Satanist, Or a Christian. They will be taught and allowed to beleive as they chose. within reason of course.

I'd like to raise my children in a religion-free environment until they're at least 14. Then I would explain the bible to them, have them go to church one day, let them explore whatever they wanted and find out whatever they wanted to about any religion and let them choose.

I want them to be rational enough to make the choice for themselves insteadof having an institution or a group tell them their beliefs from an early age.

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?

I can't go from personal experience because for me, in my own soul, I think faith has always been a given. It never occurred to me to want to break away from it because in my own life it's always seemed very natural...and even now, in my years away from home and my parents, it continues to. If it were some sort of brainwashing only, and not of my own accord, I really think I would've rejected it by now...it's not like I've not exposed myself to many varying viewpoints. I believe that even without religious parents, a natural impulse would've driven me towards faith anyway (I think it's part of my particular makeup), but having had Christian parents was a real help because that innate impulse immediately found a way to express itself. I would certainly never go back, if I had a time machine, to advise my parents not to teach their faith to me all the way from the start of my life...it would be hard, I think, to have that impulse but nowhere for it to go.

I know you can't compel faith. It comes from within. A religious parent's job is not to beat that child over the head, but to try to find that impulse and help their child channel for themselves it as best as possible...so I'd like to encourage it, but I'd have to let go eventually if I could see it wasn't going to "take". I'll be the first to admit that would be hard on me, and I might not be able to at first. But I think that's what would have to be done. I'd encourage my child to ask questions about God and religion even from an early age and would very much hope that I could answer to their satisfaction--and try to demonstrate behavior that follows the morals I claim to follow. I'm going to have my slip-ups from time to time, but I hope that I will be able to at least make it clear what standard it is I'm aiming for. Example, even more than words, is by far the most effective teacher. That's how I was raised and I think that to help them find faith for themselves that's the best thing I can do.

Not necessarily. They might not come to have an image of God in any doctrinalized way, or in any form which those of us conditioned by religious upbringings would recognize, but at its essence, the search for God is the search for the unknowable, and that's inherent in all of us. It's hardwired into our brains. Even atheism is simply the denial of the idea that anything is unknowable.

As to the question posed by the thread, there's no simple answer. I think you just let the child grow and mature and leave the possibilities open. Let them try to discover the unknowable all on their own, and be there to guide them through the morass of different belief systems and religious dogmas. Try to keep them from becoming too fucked up by it all.

I would think that God would be a pretty absurd idea to someone who'd never heard of Him. I know I would'nt have used God as an explanation for the unkown if someone hadn't told me about him.

I would think that God would be a pretty absurd idea to someone who'd never heard of Him. I know I would'nt have used God as an explanation for the unkown if someone hadn't told me about him.Perhaps not God in the form to which you're accustomed, but I'd imagine you'd wonder if there was anything greater than yourself in the universe, and in essence, that's what God is--that which is greater than ourselves.

my own paticular beliefs are that any and all religions are a crutch for those who need it when they need it. i dont think that religion is bad in anyway, i actually support anyone and everyone that believes in it just believe that all children should be shown as many types of religions or faiths as possible so that they can decide who and what they wish to beleive in. but i also would like to leave open the possibility that there isnt a higher being at all and that us being here is just purely from evolution.
The wayt i was brought up was that the only religion that was ok was catholicism (sp?) and i rebelled as much as possbile not becuase i didnt beleive it but because it was being forced upon me. so thats why i think that all children or everyone for that matter should expose themselves to as many different types of faiths as possible so that they can make an informed decision on the matter.
but i could be wrong those are just my 2 cents
Thank you for listening

I must ask this, because it's so alien to my experience...

What things make people feel like religion is forced?

What things make people feel that it is natural to accept it (i.e. it is NOT forced)?

In my case, while I was taught religion for as long as I can remember, I have never felt a need to rebel--and even feel that to leave it would be like cutting off a part of my own body. That is, it feels like a natural part of me that SHOULD be there.

What experiences, in your opinions, determine the difference? I am asking about how religion is taught, NOT about the recipient's personality because I think that can open up a dangerous can of worms (personalities being bashed and so on).

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?


If I were a parent, I'd just let the kid decide for himself.
As they get older, if they want to go to church, or whatever....I'd let them.

I must ask this, because it's so alien to my experience...

What things make people feel like religion is forced?

What things make people feel that it is natural to accept it (i.e. it is NOT forced)?

In my case, while I was taught religion for as long as I can remember, I have never felt a need to rebel--and even feel that to leave it would be like cutting off a part of my own body. That is, it feels like a natural part of me that SHOULD be there.

What experiences, in your opinions, determine the difference? I am asking about how religion is taught, NOT about the recipient's personality because I think that can open up a dangerous can of worms (personalities being bashed and so on).


Well, let me explain religion in the town where I live.
My home town is in the Guiness Book of World Records for "Most Churches".
We have more churches, per capita, than any other city in the world.

The city only has 35,000 people in it.

So, I grew up with nearly every denominations kids.
If Little Billy's parents were Catholic....Billy was Catholic.
If Johnny's parents were Lutheran, Methodist, Evangelical, Presbyterian, Seventh Day Adventists, Jewish, Ba'hia (sp?) Baptist, Southern Baptists, or "Crazy speaking in tounges, and flopping about on television" Christians....

You didnt have a choice.

You went....you listened to the countless lessons about how if you dont believe....you get to suffer for eternity.

No matter how contradictory, how unbelievable you may find it.....if you dont believe....you suffer.

I was brought up Lutheran.
I quickly ran screaming from religion at age 13.
Never looked back.

In my home town, when a friend asked you,"What religion are you?"
and you relpied, "Uhh...none, I guess."

They looked at you funny, and asked "Really?"

More churches per capita ......

As soon as s/he is old enough to know and answer the question.

I will NOT force religious beliefs on my children. I'll let him/her make their own decisions.

My kids are 4 and 6, and while I am not a religious person, I do have some spiritual beliefs. My kids come out with the most amazing questions - where do we go when we die? what's dying? where does god live? is heaven above the sky? I usually preface my answer with "some people believe..." and then give them a few different answers from my (somewhat limited) knowledge on religion. They choose their own views from answers I give them, and I'm sure they ask others the same questions too.

I think kids naturally form their own beliefs, and I hope that if my children choose a religion to follow, that it will be something that is fulfilling for them.

I would think that God would be a pretty absurd idea to someone who'd never heard of Him. I know I would'nt have used God as an explanation for the unkown if someone hadn't told me about him.
Then you hit the question of how did religion ever take off in the first place?

Basic questions such as 'where did the world come from, and why' and 'if society is the source of morality, why do our moral codes often condemn our society's actions' and 'why are we self-aware' all require answers.

Back to the original question - as soon as they ask (which is inevitable around me)! Given how anti-religion the media is, I wouldn't bother to try and be even handed. What I haven't worked out is how to give impartial information on other religions.

they are going to believe whatever they want to at some point no matter
what we as parents do or say. I am a christian and my children go to church with me and enjoy it. I think that I have a really good and open relationship with my kids. So if they have questions about why I believe the way that I do
I will talk to them and tell them. And if they choose to not believe then of
course I will still love and support them. I don't think giving them permission to believe what they want is an issue. Because they will believe what they want regardless. We can not control anyone else's beliefs.

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?

There's an old saying that goes, "You ask your kids what they want for dinner when they can pay for it".

As a parent, I raise my kids based on my beliefs. A solid foundation is essential. An open mind rapidly becomes an open sewer without proper discipline.

In short, they can choose when they can pay for it.

Whatever age it is that you ask them if they want to go to church.

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?
i think you should start saying that during the last month of pregnancy, so the developing fetus can start internalizing it in whatever pre-cognitive way possible. you should NEVER have a discussion of religion with your child without making it perfectly and completely clear to the child that all religion is equally speculative and therefore there is no "right" answer for them.

What age do you think is the best to tell your child that he/she has a choice of whether or not to believe in God, and what religon he/she wants to follow?

i think that when i have kids, i'll drag them to a variety of religious institutions and teach them about them and encourge them to do their own research and form their own opinions.

you dont CHOOSE to believe
geez do you really think you can walk into a church at age 18, hear a sermon, read a pamphlet and say "well there, i guess ill believe that, lock stock and barrell"

children need to be raised in a religion if they are going to become believers. then they can perhaps switch to a different sect of the same basic religion or in extraordinary cases they can turn to an entirely different religion.

a good RELIGIOUS parent takes their child to church with them from the time they are newborn babies. the child is immersed in the religion of the parents. it forms the basis of his understanding of the universe. the daily rituals of prayer and bible reading (or whatever it is that is common in their particular religion) become an integral part of the way the child feels a good life should be lived.

you give a child a CHOICE at some point, not because you want them to choose a particular religion but because you dont want them to rebel against the one you are raising them in. so when they get to highschool, they get to choose if they are going to church or not, participate in church clubs or not, or whatever other decisions they are going to make when they are adults in a few years anyway.

THEN you expect that once they become an adult, they will shape up and come back to the church they were raised in. as 90% of the children raised that way will do.

you cant possibly predict NOW how you will deal with your childs religious upbringing. things that seem stupid before you have kids are suddenly very important to you after they are born. and the religion that seems lame to you now may well become the focus of your lives once you are adults and living your own lives.

you dont CHOOSE to believe
geez do you really think you can walk into a church at age 18, hear a sermon, read a pamphlet and say "well there, i guess ill believe that, lock stock and barrell"

children need to be raised in a religion if they are going to become believers. then they can perhaps switch to a different sect of the same basic religion or in extraordinary cases they can turn to an entirely different religion.

a good RELIGIOUS parent takes their child to church with them from the time they are newborn babies. the child is immersed in the religion of the parents. it forms the basis of his understanding of the universe. the daily rituals of prayer and bible reading (or whatever it is that is common in their particular religion) become an integral part of the way the child feels a good life should be lived.

you give a child a CHOICE at some point, not because you want them to choose a particular religion but because you dont want them to rebel against the one you are raising them in. so when they get to highschool, they get to choose if they are going to church or not, participate in church clubs or not, or whatever other decisions they are going to make when they are adults in a few years anyway.

THEN you expect that once they become an adult, they will shape up and come back to the church they were raised in. as 90% of the children raised that way will do.

you cant possibly predict NOW how you will deal with your childs religious upbringing. things that seem stupid before you have kids are suddenly very important to you after they are born. and the religion that seems lame to you now may well become the focus of your lives once you are adults and living your own lives.

so basically you support manipulating your children into believing as you do?

I wouldnt teach my kids something that is never going to be prooved true and is based on a fantasy novel.

I wouldnt care if they chose to follow religion, as long as i and the schools they went to showed them the difference between right and wrong thats all that is needed to bring up caring children.

I doubt telling them about god and the bible would do any good apart from clouding their minds with pointless worry.



EDITED:- The post above is right - so your gonna definately make them religious because YOU beleive it is right and YOU beleive in the fanatsy novel named the Bible ?

Geez what a poor child hood that will be

I agree with Backwoods that there are those towns and areas that use the "Church" as a brainwashing tool to keep their kids in line with the way the parents want them to live, breath, eat, walk, think and so forth.

I was lucky in that the church I went to (Lutheren) was full of some very open minded people. As youth, we (and my friends) where given the basic belifes of the Lutheren faith but the stress was to belive in "something" Regardless of what your faith and belife is, find it and stick with it. I was born, baptized and confirmed Lutheren but I havent been to a Lutheren Church in years.

When I moved to the area I live now, the Church is almost used as a mandatory right of passage and if you DONT follow in the religiouse teachings of you family, you are given the immpresion that you are not worthy to live the life you where given.
Some of my cousins in the area have delt with this very well but some have not resulting in depresion at the least and suicide at the worst cause they no longer feel accepted by there family.

Finaly, I dont belive you should have to "introduce" religion or belife to a child. It should just happen as a normal way of living. The key is to make sure the child is not forced to belive in any one way. They will pick it up from their parents (provided there parents have some type of belife) and find there own way

you dont CHOOSE to believe
geez do you really think you can walk into a church at age 18, hear a sermon, read a pamphlet and say "well there, i guess ill believe that, lock stock and barrell"children need to be raised in a religion if they are going to become believers. then they can perhaps switch to a different sect of the same basic religion or in extraordinary cases they can turn to an entirely different religion. a good RELIGIOUS parent takes their child to church with them from the time they are newborn babies. the child is immersed in the religion of the parents. it forms the basis of his understanding of the universe. the daily rituals of prayer and bible reading (or whatever it is that is common in their particular religion) become an integral part of the way the child feels a good life should be lived. you give a child a CHOICE at some point, not because you want them to choose a particular religion but because you dont want them to rebel against the one you are raising them in. so when they get to highschool, they get to choose if they are going to church or not, participate in church clubs or not, or whatever other decisions they are going to make when they are adults in a few years anyway. THEN you expect that once they become an adult, they will shape up and come back to the church they were raised in. as 90% of the children raised that way will do. you cant possibly predict NOW how you will deal with your childs religious upbringing. things that seem stupid before you have kids are suddenly very important to you after they are born. and the religion that seems lame to you now may well become the focus of your lives once you are adults and living your own lives

I dont think she is manipulating or saying to manipulate anything. She obviously has learned this through life experience.

The reason why I said I wouldnt want to make my child go anywhere until they can decide for themselves is because of my life experience. I was forced and still was after becoming an adult (if I wanted to remain in that home, even visit over a saturday night). That is why I got the heck out of there. However I did find God all on my own (well without any other being telling me to) later in my life. That is why what she just said makes complete sense. Because it is when you become a teenager that you start rebelling. That or hopefully just prior is when you allow the kid to make up thier mind. I didnt get to experience this and looking back at it know, I know what she says would be ideal for parents to do.

so basically you support manipulating your children into believing as you do?
thats what parenting IS

I think children should be raised agnostic until such time as they can decide for themselves.

Children should be raised in the traditions of their family. It is essential to their identity. They will look to their parents to see how to act and the parents better be ready to set a good example.

If you're Pagan, raise your kids Pagan. If you're Christian, raise your kids Christian. If you're Muslim ... and so on and so on and so on.

If you leave it up to them, then there is no point in parenting at all. You are their primary teacher. Teach!

I think children should be raised agnostic until such time as they can decide for themselves.

I agree. And I would like to add that as a parent, being open to questions from your kids is very important. Kids are good at detecting bullshit, and if you evade their questions or say: "That's just the way it is" they'll think you're a moron, and rightly so.

so basically you support manipulating your children into believing as you do?

thats what parenting IS
only if you suck at parenting, or are so lazy and irresponsible that you choose the easy way out when it comes to your child's welfare. but hey, feel free to screw your kids up and raise them to be little drones...it will make it just that much easier for my kids to rule the world :).

only if you suck at parenting, or are so lazy and irresponsible that you choose the easy way out when it comes to your child's welfare. but hey, feel free to screw your kids up and raise them to be little drones...it will make it just that much easier for my kids to rule the world :).

we'll see how it works out when you have your own children.
everyone teaches their children their own values. its not indoctrination, its parenting.

we'll see how it works out when you have your own children.
everyone teaches their children their own values. its not indoctrination, its parenting.
i've already raised two, thanks, and the values they have been taught are the values of logic, respect, honor, and self-reliance. because of the ACTUAL values i have help instill in them, i have every confidence that they will make good choices when it comes to selecting the religious, spiritual, or philosophical paths they wish to follow.

values based on imprinted superstitions are worthless in adults, since an adult should understand and embrace morality for more reasons than "mommy told me so," and that's what parenting is really all about; you aren't raising a child, you are raising a future adult.

I raised two moral adults by teaching them a code of ethics that had nothing to do with religion. We live in a very multi cultural area and asked our friends and neighbours to share their cultures and religions with us. We all learned to understand and respect others points of view and beliefs.
God is too big to fit inside one religion.

I've seen the state some of my friends are in when they were raised in a religious environment and have turned their back on it, but yet feel guilty if they don't partake with their family.

I would never want that for my child(ren). I would raise my in a spiritual environment, teaching them the value of spirituality. I would educate them on other religions from an early age. But, I would encourage a strong spirit and individuality, but still support their religious choices.

I'm lucky, at least one of my parents supports my religious choice.

Its OK to try and get your child to follow your religion, but I think you should wait till they are old enough to make up their own minds before cutting bits off their genitals (Mostly Jews, some Christians and Muslims, I'm talking to you!).

The only case I need against religion: Colorado City, Arizona.

I intend to raise my kids Christian (protestant for those who must know) but about at age 12-14 when I feel they're old enough to decide on their own, I'll let them know that they don't have to come to the church with the family, don't have to go to our church and should look into what they really believe. I myself commited to the faith at 16 years of age and almost wish my father had let me choose before that. He was atheist, and until I moved out of the house with my mom...no chance.

People have to choose. But I know that the Lord my God is Truth incarnate. I will never stop in my belief after all that He has done for me.

-Fury

Well, let me explain religion in the town where I live.
My home town is in the Guiness Book of World Records for "Most Churches".

So that is the negative side--but did you see my second set of questions (on Pg. 1 of this thread)? Do you accept that someone can accept religion of their own free will...that includes accepting their parents' religion, which I did. And I DID look at other options, mind you, and I never felt pressured to make a decision. It was just something I did.

If you accept that this can be valid, as per my previous questions, under what conditions would you accept that it happens?

I am forced into beliving in a christian god, even though i consider myself somewhere between a Caotoist and philsosapher. Some might even go so far as to call me a Cultist.

As for my children, i will raise them agnostic until they can make a choice of what they want.

I think children should be raised accordingly to their parent's beliefs... Those who want to seek the truth shall seek it, those who don't, probably didn't care to begin with.

I will try to raise my children to be atheists. Without a belief in god, I hope that they will be more rational, more willing to realize that THEY and OTHER PEOPLE are what change their lives(and the world) and not some entity made up by some ancient people who barely had a grasp of how the world around them worked, that they will realize the hypocrisy of religion(espec. christianity), and will be more free-thinking and responsable in general. Of course, if they do choose to become religious, I wouldn't stop them, although I'd try to point out why they shouldn't become religious.

Erm...just to point out the flaw in your analogy.

Doesn't seem just as hypocritical to force your Atheist beliefs, even once they want to discover their sprituality?

only if you suck at parenting, or are so lazy and irresponsible that you choose the easy way out when it comes to your child's welfare. but hey, feel free to screw your kids up and raise them to be little drones...it will make it just that much easier for my kids to rule the world :).

Well said :)

I will try to raise my children to be atheists. Without a belief in god, I hope that they will be more rational

Yeah .... cuz nothin' says rational like an "I hate everyone" screaming atheist ...

Yeah .... cuz nothin' says rational like an "I hate everyone" screaming atheist ...
funny, i didn't see him say he would raise his children to be "i hate everyone screaming atheists," just that he wanted to raise his children to be atheist. if he said he wanted to raise his kids to be Muslim, would you accuse him of raising "jihad-waging screaming Muslims"?

funny, i didn't see him say he would raise his children to be "i hate everyone screaming atheists," just that he wanted to raise his children to be atheist. if he said he wanted to raise his kids to be Muslim, would you accuse him of raising "jihad-waging screaming Muslims"?

You have to look at the way he said it....

"Without a belief in god, I hope that they will be more rational"

The statement implies that a belief in a deity makes one automatically less rational ... which simply is not true.

My parents nominally raised me as a Catholic, which is to say the Bible was always available in the house to be read. They did not take me to church, but did send me to religious instruction after school. I made both communion and confirmation (the latter with the understanding that as an adult, I was choosing whether or not to accept the faith) and have been free to either attend or not since about the age of 14.

I don't attend often, but I do believe in God, and in the Bible as a guide toward living. I have had doubts, and struggled with my beliefs before, but I feel my faith is stronger. There are many things I disagree with in the church (versus the faith), but I reconcile these with the understanding that people are flawed, as is their interpretation.

I see nothing wrong with raising my kids in the same way. Because I have always been free to choose, I never felt it was a restriction -- nor do I see science and logic as being at odds with my beliefs.

(For the record, I do believe in the fossil record and the theory of evolution. It makes more sense than to think what we see is an elaborate ruse to trick us into thinking the earth is much older than 5000 years.) ;)

Dont forget people as more and more kids come into this world they learn and adapt quicker and they quickly realise as ive seen that the bible is fantasy unless it was forced into them by uncaring parents..

This conforts me a lot as i know the air is clearing :)

Dont forget people as more and more kids come into this world they learn and adapt quicker and they quickly realise as ive seen that the bible is fantasy unless it was forced into them by uncaring parents..

This conforts me a lot as i know the air is clearing :)

It's fantasy as far as you are concerned... ;) me, I am very tempted into believing in the Discworld view of religion -- you end up where you think you ought to. If you believe there is no afterlife, there isn't one for you. If you believe in heaven and hell, and that you deserve to be in one of them, then you go to whichever you believe you ought to be in.

It's fantasy as far as you are concerned... ;) me, I am very tempted into believing in the Discworld view of religion -- you end up where you think you ought to. If you believe there is no afterlife, there isn't one for you. If you believe in heaven and hell, and that you deserve to be in one of them, then you go to whichever you believe you ought to be in.


we all go the same place why would it be any different for someone who claims the know the truth about our creator ..

PROOVE IT ?

It's a belief, not a fact. Not everything concerning the afterlife needs concrete proof.