NationStates Jolt Archive

After ignoring a recent court order to place 'Warning: Hot' signs around itself the US Supreme Court has decided that they have no other course but to shut the sun down indefinitly.
A NASA mission is being initiated to deliver a SWAT team who will attempt to locate the 'off' switch and disable it until further notice.

When questioned as to what the people of Earth will use for heat and light, the Court said that they would have to make do with gas heaters until the sun was brought up to code.

Also, Jupiter will be temporarily moved out of the System until it puts up 'Gravity Well' signs.

In other news a family has filed a lawsuite against the Martians for not existing...

Republicans Outraged By Inaccuracies In
Metallica Documentary
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican congressmen lambasted the documentary Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster for its "gross inaccuracies and fabrications" Monday. "[Filmmakers] Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky are clearly biased," Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said. "By editing together concert footage from three different mediocre shows, they have given the general public a false impression that Metallica still kicks ass." Hastert added that there is no hard evidence to support the film's argument that the album St. Anger has more thrashing riffs than Kill 'Em All.

Rofl!

After ignoring a recent court order to place 'Warning: Hot' signs around itself the US Supreme Court has decided that they have no other course but to shut the sun down indefinitly.
A NASA mission is being initiated to deliver a SWAT team who will attempt to locate the 'off' switch and disable it until further notice.

When questioned as to what the people of Earth will use for heat and light, the Court said that they would have to make do with gas heaters until the sun was brought up to code.

Also, Jupiter will be temporarily moved out of the System until it puts up 'Gravity Well' signs.

In other news a family has filed a lawsuite against the Martians for not existing...
WTF mate? What a gay lawsuit!

WASHINGTON D.C., -- President Bush has recently announced that all Colodians within US borders will be shot down simply for being Colodians. His threat, however severe, was met a few sad people begging for Bush to go back to Geography class, as there is no Colodia in real life.

In an unrelated story, several black men were run down by cops in L.A.

After ignoring a recent court order to place 'Warning: Hot' signs around itself the US Supreme Court has decided that they have no other course but to shut the sun down indefinitly.

Typical fucking American arrogance: since when was the sun governed by their constitution? There will be questions asked in the UN. I guess we can expect a new wave of 'sun-bathing surrender monkey' abuse to follow.

Typical fucking American arrogance: since when was the sun governed by their constitution? There will be questions asked in the UN. I guess we can expect a new wave of 'sun-bathing surrender monkey' abuse to follow.
BREAKING NEWS! AMERICAN SOLDIERS TAKE PICTURES OF SUN IN HUMILIATING POSES!

Pentagon -- Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, has confirmed that several American soldiers have indeed taken pictures of the sun in the nude. Details soon.

lol

BREAKING NEWS! AMERICAN SOLDIERS TAKE PICTURES OF SUN IN HUMILIATING POSES!

In light of recent solar abuse, several sunspots and solar flares have come up in a last-ditch attempt to cause sunburn and equipment interference for the American troops. They have been advised to don extra-powerful sunblock and resort to less sabotageable communications, such as two tin cans connected by a rope.

BREAKING NEWS! AMERICAN SOLDIERS TAKE PICTURES OF SUN IN HUMILIATING POSES!


This just in: Tony Blair, the UK Prime Minister, today issued a statement that condemned the sun as a "huge liability for the whole security of the world." He then went on to say that "our sources indicate that the sun is in possession of large quantities of fissionable material, and this is clear evidence that there is, in fact, in place a Weapons of Mass Destruction Programme. It is estimated that the effects of such fissionable materials, if used, would take less than ten minutes to reach the UK."

Tony Blair, addressing British soldiers in gray pants, a blue shirt and a navy jacket, said "literally hundreds of thousands of our Earth people have died as a result of skin cancer which can be directly attributed to the sun." He then went on to congratulate the British soldiers for their important role of holding the coats of the Americans as the US Marines did the actual work and finished his speech by stating - "If we backed away from this, we would never be able to confront this threat in any other solar systems where other stars may exist."

SWAT Team on Sun Has No Luck Finding Purported 'Off Switch'

The SWAT team on the sun hasn't had any luck of finding the purported 'Off Switch' which will shut the sun down. Already, the President is being blasted by angry liberals who believe that the 'Off Switch' was just a ploy to send a SWAT team and other soldiers to the Sun.

Contesting these claims, President Bush said, "A huge nucular device such as the sun must contain an 'Off Switch.' I promise you, we didn't invade the Sun for the oil (or near endless supply of hydrogen), nor because the Sun tried to kill my daddy the 1st time we did this."

Some analysts specualte that the 'Off Switch' is a mobile device, and has now crossed the border to Mercury, were angry Mercurians are hiding it.

roflmao

I blame Canada.

Sun Lashes Back at Government

The sun has issued a statement accusing the American government of the same offenses that it is being charged with. It claims that no ballot states a warning that no one will do what they really said they would in their campaign ads. It also accuses the U. S. of conspiring to violate it's sovreignty, however, it denies the prescence of any U. S. SWAT teams.

"There are no SWAT team on the Sun. We send flares and clear up the whole area. No American are ever on the sun."
-Mahemmod Seead la Fasha
Solar Minister of Information

This just in: Tony Blair, the UK Prime Minister, today issued a statement that condemned the sun as a "huge liability for the whole security of the world." He then went on to say that "our sources indicate that the sun is in possession of large quantities of fissionable material, and this is clear evidence that there is, in fact, in place a Weapons of Mass Destruction Programme. It is estimated that the effects of such fissionable materials, if used, would take less than ten minutes to reach the UK."

Tony Blair, addressing British soldiers in gray pants, a blue shirt and a navy jacket, said "literally hundreds of thousands of our Earth people have died as a result of skin cancer which can be directly attributed to the sun." He then went on to congratulate the British soldiers for their important role of holding the coats of the Americans as the US Marines did the actual work and finished his speech by stating - "If we backed away from this, we would never be able to confront this threat in any other solar systems where other stars may exist."That satire is finger-lickin' good.

In a document widely believed to have been leaked from the British Ministry of Defence it was stated that:

We have reason to believe that the sun has been delivering energy to the planet Mars, which remains under strict sanctions following their attempted Earth Invasion of 1896 (known commonly as the War of the Worlds).

Diplomatic contact with the sun requesting the halt of this supply has met with no response, and we strongly advise that the planet Mars, now clearly in breach of the Woking treaty of 1897, be monitored very closely.

If the supply of energy from the sun to Mars continues we will have no resort but to consider ourselves forced once more to declare war on the planet Mars and its be-tentacled inhabitants.

It should also be noted that although Mars has little fossil fuel reserves awaiting human exploitation, it has been strongly suggested that the canal networks would make ideal tourist destinations for Earth people, and that the income that could come from establishing a monopoly on such a venture would be considerable.

Official sources were unavailable for comment.

SOLAR WEAPONS INSPECTORS DESCRIBE THEIR WORKING CONDITIONS AS 'INTOLERABLE' - MORE AT ELEVEN

Breaking News

The Radical Sunny Cleric Moqtada al-suni has launched a guerilla war against the United States lead coalition. "These Earthian Infidels has been taking our rays and getting tans for long enough! It is time that we fight back!" he says.

Meanwhile, a group called "RedPeace" Has been marching around the capital of the The U.S. Shouting "Kerry for PResident! A Vote for Bush is a vote for Eternal Winter!" When the leader heres an excerpt from an interview between the Leader of the Group and Bill o'rielly.

The leader: Would send your child to go fight on the sun?

Bill: I would go to the sun.

The Leader: thats not what i asked you. I asked would send your child to fight on the sun?

Bill: I told you, I would go to the sun!

20 minutes later.

Bill: So your gonna keep saying Bush is a liar, even though he was misunderinformed

Leader: Yes, because only an Idiot would try to turn the sun "Off"

Bill: But the CIA and TOny Blair both say that the sun posts an imenent threat.

Leader: But they were wrong.

Bill: But the RUSSIANS said...

End excerpt.


Oh, and if you go to www.evilconservatives.com you can see a picture that has to do with this very subject :D

That's right Sun. You're ripe for parody.

In what may be another mundane excuse for the US to invade yet *another* planet, president George Bush has declared Venus to be a Chemical Weapons plant.

"For a while now, we've known that Venus has been producing gas fumes extremely noxious to all life forms. We've decided to invade because we want Halliburton to harness these gases in chemical weapo- I mean, we want to shut down the plant and destroy the gas," said Vice President Dick Cheney.

He could also be heard muttering under his breath, "Oh f*ck! Why the f*ck did I just f*cking say that?"

While the US invasion by MPs is going smoothly, the US did suffer a major setback when they learned that their advance intel Venusian rovers never made it. Scientists specualte that is was (once again) botched by pure stupidity. US troops are advised to wear gas masks, as a chemical attack could come at any time.

Economic news:

* Share prices in both Neohyperdyne Parasol Corp and Omniclout Sunblock Ltd have rocketed following panic buying across the globe as rumours of retaliatory solar activity spread through the markets.

* 2000 workers laid off by Glistengirl Bikini Company. Reports that they will also be closing down their bathing trunks factory in Wolverhampton have been met with official denial by the board.

* ObscuraVision to lodge complaint with government after every household is issued with army-surplus sunglasses.

Rofl!

What does rofl stand for?

In what may be another mundane excuse for the US to invade yet *another* planet, president George Bush has declared Venus to be a Chemical Weapons plant.

US scientists deny that a hand over to a democratically elected Venusian assembly will be delayed by red tape and obstruction by the White House.

Professor Myrtle Strange-Device stated "It takes time to build a stable democracy in any territory, and it must be borne in mind that not only do we have to educate any Venusian inhabitants about the way that a modern democratic state operates, but first we have to terraform the entire planet by seeding it with micro-organisms and leaving it to simmer for approximately 10,000 years, and then we need to create a Venusian lifeform to educate before we can entrust them with sovereignty and self-governance."

In a counter statement issued by Docteur Jean-Paul Bruhaha from Paris it was claimed "This is once again a cover story put about by les American in order to further their imperialist interests. What we are seeing here is another - how you say? - whitewash. We have clear documented records of a native Venusian life which the US has seeked to suppress. We will be publishing extracts from the scientific romances of Edgar Rice Burroughs which will show the deception clearly. We have a saying - the fox may play boule avec les culottes, but it is the crow who sees the vineyard."

What does rofl stand for?

Roll On Floor Laughing.

It can be taken as a sign that someone found a post mildly amusing, and is a lazy typist.

This Just In:
Bush has declared war on Pluto. When asked for his reasons he replied:
"It's for the good of the nation. I have unrefutable proof that The planet pluto has been conspiring with the sun."
Angry protesters have been marching around with signs such as "No Pluto, No Pleasure" and "Pluto Places Panic in a Vacuum".
Although most protesters were doing nothing but spouting gibberish, they've been labeled as a Capital Threat and may be shot on sight.
Uranus, which has been known to have a lasting correspondence with pluto protests as well. It says that although pluto has been placed far away from the sun, away from any harm that it could cause, this wasn't because the sun was giving it protection. It was because the sun has been having a lasting battle with pluto and refuses to Acknowledge it's existence.
More at 11.

What does rofl stand for?


Roling on Floor Laughing


Geeeeeez u Igniant :rolleyes:

Roling on Floor Laughing


Geeeeeez u Igniant :rolleyes:

Oh, excuse me, I don't know all the net abbreviations. I only try to use correct grammar and punctuation because it is much easier to read and understand.

Update:

US patriots demand that flared trousers be renamed. Mary-Lou Slater of Yankees for Dankness said "We don't think that it is patriotic that we should be wearing trousers named after one of the most feared weapons of our enemy, and so we have started a campaign to rename them 'freedom trousers' or just 'freedoms'. We have started a letter writing campaign and will be pressurising high-street shops to rebadge their produce in accordance with our desires. Anything else would just be plain unAmerican."


Meanwhile, John 'Scrawley' Crawley of Flat-Earthers for Calendar Reform is reported to have issued a demand that henceforth Saturday be followed by a day called 'Freedomday', which will then be followed by Monday. The rest of the week is believed to be unaffected.

More nutters at 11.

As soon as Saturn saw that it was soon to be invaded(even though the U.S. Governmetn hasnt said so yet.), it surrendered. The Planet of Uranus(no pun intended) soon followed (sound like any RL countries you guys know?)

Additionall US forces have set down on the moon today :mp5: , following allegation that the moon has been sending information to the sun.

When asked what evidence they had, General pointless had this to say "We've always known she was up to something. always looking at us - it was only a matter of time before she decided she could turn a profit and sent the man in the moon to sell our secrets to the sun"

It has recently been discovered that the Evil Dictator of the Sun, Saddam Husunspot, recently tried to buy a nuclear generator from the country of Saturn. Fortunatly for Earth, our allies in the Asteroid Belt blew it up en route.

We also have been recieveing word that Uranus has been sellign weapons to the sun in exchange for the Secret to the Perfect Tan.

Republicans Outraged By Inaccuracies In
Metallica Documentary
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican congressmen lambasted the documentary Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster for its "gross inaccuracies and fabrications" Monday. "[Filmmakers] Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky are clearly biased," Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said. "By editing together concert footage from three different mediocre shows, they have given the general public a false impression that Metallica still kicks ass." Hastert added that there is no hard evidence to support the film's argument that the album St. Anger has more thrashing riffs than Kill 'Em All.

Hooray for the Onion.

George W Bush declares that he "will not rest until democrackamocracy is assured on all 14 planets in the Solar System".

Later in his speech he also claimed a historical precedent for his actions "In Ernamest Hemmingway's great novel Moby Dick and Jane did Captain Abbacab not state 'I'd smite the sun if he insulated me'?"

George W Bush declares that he "will not rest until democrackamocracy is assured on all 14 planets in the Solar System."

The Planet of Saturn vetos Earth. (even though there wasnt any voting, they wanna play it safe.)

What does rofl stand for?STFU N00B!

4 men in Nebraska were today taken into custody by the Homeplanet Security Force. No official statement was forthcoming, but it is believed that they had been making enquiries concerning the purchase of solar panels at a local supplies store. It is also rumoured that several almanacs containing tables which predicted sunrise and sunset times were found in the motel where the men were staying prior to their arrest. There is also an unconfirmed early report that 2 of the men were in fact carrying heliographs and were prepared to use them. It is currently unknown whether the detainees are still on Earth or if they have been dispatched to the containment camp on Titan.

STFU N00B!

Hey, dont insult the guy, dude! Hes jus tone of the few people who still use the English language as its meant to be!

Saddam Husunspot, Evil Dictator of the Sun, has been captured on Pluto.

US forces almost overlooked the crater he was hiding in, a spokesperson said. The Evil Dictator appears to have lost his tan and become extremely gaunt.

"We think he may know where the 'Off Switch' to the sun is," one torture expert expained. "Otherwise, we'll just get to use all our kool interrogationz stuff to torment him and make him scream like a girlie!"


And in other news, the President has actually plagiarized one of his Bushims in one of his speeches. "All your base are belong to us!" he exclaimed in a speech, though he has never even heard of Engrish for that matter.

2 hours ago
En Route to Sun - Sunspots, believed to be loyal members of Saddam Husunspot's Sunayeen militia, have claimed to have kidnapped five U.S. servicemen, who were allegedly sent to try to make contact with the so-called SWAT Team sent to the Sun.

Videos of the 5 servicemen, being held in a chamber so bright that they could not be seen, have been broadcasted to television sets in the North and South Poles. Al-Musab al Sunaqi, the purported leader of the remnant Sunayeen forces, has claimed to barbecue one U.S. servicemen every 8 minutes if the United States of America does not agree to its demands and stop all this foolishness immediately.

More at 9.30.

Uranus is reported to be quite sore about current developements. 'The situation has become far too inflamed' said a spokesperson for Uranus.

Hey God King, Verbatum plagerism from "The Onion" does not constitute cleverness.

this is all just to silly

this is all just to silly

Nah. It would have been silly if the USA had lead a military invasion of Iraq on the basis of flawed reports of the presence of weapons of mass destruction and spurious claims concerning Iraqi links to international terrorist organisations. In comparison this is all eminently sensible.

This just in:

Crack Special Forces Teams Penetrate Uranus's Defenses.

Pictures to follow.

NEPTUNE DECLARES "WE SEE NO REASON FOR EARTH TO INVADE THE SUN. WE WILL NOT SUPPORT EARTH'S INVASION OF THE SUN."

In a stunning move, longtime Earth ally Neptune has stated that it will not support Earth in its current invasion of the Sun.

"The Sun provides light for us all," said a Neptunian government official today; "there is no proof that these "off switches" exist. Our government has seen no proof of these off switches, and the hasty decision to invade the Sun is causing instability throughout the entire solar system. Most planets feel that a Sun ruled by Earth is not in the best interests for our solar system. Therefore, we will not be sending troops to the Sun, nor will we provide military support of any kind to Earth's endeavors in this matter. We will continue to provide logistical support and provide peacekeeping troops for the solar region, but will not be directly involved in the invasion. Keeping the power of the sun's despotic ruler contained is our primary objective."

When asked about Mercury, the Neptunian ambassador said that they supported that invasion first, and will continue to provide military aid to the Mercurian occupation. "Clearly, Mercury needs to be contained and controlled. We supported Earth when they first invaded Mercury, and now that the major hostilities have ceased we, along with many of the major moons of our solar system, will continue to provide military aid in routing out the remnants of the forces there."

In a swift reply, Earth king and dictator George W. Bush stated that while he is saddened by the lack of support by his primier system ally, he respects Neptunes decision, and made several other cryptic remarks. "After all, its not like they're gonna have much choice after this. Our Manifest Destiny states that Earth will reign over the whole solar system. Don't matter what they think, they'll fall in line soon enough. Let em sit and squirm out their while we gain control of the Sun's energy, and then bring em to their knees! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Bush later recanted his earlier statements, and said he "respects Neptune's wishes in this matter, and wishes them luck in future endeavors.....bastards."

Opposition to Bush claim the shut down of the Sun to be a distraction from the failure to bring to justice the true terrorists of the System the Asteroides.

Homeland Security Bulletin
Reuters, Washington, DC. 20 August, 2004, 11:00 AM EDT

Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge held a press conference today to announce the spokesperson for the new Solar Shield defense campaign. Singer Corey Hart will be heading up the new promotional campaign, ubiquitously known as Sunglasses at Night!. Hart intends to tour with Ridge and other key Homeland Security staffers to help prepare the nation for possible solar counterattacks.

"Sunglasses at Night is more than just an 80's musical icon," said Hart, "it's also a great defense against sneak attack. We'll be working with Secretary Ridge and other agencies to incorporate other aspects of national defense into the song, which we'll be performing at venues across the country. Secretary Ridge has some cool ideas about such verses as, 'I wear my sunscreen under my pajamas' and 'I carry my umbrella even when it's not raining'. I'm really looking forward to this collaboration."

Hart will kick off the campaign with a USO tour of national and international military bases. He will be accompanied by 80's stars Corey Haim and Corey Feldman on the Core(y) Defense Strategies tour.

For furthur information, visit go.to.corey (http://go.to/corey) or www.dhs.gov/ (http://www.dhs.gov/).

The Hyperion think tank located on Ganymede today issued this statement:

"We have been monitoring the events surrounding the US invasion of the sun closely, and believe that we can no longer remain silent. Although there may exist fissionable materials on the sun, we urge caution. We have intelligence that similar fissionable materials may also exist in the gas giants of Neptune, Uranus, Jupiter and Saturn. We see the exercise of military might surrounding the centre of the solar system as a potentially dangerous development: up until now the situation regarding the sun has been tolerable. Overhasty action on the surface of the sun could trigger a chain reaction which would lead to the gas giants beginning their own fission programs. We would then not be faced by just one massive globe of whte molten fire, but instead five. This military intervention could just be the spark that ignites those flames."

In response the the Homeplanet Security Force stated:

"Fuck 'em. We'll nuke them back to the Big Bang if they cross us."

Further explanation of exactly how the people of Earth planned to effectively deploy nuclear weapons against self-sustaining quasi-stellar nuclear reactions remains unclear.

is this the part were i laugh?


dont mind i do

lol

In response the the Homeplanet Security Force stated:

"Fuck 'em. We'll nuke them back to the Big Bang if they cross us."

Just to clarify the head of the Homeplanet Security Forces is Dick Cheney. The unabridged quote goes like this

"F*ck them. We'll f*cking nuke them back to the f*cking Big Bang if they f*cking cross us

Just to clarify the head of the Homeplanet Security Forces is Dick Cheney. The unabridged quote goes like this

"F*ck them. We'll f*cking nuke them back to the f*cking Big Bang if they f*cking cross us

I'll further clarify that an unidentified British NCO commented on the grave misgivings he felt with regard to the problems he considered inherent in the HSF plan with the following statement

"Fuck it, the fucking fucker's fucking fucked."

This was later broadcast on primetime US television in the following form:

"Expletive deleted it, the expletive deleted expletive deleted's expletive deleted expletive deleted."

President Bush accuses Luna with aiding the sun in funding it's terrorist actions

President Bush has declared Luna as a member of the Axis of Evil, saying that the CIA has "credible" intelligence info that Luna, indeed, fund the sun in terrorist actions against the United States.

"All I'm saying is, who cares if we're using information from the 1970's?" said CIA Director, "People, intelligence is intelligence. Even if it's thirty four years old."

Tony Blair has also announced that he would do everything in his power to help Bush stop this "Axis of Evil."

"No decision has been made." President Bush declared after a nuclear missile rocket was launced right behind him.

This just in: protestors decry the attacks on the moon. The word from the streets - "If they want to stop the moon from reflecting sunlight back at Earth, all they need to do is paint it black, not nuke it. Bush has failed to go that extra mile for peace."

Typical fucking American arrogance: since when was the sun governed by their constitution? There will be questions asked in the UN. I guess we can expect a new wave of 'sun-bathing surrender monkey' abuse to follow.
The USA owns the solar system because we got to the moon first, and because we said so. Russia owns Low Earth Orbit because of that Gagarin fellow.

The USA owns the solar system because we got to the moon first, and because we said so. Russia owns Low Earth Orbit because of that Gagarin fellow.

Ah, looks like the Russians are the keepers of the gate to the cosmos then.

Finally! Us vampyres are sick of hiding during the day.

let the non-stop bloodfeast begin

Lol! :d

In a suprise move by the white house, President Bush has rodered a Blockade of "Planet X".

"These people misunderestimated us in thinking that their assistance to Saddam Husunspot would go unnoticed. As of this moment, all ships going towards planet X have been blown up into ity bity smitherennies by Cruise missiles." The president said.

President Tux of Planet X said. "Its obvious that President Bush is under the Vile Influence of Bill Gates! They are invading us because we are a Planet of Linux lovers! This is just an excuse i tell, you, an excuse!"

Reports are just now coming in about how Microsoft has launched a series of virus' to attack planet X. We are also reporting that Planet X has changed its name to Planet LinuX.

http://images.mandrakesoft.com/img/util6.gif

President Bush bombarded Planet X-2 just a few hours ago, upsetting Final Fantasy fans around the world, notably in America and Japan.

Fortunately, the planet's capital-nation, Spira, was able to conjure a shield to protect against IPBBM (Interplanetary Ballistic Bombardment Missiles), and no deaths were reported. However, many chocobogos were scared witless, and the planet's three highest officials, Yuna, Lulu, and Rikku, are furious.

"We will not stand to be bombarded in such a manner again!" a furious spokesperson of the trio said to the Earth press in a public statement

In Japan, objectors to the failed bombardment caused countrywide cosplay-protests, and the military has decided to mobilize their Gundams for a possible strike against the US military

President Bush bombarded Planet X-2 just a few hours ago, upsetting Final Fantasy fans around the world, notably in America and Japan.

Fortunately, the planet's capital-nation, Spira, was able to conjure a shield to protect against IPBBM (Interplanetary Ballistic Bombardment Missiles), and no deaths were reported. However, many chocobogos were scared witless, and the planet's three highest officials, Yuna, Lulu, and Rikku, are furious.

"We will not stand to be bombarded in such a manner again!" a furious spokesperson of the trio said to the Earth press in a public statement

In Japan, objectors to the failed bombardment caused countrywide cosplay-protests, and the military has decided to mobilize their Gundams for a possible strike against the US military

The Eleventh Planet from the Final FAntasy Star

The Duke of Jeuno, the Capital of Final Fantasy XI: or Vana D'iel by the locals, fully supports our neighbors at Final Fantasy X-2! We are trying to get planets final Fantasy I-X to help you as well, but we (final Fantasy XI) are also very busy working on our NEw Moon, Promathia, and we have just sent teams to explore the newly found planet of Final FAntasy XII.

Kerry Opposes "Planetary Plundering Politics"
UPI, Indianapolis, IN. 20 August, 2004, 5:00 PM CDT

Democratic Presidential Nominee John Kerry, spoke out today in opposition to the Bush White House's campaign against the Sun. Kerry, on a bus tour through the Midwest, held a press conference at his overnight stop in the small hamlet of West Hamsandwich, Indiana.

"President Bush has gone too far with this vendetta against the Sun and our planetary neighbors," the candidate was heard to comment. "This sort of planetary plundering politics is exactly the wrong message to send to our friends in the Solar System. Yes, I fought the Sun in the service of my country, and yes, I'd do it again. The idea of sending nuclear missiles against the Sun is an inappropriate force allocation for the United States military." Senator Kerry continued for at least another half an hour, pulling statistics and charts from the hands of a variety of aides, before this reporter wandered off in utter boredom.

Swift Boat veteran Staff Sergeant Perry 'Piebald' Pantowski had this to add at a press conference in Indianapolis, "Sure, I served with Lt. Kerry, and that man saved my life. I was sitting on the deck, sweltering in my BDUs, feeling like I was gonna die. The Lieutenant not only pulled me into the shade of the cockpit, he gave me his hat and one of those little spritzer bottles of water. I tell ya, he saved my life! That man's a hero!"

Sgt. Pantowski's statement was quickly rebutted by Colonel Ed "Fatty" LaDouche. "I served in the same force with these men, and let me tell you that it was always overcast. All these stories about the Sun's brutality simply aren't true." UPI has put in a meteorological request under the Freedom of Information Act, which should set this issue to rights within about two years.

The White House had no comment on these stories.

The Eleventh Planet from the Final FAntasy Star

The Duke of Jeuno, the Capital of Final Fantasy I: or Vana D'iel by the locals, fully supports our neighbors at Final Fantasy -2! We are trying to get planets final Fantasy I- to help you as well, but we (final Fantasy I) are also very busy working on our NEw Moon, Promathia, and we have just sent teams to eplore the newly found planet of Final FAntasy II.
Colodia declares a war on this post's many X's, and declares self victorious.

STFU N00B!

Hey while I'm at it I'd like to know what STFU means. I know what a N00B is...I think. I don't know all the weird chatroom abbreviations (if that is indeed what they are) because I think that chatroom discussions are a disgrace. You don't have intelligent conversations on a chatroom because you don't have time to think about a good response.

Colodia declares a war on this post's many X's, and declares self victorious.

Fuhrer Cloud of Planet FFVII Says "Nein!" And then rants in gErman about how COlodia hasnt won yet, and that they have only BEGUN! to fight.

Twenty minutes later, Fuhrer Cloud is found dead. EH commited suicide sensing the end was near. His Wife, Tifa, also killed herself. Their bodies were burned in a ditch, and within an hour the Colodian Flag flew over the Midgar Chancellors building (formerly Shinra Inc. HQ).

Hey while I'm at it I'd like to know what STFU means. I know what a N00B is...I think. I don't know all the weird chatroom abbreviations (if that is indeed what they are) because I think that chatroom discussions are a disgrace. You don't have intelligent conversations on a chatroom because you don't have time to think about a good response.

STFU= Shut the F*ck up

STFU= Shut the F*ck up

I'll definitely need to know that one. That is one abbreviation I can stand to use.

President Bush has declared Luna as a member of the Axis of Evil, saying that the CIA has "credible" intelligence info that Luna, indeed, fund the sun in terrorist actions against the United States.

Noam "Chopper" Chomsky has gone on record as responding "What we see here is not an axis, but an epicycle. A moment's examination of a highschool astronomy textbook will make that abundantly clear to anyone. Having disproved this one foundation that underlies the neo-liberal agenda that Bush is prusuing in his build up to stellar conquest, we can see that his entire argument collapses. Look not to the axis of evil, but instead to the epicycle of bullshit."

FLASH! Solar Flare Strikes Select Few
The Drudge Report

Just moments ago, a massive solar flare came storming out of the sky and struck amidst the population of the earth! Although damage was expected to be heavy, observers were astonished to discover that the devastation was limited to online computer users who repeatedly hijack topics and post randomness that has nothing to do with the thread-at-hand. A few itinerant bloggers were also inexplicably affected.

"This is the sign I've been waiting for," said Marvin McMurray O'Hairy, Director of Atheists for a Secular Society. "Finally, a sign that there IS a God. Color me converted!"

In Vatican City, Cardinal Alfonse D'Lectro reported that the Pope referred to the incident as "a curious collection of coincidences, nothing more."

Spammers and random posters are up in arms about this recent attack on their computers. "These sunnians have screwed with our computers for the last time! Screw the Off switch, send the entire planets nuclear arsenal at the sun, That will cuase it to explode!"

In other news, a group called "French Unionists Can Kill has been banned from using the offical earth forums due to a rude abbreviations.

US initiates shock and awe campaign on Sun

In retaliation for the Sun's failure to respond to the latest UN resolutions and failure to comply with the U.S. ultimatum, the President Nader announced today that war was being waged on the sun as we speak.

'We will stop this terror!' he proclaimed in a speech Saturday. 'For too long, this life-sustaining ball of gas has caused the controversial and disputed theory of global warming. The time has come to act decisively. Elements of the Air Force are now swining into full gear in an attack on the Sun, which, though the sole reason d'etre of life on Earth (literally), is now a clear and agonizing threat to Mother Nature.'

Added Nader: 'In addition, the latest government mandates have been passed, reducing toilet paper in thickness by 47% and the amount of water used to flush a toilet by 43%. I firmly believe that the natural smell and feel of human waste will promote naturalism, return to our roots, and a better life for all Americans. We'll stop hurting the environment in the process too. Having banned cars and commercial aircraft, this was only the next logical step in the process. I'm mobilizing my cabinet's efforts at vaporizing the timber industry next, so stay tuned.'

War won as US begins occupation of Sun

In just two weeks, the war on the Sun was won, despite heavy and intense resistence. Nuclear missiles struck the Sun en masse, and after a brutal thirteen-day siege, the Sun decided to call it quits and completely cease in existence.

President Nader hailed this as a great victory for the environment, the earth, and for people. 'This is a great day!' he proclaimed. 'The evil, Mother-Nature raping Sun has been vanquished, once and for all.'

Added British Prime Minister Tony Blair : 'OMFGz n00ks r0x0rs!!! l337!!! w000t!!!!'

Approximately eight minutes later into the speech, President Nader asked inquiringly, 'Who the hell turned the lights off?' This was followed by a drop in temperature by 200%, and experts forecast a gradual extinction of all life matter in the next 72 hours.

'But this is fantastic!' cried President Nader. 'Man has truly been the plague of the millenium, constantly hurting and destroying the environment. At last! We shall rid the world of its greatest evil!'

When asked about a plan of action regarding the global crisis, he responded, 'What global crisis? Life is good.'

In an unexpected turn of events, Uranus has vented its fury in a 'shock and awe' display. Nearby planets have fallen silent in the face of Uranus's outburst.

Approximately eight minutes later into the speech, President Nader asked inquiringly, 'Who the hell turned the lights off?' This was followed by a drop in temperature by 200%, and experts forecast a gradual extinction of all life matter in the next 72 hours.


UK sources indicate that extreme pressure is being applied by the British government to hasten the hand over of power and the start of an Earth approved democratic self-sustaining nuclear reaction in the heart of the sun.

UK Prime Minister Tony 'the Tiger' Blair, last seen wearing a duffle coat, a balaclava and a Doctor Who-style 14 foot scarf, was unavailable for comment.

OOC: Hey, wasnt I th person who was first controlling Uranus? Oh well,a t least i still am the French, er..., i mean SAturn.

The Saturnese surrender.

OOC REalistic, aint it?

OOC: Hey, wasnt I th person who was first controlling Uranus? Oh well,a t least i still am the French, er..., i mean SAturn.

The Saturnese surrender.

OOC REalistic, aint it?

You control Uranus, I'll control mine.

OoC: I advocate the use of Ouranos.

OOC: Hey, wasnt I th person who was first controlling Uranus?

You control Uranus, I'll control mine.

Best.

Post.

Ever.


You do realise that you are never going to have the chance to make a post like that again, don't you?


***
Personally I'm just flitting hither and thon to wherever seems like an interesting place at the time.

a drop in temperature by 200%


NO! Your glaring scientific error has ruined my suspension of disbelief completely, and you have spoiled the whole thread for me now. :p

You control Uranus, I'll control mine.

lol, good one :D

bump

:mp5::mp5::mp5:
:mp5::mp5::mp5: :sniper:
:mp5::mp5::mp5:

:mp5::mp5::mp5:
:mp5::mp5::mp5: :sniper:
:mp5::mp5::mp5:

Spammer!

just an artist way of saying bump

just an artist way of saying bump

It is still spamming.

It is still spamming.

Not really....

:eek: :mp5: :eek: :mp5:
:eek: :mp5: :eek: :mp5:

Not really....

:eek: :mp5: :eek: :mp5:
:eek: :mp5: :eek: :mp5:

It's spamming enough to annoy me...

It's spamming enough to annoy me...

i actually like people getting shot but, if you dont thats your style.

i actually like people getting shot but, if you dont thats your style.

:cool: :mp5:
^
You

Who said it isn't my style.

Hey hey hey...don't quarrel here now. let the creative juices flow!

Recent reports have shown that Gundam units are most likely to be stolen by angsty teenage boys who have nothing better to do and can get past overwhelmingly lax security in either fake uniforms, or receive them as birthday gifts from crazy professors outright.

That's all for now, more on Operation SUNaqi Freedom at 9.

After ignoring a recent court order to place 'Warning: Hot' signs around itself the US Supreme Court has decided that they have no other course but to shut the sun down indefinitly.
A NASA mission is being initiated to deliver a SWAT team who will attempt to locate the 'off' switch and disable it until further notice.

When questioned as to what the people of Earth will use for heat and light, the Court said that they would have to make do with gas heaters until the sun was brought up to code.

Also, Jupiter will be temporarily moved out of the System until it puts up 'Gravity Well' signs.

In other news a family has filed a lawsuite against the Martians for not existing...
Phew, I'm just glad nobody will ever get close to the sun :p Other than this, the sun doesnt belong to the US, so neener, your Supreme Court cant do anything about it :p