NationStates Jolt Archive

I got bored with no new jokes, so does anyone have any jokes,(non-racist)or funny lyrics(not too rude). :D

non-rascist and non-rude?


Nope, none of those!

Oh, except "Your mama's so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag!"

And that's STILL rude!

hell no, they can be rude. just not as in swearing every other word. But not racist

I walked into the chiropodist the other day, took out my penis and slapped it down in front of her and she said "That's not a foot". So I replied "Well, maybe not, but it's a good 10 inches"

hell no, they can be rude. just not as in swearing every other word. But not racist
what about antisemetic, its not exactly the same as racist?

dude, i'm only 11. I don't even know what that means

dude, i'm only 11. I don't even know what that means

It means anti-jewish...

i'd class that as racist

I'm not sure if you'll like this one but i did i got it off a site

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well.
"I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Clinton says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

Two elephants fall off a cliff.

Boom boom.

dude, i'm only 11. I don't even know what that means
ROFLMFAO, this was funny

Anyway: A blind man passes a fishmonger: "Ladies..."

I walked into the chiropodist the other day, took out my penis and slapped it down in front of her and she said "That's not a foot". So I replied "Well, maybe not, but it's a good 10 inches"
I'm going to defy the rules and say a racist joke anyway, just because it kicks.
Q: What's white and 10" long?


A: Nothing.

HAR!

A: Dick

pardon my French, but it's even funnier that way dude

*bump*

Hmm... nothing dirty or racist, eh? Hey, how about I just giver you the punchlines, and you can fill in your own dirty/racist parts?

"Hey, buddy, if you can find my Mack truck, then we could drive out!"

"..and then Gomer Pyle says, 'Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! That ain't my finger!'"

"If you really had to, you could eat the bowling ball!"

"...and his wife says, 'Why you want beef with Broccoli now?!'"

"and the Judge says, "Make something up! Make something up!"

You guys probably already know all the set ups for these anyway...

So did'ja hear about the two lesbian vampires that meet once a month?

**waits for the cringing**