Keruvalia
12-08-2004, 08:00
Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of
the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June
30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K
a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says
Congressman Adam Smith (D-Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the
General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs
extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and
remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he
will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment
insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive
state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits
are over the required limit. Preparations have been underway for some
time for the job move.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr.
Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on
student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr.
Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US
Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an
exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the
American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow
which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will
enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand
the issue itself."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him
write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise
Ownership arena remain limited. A recently released report from the
Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person
may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his
unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there,"
stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his
first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis
say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such
sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which
convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves.
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June
30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K
a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says
Congressman Adam Smith (D-Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the
General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs
extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and
remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he
will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment
insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive
state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits
are over the required limit. Preparations have been underway for some
time for the job move.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr.
Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on
student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or
other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr.
Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US
Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an
exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the
American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow
which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will
enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand
the issue itself."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him
write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise
Ownership arena remain limited. A recently released report from the
Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person
may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his
unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there,"
stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his
first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis
say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such
sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which
convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves.
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.