Trotterstan
01-09-2004, 00:08
The schedule for the opening day of the Republican National Convention in New York
6pm Opening Prayer, led by the Rev Jerry Falwell
6.30pm Pledge of Allegiance
6.35pm Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6.45pm Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6.46pm Seminar 1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7.30pm First Presidential Beer Bong
7.35pm Serve Freedom Fries
7.40pm Environmental Protection Agency Address 1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8.00pm Vote on which country to invade next
8.10pm Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8.15pm John Ashcroft Lecture: The homos are after your children
8.30pm Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8.50pm Seminar 2: Corporations, the government of the future
9.00pm Condi Rice sings I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man
9.05pm Second Presidential Beer Bong
9.10pm EPA Address 2: Trees, the real cause of forest fires
9.30pm Break for secret meetings
10pm Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10.15pm Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10.30pm Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10.35pm Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10.40pm John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10.45pm Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10.46pm Third Presidential Beer Bong
10.50pm Seminar 3: Education, a drain on our nation's economy
11.10pm Hilary Clinton Pinata
11.20pm Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists, the dangerous new cult
11.30pm Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11.35pm Blame Clinton
11.40pm Laura serves milk and cookies
11.50pm Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12am Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
6pm Opening Prayer, led by the Rev Jerry Falwell
6.30pm Pledge of Allegiance
6.35pm Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6.45pm Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6.46pm Seminar 1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7.30pm First Presidential Beer Bong
7.35pm Serve Freedom Fries
7.40pm Environmental Protection Agency Address 1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8.00pm Vote on which country to invade next
8.10pm Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8.15pm John Ashcroft Lecture: The homos are after your children
8.30pm Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8.50pm Seminar 2: Corporations, the government of the future
9.00pm Condi Rice sings I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man
9.05pm Second Presidential Beer Bong
9.10pm EPA Address 2: Trees, the real cause of forest fires
9.30pm Break for secret meetings
10pm Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10.15pm Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10.30pm Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10.35pm Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10.40pm John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10.45pm Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10.46pm Third Presidential Beer Bong
10.50pm Seminar 3: Education, a drain on our nation's economy
11.10pm Hilary Clinton Pinata
11.20pm Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists, the dangerous new cult
11.30pm Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11.35pm Blame Clinton
11.40pm Laura serves milk and cookies
11.50pm Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12am Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord