HARU
11-09-2004, 18:19
One night John Kerry is tossing restlessly in his bed. He awakens to see George
Washington standing beside him.
He looks up and asks, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the
country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then
fades away.
The next night, Kerry is astir again when he sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson
moving silently around the bedroom.
He calls out: "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the
country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and then dims from
sight.
The third night sleep still evades Kerry. He sees the ghost of FDR hovering
over his bed.
Kerry lowers his voice and asks, "Franklin, what is the best thing I could do to
help the country?"
In that golden voice of his, FDR replies, "Help the less fortunate, just as I
did," and then he disappears.
Kerry still isn't sleeping well the fourth night. He tosses and turns, and
suddenly another figure moves out of the shadows. It's the ghost of Abraham
Lincoln.
"Abe," he pleads, "what's the best thing I can do right now to help the
country?"
Lincoln pauses, then replies, "Go see a play."
------------------------------------------------------------
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
--------------------------------------------------------
Dubya goes over to England, where he is very impressed by how smart the British government is. So, he asks the Queen Mother how she put together such a smart government.
The Queen tells him she puts all her governing staff through a very simple test. She offers to show him, and she calls in Tony Blair.
She says to Tony Blair, "Okay, Tony, I want you to tell me, if your mother has a child, and it isn't your brother, and it isn't your sister, what is it?"
"oh, that's easy," says Tony Blair, "it's me."
"wow," says Dubya, "that's really good."
So, Dubya, back at the White House, calls in Dick Cheney. "Hey Cheney," he begins, "if your mother has a child, and it isn't your brother, and it isn't your sister, what is it?"
"errr, uhhhh," says Dick Cheney, "um, i have to go to the bathroom."
"Go, then," says Dubya.
Dick Cheney rushes out into the hall, utterly confounded by the test question Dubya has put to him. In the bathroom, Dick Cheney runs into Colin Powell. "Hey, Powell," Dick Cheney barks toward the neighboring urinal, "tell me something. If your mother has a child, and it isn't your brother, and it isn't your sister, what is it?"
"That's easy," says Colin Powell as he shakes, "it's me!"
"Ahhh, right, thanks," says Dick Cheney, who then rushes back into the oval office without even shaking.
"Mr. President," begins Dick Cheney, "i've got the answer."
"Yeah," says Dubya, "what is it?"
"It's Colin Powell," beams Dick Cheney.
"No, you idiot," retorts Dubya, "it's Tony Blair!"
---------------------------------------------------
and my favorite:
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Washington standing beside him.
He looks up and asks, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the
country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then
fades away.
The next night, Kerry is astir again when he sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson
moving silently around the bedroom.
He calls out: "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the
country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and then dims from
sight.
The third night sleep still evades Kerry. He sees the ghost of FDR hovering
over his bed.
Kerry lowers his voice and asks, "Franklin, what is the best thing I could do to
help the country?"
In that golden voice of his, FDR replies, "Help the less fortunate, just as I
did," and then he disappears.
Kerry still isn't sleeping well the fourth night. He tosses and turns, and
suddenly another figure moves out of the shadows. It's the ghost of Abraham
Lincoln.
"Abe," he pleads, "what's the best thing I can do right now to help the
country?"
Lincoln pauses, then replies, "Go see a play."
------------------------------------------------------------
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
--------------------------------------------------------
Dubya goes over to England, where he is very impressed by how smart the British government is. So, he asks the Queen Mother how she put together such a smart government.
The Queen tells him she puts all her governing staff through a very simple test. She offers to show him, and she calls in Tony Blair.
She says to Tony Blair, "Okay, Tony, I want you to tell me, if your mother has a child, and it isn't your brother, and it isn't your sister, what is it?"
"oh, that's easy," says Tony Blair, "it's me."
"wow," says Dubya, "that's really good."
So, Dubya, back at the White House, calls in Dick Cheney. "Hey Cheney," he begins, "if your mother has a child, and it isn't your brother, and it isn't your sister, what is it?"
"errr, uhhhh," says Dick Cheney, "um, i have to go to the bathroom."
"Go, then," says Dubya.
Dick Cheney rushes out into the hall, utterly confounded by the test question Dubya has put to him. In the bathroom, Dick Cheney runs into Colin Powell. "Hey, Powell," Dick Cheney barks toward the neighboring urinal, "tell me something. If your mother has a child, and it isn't your brother, and it isn't your sister, what is it?"
"That's easy," says Colin Powell as he shakes, "it's me!"
"Ahhh, right, thanks," says Dick Cheney, who then rushes back into the oval office without even shaking.
"Mr. President," begins Dick Cheney, "i've got the answer."
"Yeah," says Dubya, "what is it?"
"It's Colin Powell," beams Dick Cheney.
"No, you idiot," retorts Dubya, "it's Tony Blair!"
---------------------------------------------------
and my favorite:
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."