NationStates Jolt Archive

Perhaps you have or perhaps you haven’t heard about Canada’s secret plans to conquer the world. Their leading project into the matter is Project Tankard. Project Tankard was initiated in 1999 and deals with the use of drugs to turn ordinary citizens into fighting machines for what has been dubbed by the United States government as “The Maple Empire.”

Canadians have been experimenting with the process for quite a while now even before Project Tankard was even initiated. However back then the experiments were being carried out by civilians with their own agenda. When the Canadian government caught wind of the experiments the lead scientist in charge was already dead from electric shocks sustained when the their human guinea pigs revolted. Since then Canadian Intelligence has been reviewing those experiments and decided to carry out their own experiments with Project Tankard. Their method of distributing those drugs however has not changed. They plan on distributing the drugs through their beer. Even Canadians will be administered the drug.

The effects of the drug are as follows.
Those affected by the drug will experience a heightened tolerance to pain. They will want to put on some sort of Canadian emblem, such as the maple leaf or one of their team logos. They will also act more aggressively, sometimes even suicidal to those without said emblems. They will have sudden bursts of Canadian patriotism. They will become addicted to beer with the drug in it.

The triggers for all said effects will be certain musical tones or songs. I have so far uncovered two songs that they have already experimented with. One is called the war song and is simply supposed to entice people to attack those without Canadian allegiance. And then there is the death song which will frenzy those effected into taking sometimes suicidal risks and even launching suicide attacks. In this state they will ignore any damage that they sustain and continue with their attacks. Which is much in the same as the Viking Berserks. In this state they are almost unstoppable.

I haven’t come across any dates as to when they plan on launching their full scale attack yet. But one would assume that it would have to have some sort of historical significance. That’s how all conquers think. They have to establish the ideal time to launch their offenses. I don’t think that they’ve finished the experiments yet, and it will take some time to get enough people addicted to their drug. So everybody can breathe some sigh of relief.

And of course our government isn’t going to attack Canada anytime soon. Heck, we’re having enough trouble and taking enough heat because of Iraq. Any kind of preemptive movement will look bad for the United States and will likely trigger a war with the rest of the world. Which of course Canada wants. If the United States gets taken out that will only make things easier for them. Not to mention that all the other armies will have been weakened by the war with us making it even easier for Canada.

Will anything be able to stop the evil Canadian Empire? Where and when will they strike first? What will they do if they actually do take over the world?

no question about it, their first target would be quebec :rolleyes:

Fine, be that way. If you want to be caught off guard that’s your prerogative. Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

no question about it, their first target would be quebec :rolleyes:

Hahahah :D

So is this meant to be like the MKULTRA experiments then?

So is this meant to be like the MKULTRA experiments then?
I guess you could put it that way.

There is no Canadian conspiracy. And we have our eye on you all.

There is no Canadian conspiracy. And we have our eye on you all.
You're one of them aren't you? If there is no conspiracy, than try explain all of the documents that I procured. At a serious risk of my own life I might add too.

my old American History teacher actually wrote a paper on how Canada will attack the United States and how we will put them back in there place and take over Canada.

From what I remember he said Canada will attack the states like Montana and North Dakota cause thier forces are to small to do any dent to the other big states. They will have a small swift vactories here and there until we decide to send in the boy scouts to take them out. We then take half of our forces and take out Canada in a matter of 3 days.

He also wrote a paper how we will take over France as well. (Canada and France was the butt of his jokes for most of the year)

my old American History teacher actually wrote a paper on how Canada will attack the United States and how we will put them back in there place and take over Canada.

From what I remember he said Canada will attack the states like Montana and North Dakota cause thier forces are to small to do any dent to the other big states. They will have a small swift vactories here and there until we decide to send in the boy scouts to take them out. We then take half of our forces and take out Canada in a matter of 3 days.

He also wrote a paper how we will take over France as well. (Canada and France was the butt of his jokes for most of the year)

Well He's obviously never heard of Project Tankard.

For now Canada is just biding its time until it's experiments are complete.

I guess im on the "frontlines" I guess - i live in ohio

So is this meant to be like the MKULTRA experiments then?
Perhaps we will have to ask MKULTRA about that.

Wohoo go Canada, destroy them before they destroy themselves. Strike first but only in the republican states. :D

Okay Crabcake, you've exposed us.

I can't release my name, but suffice it to say that I'm an ex-member of CSIS, or Canadian Intelligence. I've unwittingly worked on Project Tankard for 4 years until I discovered what it was hoping to accomplish. Now, I'm on a personal mission to reveal this conspiracy to the allies of my country, so that we can gain protection from our own tyranical government.

You've got most of the story right, but there are a few details you might find interesting.

1) Because canada's population is much smaller than the US, my former superiors realized that a full-scale invasion by infantry won't work for long, even with the effects of the Supersoldier drug. An offshot project linked to Project Tankard has already begun to even the population gap. The University of Toronto has funded biological and chemical research to create a new poisonous protein that will be covertly inserted into the feed for cows destined to be slaughtered and sold to McDonalds and other fast food companies. This protein will delay the effects of Mad Cow Disease by several months, causing tens of thousands of sick throughout the US when your farmer's veterenary tests failed to reveal the disease.

2) The Drug in Project Tankard will not only be sold in beer, but in almost every alcoholic beverage.

3) You may have heard about the outbreak of Ecolai in Ontario a few years back. One of our own communities was a testing groud for a new kind of quick-disolve substance that can contain the essence of, in this case, Ecolai. Th government has also prepared new samples of this tablet that could contain other diseases. In the next few years, they plan to insert these drugs into the water systems of most small-town America, and pass it off as Islamic Terrorism (we'll use the many muslim want-to-be immigrants to help us with this project in exchange for citizenship).

So pass your message along to the farmers and water treatment plants of the USA, because it may just help in avoiding this catastrophy.

Good luck, your country, and the world at large, depends upon you.

Hehe very funny. Canada is not going to strike any one, we never have and will never will. In case you didn't know, Canada has NEVER started a war. We only finish them ;)

:rolleyes: Ok, right... whatever you say *cough*crackpot*cough*... I mean, seriously, the people here have no interests in annexing the US; we can do without the fundamentalists, religious whackos and rednecks. Additionally, our army has better things to do...

You know where they'll strike first? Alaska.

Some people are really ignorant towards Canada. As a Canadian, I just shake my head and think how stupid these people are.

Various igloo, beaver, moose, lumberjack jokes seriously aren't funny.

It's so old, it's just boring.

Canada is a relatively peaceful nation, and good thing too.

they also have very good provincial parks. My family goes up there camping all the time during the summer ;)

which also reminds me thiers a song bout Canada by a band now no longer together and everyone mourns including me called Five Iron Frenzy. here's the lyrics and have a laugh.
"Oh Canada" -Five Iron Frenzy

Welcome to Canada, it's the Maple Leaf State.
Canada, oh Canada it's great!
The people are nice and they speak French too.
If you don't like it, man, you sniff glue.
The Great White North, their kilts are plaid,
Hosers take off, it's not half bad.
I want to be where yaks can run free,
Where Royal Mounties can arrest me.
Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I Sil Vous Plait.
They've got trees, and mooses, and sled dogs,
Lots of lumber, and lumberjacks, and logs!
We all think it's kind of a drag,
That you have to go there to get milk in a bag.
They say eh? instead of what? or duh?
That's the mighty power of Canada.
I want to be where lemmings run into the sea,
Where the marmosets can attack me.
Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I Sil Vous Plait.
Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I Sil Vous Plait.
Please, please, explain to me,
How this all has come to be,
We forgot to mention something here.
Did we say that William Shatner is a native citizen?
And Slurpees made from venison, That's deer.
Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I Sil Vous Plait.

..and that's why you shouldn't buy Canadian drugs. They put that stuff into them. Now go buy American drugs, they're better..

..and that's why you shouldn't buy Canadian drugs. They put that stuff into them. Now go buy American drugs, they're better..

Canadian drugs are made in the USA (prescription drugs) and are cheaper to buy in Canada. :cool:

I happen to be Canadian. and I see alot of this retarded bull going on. You undereducated Americans allways manage to crack me up. Canada is a peacekeeping nation, unlike yourselves, we clean up after your mess after you have moved in on another country and decimated it for no good reason. Canada has no plans, and never will have plans to conquer the world.
HOWEVER.
We do have one outstanding plan that is not so obvious. And it goes as follows.
The rest of the world is quickly running low on resources. If we continue to keep our population minimal, we will await the other countries to run out of resources and starve themselves. Then, we will litteraly own the world without lifting a finger.
Take a look at where the worlds resources are. Canada owns the worlds water supply, we own the lumber supply, we have oil fields we refuse to touch, mines that seem to be waiting to run, and a stockpile of military hardware that we never use. Add it up.

Canadian World Domination! (http://cwd.ptbcanadian.com/)

I happen to be Canadian. and I see alot of this retarded bull going on. You undereducated Americans allways manage to crack me up. Canada is a peacekeeping nation, unlike yourselves, we clean up after your mess after you have moved in on another country and decimated it for no good reason. Canada has no plans, and never will have plans to conquer the world.
HOWEVER.
We do have one outstanding plan that is not so obvious. And it goes as follows.
The rest of the world is quickly running low on resources. If we continue to keep our population minimal, we will await the other countries to run out of resources and starve themselves. Then, we will litteraly own the world without lifting a finger.
Take a look at where the worlds resources are. Canada owns the worlds water supply, we own the lumber supply, we have oil fields we refuse to touch, mines that seem to be waiting to run, and a stockpile of military hardware that we never use. Add it up.

Speaking also as a Canadian I think your post is a little arrogant.. but we do indeed have the largest untapped resources in the world. In fact we have the most natural resources in the world period. We have the largest oil reserve it the world more then even the Saudi's, but because it is in the Alberta sands, it would be very costly to extract it. That however is besides the point we still have it and could extract it if we wished.

I don't believe most Canadians look to a future where "we" own the world. I think that many of us might feel that when and yes, when not if, the world starts to need us more and more that maybe we can put some sanity back into the world. That war is a last resort and not a race to the finish line. That having progressive ideas and not legislating morality is the right thing to do. That killing people is WRONG! That's the type of weight I'd like to see Canada have. Sure, if Canada wanted a nuke, we could build it in a month. We don't want it. Maybe one day we will have to, I hope not.

Canada, peaceful, free and strong! That's my country and it's the way I want to keep it.

I happen to be Canadian. and I see alot of this retarded bull going on. You undereducated Americans allways manage to crack me up. Canada is a peacekeeping nation, unlike yourselves, we clean up after your mess after you have moved in on another country and decimated it for no good reason. Canada has no plans, and never will have plans to conquer the world.
HOWEVER.
We do have one outstanding plan that is not so obvious. And it goes as follows.
The rest of the world is quickly running low on resources. If we continue to keep our population minimal, we will await the other countries to run out of resources and starve themselves. Then, we will litteraly own the world without lifting a finger.
Take a look at where the worlds resources are. Canada owns the worlds water supply, we own the lumber supply, we have oil fields we refuse to touch, mines that seem to be waiting to run, and a stockpile of military hardware that we never use. Add it up.

someone has thier panties twisted up in a knot.

From the East Pacific: World Domination (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/numbersaregood/topad-2.jpg).

Hey, "when" we depend on you and you try to exploit us, we'll become the world largest nation via the world's second-largest army!

By the way, "you can't legislate morality" was a phrase coined by Barry Goldwater and hijacked by the left. You can make people be nice to each other, but you can't make them like it.

By the way, "you can't legislate morality" was a phrase coined by Barry Goldwater and hijacked by the left.

I think "hijacked" is a bad way to put it. You can't hijack the English language. You can't hijack a good principle, only embrace it.

All this "left" and "right" nonsense I surely hope society gets away from one day. Conservative is not a dirty word and either is liberal. The sooner people understand that the better off we will all be. Just because people have different views, that doesn't make one more "right" or "wrong" then the other. Just different ways of going about things. There are no right answers, only opinion.

You're one of them aren't you? If there is no conspiracy, than try explain all of the documents that I procured. At a serious risk of my own life I might add too.

Can we see the documents u know as proof?

You know where they'll strike first? Alaska.
CLOSE but no.

they will go for the north pole first

once they get SANTA CLAUS hooked on "beer" they whole christian world will fall to them



THE FIENDS

Can we see the documents u know as proof?
I’ve already sent them off to headquarters. In fact they should already be there. I’ll check to confirm their arrival ASAP.

Canadian drugs are made in the USA (prescription drugs) and are cheaper to buy in Canada. :cool:

But Canadian drugs have terror in them..don't you listen to Homeland Security? You don't? You must be a terrorist!

Canada is a peacekeeping nation, unlike yourselves, we clean up after your mess after you have moved in on another country and decimated it for no good reason.
Lies. Name one country where Canada has "cleaned up" by peacekeeping after the USA "decimated it for no good reason".

Canada has a history of heroics in combat, but that's largely due to our being turned out as cannon fodder in the world wars; either you're a hero or you're dead. Our military is among the best trained in the world, perhaps a step behind Switzerland. It is, however, small and under-equipped. The true role of the Canadian military is, in about this order: peace keeping missions, disaster relief, and support roles. I think it's very sad, and a stain on our honour as a peaceful nation, that we have allowed ourselves to be bullied into the third role in the past several years. I can't speak for all Canadians, but I am willing to accept the consequences of condemning... certain wars. That's another thread.

Canadians out there, if we're going to be proud, let's be proud without being arrogant. That's one of the most Canadian things we can do. And here's the real secret; the Canadian conspiracy involves no force, no weapons, no subterfuge. It consists, in its entirety, of our being the best damned role models we can be.