NationStates Jolt Archive

This weekend I attended the Michigan Renaissance Festival, as I have done for about the last five years.
For the last three years however, Ive worn a kilt.
Lets get one thing clear, THE manliest thing you can wear is a kilt.
You have to give off the image of a burly drunken Scotsman when someone asks you what you are wearing under a kilt.
"My Lord, pray, what do scotsman wear under thier kilts", you may get asked.
The traditional answer would be,

"Naught, but wha' the Lord gave me upon me birth, Lass."

However, not wanting to sound like a pretentious asshole, I simply smile, and say

"Me BOOTS!".

There are some very cool, and some very not cool things about the Ren fest, I'll share some of my misadventures with you, as we explore...


"The Pros and Cons of Ren Fests."

Pro: "WoodChuck Hard Cider on Draft."
WoodChuck Hard Cider when its ice cold, and right out of a keg is the best drink on the planet.
Its truly as though Jesus himself, smiled down upon you, and pissed in your cup...okay thats a little wierd, but you see where Im going with this, suffice it to say that its wonderful stuff, and you cant find it on tap anyhwere else.

Con: "Paying Five Dollars for each WoodChuck you drink."

I usually drink only six of them a day. wich compared to the people I hang out with, is barely getting warmed up.
One freind, has a large chalice that holds three 12 0Z cups of cider at a time.
So he pays nearly fiveteen dollars each trip.
My mug only holds one 12 oz cider, maybe a bit more.

He makes at least 8-10 trips each day.
Thats nearly a hundred and fifty dollars a day on cider.
(the actual price of a 12 oz cup of cider is 4.50, but the bartenders are working for a local charity, so its customary to just round up to five.)

I shouldnt forget that nearly all of these people also carry a flask full of various alchohols, that they sip from all day, and pass around....

...wich leads us to:

Pro: "Extreme Drunken Kilt-Wearing Craziness."
Nuff Said.

Con: "Extreme Drunken Kilt-Wearing Craziness."
Nuff Said.

One of the best things about the Fest is of course...

The Hotties.
You know whats even sexier, than a hot chick in a short plaid skirt?
A hot chick in a plaid skirt made of CHAIN MAIL!!
Its a veritable cornucopia of women in costumes of all sorts, so that leads us to:

Pro: "Hot girls in Bodices".

Con: "Hot girls in Bodices that are underage."
Its not fair, really, you'll see a girl wearing a bodice (that shoves the boobs all up and makes a lot of cleavage.)

You say "That girl is really hot in that outfit."

Then she gets a little closer, and you'll say:
"Oh Crap! that girl is fifteen! Thats SO wrong!"


The food at this fest is great, and that alone is enough to make some people go.
You can find just about anything you could want to eat.
Like soup in a breadbowl, Steak on a Stick, sausages, chicken, pizza, sandwich wraps, every kind of candy or dessert that you could ever want..
Fine Chocolates..you name it.
So surely:

Pro: "The food and drink at the Fest."

Unfortunately, all that wonderful food and drink has to go somewhere...
Wich brings us to a...:

Con: "Using the porta-poddy at the Ren Fest."

They call them "Privvies" and if youve ever used a public toilet that at least 50 people have very likely used today before you...
Its not pretty..
I wont go into details, but "suck" is when you hurry to the privvy , under attack from an "ambush shit" and after you sit down, realizing that theres no toilet paper.

Lets just leave it at that shall we?

Well, thats all for now, but if you have had an interesting expereince at a Ren Fest, then post, so we can make fun of.........I mean... share it with us.

Verily, I bump Thee....

I love Ren Festivals. Rarely do I get to be called a heretic. :)

I was definitely born too late. I'm a heretic without a heresy. :(

Last weekend when I was at the Minnesota Ren Fair, I saw what must have been a girl in an Atha'an Miere costume.

I'm not sure whether its more geeky that she wore it or that I recognized it for that.

Last weekend when I was at the Minnesota Ren Fair, I saw what must have been a girl in an Atha'an Miere costume.

I'm not sure whether its more geeky that she wore it or that I recognized it for that.

It's a tie. :)

Last weekend when I was at the Minnesota Ren Fair, I saw what must have been a girl in an Atha'an Miere costume.

I'm not sure whether its more geeky that she wore it or that I recognized it for that.

Probably both.

I dont know what that is...although Im sure Ibe probably seen one...

Pro- AllThe mideval Glory and fun

Con- Way to much comercialism at ren fair these days.

CONCLUSION- SCA War is better

Pro- AllThe mideval Glory and fun

Con- Way to much comercialism at ren fair these days.

CONCLUSION- SCA War is better


No..you guys in the SCA are just way too into it.

Besides, the only commercialism that your gonna find at most ren fests is Pepsi stands, or beer stands.....

Pro - Knowing that 2/3rds of these people would be dead of Cholera were it really the middle ages.

Con - SCA mentality. Believe me, kids, there was nothing glorious about living in the middle ages. Nothing. Look up the effects of cholera, illiteracy, women's roles, crime statistics, poverty, and "modern medicine" of the middle ages.

Pro - Never having to pay to get in because I'm a member of the Press. Granted, they usually think I'm there to give them a good write up, but all I ever write about is the food.

Con - Grotesquely overpriced clothing and weaponry. I once saw a simple dress "on sale" at a booth for $200. Something I could (and do) make for $20. A similar dress in the middle ages could have been bought for a basket of eggs and it would have been hand made! Can we say "price gouging"? Too bad the guillotine had yet to be invented.

Pro - Complete and utter lack of reality. I put this as a pro because it's funny. I'd like to see one example of a historically accurate chain-mail bikini. Dorks. I also particularly enjoy the use of 19th century Irish music being passed off as authentic Rennaissance (we know better). Oh, and here's another clue: Carmina Burana was composed in the 1930s.

Con - It's not Oktoberfest.

Pro - Mindless good fun and some decent food - even though it's not authentic - and some very creative costuming.

Meh ...

Pro-Gets you out of the house for the day.

Con-It's a Ren Fest.

I've never heard of these types of festival before - but most of the pros and cons seem similar to regular overpriced drunken festivals except without the food.

Seems like fun though
*thinks esp the chainmail*

I love Ren Fest. I wholly agree on the kilt thing-kilts are one of the most awesome things in the world.

Unfortunatly, I never seem to be able to go to any. i've only been to, like, two or three >_<

I love Ren Fest. I wholly agree on the kilt thing-kilts are one of the most awesome things in the world.

Unfortunatly, I never seem to be able to go to any. i've only been to, like, two or three >_<


Thats too bad...but nevertheless, you should always look for any opportunity to walk around in a drunken stupor, dressed in a kilt.

Thats too bad...but nevertheless, you should always look for any opportunity to walk around in a drunken stupor, dressed in a kilt.

Naw, I couldn't pull off a kilt, and I don't drink. I've been throwing marks around and put together a farily nice set for a nobleman-now all I need is a bit more cash. The only problem is, not all of the stuff is in stock right now :(.

I suppose I could rent it, but...one of the noble blood does not rent what we want, we simply have it. If I'm going to go, I'm going to do it in charecter, and I'm goinf to do it RIGHT :p

The con I've always noticed at ren faires would be the fact that most of the women wearing chain mail bikinis or wolfskin underwear or whatever are horribly obese. And no, not all plump or whatever like Renaissance girls were supposed to be. They're just fat.

Went to the one in KC a few years back and had a great time. My only beef is that it really oughtn't to be called a Renaissance Faire--because everything there is more medieval than Renaissance. But that's picky.

And as to the original pro/con on bodices--I couldn't agree more. It was worse for me because 1) it was cold, so there was, emm, gooseflesh and 2) because I was 30, so I had the creepy child-molester vibe dancing in my head. Scary shit.

Update: 24 Hours Later.

Its been 24 hours since I left the Ren Fest.


I hurt.

This morning, I was so stiff and sore, that I couldnt walk.
I could hobble forward, and thats about it.
My body is abused, and my head was still fuzzy...

Not a hangover.....just tired from a weekend of partying..

I feel so worn out that Ive decided to go back again one more day this year!

HUZZAH!

While I do enjoy a good Ren fair from time to time, I must say I enjoy SCA events more. What we say about Ren fair vs SCA....

At Ren fairs, the "actors" get in free and they charge the public to attend.
At an SCA event, the public gets in free and the "actors" get charged to attend.