NationStates Jolt Archive

*the Forum Royalty Coordinator, _Susa_, stands at the front of the ballroom, adorned in a Hugo Boss suit, polished gator boots, a stylish tophat, and a large platinum chain*
http://www.luxuryrealestate.com/sharedImages/props/613/lre_stnd_613_1.jpg
Welcome to the General Forum Royalty Ball. I hope you enjoy your time. Only royals (and clergy and hangers on) can participate, but if you want to dance, im sure you can sneak in, even if you are not Royalty. Welcome to the ball, enjoy yourselves!

All the Forum Royalty in one place...... I see





- Marshal SnS, Protector of the General Forum Revolution
(Inset pic of Napoleon here, damn new forum!!)

*arrives in her majesty*

wait... I'm not royalty... even though I've been around longer than most of the royalty anyway. Tsk tsk

*limosine drives off*

So this is where the King holds his balls then.

So this is where the King holds his balls then.
*Snicker*

Zeppistan is the king, and Stephistan is the queen, and you know about.... and that you said.... and uhhhh... something HAHHAHAHA!

*dances*

*walks in*
looking for somebody to talk to

*Sneaks In*
I'm not royalty but i couldn't resist the ball.

*sits on the couch*

*looks around*
found you couldn't really tell if you were royalty or not

*sneaks up to the party site and places a bomb to go off whenever Bush lies*

Oh fu-

*boom!*

Whats up Colodia?

*plays organ in the basement* (I'm the phantom of the NS Opera... )

*sits down*
what's goin on?

*walks in*
looking for somebody to talk to

hi how are you?

good thanx how are you?

Not too bad, abit bored.

Forum Royalty? What's this? The controlling nation of this nation has a King and the region it is in has an Emperor...so are they Royalty?

*walks in wearing her trenchcoat and striped scarf*

Eh.... who's gonna stop me?

since when did a bomb going off aqcuire (sp) everyone's ignorance?

well i am the decendent of the crown prince of broadband


*walks in*

*Ye Royal Member at Large enters and heads for the bar. After his recent spying mission on the rebellious elements that are attempting the overthrow of our kind and benevolent royalty, he needs a drink. His hired date for the evening can look after herself until he's ready for her.*

I am the Great Cornholio!

I am royalty!

You must bow down before the almighty, one and only, almighty Bungholio!

*Ye Royal Member at Large rolls his eyes at the nut job claiming to be "Cornholio" and goes back to quietly increasing his post count.*

Are you threatening me?

You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole!

*walks in wearing a fancy wig and starts speaking in a British accent*

It is I! I am the Island of Rose! I claim this in the name of England!

*starts riverdancing*

*walks in wearing a fancy wig and starts speaking in a British accent*

It is I! I am the Island of Rose! I claim this in the name of England!

*starts riverdancing*

You have awoken my bunghole, and now you must pay!!!

The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!!!

*Motions to his Rent-a-Date*

Trixie, please diffuse his "bunghole". It's getting in the way of my heavy drinking.

You have awoken my bunghole, and now you must pay!!!

The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!!!

*grabs his bunghole and crushes it*

Now go read the stickies, I command it.

*Motions to his Rent-a-Date*

Trixie, please diffuse his "bunghole". It's getting in the way of my heavy drinking.

I will lay waste to your bunghole! For I, am the Great Cornholio! Come out with your pants down!

*Arrives with his I Corps of the Army of the Republic to dethrone the Royalty and restore democracy. The 2nd Infantry and 3rd Cavalry are charged with advancing along the main approaches to the Estate, while the 1st Infantry is to establish barricades on the North and Eastern avenues of the city. The long train of Tea is also guarded by a heavy guard of infantry supported by Cuirassers and Dragoons*

*Keeps the Republican Guard Division outside the city with asupporting brigade of Cuirassers and Hussars, with a brigade of artillery in support to keep a presence outside the city*

*Arrives with his I Corps of the Army of the Republic to dethrone the Royalty and restore democracy. The 2nd Infantry and 3rd Cavalry are charged with advancing along the main approaches to the Estate, while the 1st Infantry is to establish barricades on the North and Eastern avenues of the city. The long train of Tea is also guarded by a heavy guard of infantry supported by Cuirassers and Dragoons*

*Keeps the Republican Guard Division outside the city with asupporting brigade of Cuirassers and Hussars, with a brigade of artillery in support to keep a presence outside the city*

*wryly raises one eyebrow*

That's all very good and well, but do you have an invitation?

*brings in 2nd Corp to support 1st Corp from behind, begins cannon bombardment of Estate*

*wryly raises one eyebrow*

That's all very good and well, but do you have an invitation?

The People have called us forward!

The People have called us forward!

These people, you speak of, do THEY have an invitation?

*waves sword around*

The People have invited us and we bring them Democracy! CHARGE!!!!

*1/3 of 2nd Corp begins to charge*

These people, you speak of, do THEY have an invitation?

Hmmm...... please wait a moment

*Rides back to Marshal Island*

They say we need an invitiation, without Marshal CSW, what are we to do?

*waves sword around*

The People have invited us and we bring them Democracy! CHARGE!!!!

*1/3 of 2nd Corp begins to charge*

*sighs*

Yes, but you see, that's the whole point. They weren't invited, therefore any invitations they issued were invalid so I'm afraid this whole rebellion will have to be postponed. Proper rules of procedure, you know. Here, take these forms and have yourselves legally recognized as "Insurgent Scum." Then, you will receive proper invitations for the next Ball. Until then, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask security to throw you out.

*goes back to his drink, merrily assured that the rebellion has been buried under sufficient paperwork*

*calls back corp and follow SnS*

I have an invitation.

*shows invitation to Royalty*

See? Can we pass now?

*calls back corp and follow SnS*

I have an invitation.

*shows invitation to Royalty*

See? Can we pass now?

Dash cunning of you Marshal

*calls back corp and follow SnS*

I have an invitation.

*shows invitation to Royalty*

See? Can we pass now?

Terribly sorry. This invitation is not properly issued by the Ministry of Calligraphy on Vellum with Shiny Gold Bits Thrown In For Effect. This is an invitation to the Mu Phi Epsilon kegger over in OtherCountry. If it's any consolation, I hear their vodka slammers are fantastic.

Terribly sorry. This invitation is not properly issued by the Ministry of Calligraphy on Vellum with Shiny Gold Bits Thrown In For Effect. This is an invitation to the Mu Phi Epsilon kegger over in OtherCountry. If it's any consolation, I hear their vodka slammers are fantastic.
Where can we get an invitation, the Bureau of Bureaucaracy

Oh.

*takes out another invitation*

I was invited here, come on!

If anybody wants me I will be fulfilling my role as court philosopher by conducting alchemical experiments in the cellars. I take it that the delivery company left those large quantities of charcoal, saltpetre and sulphur down there for me as I requested.



* hand over mouth

Ready to light the fuse when you give the signal, Sword & Shield.

* exits stage left

Where can we get an invitation, the Bureau of Bureaucaracy

Really, there's no need to take that attitude. I'm only thinking about the poor caterers. They were told a specific number and if everyone just decides to go bringing their own Mongol Hoarde at the last minute...well, I just don't think it's fair for them to have to produce punch and pie for all these last minute guests. I would call that oppression of the people, which means you're in violation of your provisional charter as "Advocates For The Rabble" which means in addition to a proper invitation, which you can get the application for from the Bureau of Properly Ordered and Well Conducted Invasions (which we anticipate being open sometime in the fall of 2105...Your Unfairly Siezed Tax Dollars At Work!), you will also have to obtain a waiver from the Department of Waivers For Militia Groups That Have Lost Sight Of Their Founding Purpose of Securing Freedom For Peasants and Caterers Everywhere. Since the head of that department is a hopeless drunk, you might find him at any number of sleezy dives located in that pitiful collection of ramshackle huts the peasantry colorfully refer to as a "town".

There you see, Marshal Island of Rose was here earlier, therefore has an invitiation. If you have a problem with that, then you can go and check all 90 odd thousand soldiers of the Army, I'm sure one of them is bound to have it, just might want to take a horse, since the cavalry goes awful fast. Now, you will kindly step aside and allow our cuirassers to establish a perimeter inside the estate.

Really, there's no need to take that attitude. I'm only thinking about the poor caterers. They were told a specific number and if everyone just decides to go bringing their own Mongol Hoarde at the last minute...

In my sagelike wisdom I suggest that the solution is clear: eat the rich.

Oh.

*takes out another invitation*

I was invited here, come on!

I'm sorry, but this invitation is clearly from the Bureau of Calligraphy on Vellum With Gold Shiny Bits Thrown In For Effect, not the [i]Ministry[i] of Calligraphy on Vellum With Gold Shiny Bits Thrown In For Effect. Therefore, it's still not a valid invitation. However, you might be able to bride the [i]Department[i] of Calligraphy on Vellum With Gold Shiny Bits Thrown In For Effect to forge a suitable document, but then you would have to kill them to stop them reporting it to the Commission on Illicit Bribing Where The Royalty Are Not Cut In On A Share. As we all know, departments, in general, are run by the peasantry, so again, you're back to needing a waiver.

Really, there's no need to take that attitude. I'm only thinking about the poor caterers. They were told a specific number and if everyone just decides to go bringing their own Mongol Hoarde at the last minute...well, I just don't think it's fair for them to have to produce punch and pie for all these last minute guests. I would call that oppression of the people, which means you're in violation of your provisional charter as "Advocates For The Rabble" which means in addition to a proper invitation, which you can get the application for from the Bureau of Properly Ordered and Well Conducted Invasions (which we anticipate being open sometime in the fall of 2105...Your Unfairly Siezed Tax Dollars At Work!), you will also have to obtain a waiver from the Department of Waivers For Militia Groups That Have Lost Sight Of Their Founding Purpose of Securing Freedom For Peasants and Caterers Everywhere. Since the head of that department is a hopeless drunk, you might find him at any number of sleezy dives located in that pitiful collection of ramshackle huts the peasantry colorfully refer to as a "town".

We brought our own tea and biscuits, we have no need for your caterers to go to extra work, besides, Royals can't eat so much that a minor disruption such as this will ruin their fun.

*takes out another invitation*

What about this???

In my sagelike wisdom I suggest that the solution is clear: eat the rich.

come and get it. we've got rich kabobs, rich sandwiches, and rich chips.

We brought our own tea and biscuits, we have no need for your caterers to go to extra work, besides, Royals can't eat so much that a minor disruption such as this will ruin their fun.

Well, now you've done it, six of the caterers, horrified that you've, in effect, reduced their entire lives work to "tea and biscuits" and committed seppuku with their own fondue forks. So now, in addition to the waiver and the application you're going to have to get a special dispensation from the Subcommittee On The Senseless Use of Fondue Forks For Seppuku as well as a writ from the Extra Super Special Secret Ministry for the Senseless Abuse of Caterers and Allied Trades. Good luck finding them, they just turn in expense reports and have never bothered to tell us exactly where they are (hence the Extra added onto their name). So, to recap, in order for this invasion to continue, you will need.

2 writs
1 special dispensation
1 regular dispensation
1 application for recognition
1 invitation

I think that's everything.

So, tell me...

What exactly qualifies one as "Forum Royalty"?

come and get it. we've got rich kabobs

Kabobs? All I see are nabobs.

*takes out another invitation*

What about this???

That's on colored paper. Clearly, this is an invitation from the Ministry for Calligraphy on Colored Vellum with Shiny Gold Bits Thrown In For Effect, and is hence, invalid.

Well, now you've done it, six of the caterers, horrified that you've, in effect, reduced their entire lives work to "tea and biscuits" and committed seppuku with their own fondue forks. So now, in addition to the waiver and the application you're going to have to get a special dispensation from the Subcommittee On The Senseless Use of Fondue Forks For Seppuku as well as a writ from the Extra Super Special Secret Ministry for the Senseless Abuse of Caterers and Allied Trades. Good luck finding them, they just turn in expense reports and have never bothered to tell us exactly where they are (hence the Extra added onto their name). So, to recap, in order for this invasion to continue, you will need.

2 writs
1 special dispensation
1 regular dispensation
1 application for recognition
1 invitation

I think that's everything.

Oh... screw it! Fire!

*2nd Corp starts to fire*

Well, now you've done it, six of the caterers, horrified that you've, in effect, reduced their entire lives work to "tea and biscuits" and committed seppuku with their own fondue forks. So now, in addition to the waiver and the application you're going to have to get a special dispensation from the Subcommittee On The Senseless Use of Fondue Forks For Seppuku as well as a writ from the Extra Super Special Secret Ministry for the Senseless Abuse of Caterers and Allied Trades. Good luck finding them, they just turn in expense reports and have never bothered to tell us exactly where they are (hence the Extra added onto their name). So, to recap, in order for this invasion to continue, you will need.

2 writs
1 special dispensation
1 regular dispensation
1 application for recognition
1 invitation

I think that's everything.

Alright, so we cannot enter the area the ball is going on in without all of that, luckily for us according to the laws of the Really Big Station Full of Big Red Fire Engines for Fire Fighting the Fire Cheif can relocate or change the size of a Royal Function to suit the needs of his men to ensure a reported fire is not underway. Now, since the Republic has taken over the City, Marshal Island of Rose and I are the highest offices in the city, including fire chief, therefore, I am ordering you to shrink the Royal Ball to a 4 meter by 4 meter square inside the Estate, and none are allowed to leave, so my Cuirassers can safely make sure there is no fire, this could take several hours.

Oh... screw it! Fire!

*2nd Corp starts to fire*

Er, sorry, hate to be a bother, but do you have a license for that ammunition as well as a license and a permit to give invasion orders?

Alright, so we cannot enter the area the ball is going on in without all of that, luckily for us according to the laws of the Really Big Station Full of Big Red Fire Engines for Fire Fighting the Fire Cheif can relocate or change the size of a Royal Function to suit the needs of his men to ensure a reported fire is not underway. Now, since the Republic has taken over the City, Marshal Island of Rose and I are the highest offices in the city, including fire chief, therefore, I am ordering you to shrink the Royal Ball to a 4 meter by 4 meter square inside the Estate, and none are allowed to leave, so my Cuirassers can safely make sure there is no fire, this could take several hours.

Oh, well, that's fine then. Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm off to have sex with my whore. She charges by the hour, you know, but, luckily, I can now write this all off as a business expense.

Kabobs? All I see are nabobs.

Hmm...if only I could remember what that sign was

Er, sorry, hate to be a bother, but do you have a license for that ammunition as well as a license and a permit to give invasion orders?

Why yes.

*takes out the permits and licenses*

Not only that, I have the right to burn at least three houses, I obtained this from the Bureu of Ministires that Give the Right to Burn Houses Through your Unfairly Stolen Taxes.

Oh, well, that's fine then. Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm off to have sex with my whore. She charges by the hour, you know, but, luckily, I can now write this all off as a business expense.

Lucky for you, please, allow a squadron of dragoons to escort you, they'll make sure she doesn't hurt you and you have to get a permit to visit the hospital.

Hmm...if only I could remember what that sign was

Es scheint zu sagen "FIRE EXIT: KEEP CLEAR", mein Kapitän.

*Can't hear you because he's wrapped in luxury at his secret island hideaway that he paid for by adding an additional $10 to every meal on his weekly expense reports for the last 20 years. He's going to sit back, enjoy a nice cup of herbal tea and perhaps a seaweed wrap and wash his hands of the whole tawdry business until he's sure exactly which side is going to win and then will reappear in a different guise to offer his services to the victor.*

Well.... now that that is done. We should deploy ourselves in a defensive posture throughout the city, and wait for the Royals to sign over power to the Republic.

*Deploys the 2nd Infantry to reinforce the 1st Infantry in manning the barricades of the East and North of the city, expecting the II Corps to man the West and South. Leaves two regiments to guards the Estate. Sends 3/4 of the 3rd Cavalry out to join up with the elements of the Corps outside the city, the other quarter stay inside the Estate.*

SnS you handle the Military matters, I'll handle Government matters, and my first rule is to destroy this Beuracratic Government!

*takes out permit*

Which I have the right to do so, according to the Ministry of Allowing Revolutionaries to Destroy the Beuracratic System, I have the right to do so.

SnS you handle the Military matters, I'll handle Government matters, and my first rule is to destroy this Beuracratic Government!

*takes out permit*

Which I have the right to do so, according to the Ministry of Allowing Revolutionaries to Destroy the Beuracratic System, I have the right to do so.

*Splits the II Corps, allowing the 4th and 5th Infantry to man the barricades of the West and South. The 7th Infantry Division is split, 2 brigades of infantry and 1/2 of artillery are kept in the city as a reserve, and 1 brigade of infantry and the rest of the artillery is sent to the growing number of units outside the city. The 7th Cavalry is also sent to join these forces, except for a regiment of Hussars and Cuirassers, plus another regiment of Dragoons to add to the cities Cavalry force.*

I recommend you destroy anything that is a threat to the Revolution....

I recommend you destroy anything that is a threat to the Revolution....

Die Revolutionäre sind immer die größte Drohung zu jeder möglicher Umdrehung.

*Republican Forces secure all armouries and police stations/outposts in the city. A curfew is set into effect for the time being, each Royal Estate in the city is seized, and anyone inside herded to the Estate where the Ball was held. Hospitals are requisitioned for use as military hospitals, and all universities, colleges, and schools that may have Monarchist supporters are placed under guard*

The City is Secure, no Royal Forces are active inside the city, and none have been spotted outside, it's now your turn to get them to sign over power.

The City is Secure, no Royal Forces are active inside the city, and none have been spotted outside, it's now your turn to get them to sign over power.


...you have ignored the lessons of Sun Tzu and let yourself strike too early in your rage: the royal birds have not yet landed...

I recommend you destroy anything that is a threat to the Revolution....

We will not however destroy everything, all Government buildings are being placed under guard, but we will need most of these administration buildings and officials after the Republic is official.

Will you kill the royalty?

Will you kill the royalty?

I've been charged with the defense of the city we have seized, the Royals are up to you.

*Enters*

:D

*Enters*

:D

Welcome, friend. Are you a friend to the King and Queen or to the Revolution? *Without identifying himself as either*

Imprison them, we don't want to make the supporters mad... oh where is he? *playing along*

Bemoans the lavishness of the ball whilst peasants starve across the kingdom.

Mutters something about creating a common treasury for all and that all men are lords of the earth.

Oo, drinks. Sambuka please.


Conceptualists, Renegade Priest.

Tear down this bash! We do not need these fancy decorations, send them to the Civilians. For the Republic!

*Republican soldiers burst into the ballroom with Island of Rose, and begin to follow orders, tearing down allt he livery for distribution. Meanwhile the soldiers controlling the Main Avenue which any Royals going to the ball will take to get there, disappear into side streets and make the avenue appear normal and open, to trap any Royals who have not yet arrived. No one is allowed to leave the city so news of the Revolution's seizure does not spread*

Vive la revolution!

The forums shall no longer be run by the Monarchy! We shall be run, by the People! LONG LIVE THE GENERAL FORUM REPUBLIC!

Vive la revolution!

You went from a member of the Royalty to a Revolutionary awful fast.

Interrogate him.

You went from a member of the Royalty to a Revolutionary awful fast.

Clergy not royalty - I think you'll find in Conceptualist's case - and a renegade at war with the established institutions there.

*Wanders in wearing Mask, Large Cloak and a Rapier. Picks up most expensive bottle of wine and swigs straight from the bottle 'cos I'm dead classy*

*Reads over the daily papers covering the thrilling battle between the revolutionaries and...well, pretty much it's just them, while bemoaning the fact that, ironically, it's hard to get good sushi on his secret island paradise.*

Well then, have we taken control of the ballroom yet? Sorry about that, I needed to take a light snooze to be bright and ready to go. I brought tea though.

Clergy not royalty - I think you'll find in Conceptualist's case - and a renegade at war with the established institutions there.
Thank you.

Which is also why I am filling my posts with vague references to Ball, Wycliffe, the Levellers et al.

*Rides in on a white horse, stark nekkid, but with long flowing hair covering all the interesting bits.*

Ah, another revolution, I see. How quaint.

*Rides in on a white horse, stark nekkid, but with long flowing hair covering all the interesting bits.*

Ah, another revolution, I see. How quaint.
*Peeps*

Which is also why I am filling my posts with vague references to Ball, Wycliffe, the Levellers et al.

Speaking of which, can I ask if you have prepared a cunning argument for when the hardcore revolutionaries arrive and start talking about the whole concept of hanging the last king with the guts of the last priest?

Speaking of which, can I ask if you have prepared a cunning argument for when the hardcore revolutionaries arrive and start talking about the whole concept of hanging the last king with the guts of the last priest?
Dammit, I was saving that for the inevitable Monarchy vs. Revolutionary thread. ;)

Still debating with myself whever or not to do it in the original French.

I suppose that it will give it a certain je ne se qua. (NB: My humour will get better after the revolution.)

Wellllll loookeeee heeerrrreeee!!!!!!

*staggers swaying to the left and to the right into the establishment*

looks like we gots us a shin-digger bwoys!!

*promptly takes down pants and shits right in the middle of the floor*

I hates these fantzi shmantzi partees

*laughs for a second at the sworling masses now incapacitated by the smell of his foul expulsion*

and i hates nerds

*calmy staggers back out into the street, clutching his groin whilst doing so, gets into his car and drives to the bar just down the street that was already amassing a crowd eager to celebrate his return*

just kidding folks

*Queen Stephistan enters wearing her most lovely gown... a wave to all and a hubmle bow to her many friends who have choosen to attend.* :)

well its nice that someone is still here after that performance.

;)

hows it goin mod bod

(love the double post)

*walks up to Stephistan and take out permit*

According to the Ministry of Taking Down Royal Figure through Armed Revolutions and/or Assasination, we have the right to escort of kill a royal figure, unless you have a permit to live, I thikn we're going to have to kill you.

*enters wearing the black robes of state and heads to the nearest dark corner to glare at people having too much fun*

*mutters to self* It seems I am a bit late.

Rebellions. HAH. Rebellions make me laugh.

*Sets fire to the Court Philosopher's Shoes*

I'm trying my best to destroy your monarchy! Come on!

*walks up to Stephistan and take out permit*

According to the Ministry of Taking Down Royal Figure through Armed Revolutions and/or Assasination, we have the right to escort of kill a royal figure, unless you have a permit to live, I thikn we're going to have to kill you.
"No no no, we take her hostage first and use her to get access to the king, who we kill. Must do things properly."

"No no no, we take her hostage first and use her to get access to the king, who we kill. Must do things properly."

Fine you handle this, I have a Republic to run.

*Enters compleatly naked with a dozen naked or nearly so attractive girls*
Hows the party? Show me your finest wine.

*Enters compleatly naked with a dozen naked or nearly so attractive girls*
Hows the party? Show me your finest wine.

Indeed i shall madamme! I shall and how!

*opens a bottle of sangiovese red, and pours glasses for the clutch of hens now surrounding him*

perhaps introductions are in order?...

*Sets fire to the Court Philosopher's Shoes*

Watches as the pair of shoes that he took off when he entered the hall smoulder gently by the doorway.