NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, we have a Simpsons thread ... why not Family Guy?

Peter: Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard.
Lois: Peter, you know I hate beards ...
Peter: No no Lois, it's time I joined the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Cause ... cause of all the magic tricks?
---
Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.
---
Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
---
Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Best. Animated Show. Ever.

It rivals the Simpsons, character-wise. The Simpsons are based on extreme stereotyping (Homer = average American, Marge = average American housewife, Chief Wiggum = stereotyped cop, Apu...obvious, etc.)

Family Guy's characters are unique, and have a lot of individual character.


Besides, they're both f***ing hilarious.

Did anyone catch the rare Family Guy episode shown on TBS last night? The one where Peter has fincial troubles and tries to find a Jewish guy to fix everything? You know, the one that had censors all up in arms because they thought Jews might find it offensive? (yeah, even though it was shown to rabbis and they didn't object).

Did anyone catch the rare Family Guy episode shown on TBS last night? The one where Peter has fincial troubles and tries to find a Jewish guy to fix everything? You know, the one that had censors all up in arms because they thought Jews might find it offensive? (yeah, even though it was shown to rabbis and they didn't object).

Actually, Jews didn't find it offensive! It was the Uber-Christian Murdoch who found it offensive.

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Stewie: Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calender. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there.

Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman.


Funniest Cartoon ever.

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

"Excuse me. Would you like to try my smoked meat log?"

That was my signature for a short time here, before I replaced it with the Mae West quote. My girlfriend (who lives with me) actually owns all the Fmaily Guy dvds, and we watch them all the time.

stewie: so they DO make bigger diapers! the toilet's made slaves of you all. i've seen it in there, lazing about, never comitting anything to society, feeding off of other people's excrement. (runs into bathroom) YOU GET A JOB!

new episodes COMING SOON!!!!!

Actually, Jews didn't find it offensive! It was the Uber-Christian Murdoch who found it offensive.
I said the censors had a fit, but rabbis who viewed said it was fine.

Yeah...Christians are weird like that...

I have one comment to make.

"Dear Diary: Jackpot."

Bad Guy:Alright now I got you, Chris Griffin!

Peter:Hold it right there you!

Bad Guy:Who the hell are you?!

Peter:Officer T.J. Hooker...Shereiff, Officer T.J. Hooker.
------------------------
Peter(talking to Brian):Ohhhh...Louis is right, I should start lookin for a job around here.

Shereiff:Hey guys, wanna be Sherreif?All you gotta do is sit in the office, get drunk, and eat pie!

Peter:Hold on let me get this straight, pie?Drunk?The?!You've got yourself a deal!

(both drunk)
Peter:Whoa it's quiet around here being sherreiff!

Brian:...Yeah...yeah I know.The phone hasn't rang all day!There's nothing to um.....um.....uh....oh uh...what's the word I'm looking for?Uh...do!

Peter:Oh, Brian your drunk, your drunk give my your keys!
*Peter falls on the floor*

When you Wish Upon a Weinstein is the name of the episode, and I've found alot of jokes in other episodes that offended me faaar more than any of the jewish cracks.

Mcfarlane is a genius. Faaaaaaar better than the Simpsons, in my opinion. I liked Futurama better anyway, but still not as much as Family Guy.

Peter in the Conga line: Cha cha cha cha cha HEY! Cha cha cha cha cha HEY! *PEter runs off screen while the line continues* Cha cha cha cha cha H-!!!! *peter crashes through the wall in his car*

Louis: Stewie, would you like sprinkles?
Stewie: I should think not! For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you!

Quagmire: Either of you girls been penetrated?

Quagmire:Hi Meg! Eighteen yet?
Meg: No..
Quagmire: Hi Chris!

Chris: I'm so awkward!

Louis: Where the hell were you last night?
Peter: I could ask you the same question.
Louis: I was out drinking but I was home by 2:30.

Death {Norm MacDonald is the sheeeit}: I'll be back... real soon. Haha! Is he joking?

Bryan: So, you made the flag-girl squad, eh? That's terrific.
Stewie, smirking: Yes yes... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call.

Peter: ...And Chris can be Anus.
Brian: Enos.
Peter: And what did I say?
Bryan: Anus.
Peter: Muahaha!

In the courtroom.

Peter: Oh no!

Lois: Oh no!

Meg: Oh no!

*Kool-aid man breaks through wall*

Kool-aid man: OH YEAH!

*****************

The one where the Griffins have the nudist family over. Lois is standing naked and Quagmire walks in.

Quagmire: Hey Peter do you have a...oh oh oh god...do you have a towel?

The one where Death sprains his ankle.

*Lois hands Death a mug*

Death: Oh god, what did you make this hot chocolate out of? Crap?

Lois: If you want me to make you another one, just say....

Death: Oh no, no, it's fine. I just thought you'd make it out of, you know, milk. Not crap.

The one where Peter has plastic surgery (I really wish I knew the names of the episodes)

*automatic door opens for Peter*

Peter: Hey, when your beautiful, even doors magically open for you.

Beautiful Man: Actually, it opened because you stepped on that black square. .... But it would have opened even if that wasn't there, because you're beautiful.

I like FG too, when are the new eps on?

Meg: Oh my God!
Mr. Peterschmitt: He's violating my Seabreeze!
Peter: No he's just ackwardly positioning himsel...NOW he's violating her.
Stuey: Bwa Bwa Bwa Bwa Bwa BWa

I like FG too, when are the new eps on?

Meg: Oh my God!
Mr. Peterschmitt: He's violating my Seabreeze!
Peter: No he's just ackwardly positioning himsel...NOW he's violating her.
Stuey: Bwa Bwa Bwa Bwa Bwa BWa

Not for a long time. Later next year, I've heard.

Lois: don't worry Meg, I've done something to scar them for life.
(goes to Quagmire ringing bell)
Quagmire: How old are you?
girl: 16
Quagmire:18! your 1st
girl: MOM?
Quagmire: I like where this is going, Gigadee gigadee gigadeeee

Peter: I'm going to microwave a bagel and have sex with it
Quagmire: butter's in the fridge

Stewie: I'll trade you this Homerun ball for that souvenier bat
kid: sure
Stewie: (takes bat, gives kid ball and whacks him in the head to knock him out and take the ball and bat

Lois(giving piano lessons):Good jimmy, now do your scales, I'll be right back.
Stewie:[cringes at music and walks over to piano](offscreen)
Jimmy:AHHHH OWWWW OH my god, NOOO AHHHH
Stewie:[walks back to his playpen]
Lois:Oh my god jimmy, what happened to you
Stewie:Yes jimmy what happened?
Jimmy(Bruised and bleeding):I...I fell down

Stewie: I'll trade you this Homerun ball for that souvenier bat
kid: sure
Stewie: (takes bat, gives kid ball and whacks him in the head to knock him out and take the ball and bat


Stewie, bat and ball in hand: Now what did we learn?

(two baseball players, on different teams)

"Hey, you want some gum?"
"Sure" **chews gum**
**starts laughing** "Haha!"
"What's so funny?"
"That was trick gum! Now you're addicted to heroine!"
**laughs along** "That was a good one! Hahaha!" **shivers** "so cold..."

http://dreamfire.homestead.com/files/mikepix/evilmonkey.gif


This is the evil monkey that lives in my closet.

http://dreamfire.homestead.com/files/mikepix/evilmonkey.gif


This is the evil monkey that lives in my closet.

Roffle!

Chris: Oh, I hate vegetables.
Lois: Honey, they're good for you.
Chris: Oooh, they taste like a monkey, a monkey that's past its prime.

Peter: I'm looking for toilet training book...
Book Store Guy: "Everybody Poops But You" is still the standard one, we also have the less popular "Nobody Poops But You."
Peter: See were catholic so uhhh?
Book Store Guy: Oh then you want "You're A Naughty Child and Thats Concentrated Evil Coming Out The Back Of You."
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter: I see your bum
Stewie: Oh great why don't you take a picture you pervert so I'll have something to bring to court!
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together!
Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street!
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a *****. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED!!!!!!
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert. (The image of Bert's ass still haunts my vision...*shudder*)

http://www.dubbadoo.com/stewie.jpg

http://dreamfire.homestead.com/files/mikepix/evilmonkey.gif


This is the evil monkey that lives in my closet.
He wasn't always evil
(I love the picture they show how the monkey comes home from work and finds his wife with another monkey)

Peter: "Hey! Remember that one thing you wanted for Christmas, but didn't get?"

Meg: "A phone?"
Chris: "A pony?"
Brian: "A humidor?"
Stewie: "A dead Lois?"
*******
Quagmire: "The Griffins. Bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me. Alright."
*******
When Quagmire says "Alright." It's so great!

Stewie: Victory is mine!

Stewie: You'll live to rue this day! Well...start ruing!

Stewie: now to make one final adjustment. Finally, my time device is complete. Now to do back in time and undo ever having drawn to those damned blue prints...

Well, we have a Simpsons thread ... why not Family Guy?

Peter: Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard.
Lois: Peter, you know I hate beards ...
Peter: No no Lois, it's time I joined the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Cause ... cause of all the magic tricks?
---
Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.
---
Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
---
Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Best. Animated Show. Ever.

why not south park?

betterthanfamilyguy

I personally thought the "Road to Rhode Island" was the best.

Stewie: "You're Drunk!"
Brian:"I'm not drunk! I jus hav a speeh impediment <throws up> and a stomach bug <falls off chair> and an inner ear imbalance"

Too many lines to quote. Extremely good - though I disliked how it always ended sit-com fashion with Lois invariably telling Peter she loved him for who he is. I think the Simpsons wins for being more consistent overall, but Family guy wins for it's subversive moments. Like Peter, hearing a repetitive whapping noise, bursts in on Chris playing with one of those paddles with a ball on a string and after giving Chris his porno mags leaves only to hear the whapping noise start up again and then finds he's got the paddle. Classic.

Ok one more:
Brian: "Whose leg d'ya have to hump to get a dry martini round here?"

Meg reading Peter's letter: Dear Meg, for the first four years of your life, I thought you were a housecat.

Quagmire (SP?):Besides, I can remember a time when Peter saved all our lives. (Scene from Pulp Fiction where Zed is raping them) (Peter sneaks up with a sword and swings) HAAAA!!

I would have to say Family Guy is one of the best shows ever. Right up there with Simpsons and Beavis and Butthead.

peter: this is gonna get all weird, like when we had to watch your uncle's snuff movie
*flashback to showing of the snuffmovie*
peter: but.. are they really going to kill that girl?
Lois: shhh, peter! people are trying to watch!

Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.

Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Peter: Look at this, Lois, see right here [points in book], I was voted most likely to succeed!
Lois: Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook, it's a People magazine.
Peter: Oh, I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name.

Milk milk
Lemonade
Around the corner
Fudge is made
hehehehehehehehehe

Brian: Look, a newly married interracial gay couple burning the American flag!

family guy is tied with south park so its
south park = family guy > futurama > simpsons

family guy whips the llamas ass


Max Weinstein: What do you want!?
Peter: Financial advice.
Max Weinstein: ...wait...how'd you know I was an accountant?
Peter: Helllllooooooooooo, Max WEINSTEIN!!!

Not for a long time. Later next year, I've heard.

i heard this fall

Hey, I dont pay you to think. In fact, I dont pay you at all! Count it!

Meg: I just want to kill myself! I'm going upstairs to eat a whole bowl of peanuts
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Lois and Peter keep staring)
Meg: You don't know anything about me!
(Meg runs upstairs)
Peter: Wow, who was that guy?

http://i.myspace.com/44/80/100000844/94540_l.jpg

"Flappy, good news! I've decided not to kill you!"

Kevin: "My dad always said, measure twice, cut once."
Cleveland Jr. "My daddy always said, 'Stop jumpin' on the bed, Cleveland Jr.' Hahaha!"
*Takes saw and starts cutting board of wood*
Kevin: "We didn't measure! WE DIDN'T MEASURE!!!"

I forget this one verbatim, maybe someone can help me out.

It's where stewie and brian are stuck together with glue and they see a girl stuck in a well and nobody can help them- except that guy with long arms, but he's tickling a midget. Midget: "Teehee!"

Peter: Look at me Lois! I've got two symbols of the Republican party. An elephant, and a fat white guy who's afraid of change!


Lois: *looks at Peter's reflection in the mirror* Ohhh...that man is SO handsome!
Peter: *stares at reflection* YOU SON OF A BI- *destroys mirror*


Stewie: *pointing at random baby girls* I'd do her, I'd do her, I'd do her, lose the pig tails and we'll talk...

Ok one more:
Brian: "Whose leg d'ya have to hump to get a dry martini round here?"
That was actually the Olsen Twins on Family Guy

Peter: Hey waiter, that sign saying "Wash hands" in the bathroom is only for the employees, right?
Waiter: well...technically...
Peter: *starts messing with all the bread slices* Oh, Jennifer, you want some bread? Here, have some bread.
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Ew...EWW!

Mayor West after Meg greets him: "How do you know my language?"

Mayor West: "I love this job almost as much as I love my taffy. And I'm a man who loves his taffy" *30 seconds of west chewing on a piece of taffy and making faint moaning sounds*

Valet:"I'm sorry sir you can't park your truck here."
Peter: "That's not a truck, that's my son."
Valet: "Hey Tom, it wasn't a truck, its just a fat kid. Yes, your a fat kid aren't you. Fatty fatty fat fat. Fat. Have a chocolate bar."

Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?

(name might be messed up)

Male Reporter: This is Dan's evil twin, Don, and I'm here to destroy Dan's reputation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have freaky sex with a prostitute which whom I still got....45 minutes.

Brian: So that's what Peter's penis looks like.
----------------------
The one where Meg has a sleep over:

Meg: Kill me now God!
*Red dot appears on the floor and moves to her forhead*
*Pan to God, in a toga, standing in the clouds holding a sniper rifle*
*Phone Rings*
*God sets down the rifle, picks up the phone*
God: Karen!

-------------------------

Black Knight: What's your fat ass doing here?
Guy on a fat donkey: He's my only means of transportation, but I do admit I spoil him.

-------------------------

The one someone said earlier:
"Help, my baby is stuck down that well and no one had long enough arms to reach her...except for that man with the long arms, and he's busy tickling the midget in the tree."
Midget: Teeheehee.

It rivals the Simpsons, character-wise. The Simpsons are based on extreme stereotyping (Homer = average American, Marge = average American housewife, Chief Wiggum = stereotyped cop, Apu...obvious, etc.)

Family Guy's characters are unique, and have a lot of individual character.


Besides, they're both f***ing hilarious.

You clearly are not a simpsons geek. The entire family was based off Matt groining's actual family. Family Guy just steals a lot from The Simpsons. Like the father of the families life dream gag. The Simpsons is unique because it was the FIRST cartoon to be writen with such smart writers. The Simpsons made the mold, and Seth MacFarlane just took it and ran.

Stewie: Oh yes, I've often fantasized about what this house would be like with more culture.
[Brian, Peter, Stewie, and Chris sitting in living room wearing tuxes with top hats, each holding a glass of port]
Stewie: The port is quite good.
Brian: Yes, quite good.
Chris: Indeed.
Peter: Most certainly!
Brian: What year is it?
Chris: 51.
Peter: Ah.
Stewie: Delectable.
Brian: Indeed.
Chris: Yes.
[Peter bursts into flames]
Peter: Oh dear.
Brian: What is it?
Peter: I've spontaneously combusted.
Stewie: Well I am sorry.
Peter: Oh it's quite alright, I've grown tired of living.
Stewie: Ah, very good then.
Chris: For the best.
Brian: Yes, indeed.
Stewie: Is it raining again?

Anchorwoman Diane somethingorother: Tom's dared me to do the news topless. I've got the goods, but do I got the guts? ....Find out at 11.

Brian: You wanna go get an ice cream? Stewie shakes his head
You wanna go to McDonalds? Stewie shakes his head
You wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes? Stewie nods
Okay, let's go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes.

Timmy: I have thirteen tickets now, is that enough?
Man: i'm sorry, Timmy, you need fifteen tickets to live.

Clerk: The kids get pizza, soda and your choice of ice cream flavour; chocolate, strawberry, vanilla or people.
Peter: What was that last one?
Clerk: Chocolate.

(name might be messed up)

Male Reporter: This is Dan's evil twin, Don, and I'm here to destroy Dan's reputation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have freaky sex with a prostitute which whom I still got....45 minutes.
Hi I'm reporter Tom Tucker's, evil twin Todd Tucker! (then you got the rest of it right)

Meg:*Walks in to kitchen* Hey everybody, guess what I am.
Stewie:Oh let me guess, the end result of a broken profylactic and a backseat gropefest.

the one where Peter destroys the satellite dish and William Shatner shows up is awesome.

Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall KILL you

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.





Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.






[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.








Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?

Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people
Camera Guy: We're still on everywhere else.

Got the dvds there, do you Sicily1991? Don't sweat it--I do too.

Brian: Excuse me. Would you like to taste my smoked meat log?

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.







Peter: Hey, what are you doing here?
Superman: I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phonebook.





Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?







Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Tom Tucker: Cocks Cocks Cocks galore! Yes folks its time again for the Rhode Island Cock Festival. I don't know why they went with such a suggestive name, they could've just as easily used Rooster...

Peter: Hey, were you there when I farted?

Peter: No, I realized it doesn't matter what your family thinks of me because your ancestors were just a bunch o' pimps and whores.

Quagmire: Heh heh, Alright... No.. NO! It's not alright! It's not alright at all!

Diane Simmons: Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet-case.
Tom Tucker: Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane.

You clearly are not a simpsons geek. The entire family was based off Matt groining's actual family. Family Guy just steals a lot from The Simpsons. Like the father of the families life dream gag. The Simpsons is unique because it was the FIRST cartoon to be writen with such smart writers. The Simpsons made the mold, and Seth MacFarlane just took it and ran.
hehe. groining. the guy who created The Simpsons is Matt Groening.

now who's a simpsons geek? ME!

Lois: 15 beers, way to set an example for the kids!
Chris: Yeah, way to raise the bar dad!
Lois: Chris, don't talk like that, your 13
Peter: Kids, daddy only drank so the statue of liberty would take her clothes off


*Creepy old guys first telephone message*: Hello? I'm still waiting for some good news....
Creepy old guy: Sorry to bother you like this, but I'm just callin to see where the paperboy has gone
Creepy old guy: Still waiting
Creepy old guy: hello?
Creepy old guy: Ok, now your just starting to piss me off, you stupid son of a bitch


(I think I screwed that whole creepy old guy one up, but eh oh well, I could just always pop in a dvd and watch the episode...)

Doctor: Its a boy!
Lois: A sweet little-
Doc: Wait, there's more!
Lois: TWINS?!
Doc: No, its a map of europe
*Pulls out map of europe with symbols[bomb here] over the capitols of countries, Stewie gets the 'plotting' look in his eyes*