NationStates Jolt Archive

I've seen the issue of premarital sex brought up a dozen times in different threads, but did not want to address it for fear of being off topic or hijacking the thread. I'd like to start a discussion on the matter. Please give thoughtful arguments and don't post only opinions. Also, the issue of abortion and birth control will come up, but please stay on topic as much as possible. I am for premarital sex, and even a bit against waiting for marriage. I am not for promiscuity or pregnancy before marriage, so please keep that in mind.

My first point is that sex and sexual activity is a tremendous stress reliever and it has been shown that sex makes people happier. It is not just for procreation as so many have stated. Our bodies urge us to procreate, so therefore the responses given to us are beneficial rewards. If we prevent pregnancy, then we may reap these rewards without the same consequences.

The next issue is safety. VDs exist, but are preventable and many are curable. People who are monogamous and have few sexual partners throughout their life are at low risk to these vds. Given that a couple is monogamous and loving, they fit this criteria. Also, the rate of pregnancy given modern technology is, on average, once in 300 years per person. It's my belief that these two put together don't pose more of a risk than, say, using a car instead of walking and give more of a reward.

Another argument is that the same pleasure can be derived form mutual masturbation and oral sex. While I'm sure this varies from person to person, It's my belief that the experience of simultaneously giving and receiving pleasure in such an efficient way can't be matched.

Lastly, I am somewhat against waiting for marriage because I do not want my desire for sex to be a reason for marrying someone. It's a strong incentive, and I do no want that clouding my judgment.

Didn't we already have this thread?

Honestly, if was going out for someone for a nice, long (read: several months) time, and if she wanted it without me pushing for it, then sure.

this is pathetic

like who hasn't had premarital sex

damn
i want to have sex with my future wife before we get married

like wth
if it doesn't work out in bed it aint gonna work out after we get married either

abortion legal: incase or rape, handicaps orso, or when she isn't ready to get a baby, still going to school and so

and if you don't use birth control don't complain when you get a baby since it's your own stupid fault and you should have tought about it earlier

this is pathetic

like who hasn't had premarital sex

damn
i want to have sex with my future wife before we get married

like wth
if it doesn't work out in bed it aint gonna work out after we get married either

A lot of people haven't had premarital sex :p


I wanna stress something right here. I don't wanna have sex with her because it's fun, or because I want to, or because of **puts on glasses** pent up sexual energies that may break through at any moment. **takes off glasses** I want to do it because, after that length of time, I feel I would know them well enough to bring a physical bond into the mental and emotional one.


Oh, and excuse me for being a dork :p

abortion legal: incase or rape, handicaps orso, or when she isn't ready to get a baby, still going to school and so

Whoh there, Lone Ranger! Don't even THINK about bringing up THAT topic here. That'll only get us sidetracked so far sideways your eyes will be permemently crossed.

mariage is culture, sex is nature.

So the question is: are we civilized or do we choose not to be (from time to time)? Do we willingly let our animal urges take the upperhand? Do we actually believe in marriage in the old way or has marriage (r)evolved into something new?

Too many questions for such an issue.

lol why not

i wonder who the hell is against premarital sex

either conservative moslims
or conservative christians

like comon
you know
in the time of romans and greeks sex was so comon they did it in public

mariage is culture, sex is nature.

So the question is: are we civilized or do we choose not to be (from time to time)? Do we willingly let our animal urges take the upperhand? Do we actually believe in marriage in the old way or has marriage (r)evolved into something new?

Too many questions for such an issue.


your saying sex is uncivilized?

humans are just animals

and humans togheter with dolphins are the only creatures on earth that have sex for pleasure
and we all know that dolphins are pretty smart

lol why not

i wonder who the hell is against premarital sex

either conservative moslims
or conservative christians

like comon
you know
in the time of romans and greeks sex was so comon they did it in public

You know, I don't mean to nag, but...


...for the LOVE OF GOD, use proper grammer! And really, there's a LOT in that statement that can be seen as flamebait. So hold your horses there and take a breather.

your saying sex is uncivilized?

humans are just animals

and humans togheter with dolphins are the only creatures on earth that have sex for pleasure
and we all know that dolphins are pretty smart

In it's most basic form, yes, sex is uncivilized.

However, when you add in foreplay, cuddling afterwards, and all the delightful little nuances that one can use to spice it up...then, well, it's still fairly uncivilized, but at least we tried dammit :p

As for animals...well, yes we're biologically animals, but we also have reason and logic. That's why we do not live under a despotism.

i don't belive in marriage so read 'long term relationship'

i don't think that sex is something that should be undertaken lightly. it is a very personal thing that can make an individual very vunerable and exposed, and some complete bastards can use that to manipulete you

but i must admit i have gotten very drunk before now so i am questioning what i think and feeling more than a little guilty. i don't advocate casual sex, or serial sexual relationships, i think that people should be comited to each other, or atleast know eachother fairly well, but i also think it depends on the level of intimacy you maintain. if a person practices safe sex and enjoys themself with a girl or guy they never intend seeing ever again, and neither partner has a problem with this, then thats fine. as long as both individuals know what the other is expecting (in both the short and long term) and neither have a problem with this, then whats problem?

i think that the ideas of civilized are just told to ppl by other ppl

like their isn't much of civilization

like nowadays

ppl care alot less about other ppl

One thing clear: I view myself as a liberal.

However, I don't think there's anything wrong with being conservative, or indeed wanting to hold off sex until after marriage. It wasn't an issue for me, but it was for an old ex and it didnm't bother me. I wanted to because we were very much in love, but it didn't happen because she wasn't comfortable with it, anything else would have been like emotional rape.

there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex.

However, I love it :)

I´m just saying that the question of premarital sex is based on very old traditions: the animal sex and the old christian (I´m baptised, but it goes for all religions with marriage) marriage.

The meaning of sex is not what it used to be and the meaning of marriage is not what it used to be. The question is too old to be debated properly.

BTW: I like sex so why hang a label on it that says premarital?

Basically my opinon, premarital sex is ok with me so long as both parties consent to it, that the proper precautions (if intended to be used.) are used properly and that nobody gets hurt. I mean, sex before you get married helps you to find the right woman/ man for you. I mean you wouldn't avoid conversation before you got married because you want to know the person who you are going out with/ thinking of wedding's personality. Think about it

The moment that a boyfriend/girlfriend of mine says "Let's wait until marriage" is the moment I leave...

There is no such thing as premarital sex if there is no marriage. ;)

lol why not

i wonder who the hell is against premarital sex

either conservative moslims
or conservative christians




For one it's spelled Muslims and it's not just the conservitive ones, you really are supposed to wait still. Islam really is starting to see librals and they are not being excepted well. Even then abstaning is the thing to do.


so there.

whats the big deal with sex?

Everyone makes such a huge deal over its moral and spiritual implications they get lost in the fact that.... ITS JUST SEX

get over it

mariage is culture, sex is nature.

Yup. And culture changes, develops, evolves. A conservative, generally speaking, is someone opposed to cultural change, for various reasons -- one of the commonest being that the status quo suits them and they see any change to that status quo as a personal threat. This is why conservatives have historically opposed cultural change from the end of monarchy to the abolition of slavery to votes for women to equal rights and so on. The fact that conservatives have lost the argument every time doesn't prevent some people who find the current status quo agreeable to themselves from resisting any further changes -- although since change is the only constant their actions will ultimately be futile. An unchanging culture is a dead culture.

Morality is cultural. There will be conservatives who argue passionately that *their* morality is absolute, but they are wrong. Their belief in absolute morality is itself merely cultural. As culture changes, so does morality. Most conservatives today would view slavery as morally wrong, a view which would make them an extreme liberal a couple of hundred years ago. So when an element of culture is in a major state of flux, like the issue of premarital sex which is only a generation or two old, we have the conservative viewpoint which regards it as threatening and therefore immoral, and progressives who do not.

The medium-long-term arc of our current Western culture has been towards greater individual freedom, but I suppose it's possible that, at some point in the further future, celibacy and strict monogamy might be seen as a "progressive" stance and deemed "immoral" by a host of free-love traditionalist "conservatives".

If you want to engage in pre-marital sex, that's your choice, just make sure you're prepared mentally and emotionally, and don't forget to use protection!

first of all

oral sex and mutual masturbation IS SEX.

if it involves the quest for orgasm, its sex. its sophistry to pretend that you can do everything but coitus and you have not "sinned"

of course you should have pre-marital sex. to wait until your wedding night is folly. its a very bad time to find out that you arent sexually compatible

now im not saying you should be promiscuous. im not even saying that you should have sex with your "girlfriend" (in fact, i have no opinion on that, its your life) im saying that once you are in a committed relationship, when you are engaged and have a ring and a date for the wedding. you would be stupid to not have sex with your beloved before the wedding. after all, you will be having sex with others after the divorce. (at least it looks to ME like everyone does)

Who cares what two consenting adults do privately?

Honest to God, people have too little to do when they feel they need to concern themselves with who is having sex, and with whom.

Stop worrying about others and worry about what's correct for you. Premarital sex may not be good FOR YOU. Homosexual relations may not be good FOR YOU. Don't bother worrying whether or not someone else has chosen them for themselves.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/beforeaftermarriage.html

I think that there is way too much guilt and shame attached to sex. It is a fact that in societies where sex is considered without guilt as the expression of love, there are virtually no sexual crimes. I think that two consenting adults (or more if you choose) should be allowed to make their own decisions. Though obviously, they should take precautions.

In the words of the immortal Bloodhound Gang:

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I’ll bet you’ll feel nuts
Yes I’m siskel, yes I’m ebert and you’re getting two thumbs up
You’ve had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you’re out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my waffle house hashbrowns
Come quicker than fedex never reach an apex like coca-cola stock you are
Inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like daylight savings time

Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel
Gettin’ horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? let me be specific I wanna be down in your south seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisory
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, b5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I’m mister coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I’ll show you mine tool time you’ll lovett just like lyle
And then we’ll do it doggy style so we can both watch x-files

Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel
Gettin’ horny now