NationStates Jolt Archive

Recently, Topeka, capitol city of Kansas, went searching for a new motto. The local paper put out a call for submissions.

Let's just say these submissions weren't exactly favorable.

Some of them included:

Topeka--you won't get a lot of relatives visiting you.

Topeka--City of morons.

Mind you, these were from people actually living in Topeka.

Dismayed, Topeka has opened the contest up nationwide, which got me thinking, "Do you really want someone who doesn't live in the area you're promoting to write the motto for it?"

So, what are your mottos for your city, state, country, etc.? Either the real ones or made up ones.

We are, according to Steve Martin and others...

THE ARMPIT OF AMERICA.

Others include "The Queen of the Wabash Valley" and "The Birthplace of Socialism." (Eugene V. Debs was from here.)

But I think the Armpit sticks the best.

Or, here are some others I've come up with:

Terre Haute-- We're just as high as the name sounds.

Terre Haute-- At least you don't live in Dugger.

Terre Haute-- French name means more culture.

Nashville, IN -- More Tourists Than You Can Possibly Hit With Your Car!

Nashville, IN -- Not All Of Drive Loud, Rusted-Out Trucks! (Just Most)

Nashville, IN -- Get Out As Humanly Possible!

Indiana -- Soybeans... As Far As The Eye Can See!

Indiana -- At Least We Can Drive Better Than Michigan!

How's that for a start?

Topeka- Dorothy's still single.

Topeka- Toto is smarter than your dog.

Topeka- Gateway to Emerald City!

We are, according to Steve Martin and others...

THE ARMPIT OF AMERICA.

Others include "The Queen of the Wabash Valley" and "The Birthplace of Socialism." (Eugene V. Debs was from here.)

But I think the Armpit sticks the best.

Or, here are some others I've come up with:

Terre Haute-- We're just as high as the name sounds.

Terre Haute-- At least you don't live in Dugger.

Terre Haute-- French name means more culture.

You live in the Haute too? I'm sorry.

CalEfornia - WHERE YOU ARE TERMINATED!

California - Yes, we elected someone who has no clue how to be a politician...AND IT WORKS!

California - Check it out! A low-income earning Californian! Let's take his jobs for we are immigrants who will ask for less!

California - *flips off 49 other states*

Arizona: But it's a dry heat!
Arizona: Welcome to Arizona. Now go back to Mexico.
Scottsdale: Hating immigrants since 1912!
Scottsdale: The West's most Western town! That's why we drive Hummers.
Scottsdale: Where your grandparents come to die.

Alabama: Yes, we have electricity
Alaska: No, we don't all live in igloos
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV "Sin, Sex, Sun and Fun"
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru - Mahalo (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money, Thank You.)
Idaho: Potatoes and Neo Nazi's ... What More Could You Ask For?
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: Where Science Don't Mean Nothing
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work, Let Me Show You!!!
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, Left-Wing Kooks and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest - Where's the beef?
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan - We're Buckeyes!
Oklahoma: Like the Play, only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island, really!
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington:Help! We're Overrun By Nerds, Liberals and other Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family-Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where men are men and sheep are scared

Arizona: But it's a dry heat!
Arizona: Welcome to Arizona. Now go back to Mexico.
Scottsdale: Hating immigrants since 1912!
Scottsdale: The West's most Western town! That's why we drive Hummers.
Scottsdale: Where your grandparents come to die.

Ha. All true... especially the first and last. We're absolutely nuts for living here...

Arizona: We Brake for Snowbirds. [If Only to Stop and Stare.]

Yeah, you far south people always amaze me when you see anything even remotely involved with snow.

heh... snow... what's snow?

Its that stuff you spray on the cactus at Christmas time.

Arizona: But it's a dry heat!
Arizona: Welcome to Arizona. Now go back to Mexico.
Scottsdale: Hating immigrants since 1912!
Scottsdale: The West's most Western town! That's why we drive Hummers.
Scottsdale: Where your grandparents come to die.

I live in the same town, in fact, we're friends, but here's a few more.

Scottsdale: No Gangs, just rich white kids
Scottsdale: Couldn't possibly be whiter
Scottsdale: Sit back, relax, the Mexicans will do it for you.
Scottsdale: At least its not Yuma.
Arizona: Beer and Guns, free of charge

Home Of The Girlie Men

My city's (Manchester, UK) actual motto is "Consilio et Labore" which roughly translates as "wisdom and effort." Which is surprisingly nice.

Although others would fit:

"Watch out, Scallies about"

"Everyone's Irish here."

or

"All southerners, kindly fuck off."

Maryland: Thinking Man's Delaware

Pfft.

I still think that Delaware's motto is best: It's good to be first.

Wow. Stunning. How much money did we spend on that?

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?


Mr. Noriega? Is that you? I've never heard anyone else use the term, "slackjaw yokel". My old physics teacher said it all the time.

Oh my North Atlantic whitefish mainly used for its oil content!





Cod. Oh my Cod. That's another of his jokes.

Nashville, IN -- Hey, We're Only A Half-hour From Indiana University!

Indiana -- North? South? Hell, Even We Don't Know

Nashville, IN -- We. Don't. Want. You.

And then there's the Indiana "motto" on our license plates: www.in.gov. Yeah. Our website is on our license plates. So then, when Indianans are traveling outside the state, and someone sees their license plate and says, "Hey, Indiana. Gosh, I sure would like to know more about that state. Oh! There's the website right there! I never would have figured that one out by myself! Thank goodness that was right there on the license plate!"

I'm a little bitter about it...

"Watch out, Scallies about"

What is a Scally, anyway?

PS: Brisbane's motto is Meliora Sequimur (We aim at higher things), apparently. I guess it's at least better than the current "Queensland - The Smart State" campaign that the State government has launched. It sadly draws attention to the fact that we are really only two steps away from playing the banjo & lynching people. :(

Also, Australia's unofficial motto: If it moves, shoot it. If it doesn't, chop it down.

I was mocking Pennsylvania for having their website on their plates until this summer. I went in to get my new sticker for my car and there was a problem with my plate. Apparently they wanted me to switch to a new plate because of something that happened with my old car after I sold it. So my new plate now has WV's website on there. I'm so disillusioned now.

Real mottos:

Nebraska: "Equality Before the Law"

Fake mottos:

Nebraska: "Got Beef?" or "Got Corn?"
Lincoln, NE: "Husker football sucks."

Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia-"If you have one year to live, move here, because everyday feels like a freaking eternity!"