NationStates Jolt Archive

All 'in soviet Russia' jokes, all the time!

In California, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party always finds you!

In Soviet Russia:
Private enterprise owns you!
Religion practices you!
Video games play you!
Drugs get high on you!
A tool is you!

....and I thought the USSR ceased to exist 13 years ago.

Ivan: My wife has been going to cooking school for 10 years.
Vladimir: Wow! She must really cook well!
Ivan: Not really. They've only reached the part about the Great October Socialist Revolution so far.

*does Mod impersonation*

In Soviet Russia, thread locks you!

All 'in soviet Russia' jokes, all the time!
In Soviet Russia:
Private enterprise owns you!
Religion practices you!
Video games play you!
Drugs get high on you!
A tool is you!

Yes ofcourse that is in no way different to the US of A holes, ofcorse private enterprise does not own you,.... oh wait yes it does

And I thought I was bothered by the SBC DSL ads that refer to themselves as 'Internet that logs onto you'.

In Soviet Union, you are not the winner, the winner is you.

Come to Siberia, air conditioners 50% off.

In Soviet Russia, thread flame you!

Think about that.. it works either way. You flame thread, thread flame you.

In Soviet Russia, news follows you!

Oh wait...

In Soviet Russia, sand castle knocks over you.

In Soviet Russia, TV watches you!

In Soviet Russia, all our base are belong to you!

*Gets beaten 'round the back of the head with his own arm*

In Soviet Russia, all our base are belong to you!

In Soviet Russia, Engrish laughs at you!

In Soviet Russia, TV watches you

Didn't Soviet Russia still exist around the time 1984 (the book) took place?

In Soviet Russia, road forks you.

In Soviet Russia, all our base are belong to you!




I hate to get the thread of topic but what is "all your base are belong to us" supposed to mean.

Oh and uh . . . In america people fill garages with garbage instead of cars in Russia the cars are made from garbage.(not sure if that's terribley accurate but what do you whant on short notice with so little talent)

Didn't Soviet Russia still exist around the time 1984 (the book) took place?
Yes, "1984" was published in 1949.

I hate to get the thread of topic but what is "all your base are belong to us" supposed to mean.

It's a quote from an old Megadrive/Genesis game called Zero Wing that was translated badly from Japanese to English. It was later deified in a flash movie that floated around gaming circles, which spawned all sorts of spinoffs. Apart from that it's just hype.

Oh, topic.

In Soviet Russia, the Force feels you!

*Pictures Darth Vader taking off his mask to reveal Lenin underneath*

o_0

In soviet russia, television watches you
In soviet russia, winner are you
In soviet russia, flag captures you

In america, you watch "big brother", but in Soviet Russia.......

In America, they have Presidents on money, in Soviet Union, we have no money!

...I just have to tell this joke often used by Zizek:

There's a joke about the difference between Socialism, Soviet-buerocracy style and self-governmental yugoslav style: In the Soviet Union, the members of the nomenklatura, i. e. the representants of the common people, drive themselves around in expensive limousines, while in Yugoslavia, the common people drive themselves in limousines by means of their representatives. ;)

in soviet russia gun shoots you!
in soviet russia cars drives you!
in soviet russia road forks you!
in america you put in god we trust on ur money, in russia WE HAVE NO MONEY!!

Off colour, but:

In Soviet Russia, Japanese school girl rapes tentacle demon!

Off colour, but:

In Soviet Russia, Japanese school girl rapes tentacle demon!

ROFL LMFAO
Best one so far. Really puts that whole fetish into the light.

In Soviet Russia, dead baby eats you!

In soviet russia, fetus aborts you!

In Soviet Russia, food cooks you!
In Soviet Russia, toilet flushes you!
In Soviet Russia, fire lights you!
In Soviet Russia, light switch turns you on!

In Soviet Russia, joke makes you!

In Soviet Russia, the monkey spanks you!

In Soviet Russia, wrists cuts you!

In Soviet Russia, secret police kill you!

...Oh, wait. :rolleyes:

In soviet russia hooker pays you (or maybe im just that good oh yeah)

In Soviet Russia. . .

Party Finds you
Cake eats you
TV watches you
Games play you
paper writes you

IN Soviet Russia:

http://www.krakowstudios.com/index.php?strip=011604-003150.jpg

Mail reads you
lobsters boil you
Halo plays you
Cockroach smashes you

In Soviet Russia...

Grammar sucks at you.

In Soviet Russia...

Porn gets addicted to you.

In Soviet Russia, the toast burns you!

In Soviet Russia, the car drives you.

In Soviet Russia...

You kill bullets.

In Soviet Russia...

God prays to you.

Didn't Soviet Russia still exist around the time 1984 (the book) took place?
Yes doubleplusbad Soviet Russia lived.

In Soviet Russia...

Spam posts Opal Isle.

In Soviet Russia, God finds you!
In Soviet Russia, you torture Irenicus! (Baldur's Gate 2 joke).
In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you! (Oh, wait....)

:D

an overheard conversation between a Russian diplomat and an American diplomat at the US embassy in Moscow

American: "In America, I have the right to say anything I want; I can even go up to the President the United States of America and call him a worthless-son-of-a-bitch and he can't do anything about it."
Russian: "So, what? We have the same freedom here in Soviet Russia!"
American: "Really?"
Russian: "Yeah, I can go right up to the Party Leader and tell him that the President of the United States of America is a worthless-son-of-a-bitch all I want."

In Soviet Russia, the monkey spanks you!

LOL !

In Soviet Russia, road forks you.

Left turn ahead
Va a izquierda alli
In soviet russia, car drives you

New Polish army recruit reports to NCO.

NCO says to recruit: "In front of you is strong and brave Soviet soldier, and decadent pig Amerikansky soldier. Which do you shoot?"

Recruit says: "I shoot the Soviet." NCO sends recruit back for more indoctrination.

Recruit comes back from indoctrination to same NCO and again is asked: "In front of you is strong and brave Soviet soldier, and decadent pig Amerikansky soldier. Which do you shoot?"

Again recruit says, "I shoot the Soviet."

By now is NCO frothing at mouth. Tells recruit to ask him, recruit does this thing. NCO thrusts out chest and says, "I shoot the Amerikansky!"

Recruit gives NCO big smile. "So kind of you, comrade, to save Soviet for me!" :sniper:

in soviet russia car drives u

in soviet russia road forks u

In Soviet Russia, joke tells you


*didnt read em all so sorry if I tell one someone else already told*

In Soviet Russia, chicken chokes you.
CD burns you.
you screw used car salesman.
you stick your thumb up the doctor's butthole.

War protests you
Cake bakes you
Groceries buy you
God fears you
Lawn mows you
Pop up ads X out you
Macs Detest you
Beer drinks you
NationStates plays you
Thread locks you
Books read you
Homework does you

In Soviet Russia...

The world travels you.

In Soviet Russia, dead horse beats YOU!