NationStates Jolt Archive

i'm here to answer all your theological questions children(well most of them).
the only thing out of bounds are my alleged lasps in spelling grammar and punctuation. so fire away and prepare to be enlightened.

i'm here to answer all your theological questions children(well most of them).
the only thing out of bounds are my alleged lasps in spelling grammar and punctuation. so fire away and prepare to be enlightened.

How did Joseph feel about Mary having God's kid?

i'm here to answer all your theological questions children(well most of them).
the only thing out of bounds are my alleged lasps in spelling grammar and punctuation. so fire away and prepare to be enlightened.

Okay. Why do all religious dogmas, especially Chrisitianity, lack any reasonable proof?

Okay. Why do all religious dogmas, especially Chrisitianity, lack any reasonable proof?
As much as I hate helping bump this thread back to the top:
There is plenty of proof. Email me/TG me, or if you really want to, AIM: insane3rhyno.

Ok Jesus... I have a question.

Which came first, the chickens (I say plural because I think we all know that chickens do not reproduce asexually) or the egg?

And why did you never answer any of my prayers as a kid?

And what is going to happen with the guy I like?

*waits patiently as she treats Christ as a magic 8 ball*

Dear Jesus,

Hi. Long-time believer, first-time caller. I really loved your work in the book of Mark.

Anyhoo, why is it that people insist that Adam and Eve were the first two people on earth, when the very first chapter of Genesis states:

26: And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

I mean, don't people realize that the individual persons "Adam" and "Eve" could be metaphorical, rather than literal? Not to mention the fact that the word "Adam" is gender neutral, not male.

So, tell me...do I have this completely screwed up in my brain? Are the fundies right? Were Cain and Abel really boffing their sisters? Thanks for your time.

Love,
Luna

P.S. Could you spare an autographed pic for my nephew. He has cancer. Uh, his name is Luna, too.

i'm here to answer all your theological questions children(well most of them).
the only thing out of bounds are my alleged lasps in spelling grammar and punctuation. so fire away and prepare to be enlightened.

So, dude, what's this we hear about your secret life between the time you were 17 and 30? Sex, drugs and rock-and-roll, eh?

As much as I hate helping bump this thread back to the top:
There is plenty of proof. Email me/TG me, or if you really want to, AIM: insane3rhyno.

why can't you just tell me here? Isn't that the point of this thread.

why can't you just tell me here? Isn't that the point of this thread.
I think because he doesn't want to bump the thread... yeah.. one of those.

Penny-Arcade said you were "fucking metal", is this true?

How did Joseph feel about Mary having God's kid?


he was a little bitter at times, but he never slapped us around or anything, cuz he was scared of my real dad kicking his ass.

he was a little bitter at times, but he never slapped us around or anything, cuz he was scared of my real dad kicking his ass.
In my opinion, Joseph is the Ringo Starr of religions... the luckiest guy. Didn't have much to ride on with fame except for the connections...

Okay. Why do all religious dogmas, especially Chrisitianity, lack any reasonable proof?


okay that one's a bit touchy, if we manifest with divine power it tends to start turf wars and we have complex agreements with the eastern powers on such issues.

okay that one's a bit touchy, if we manifest with divine power it tends to start turf wars and we have complex agreements with the eastern powers on such issues.

WHo would win in a fight, you or Buddha?

Ok Jesus... I have a question.

Which came first, the chickens (I say plural because I think we all know that chickens do not reproduce asexually) or the egg?

And why did you never answer any of my prayers as a kid?

And what is going to happen with the guy I like?

*waits patiently as she treats Christ as a magic 8 ball*
the chickens, dad created the first ones silly.
you were moderately naughty.
he's secretly gay.

Dear Jesus,

Hi. Long-time believer, first-time caller. I really loved your work in the book of Mark.

Anyhoo, why is it that people insist that Adam and Eve were the first two people on earth, when the very first chapter of Genesis states:



I mean, don't people realize that the individual persons "Adam" and "Eve" could be metaphorical, rather than literal? Not to mention the fact that the word "Adam" is gender neutral, not male.

So, tell me...do I have this completely screwed up in my brain? Are the fundies right? Were Cain and Abel really boffing their sisters? Thanks for your time.

Love,
Luna

P.S. Could you spare an autographed pic for my nephew. He has cancer. Uh, his name is Luna, too.

first answer this oh evil daughter of lilth, is fool's paradise down, i can't get there today

the chickens, dad created the first ones silly.
you were moderately naughty.
he's secretly gay.

So are you Santa Claus too? Instead of coal i got.... no answered prayers?

and it's too bad about the guy... he seemed pretty straight but ehh, we all have our queer sides.. and his must be lurking.

So, dude, what's this we hear about your secret life between the time you were 17 and 30? Sex, drugs and rock-and-roll, eh?

well that was before rock and roll but...

Penny-Arcade said you were "fucking metal", is this true?
no

I don't want to see another post on this thread unless its proof of God's exsistance.

I don't want to see another post on this thread unless its proof of God's exsistance.

Okay. Bye. :D

WHo would win in a fight, you or Buddha?

well it depends on who was in pacifist girly man mode. naked power against naked power i'm pretty sure i could take him, but he is a tricky bastard so i won't bet the farm on it.

first answer this oh evil daughter of lilth, is fool's paradise down, i can't get there today

Yes. That's why I'm slumming. :(

I don't suppose you could...uh...you know...*waves arms vaguely in the air*...fix it?

So are you Santa Claus too? Instead of coal i got.... no answered prayers?

and it's too bad about the guy... he seemed pretty straight but ehh, we all have our queer sides.. and his must be lurking.


no santa's different, he was originally a saint, but in his manifestation as father christmas we got odin to play the role. it was kind of a bone we threw him after scandinavia coverted.

well that was before rock and roll but...

Whoa, does that mean you only had country and western?! My $diety, no wonder Christianity is so depressing.

Yes. That's why I'm slumming. :(

I don't suppose you could...uh...you know...*waves arms vaguely in the air*...fix it?


i tried, i suspect loki is involved somehow. his powers are deminished but his propensity for annoying tricks is not. plus he's turned into a bit of a tekkie since the whole nazi thing feel threw.

I don't want to see another post on this thread unless its proof of God's exsistance.
i'm hear talking aren't i... so people don't even believe it when the see it on their home computers.

Whoa, does that mean you only had country and western?! My $diety, no wonder Christianity is so depressing.


we had folk, and... uh... hmmm other different folk... and instrumental folk...
oh yeah and some religious monotonal chanting

I think because he doesn't want to bump the thread... yeah.. one of those.
That, and it's too late, and AIM is so much easier.

Christ, dosn't the christian emphasis on discipline and order conflict with North Americas emphasis on freedom? How can I be free If I have to go to church and worship every sunday, not to mention the mandatory prayers? How can I be good if at the same time I'm encouraged to 'live life to the fullest'? How can I embrace capitalism and the American dream if at the same time I'm taught that greed is a sin? Exactly how applicable are Gods teachings to this crazy, modern world we live in?

do you know you're supposed to have a chinese brother? :D

Christ, if Christians are anti-homosexuality because it is unnatural, please explain why they are not against the following everyday things which are not found in nature:

Bread
Chocolate
Fizzy drinks
All alloys
Petrol
Plastic
Man-made fibres

I can come up with more of these, but I can't be bothered at the moment.

And don't give me any crap about the potential for these things being natural, because the potential for homosexuality is natural. All you need is two men or two women.

Christ, dosn't the christian emphasis on discipline and order conflict with North Americas emphasis on freedom? How can I be free If I have to go to church and worship every sunday, not to mention the mandatory prayers? How can I be good if at the same time I'm encouraged to 'live life to the fullest'? How can I embrace capitalism and the American dream if at the same time I'm taught that greed is a sin? Exactly how applicable are Gods teachings to this crazy, modern world we live in?

well capitalism has been heavily influenced by satan and freedom is over rated. you have just enough freedom to choose to follow me or burn in hellfire, that's all free will exists for, to give you the option of burning.

do you know you're supposed to have a chinese brother? :D
well half brother really but we aren't close.

Christ, if Christians are anti-homosexuality because it is unnatural, please explain why they are not against the following everyday things which are not found in nature:

Bread
Chocolate
Fizzy drinks
All alloys
Petrol
Plastic
Man-made fibres

I can come up with more of these, but I can't be bothered at the moment.

And don't give me any crap about the potential for these things being natural, because the potential for homosexuality is natural. All you need is two men or two women.
homosexuality- meh not a biggy for me.
bread - a big thumbs up.
chocolate - no problems.
fizzy drinks - satan's trash.
petrol - satan's fizzy drink.
man-made fibres - meh kind of a mixed bag, some godly so satan's woven worms of evil.

Dear Jesus-

Could you microwave a burrito so hot that you yourself could not eat it?

Do you actually expect us to believe that you never had any younger siblings? The immaculate conception is a leap of faith, but thinking a married couple never got down, thats just plain gullibility.

Dear Jesus-

Could you microwave a burrito so hot that you yourself could not eat it?

Do you actually expect us to believe that you never had any younger siblings? The immaculate conception is a leap of faith, but thinking a married couple never got down, thats just plain gullibility.

-well sure, anyone can do that

-well i admitted to the chinese half brother thing

-ic well i will at least say dad is very clean and neat

-well sure, anyone can do that

-well i admitted to the chinese half brother thing

-ic well i will at least say dad is very clean and neat

But, If you can make burrito that you can't eat, then your not all-powerful? wouldn't omnipotence mean that you can eat anything no matter how hot?

Jesus?

Can you still walk on water with the holes in your hands and feet?

Explain this ...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/swearingjesus.html

Until then, I - the Jewish Oracle - will be fielding all questions.

Shouldn't you define Omnipotence? Oh and its Heavenly Father who is Omnipotence not Jesus, check your facts I think.
Jesus sorta just borrows his Fathers power when he is allowed. He did create the worlds after all.

So do you still have the wound in your side? If so why haven't you healed it, or fixed it temporiliy? I mean couldn';t you undo the fixing once you meet the Jews so you can say, "These are the wounds you gave me, feel them"

Is it hard to eat with a wound in your side?

You forgot one you had another half-brother...I forget his name...

Which Religions do you like to visit most?

Why does the Catholic Church have no prophet? Are you mad at something they did?

well capitalism has been heavily influenced by satan and freedom is over rated. you have just enough freedom to choose to follow me or burn in hellfire, that's all free will exists for, to give you the option of burning.

Interesting. Am I to understand that religous people consider the AMERICAN WAY(tm) to be evil? I forsee another civil war coming along very soon...

But, If you can make burrito that you can't eat, then your not all-powerful? wouldn't omnipotence mean that you can eat anything no matter how hot?
omnipotent is a bit of poetic exaggeration, i'm just very very very potent, but it is finite.

Jesus?

Can you still walk on water with the holes in your hands and feet?

well i did most of my serious water walking before i got nailed up, but i've closed those holes up now. did it right after i showed tommy, i figured i'm a friggin god, not a shambling zombie.

Explain this ...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/swearingjesus.html

Until then, I - the Jewish Oracle - will be fielding all questions.

i'm pretty sure that's actually the coyote drunk out of his skull on mescale impersonating me. don't take him seriously he's just a trickster diety with a faint mexican accent.

Interesting. Am I to understand that religous people consider the AMERICAN WAY(tm) to be evil? I forsee another civil war coming along very soon...


naw render unto washington what's washington's due. i never attempted to impose an economic system of you stinky little monkeys, to much hassle.

Jesus?

Can you still walk on water with the holes in your hands and feet?

yup