NationStates Jolt Archive

Im making a list of fun ways to piss off your wife/significant other so far Ive got 1)Call out another womans name during sex
2)Call out your own name during sex
3)Call out another mans name during sex
4)Call out the dogs name during sex

Please feel free to add your own suggestions.

Edit:5)Call out her//your mother/fathers name during sex

Im making a list of fun ways to piss off your wife/significant other so far Ive got 1)Call out another womans name during sex

It will piss them off, but it won't end a relationship, I've done it several times as a joke, all it's garnered so far is a rather painful slap to the side of the chest.

2)Call out your own name during sex

This could provoke laughing, which makes for a rather anti-climactic moment, but it is definitely an idea I'll have to try.

3)Call out another mans name during sex

This actually does provoke a lot of laughing, so don't do it at the wrong moment. Unless she is actually thinking you might be gay, in which case... this could work. I suppose it could also backfire.

4)Call out the dogs name during sex

Ok..... that is just fucking weird, and you might get arrested (assuming your not already handcuffed).

1.) Tell mate you use Chips Ahoy! as a sexual aide.
2.) Turn on the radio during intercourse and sing to the songs.
3.) Call mate while having sex with someone else.
4.) Shove head into mate's anus.
5.) Leave during middle of night.

If you're a girl and want to dump a clingy boyfriend you could always try this:
Lure him into a room, then rape his ass with a crome plated dildo.
This is a joke and if anyone takes me seriously they should be shot

If you're a girl and want to dump a clingy boyfriend you could always try this:
Lure him into a room, then rape his ass with a crome plated dildo.
This is a joke and if anyone takes me seriously they should be shot

I dunno, you can't rape the willing. Some guys are in to that stuff. (Note: not me. My ass is a one way street, thankyouverymuch).

Ask her mum to tell her for you.

Ask her mum to tell her for you.
hmm im gonna put a variant of this in to the list. Keep the ideas coming peeps

slap her in the face and take her gucci bag

2)Call out your own name during sex

LOL!

When she does something you don't like, say "Shouldn't you be cleaning something?"

fake your own death to get away from the house

Always "forget" to bring along your wallet.
Fart, belch and scratch your ass whenever possible - try to do all three at once when meeting her parents for the first time.
Leer at other women. Comment on how much more attractive they are.
Call her "the ball and chain", "the old lady", or bitch. Mix and match (the old bitch and chain?).
Table manners? What are those?
Personal hygene? What's that?

When shopping with her and you buy something and are asked if you want a bag, say you've already got one while nodding in her direction.

all you need right here

Get back in the kitchen bitch, my bacon ain't done!

End relationship, guarenteed.

If you're a girl and want to dump a clingy boyfriend you could always try this:
Lure him into a room, then rape his ass with a crome plated dildo.
This is a joke and if anyone takes me seriously they should be shot

Note to self: never ever date Canadians...

Try and get with her friends in front of her

How about forgetting her name when trying to call it out during sex?

Paul Simon's "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover":

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Just hop on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key Lee
And set yourself free...

:p

Girls - a great way to get rid of guys, if you fit the following points

you're friends with his ex
he's still friends with her


So. Set up a sleep over with him and his ex - he'll be expecting a threesome if you hint at it right. Then, don't turn up. Doesn't really matter what excuse you use later, just don't go. They'll most likely have sex, and then you have the choice of either dumping him, or just making sure him and his ex get back together.

It sounds silly, but this is exactly how I got out of a sucky relationship. Once he'd had sex with his ex a couple of times, he couldn't *really* complain about me blocking him on MSN now, could he? :D

Girls - a great way to get rid of guys, if you fit the following points

you're friends with his ex
he's still friends with her


So. Set up a sleep over with him and his ex - he'll be expecting a threesome if you hint at it right. Then, don't turn up. Doesn't really matter what excuse you use later, just don't go. They'll most likely have sex, and then you have the choice of either dumping him, or just making sure him and his ex get back together.

It sounds silly, but this is exactly how I got out of a sucky relationship. Once he'd had sex with his ex a couple of times, he couldn't *really* complain about me blocking him on MSN now, could he? :D

That's pretty low. Remind me to never date you. :)

Start an MSN webcam conversation while you're played naked twister with his best friend...

Or text message. Cruel, swift and cheap...

Start an MSN webcam conversation while you're played naked twister with his best friend...

Or text message. Cruel, swift and cheap...

ouch.

Girls - a great way to get rid of guys, if you fit the following points

you're friends with his ex
he's still friends with her


So. Set up a sleep over with him and his ex - he'll be expecting a threesome if you hint at it right. Then, don't turn up. Doesn't really matter what excuse you use later, just don't go. They'll most likely have sex, and then you have the choice of either dumping him, or just making sure him and his ex get back together.

It sounds silly, but this is exactly how I got out of a sucky relationship. Once he'd had sex with his ex a couple of times, he couldn't *really* complain about me blocking him on MSN now, could he? :D

Wouldn't it have been easier and less cruel to just say "I don't want to see you anymore, it's over"? lol.

That's pretty low. Remind me to never date you. :)

Well, to be fair, he got sex from her, they got back together (and are still together), not to mention I was only going out with him because his ex felt sorry for me and set us up. I don't see how he lost anything from it. I thought it was an acceptable alternate to just sitting him down and saying "I don't like you. At all. I'm leaving now."

Unless the word you're looking for is 'manipulative'. I'll cough up to that. But 'low'? I went above and beyond to avoid hurting his feelings.... 'low'?

Wouldn't it have been easier and less cruel to just say "I don't want to see you anymore, it's over"? lol.


Ok, people seem confused here. It wasn't cruel.

He. Got. Back. With. His. Ex.
They had sex. Three times. He never had to go through an actual break up.

Blocking him *after he got back with his ex* isn't cruel. It's an afterthought.

what is lol?

what is lol?

stands for: laughing out loud

it may be an annoying little abbreviation, but I'm so used to it I'm too lazy to stop using it. Plus I like to show a little emotion over an otherwise emotionless form of communication.

Back to topic:

1.) Surround yourself with mementos from ex (a lot of them, pics, stuffed animals, love notes, etc.), constantly look at them in front of partner, make comparisons between ex and partner constantly (so-and-so always did this, did that, was better at this) and refer to ex as "the one that got away" (sigh heavily)

2.) Jump into shower immediately after sex, while in shower keep muttering and/or yelling "still not clean! still not clean!" over and over again

3.) always insist to watch porn videos during sex, when partner asks why say "well, I have to at least pretend I'm with someone hot!"

Have never done any of those, thought they were funny. :p

oh fair enogh heard of that just brain freeze

*enough

Tell her you think her mother's really hot.

And suggest a threesome.

Im making a list of fun ways to piss off your wife/significant other so far Ive got 1)Call out another womans name during sex
2)Call out your own name during sex
3)Call out another mans name during sex
4)Call out the dogs name during sex

Please feel free to add your own suggestions.

Edit:5)Call out her//your mother/fathers name during sex
ROTFL

"2.) Jump into shower immediately after sex, while in shower keep muttering and/or yelling "still not clean! still not clean!" over and over again"


Lol if you did that I dont think that he would dump you- if it were me, Id phone the local asylum and get them to clap a straitjacket on you.


-------------------------------

"Most domestic accidents occur in the kitchen.....And men are forced to eat them"

"Want to know the best way to end a relationship? Start drinking heavily. Do drugs. I mean a lot of drugs. All the time. Quit your job, let yourself go. Totally fall apart. After six months or so of this, she'll be in the doorway with her suitcases packed and tears in her eyes saying, 'I have to leave you. You're not the man I fell in love with anymore.' And then she GOES AWAY!!! The best part is that she feels awful because she left you...JUST WHEN YOU NEEDED HER MOST!! AHHH Hahahahaha!!!!" -Sam Kinison.

Take the Homer Simpsons approach:

Welcome to Dumbsville. Population: you.
or
I'm not gay, but I'm willing to learn.

"Want to know the best way to end a relationship? Start drinking heavily. Do drugs. I mean a lot of drugs. All the time. Quit your job, let yourself go. Totally fall apart. After six months or so of this, she'll be in the doorway with her suitcases packed and tears in her eyes saying, 'I have to leave you. You're not the man I fell in love with anymore.' And then she GOES AWAY!!! The best part is that she feels awful because she left you...JUST WHEN YOU NEEDED HER MOST!! AHHH Hahahahaha!!!!" -Sam Kinison.
LG, right up to the point where she leaves this sounds much less like a way to dump somone than it sounds like a marriage.

"Want to know the best way to end a relationship? Start drinking heavily. Do drugs. I mean a lot of drugs. All the time. Quit your job, let yourself go. Totally fall apart. After six months or so of this, she'll be in the doorway with her suitcases packed and tears in her eyes saying, 'I have to leave you. You're not the man I fell in love with anymore.' And then she GOES AWAY!!! The best part is that she feels awful because she left you...JUST WHEN YOU NEEDED HER MOST!! AHHH Hahahahaha!!!!" -Sam Kinison.

*all laughter on thread slowly fades, people begin crying*

I personally like to put all her stuff out on the front lawn and change the locks.

I personally like to put all her stuff out on the front lawn and change the locks.
Nah just change the locks, you can sell her stuff later....and even back to her piece by piece. And besides its too much effort to put it all on the lawn.

If you're a girl, when he gets naked (this only works the first time you see him naked), just say, "Oh, it's so cute!" Okay, so it doesn't work all that well, but it's funny.

I might just ignore them.
I'm against cruelty to animals. :D

Say that you've been called on a secret mission by the government and for her own security you must break up with her. Also say that you'll be going far away to another country. If she sees you later that week and confronts you about it, just say that she's not seeing you, you're not there. Or...tell her knows too much... and must be... liquidated... then shoot her with a squirt gun and run off laughing maniacally about the squirrels in your pants wanting to take over Luxembourg and if you don't help them gypseys will flog Bill Clinton with string cheese and Ted Kennedy will become the supreme ruler of Tahiti!!!

Join NationStates?

Join NationStates?

You have a point, it is rather life consuming...

In my case, when I joined I talked my girlfriend into joining too!

It really is quite simple.

A) Pretend not to know how to have sex, no matter how much she or he explains it to you forget how (IF their wiling to explain it and don't dump you right away lol)

B) Right before she/he has an oragsm, fall asleep and snore VERY loudly, especially if your a woman, drool helps. Do this every time until relationship ends. Rince and repeat.

-Zon

B) Right before she/he has an oragsm, fall asleep

I've done that before! Or at least I did jokingly... amzingly we're still together, but she understands I'm a smartass...

My friend got dumped while working as a dishwasher, his ex wrote a note on a napkin, and gave it to a waitress to send back to him. I doubt the bitch tipped very well either.

My friend got dumped while working as a dishwasher, his ex wrote a note on a napkin, and gave it to a waitress to send back to him. I doubt the bitch tipped very well either.

Now thats just wrong...

Block her, then get in an argument with her best friend until she breaks up with you.

Ok some of these are little harsh. If you want to dump a girl, unless she'd been a total b**ch of a gf, understand that she has feelings. I mean how would most guys feel if a girl pulled something mean like that???

Magazines. Tissue Paper. 24-hour marathon.