The Most Glorious Hack
24-08-2004, 11:08
From: http://www.MoveOnPlease.org
Date: July 2, 2004
From: The Chief
To: Fox Pundits and Almost Everyone in Talk Radio
Re: Democratic VP Nominee Talking Points
Be ready. Huge Head will be making his VP selection any day. While he may select the obvious...Hillary, don't be caught off guard with some out of the box choice. He could end up doing that just to throw us.
Here is a list of possibilities and your reactions. Use your own style. No use making it seem like we're all reading off the same sheet.
HILLARY CLINTON
• We thought they were going to put up a woman for vice president
• Wasn't twice enough?
• Do you want Bill that close to the White House again?
JOHN EDWARDS
• Unaccomplished and inexperienced
• A "personal injury lawyer" which has the same spoken rhythm as "homicidal pedophile."
• Do you want on-the-job training?
• Do we want to give a homicidal pedophile on the job training?
RICHARD GEPHARDT
• Owned by the unions.
• Can't go out in the sun.
• No eyelids.
WESLEY CLARK
• He's wacked
HOWARD DEAN
• freakish lip thing he does
• Creepy
BOB GRAHAM
• Wacked
JOHN MCCAIN
• The guy's a whore.
• Where was he when his comrades were on the front line risking their lives?
• Perfect for Kerry. First he meets with Kerry, then he backs the President. Now this. He's a flip- flopper just like his new boss. Other than if by some freak of nature, Dick Cheney went over to the other side, there could be no worse a turncoat.
DICK CHENEY
• The guy's a whore.
• Where was he when McCain's comrades were on the front line risking their lives?
• Perfect for Kerry. He's a flip-flopper just like his new boss. Other than if by some freak of nature, John McCain went over to the other side, there could be no worse a turncoat.
JESSE JACKSON
• Leads the black population to believe they are victims.
• He rhymes things.
• He's black.
AL FRANKEN
• Jewish (Just allude to it)
• Short
• Real short
• Franken voted against support for our troops
• If He Was In A Position Vote He Might Have Voted Against $87 Billion Supplemental For Postwar Iraq. (S. 1689, CQ Vote #400: Passed 87-12: R 50-0; D 37-11; I 0-1, 10/17/03)
JESSICA SIMPSON & NICK LACHEY
• There's two and that's two too much (You can all use that one)
• Can't have two people as Vice President
• Not Active In Politics. "Neither [Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachy ] was active in politics for the first 44 years of their combined life, except for the occasional duet for a Democratic candidate. They never ran for office or worked on a campaign." (James C. Mckinley, Jr., "A Journey From A Mill Town Ends With A Run For President," The New York Times, 1/12/04)
THE GUY IN THE SIX FLAGS COMMERCIALTax and spend dancer
• Has Never Shown Much Interest In Politics. "The Guy In The Six Flag commercial had considered being a candidate for years, but never shown much interest in politics." (Taylor Batten, "North Carolina, Meet Your Candidates For The U.S. Senate," The Charlotte Observer, 9/27/98)
JESUS
• More liberal than Kerry
• Thinks he's a miracle worker...blah-blah-blah
• Two words...Mary Magdeline
• Christ Thin On Substance. "But Christ seems quite thin on substance and will need a lot more tutoring from ." (William Greider, "Still Clinton's Show?," The Nation, 2/17/03)
[B] SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
• Soft on defense
• Second most liberal sop in the deep blue sea
• 1998: Yitzhak Who? "One evening while he was campaigning for cook of that hamburger place under the sea, Squarepants was faced with a choice of several events he might attend. An advance man suggested, "Maybe we ought to go to the reception for Leah Rabin" Spongebob responded, "Who's she?" "Yitzhak Rabin's widow," replied the aide. "Who was he?" asked Spongebob." (Charles Peters, "Tilting At Windmills," Washington Monthly, 6/1/03)
Pi/3.714 etc, Unaccomplished
• Inorganic
• Uneven
• Pi Has Lifetime Rating Of "Hostile" To Taxpayers From Citizens Against Government Waste. (Citizens Against Government Waste)
FILL IN THE BLANK
• Doesn't exist
• Void of ideas. In fact...a void
• Tax and spend enigma wrapped in a conundrum.
• Rated as the most liberal nonentity by the esteemed, but vacuous, Black Hole poll.
• In 1999, Blank Voted Against Banning Partial-Birth Abortion. (S. 1692, CQ Vote #340: Passed 63-34: R 48-3; D 14-31, 10/21/99, Blank Voted Nay)
Date: July 2, 2004
From: The Chief
To: Fox Pundits and Almost Everyone in Talk Radio
Re: Democratic VP Nominee Talking Points
Be ready. Huge Head will be making his VP selection any day. While he may select the obvious...Hillary, don't be caught off guard with some out of the box choice. He could end up doing that just to throw us.
Here is a list of possibilities and your reactions. Use your own style. No use making it seem like we're all reading off the same sheet.
HILLARY CLINTON
• We thought they were going to put up a woman for vice president
• Wasn't twice enough?
• Do you want Bill that close to the White House again?
JOHN EDWARDS
• Unaccomplished and inexperienced
• A "personal injury lawyer" which has the same spoken rhythm as "homicidal pedophile."
• Do you want on-the-job training?
• Do we want to give a homicidal pedophile on the job training?
RICHARD GEPHARDT
• Owned by the unions.
• Can't go out in the sun.
• No eyelids.
WESLEY CLARK
• He's wacked
HOWARD DEAN
• freakish lip thing he does
• Creepy
BOB GRAHAM
• Wacked
JOHN MCCAIN
• The guy's a whore.
• Where was he when his comrades were on the front line risking their lives?
• Perfect for Kerry. First he meets with Kerry, then he backs the President. Now this. He's a flip- flopper just like his new boss. Other than if by some freak of nature, Dick Cheney went over to the other side, there could be no worse a turncoat.
DICK CHENEY
• The guy's a whore.
• Where was he when McCain's comrades were on the front line risking their lives?
• Perfect for Kerry. He's a flip-flopper just like his new boss. Other than if by some freak of nature, John McCain went over to the other side, there could be no worse a turncoat.
JESSE JACKSON
• Leads the black population to believe they are victims.
• He rhymes things.
• He's black.
AL FRANKEN
• Jewish (Just allude to it)
• Short
• Real short
• Franken voted against support for our troops
• If He Was In A Position Vote He Might Have Voted Against $87 Billion Supplemental For Postwar Iraq. (S. 1689, CQ Vote #400: Passed 87-12: R 50-0; D 37-11; I 0-1, 10/17/03)
JESSICA SIMPSON & NICK LACHEY
• There's two and that's two too much (You can all use that one)
• Can't have two people as Vice President
• Not Active In Politics. "Neither [Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachy ] was active in politics for the first 44 years of their combined life, except for the occasional duet for a Democratic candidate. They never ran for office or worked on a campaign." (James C. Mckinley, Jr., "A Journey From A Mill Town Ends With A Run For President," The New York Times, 1/12/04)
THE GUY IN THE SIX FLAGS COMMERCIALTax and spend dancer
• Has Never Shown Much Interest In Politics. "The Guy In The Six Flag commercial had considered being a candidate for years, but never shown much interest in politics." (Taylor Batten, "North Carolina, Meet Your Candidates For The U.S. Senate," The Charlotte Observer, 9/27/98)
JESUS
• More liberal than Kerry
• Thinks he's a miracle worker...blah-blah-blah
• Two words...Mary Magdeline
• Christ Thin On Substance. "But Christ seems quite thin on substance and will need a lot more tutoring from ." (William Greider, "Still Clinton's Show?," The Nation, 2/17/03)
[B] SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
• Soft on defense
• Second most liberal sop in the deep blue sea
• 1998: Yitzhak Who? "One evening while he was campaigning for cook of that hamburger place under the sea, Squarepants was faced with a choice of several events he might attend. An advance man suggested, "Maybe we ought to go to the reception for Leah Rabin" Spongebob responded, "Who's she?" "Yitzhak Rabin's widow," replied the aide. "Who was he?" asked Spongebob." (Charles Peters, "Tilting At Windmills," Washington Monthly, 6/1/03)
Pi/3.714 etc, Unaccomplished
• Inorganic
• Uneven
• Pi Has Lifetime Rating Of "Hostile" To Taxpayers From Citizens Against Government Waste. (Citizens Against Government Waste)
FILL IN THE BLANK
• Doesn't exist
• Void of ideas. In fact...a void
• Tax and spend enigma wrapped in a conundrum.
• Rated as the most liberal nonentity by the esteemed, but vacuous, Black Hole poll.
• In 1999, Blank Voted Against Banning Partial-Birth Abortion. (S. 1692, CQ Vote #340: Passed 63-34: R 48-3; D 14-31, 10/21/99, Blank Voted Nay)