NationStates Jolt Archive

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums

wowie...I was about to say I am 14 and younger than you, but I may have an idea

then I found out your a 14 yr old too

anyway, I felt oddly poetic. It was weird because I hate poetry. But, I really wanted to write poetry after mulling her over in my head a few times.


Then I shook it off and Summer Vacation started

I know it's corny and stereotypical, but you'll just know. Being in love is pure and whole, if you are in love you will know.

...but I'm very hesitant what is your gender?

If there's doubt, you don't love them you probably just like them a lot. I always think that you'd have to be going with someone for quite a while to the point where you've been with them for several months and there's no way you can imagine life without them.

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums
At 14, I can just about gaurantee you that you don't know. (I'm 18.)

wowie...I was about to say I am 14 and younger than you, but I may have an idea

then I found out your a 14 yr old too

anyway, I felt oddly poetic. It was weird because I hate poetry. But, I really wanted to write poetry after mulling her over in my head a few times.


Then I shook it off and Summer Vacation started

well then what's your idea..?

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums

I'd like to say that while it isn't really impossible to be in love at 14, it's highly unlikely. In any event. I suppose one could define love as them being the most important thing in your life. You always want to be around them, and it almost seems to hurt when you are apart.

You'd give up anything to see them happy. You do nice things for them, just because. You think about them constantly. You want to be with them, and only them.

I've done a pretty bad job of explaining, but you'll know when you are in love.

Don't be in such a rush. When you're older, and look back, you might find that hindsight is 20/20. You'll know then that what you feel now is fuelled by hormonal changes, and it's infatuation. Give it time. A LOT of time. Love at first sight happens, but the really sturdy stuff can take years of getting to know someone.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that you're 14. You've got lots of time to love and be loved. Don't be in such a hurry. Another thing you might think about is asking your parents for advice, and listen. They were your age once upon a time, and they know what it's like. They're the people who care the most about what happens to you. Even if what they say sounds conservative and protective, take it on board. Don't get mad and start yelling at them either, if they don't tell you what you want to hear.

Oh, and when you're in love, it's a little different for everyone. There's this initial rush of amazing feeling, and every love song seems to be about the way you feel, and the world is beautiful. If you give it time, and it's the real thing, it deepens into something much more substantial. Sometimes the second part doesn't happen. That's why I say to give it a lot of time.

No. This forum shall not be derailed. Thus, I am forced to hijack your sentimental thread: Bush jr. is the most dangerous person in the world. He is a threat to us all. And he sacrifices kittens and drinks their blood in the Oval Office.



...but when you are in love, you will feel it. In your pants.

I am also 14.

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums

You are so adorable....

Anyway, I'd say that if you're having doubts as to whether or not you love this person, then odds are that you don't. You're only 14, so there's no reason to rush off falling in love. But when you are in love, you'll know, and you won't need an affirmation.

If there's doubt, you don't love them you probably just like them a lot. I always think that you'd have to be going with someone for quite a while to the point where you've been with them for several months and there's no way you can imagine life without them.

We aren't going out, but we've been very good friends for 11 months now, and I've liked him the entire time, and occasionally made moves. We're also very touchy-feely type of friends, like we hug every time we say goodbye and whenever one of us gets back after being gone more than a few days. About 5 months ago, so six months in, was when I started wondering if I might love him. I'm so confused because I want to say I do, but I don't want to look back on myself as a hormone crazed idiot either, and it's so hard to know.


Revolutionsz: i'm a girl.

No. This forum shall not be derailed. Thus, I am forced to hijack your sentimental thread: Bush jr. is the most dangerous person in the world. He is a threat to us all. And he sacrifices kittens and drinks their blood in the Oval Office.



...but when you are in love, you will feel it. In your pants.


...not if she doesn't wear pants....

We aren't going out, but we've been very good friends for 11 months now, and I've liked him the entire time, and occasionally made moves. We're also very touchy-feely type of friends, like we hug every time we say goodbye and whenever one of us gets back after being gone more than a few days. About 5 months ago, so six months in, was when I started wondering if I might love him. I'm so confused because I want to say I do, but I don't want to look back on myself as a hormone crazed idiot either, and it's so hard to know.


Revolutionsz: i'm a girl.

Christ Girl! ask him out already! You might have left it too long, but there's no time like the present

hey! no pervertedness please, i have friends for that.

oh and he knows i like him too - so it's not like a secret crush.

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums
do what i do. get drunk, and ask the girl out, if she says yes, stop drinking. if she says no, continue drinking.

either way it works out. the worst thing that can happen is she says no, which is still a good thing because it gives you closure on the issue.

good luck man.

do what i do. get drunk, and ask the girl out, if she says yes, stop drinking. if she says no, continue drinking.

either way it works out. the worst thing that can happen is she says no, which is still a good thing because it gives you closure on the issue.

good luck man.


Good advice for a 14 year old.

When the only thing that seems to make you happy is to see your significant other smile. When you don't even get jealous, because you know other guys are wasting their time, and when your find yourself wondering what makes you so special and so lucky?

Atleast thats when I knew. It wasn't until about 6 months into the relationship that I realized I love her.

Don't worry so much. When your in love, you will know, and even if your wrong, it is always worth finding out.

do what i do. get drunk, and ask the girl out, if she says yes, stop drinking. if she says no, continue drinking.

either way it works out. the worst thing that can happen is she says no, which is still a good thing because it gives you closure on the issue.

good luck man.


First of all, I'm a girl. Second of all, what did I just say about pervertedness? Thirdly, I can't decide whether I'd rather have the certainty of yes or no... or would rather continue on with the ambiguity of how I make a move and he doesn't mind but doesn't exactly reciprocate either.

oh, you're a chick....

disregard what i said then.

good luck to ya

First of all, I'm a girl. Second of all, what did I just say about pervertedness? Thirdly, I can't decide whether I'd rather have the certainty of yes or no... or would rather continue on with the ambiguity of how I make a move and he doesn't mind but doesn't exactly reciprocate either.

Just kiss him. There'll be no way for him to avoid the issue that way. From the sound of it, it's not like you two aren't dating already anyway, and if he knows you like him, he's already made his mind up about you, and it's now just up to you to find out.

You know what's upsetting? You're as old as my little sister. I really don't like the thought that she's probably dealing with this kind of problem also.

Oh, another bit of advice is that you respect yourself no matter what. Don't change who you are to suit what someone else wants. You're fourteen. Be careful. You've got a lifetime to regret things later. (I'm standing in for your mom. Don't have sex until you're at least 18.)

If it don't hurt, it ain't love...

...but, having said that, you don't need to be in love with someone to go out with them. If you like them, and they like you, and you like being around each other, then there is no reason why you shouldn't go out with them. Remember - relationships are meant to be fun.

Edit: This isn't just a teenage question - I'm 30-mumble and we so-called 'grown-ups' don't have it all cut and dried or definite answers. And you're probably better listening to what Sheilnagig said about not having sex till your older.

I think it is more important to wait until you are absolutely, 100% certain that you are ready. This can occur at 17, or it can occur at 30. Don't do anything that you don't want to, and don't do anything you feel you shouldn't do.

Sex can be an incredible experience for both partners. Make sure you know what you are doing, and make sure you are ready before becoming intimate. Never, ever rush into things.

No, we're not actually dating. Yeah, your little sister probably does have an obnoxiously confusing love life by now. And no, I'm not going to do anything stupid; in any case, we're good friends so we know each other well and respect each other and ourselves too much. Yes, I know relationships don't necessarily require love - but I'd still like to know.

Just a note - despite the turn the thread has taken over the past couple of threads - sex is not the centre of relationships. It is what happens inside peoples' heads, not between their legs that is important.

Okay, how exactly did this thread become about sex??? That is so out of the question for me, I don't understand how it came up.

Just a note - despite the turn the thread has taken over the past couple of threads - sex is not the centre of relationships. It is what happens inside peoples' heads, not between their legs that is important.

Of course, I didn't mean to make you lose sight of that. In my opinion sex is merely the culmination of both physical and mental attraction, being an exercise in Intimacy, Trust, and Love. It is not everything, nor is it anywhere near the most important thing in a relationship.

Sorry, it is just that society has taken a sad turn of late, and more and more young people are engaging in sexual activities prematurely... Ruining the experience for them, and severely hurting their mental state. We just wanted to make sure that you didn't make that all too common mistake. I was just trying to look out for you, I apologize if I sounded too presumptuous.

A lot of this is spurred by my own personal experiences. A female friend of mine engaged in sexual activities (Not sex, but other things) too young, at your age, the very tender 14. Since then she has needed therapy and intense emotional support. I didn't want to see something like that happen again.

This Has Nothing To Do With Sex!!! What Is With You People???

EDIT: Ugh. It changed my all-caps to each word capped.
EDIT2: And since I haven't even made out and have only vaguely dated one person before (my crushes hardly ever like me back), I am nowhere near sex. At all. By any stretch.

I guess the reason I mentioned sex is because I'm worried that a 14 year old might be well educated about the theory, but shaky on the actual mechanics. The point is, it could be a beautiful experience, and I'm not knocking sex in any way...but a 14 year old doing it could get pregnant, and there's a difference between a 14 year old having to deal with that and a 25 year old. It's about what she'd be able to handle by herself, and that's one thing she couldn't.

It's off the subject of love, I know, but when there's love or infatuation or attraction, sex comes up oftener than you might think.

This Has Nothing To Do With Sex!!! What Is With You People???

EDIT: Ugh. It changed my all-caps to each word capped.
EDIT2: And since I haven't even made out and have only vaguely dated one person before (my crushes hardly ever like me back), I am nowhere near sex. At all.

Hey, I am just trying to look out for you, is all. I didn't want you to be hurt just because you made the wrong decision. Part of what you spoke about was being afraid of being wrong about this...

I don't want to see you put into that kind of situation...and I thought it was important that I covered all the bases.

when there's love or infatuation or attraction, sex comes up oftener than you might think.

*sigh* yeah, I know - a couple of my friends have had problems. I think my poor luck with the opposite sex might be a blessing that way. but then, I'd like to think I'm smart enough that I wouldn't have had problems anyway.

No, we're not actually dating. Yeah, your little sister probably does have an obnoxiously confusing love life by now. And no, I'm not going to do anything stupid; in any case, we're good friends so we know each other well and respect each other and ourselves too much. Yes, I know relationships don't necessarily require love - but I'd still like to know.

If you want to feel a little bit better about your situation, my sister has 3 older brothers and a father who used to compete in martial arts tournaments in Japan for 5 years in his 20s.

??

I'm confused... how does martial arts relate?

??

I'm confused... how does martial arts relate?

All the boys she likes are very very afraid to get involved with her.

oh

Huh... you're lucky you realized this was happening while you're still close together... I have a terrible habit for falling for people as I leave the country. Or just after leaving the country. Then, of course, you start talking with them again over the internet or the phone from accross the world, become really good friends again. And then you get worried it will repeat itself. I'm pathetic. This sounds overly specific, but it's happened, what... 4 times?

Saying 'You'll know' isn't really helpful... for me, the crucial symptom is being able to enjoy silence on the telephone with them. Once that starts being nice rather than annoying, simply because you know they're enjoying the same silence... then all is lost.

errr... that silence thing? happened about 3 months ago.

speaking of that, another friend of mine is THE WORST phone conversationalist, he just wouldn't talk if you didn't - in fact, often he doesn't answer even when you ask him a question and it pisses me off...

Mind you, there are other symptoms too. Frankly... I've come to the conclusion that love's basically likeing someone a whole lot, being willing to spend unconshionable amounts of time with them without getting bored, and a little bit of physical and mental attraction. If I could find a woman who I could stand for a long time, and who, more importantly, could stand me, then things would be good.

Well, you know what they say. Love is when someone knows you really well and likes you anyway. ;)

Exactly... pity about that.

Well, you know what they say. Love is when someone knows you really well and likes you anyway. ;)

Yeah, but they* also say "love is a dog from hell".





* they in this instance being Charles Bukowski.

Some will tell you to slow down and enjoy your "childhood". But at 14 your childhood is over already and it's time to start stepping into the teenage/young adult world.

Though, at that age hormones are going wild and infatuation is difficult for someone so inexperienced to distinguish from "love".

I guess the reason I mentioned sex is because I'm worried that a 14 year old might be well educated about the theory, but shaky on the actual mechanics. The point is, it could be a beautiful experience, and I'm not knocking sex in any way...but a 14 year old doing it could get pregnant, and there's a difference between a 14 year old having to deal with that and a 25 year old. It's about what she'd be able to handle by herself, and that's one thing she couldn't.

Oh, and, if you ever DO get to that point, with ANYONE, at ANY age, unless you are ready mentally, financially, physically, and circumstancially to support a child, USE BIRTH CONTROL! :rolleyes:

What I will say in any situation is that though it is extremely rare for, say, a 12-year-old to be genuinely in love, it is not impossible. And being in love at 14 is nowhere near impossible, just unlikely.

If you're in love, you'll know it. Regardless of your age. But at the same time, doubt and self-searching are healthy in moderation.

Is that the most confusing advice I've ever written or what? :confused:

aww.. hey, when you're in love, you will know it, as corny and clichéd as it sounds. you will know.
because you're asking random strangers for their opinions, i'm guessing you probably don't "love" him. you probably just like him a lot, but hey, that's how love starts. if you're not too shy, maybe you could find a time to talk to him when there's not a lot of people around, just tell him that you like him..
maybe he'll like you back. if he doesn't, don't worry about it. you can still be friends, and you'll find someone even better eventually.
i've liked plenty of guys in my life, and occasionally threw around the word "love".
i'm only a year older than you are, and i truly love my boyfriend. i know how "like" feels (you probably do too), and "love" is decidedly different.
i don't remember who said it, (and i don't feel like looking 4 it again), but someone on here said, "if it don't hurt, it ain't love" (or something like that), and that's very true. love is like getting your insides slowly cut out with a rusty spoon, but feeling giddy and lighthearted the next day.
trust me, you'll know.
:D

and, just to annoy you..
SEX IS BAD, WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE MARRIED. :p
:fluffle: :mp5:

Just kiss him. There'll be no way for him to avoid the issue that way.

I'm going with this advice. (Plus another 30+ saying no sex til much later. ;) You'll probably get tired of that chorus. ;))

Well I think I'll offer up one of the few non-comical responses.

I'm pretty sure it happens on an individual basis, so it may be different for everyone. But anyway, I was in love once and only once. Well, so far, I'm still only 17. As far as I can tell, love is the sense of belonging with a person. You don't even need to talk because you commune with them more than you talk. You feel completely at peace in their presence. It is almost like Nirvana, the never ending orgasm of the spirit.

Well, that's my quota for being sentimental for the year.

I am 14 too but alas the only person I am attracted to is a strait guy at school ><.

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums
Wow, well I know you must be sick of all the people trying to confuse you or mock you but I will just tell you from my own experiences. You can mock them and ignore them all you like.

When I was 14, I thought I was completely in love and I had been true to one guy for two years. I wrote to him daily and called him on the weekends. Let's just put it this way, his girlfriend answered the phone last time and he told me not to call him again.

But here is a good story.

When my current boyfriend was 14, he met a cool girl online that stole his heart. They emailed and chatted everyday for about 5 hours. They stayed true to each other for 3 years before meeting each other face to face. A few months before that first meeting, he asked her to consider marrying him and she said yes. There meeting went very well but they had to leave each other for 2 more years. Their love stayed strong and true and a week before his High School Graduation, his parents invited her to live with them. We are getting married August 20th 2004.

Though it is hard for most to believe that you could be in love at such a young age, it is very possible. You seem to be a mature young woman that has been thinking this over for a while. My advise to you is to listen to your heart and soul and never look back in regret. Take ever experiance and heartbreak as a learning oportunity. :D

I am 14 too but alas the only person I am attracted to is a strait guy at school ><.
Aww... Well maybe Mr. Crush will notice you or your Mr. Right will find you soon. I sure hope so.

Oh god, the saddest thing happened this morning! This guy I've been referring to? Well, we were walking home from the swimming pool together, and he put his arm around me - so I reciprocated. I was so happy, I thought "This is like a dream!"

Well, unfortunately for me, it WAS a dream. I woke up and two minutes later a song with the lyric "when dreams come true" came up on my parents' random shuffle. It kind of depressed me. I don't know if that's fate trying to tell me this is doomed, or if the "when dreams come true" part means I have a chance. In any case, I'm sure I won't be thinking about this during the 90 minutes I have yoga, so there's something to look forward to.

it takes years to know if you are in love. what most people call love is infatuation, which is chemically distinct from the long-term bonding that we elevate as "true love." infatuation, contrary to popular opinion, lasts up to 2 years into a relationship. it's not just for the first week or so; not until a person has been a presence in your life for YEARS does the chemical switch in our brain's romance cocktail go through the shift to "true love" mode.

but hey, infatuation is fun, too, and if you are a teen then you should stick with infatuation for a while.

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums
Well, if you're unsure, but you still feel something, it's an infatuation. You know what you feel, but it isn't certain, even though you know the feelings are there. I suggest that right now, you just talk to the person and not actually bring this up; see how you feel while interacting with them, even if you already know and are with with them.

Okay, so clearly I'm not actually in love. That's good to know, actually - that means it won't be quite so wrenching to get over in the likely event that he's not interested.

Although, I have several times decided that it was hopeless and decided to get over it already, and it never worked. I think it's time I ask him out officially, and get this whole thing over with. After a year of friendship, flirtation, and ambiguity, it's probably time to really define where we stand.

bump cuz people tend to be on more at this time of night

gah, i don't know love, i just know lust.

Love? I assume you mean "in love with," right? :p

But...eh...bugger. I'd say the chances of you being in love at age 14 are very, very rare. Don't cite me on it though. I'm really just a lonely 18 year old :p

Love? I assume you mean "in love with," right? :p

But...eh...bugger. I'd say the chances of you being in love at age 14 are very, very rare. Don't cite me on it though. I'm really just a lonely 18 year old :p

ack, why so lonely? you should be having the time of your life, indulging in bouts of nymphomania and getting away with it too.

although hell, i could say the same about myself.

ack, why so lonely? you should be having the time of your life, indulging in bouts of nymphomania and getting away with it too.

although hell, i could say the same about myself.

See, I have this nasty tendency to think with my brain and heart, and not my dick.

Damn you overbearing effeminate side!

See, I have this nasty tendency to think with my brain and heart, and not my dick.

Damn you overbearing effeminate side!

oh well, girls will like you better for it.
my excuse is reputation. i would so hate to get a bad one.

oh well, girls will like you better for it.
my excuse is reputation. i would so hate to get a bad one.

That's what I tell myself -_-

I have yet to see proof -______-

That's what I tell myself -_-

I have yet to see proof -______-

patience, patience.

Blah....reputations don't matter much...they are easily sidestepped (at least when I went to HS...2 years ago...)

Honestly, the first time I had sex was when Iw as 12, and I can tell you I thought I was in love with that girl. But really, it was just hormones and pheromones and me being horny. I have thought I was in love twice, and I tell you honestly that the true test is how you react after you lose them.

It is truly difficult, but I can almost guarantee you you aren't really in love. And I can also guarantee you that I am a cynical bastard who has been known to break up with women because they pronounced it "supposably." Thank God for Friends (excellent show).

Blah....reputations don't matter much...they are easily sidestepped (at least when I went to HS...2 years ago...)

meh. to me it matters. i swear, the next person i go out with is going to be lucky, though.

See, I have this nasty tendency to think with my brain and heart, and not my dick.

Damn you overbearing effeminate side!

We should get a support group. Also, perhaps some self-help books. I'm considering ordering one off Ebay as we speak.

Only, I don't need a support group or self help book, because in the end I'd rather die a virgin then change myself just to get laid.

I've got my principals, and I stand by them.

Only, I don't need a support group or self help book, because in the end I'd rather die a virgin then change myself just to get laid.

I've got my principals, and I stand by them.

An admirable traight. I, however, have concluded that it's not my principles that are keeping me from meeting anyone, but rather my social ineptness.

It's this that I hope to eventually change.

An admirable traight. I, however, have concluded that it's not my principles that are keeping me from meeting anyone, but rather my social ineptness.

It's this that I hope to eventually change.

ROFL
At least you are honest.
And Goed, you don't have to change anything to pick up girls. Just play some music they like (you don't even have to enjoy it), be nice, and look decent.

Or be like me, cruise the Boulevard every night playing country music (hey, it's the south) in a big truck that sounds really loud and dress like a cowboy (I was born in Tennessee). That works too.

Those of you who feel you've been in love before and say that how you act after the breakup reveals it - how long did it take you to get over and how depressed were you? (And how long was the relationship?)

I am also 14.

REALLY? SO AM I LOLOLOLOLOL 1337 HA><0rz PWNAGE COUNTERSTRIKE n00b 0w|\| OMGOMGOMGOMOMGOMGOGOGOGMOGMG TEH !@$!25=1325t0-123!!!!

Like the people here have already said... love... well... there's a big difference between love and fascination. Or obsession. Or need.

When I was almost 14, I thought I was in love... I felt all the signs that everyone here is talking about, I thought he was really it... well well... two years later, and I've realized I was not in love. Although I felt insanely strongly about the guy, and I adored him with everything I had.. thought about him every second, dreamt about him, etc.. it wasn't love. It was fascination. Two years of it.
Love is beyond all of that. It takes being with the person, it takes knowing them deeply, it takes loving everything about them.. understanding them.. connecting to them.

I still don't think I've ever been in love. I've seen my brother and his girlfriend of a year, I've sat in on my mom and their discussions about love... my moms an expert, heh.

But really, I think you may just be fascinated. I find it hard to think that anyone under 16 or 17 can really be in love, unless the relationship is quite mature (and I don't mean physically) and they are capable, mature people.
Oy.
Love is complicated.

But caring about people is damn good! A curse and a blessing... wouldn't trade it.

Unrequited love sucks.

Those of you who feel you've been in love before and say that how you act after the breakup reveals it - how long did it take you to get over and how depressed were you? (And how long was the relationship?)

I'm not sure you ever really do. The pain goes away, that is for sure, but there will always be memories, the emotions with which accompany them dull after time of course. Granted, it also depends on what kind of breakup you've suffered.

At 14, its hard to tell what exactly you're feeling, but don't worry about it so much. You will have many experiences in your life and each prepare you for the next. Just be happy with what you have. No one can really tell you if you're in love. Its different for everyone. For that matter, you'll never feel love the same way each time.

Heh, when you get as old as me, no matter how the relationship went, you'll still look back on it with some semblance of fondness. Small comfort to you now I'm sure.

Those of you who feel you've been in love before and say that how you act after the breakup reveals it - how long did it take you to get over and how depressed were you? (And how long was the relationship?)

Well, I'm the one that broke up with her, and it felt...sad, but also liberating and good, since I was doing the right thing.

Er...she...um...didn't take it so well. Yeah.

summer holidays is THE relationship killer. i'm not involved personally, but by dealing in some with my friends i know how much breakup hurts...haiii

If there's doubt, you don't love them you probably just like them a lot. I always think that you'd have to be going with someone for quite a while to the point where you've been with them for several months and there's no way you can imagine life without them.

Heh... I've felt/do feel like that... but I think there must be more to it.

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums


well you have to think you are in love a few times first...

when i met my boyfriend my soul lept within me. do you have a place that hurts (physically) when you know someone you love (platonic) is hurting? well that place. it jumped and became all floaty. this is different from the butterfly feeling. that always makes me feel sick and lonely. this was different. it was full and whole and it wasn't a need wanting, begging to be filled. it was a desire to know only. it was a desire to learn him. we've been dating for 6 months and have been making long-term plans for some time. you know the kind.

there are different kinds of being in love... but this kind is the only one i find to be pleasant. i don't like him, i don't need him to make me whole, i don't have to see him everyday to remember that he exists, i don't have to know everything he's doing, i don't need to quiz him to see if he's always thinking about me.

when i met him i realized that i was whole. he didn't make me that way, he showed me that i am already that way. i don't need him to live, he simply makes life more fun. i have loved every minute i have spent learning him, learning what he likes, learning who he is, learning how he works...

he is fulfilling in every sense of the word, but mostly because he shows me little things i didn't know about myself. every day he impresses me with his character and every day i learn why i love him. i already loved him... i didn't grow to love him, i found my love when i met him... now i'm simply learning why. i will never know fully and that is where the adventure lies. every day is new and amazing because i learn more about him.

i'd dated before, but never had a boy for any holidays or birthdays or anything. he was my first valentine. we went out and did the chocolate and bullshit. i have a friend that has been with hers for 5 years and was pleased as crap to spend valentine's at home with him and a bowl of soup. that's what i want and i can't wait for it. i want to be comfy with this man who i love more than i know.

i don't need to show him off to prove that i'm valuable enough to have someone, i don't need to watch him to make sure he's really in love with me like he says. i don't need to check up on him after he goes out with the boys. we can have all kinds of fun with our single friends because we don't have to be all over each other making everyone uncomfortable... but at the same time, we aren't ashamed to get into some major pda. we're comfortable enough with each other to be stupid and obnoxious (and of course talk about how doable some chick is) but we always have time to provide comfort and to build each other up. my nicknames for him are 'fuzzy' and 'perfect' and 'sunshine' and he calls me 'woman' and 'butt' and 'beautiful'. he hates math but makes math jokes with me cause i love it. i simply adore everything about him. we work through our problems together and never keep anything from the other. we work better when we work together. and the most comfortable and safe place in my whole world is in his arms and when i am there nothing can touch me and all the monsters go away.

oh yeah. and i can't wait to see him old and wrinkly. mostly cause i wanna laugh at him and then kiss him on the nose.


as i see it... that's love. and i can't imagine what i did to deserve it. i know i don't and that is what makes it so wonderful.

sorry if that is a little long. but dear, you are 14. i'm 21 and i think it's a bit soon for me. you have your whole life ahead of you. throw yourself into everything and never regret anything. but then never do anything you will regret. promise yourself you will always respect yourself more and hold yourself to that. it will save you lots of problems. s/he doesn't love you if you don't feel loved. remember that. but don't be afraid to fall, and don't be afraid to fall down. but always remember you can get back up again.


but good luck. <3
love is l33+

You know, I don't know your relationship history, but just from age, and time you've known him, I'd venture a guess it isn't love. Love at first sight is just that, love of appearance...lust. Teenage hormones all that yadda yadda yadda. From everything you said bout how it's so touchy feely though, it sounds more like lust and hormones. Hugging someone you haven't seen for awhile is almost a conditioned response built into some people by their parents and really doesn't signify much. Basically true love takes time to develop. And it always ALWAYS starts as friendship. Ask yourself the question: "If nothing happened, and we couldn't be together....could I be friends with this guy." If the answer is no, you can say right there, you're not in love.

I know I know, I told her how to tell if she wasn't in love, not if she was. But my way was quicker to explain........
Fine I didn't do my job, I'll go back to my corner now. Sigh.

Hmmm... OK peoples I've got another question that I've been doing alot of thinking on
*crosses fingers that no one he knows reads this thread*
I'm 15.
I'm infatuated with a girl, I had a chance with her, but I screwed it up by getting pissed and sleeping with her sister (Big regret. They fucking look soooooo alike! I swear!). Then the girl I'm infatuated with decided she is gunna be a lesbian (Pretty much... officially "bisexual" but she hasn't been with a dude in sooooooooo long). Now me and this girl (the one who I'm infatuated with) are really good mates again but alas, I am still infatuated with her... I try to move on but it's always into heartless relationships that I get no satisfaction out of what so ever, emotionally or physically. I know I need to move on, but I can't... what the FUCK do I do?

(Just a side note, please don't get the impression that I'm a sleazy superficial fuckhead for doing what I did, when the truth is what I did is completely out of my nature. It was the biggest mistake of my life to this day... first and last time I've ever cheated on someone)

Wow, well I know you must be sick of all the people trying to confuse you or mock you but I will just tell you from my own experiences. You can mock them and ignore them all you like.

When I was 14, I thought I was completely in love and I had been true to one guy for two years. I wrote to him daily and called him on the weekends. Let's just put it this way, his girlfriend answered the phone last time and he told me not to call him again.

But here is a good story.

When my current boyfriend was 14, he met a cool girl online that stole his heart. They emailed and chatted everyday for about 5 hours. They stayed true to each other for 3 years before meeting each other face to face. A few months before that first meeting, he asked her to consider marrying him and she said yes. There meeting went very well but they had to leave each other for 2 more years. Their love stayed strong and true and a week before his High School Graduation, his parents invited her to live with them. We are getting married August 20th 2004.

Though it is hard for most to believe that you could be in love at such a young age, it is very possible. You seem to be a mature young woman that has been thinking this over for a while. My advise to you is to listen to your heart and soul and never look back in regret. Take ever experiance and heartbreak as a learning oportunity. :D

Hmm. Interesting. My parents got married at age 24 and 20, respectively. My mother was telling me about it the other day and said it was one of the stupidest things she'd ever done- not because it has progessed negatively, because it hasn't (they're going to celebrate their 30th anniversary), but that she would NEVER tell anyone to get married that young!

Different folks, different strokes.

love is evil avoid it,

but the more practical advice i would give is it is LIKELY you are in love but i doubt at 14 you would be mature enough to keep a serious relationship, trust me i was in love at 14 at 16 we dated for 2 years then she broke my heart she was also my best friend its now been 7 years and i still love her, as much as i try not too.

so be friends for a few years first

love is evil avoid it,

Bravo :D

As BWO said, if it doesn't hurt, it ain't love ;)

“The man who loves without jealousy does not truly love.”- The Zohar

How do you know when you're in love? There is only one person I have repeatedly, honestly thought I might be in love with - but I'm very hesitant to say so, for fear of feeling foolish later. (Yikes. That alliteration wasn't on purpose.) Thanks if you have any comments!

- Seemingly The Only 14-Year-Old On These Forums
You are not in love. Sorry.

Love is not what you see on TV, hear in music, or read in books.

Lust, infatuation and romance are selfish emotions. Most people cannot distinguish between them and love, particularly when they are young.

Love is what you get when these other things flee yet you still find yourself more concerned about the other person's happiness than your own, and find it to be mutual.

Love is unselfish and feels good. It is like the good feeling you get when you help someone without expecting anything in return.

At your age you need to experience dating, romance and flirtation. You do not need to experience love. Do date. Do flirt. Do light romance. Do not fall in love. Do not date exclusively. Date many and often. You will be suprized what you discover about others, and more important, about yourself.

ok im a 47 year old woman who has been married for 20.5 years

1) if youre not dating (or have some kind of close friendship) its not love. love is a relationship. you have to know the person very well first. otherwise you are in love with an idea of who you would like him to be.

2) love, in love, true love. all useless terms. you know when you love someone, you know when you are in love. thats not the important question

there are 2 important questions that spring to my mind.

1) is this love going to last? at 14 you can be in love. its not likely to last. its not even necessarily GOOD for it to last, you need experience with different relationships. shop around and see whats best for YOU

2) you are in love, SO WHAT? what does this mean for you? does it mean you have to ACT on it? (sex) does it mean you change your whole life to fit in with this love? you are not in a place in life at 14 where you are ready to commit yourself to anyone. so what would it mean to you if you were in love? are you sure you want to pursue this thing? for many people, love has an imperative all its own. you have to be very careful to not ruin your own life because you love someone.

You know, I don't know your relationship history, but just from age, and time you've known him, I'd venture a guess it isn't love. Love at first sight is just that, love of appearance...lust. Teenage hormones all that yadda yadda yadda. From everything you said bout how it's so touchy feely though, it sounds more like lust and hormones. Hugging someone you haven't seen for awhile is almost a conditioned response built into some people by their parents and really doesn't signify much. Basically true love takes time to develop. And it always ALWAYS starts as friendship. Ask yourself the question: "If nothing happened, and we couldn't be together....could I be friends with this guy." If the answer is no, you can say right there, you're not in love.

I know I know, I told her how to tell if she wasn't in love, not if she was. But my way was quicker to explain........
Fine I didn't do my job, I'll go back to my corner now. Sigh.

Ahhhh.... I'm already pretty convinced I am not really in love, but you've got the whole wrong idea about this - the entire time it's been a case of I like him, but we shouldn't/can't/he doesn't want to (it's been different at different times) be together, so we're just friends. We haven't dated at all. I still am holding out a small hope that one day we may, but I'm finally accepting that it's not going to happen now, so I just need to move on. Our friendship is stable enough that I don't think it would be damaged if I was forward about this, but I think I already know the answer so why go through rejection? Also, recent events have led me to think that if I did ask him out and he said yes, it wouldn't be an honest relationship. Basically for the 11 1/4 months I've known him, I've liked him as a friend the whole time, liked him in a crush way on and off at various times, and been physically attracted to him only in the past few months. And these 11 1/4 months actually amount to more time spent together than you might think, since we live across the street from one another.

Sorry if that was quite a monologue. I've been deprived of the Internet for 32 hours and I'm extremely excited to get back on!

Sorry if that was quite a monologue. I've been deprived of the Internet for 32 hours and I'm extremely excited to get back on!

Well I am glad you thought it through and when it does come time for you to love some one, just be your sweet intellegent self. He is bound to love you back and if not... well he is blind to you and there is always some one else.

Bravo :D

As BWO said, if it doesn't hurt, it ain't love ;)

Should we go and form a support group somewhere?

Should we go and form a support group somewhere?

Well I wish I could donate money to y'alls cause seeing how I used to be a heart shattered chick, just hang in there... it should get better.

Well I wish I could donate money to y'alls cause seeing how I used to be a heart shattered chick, just hang in there... it should get better.

I'm not saying that love not working out hurts (obvious enough) - I'm saying that you can tell it is the real thing instead of just a crush or an infatuation because it hurts even when it is working.

Hmm. Interesting. My parents got married at age 24 and 20, respectively. My mother was telling me about it the other day and said it was one of the stupidest things she'd ever done- not because it has progessed negatively, because it hasn't (they're going to celebrate their 30th anniversary), but that she would NEVER tell anyone to get married that young!

Different folks, different strokes.

Well truthfully I wouldn't suggest it to anyone, getting married this young is quite silly but I have a good reason for wanting to marry him now instead of waiting a few more years.

I am dying and all I ever wanted to be is a wife. I would love to be a mother but a wife will be suffice. I was married before (not legally) to a young man who was dying from cancer. He was my first true love. I took him last name as my own when using my Character and Pen name. His name was Drake Vega. I miss him but we were always great friends. My fiance knows that he isn't my first husband but my first real one. I love my fiance completely and I hope that what ever is wrong with me won't shorten my life too much.

I'm not saying that love not working out hurts (obvious enough) - I'm saying that you can tell it is the real thing instead of just a crush or an infatuation because it hurts even when it is working.

No no... I knew what you were saying and I know there is love out there and all. ((and yes, even when love is working out it can still hurt, I hate having to go to work and be away from my guy)) Hell I am getting married so I truly believe there is such a thing as real love. I was just saying I have been there, twice I was engaged and dumped so I know how it is to have my heart shattered. I have other sob stories but I don't want to waste your time. ;) Peace

I just don't get it.

I cannot get a date, and I believe in treating women like equals. But I figured it out, my standards are too high...

My standards?

I want somebody smart and a decent looking girl (you can only get one or the other where I am)

So now my friends, have took it upon myself to turn me to, I quote "pimp".

I DO NOT WANT TO PIMP. I will not touch another girl, I will not fake talk, I will be myself and a gentleman. Sure I won't get a date till 35 and get laid till 50, but I MUST REMAIN BY MY PRINCIPLES!

-A very very bitter 15 year old male...

EDIT: By the way, tell him your true feelings, if he says no, don't take it personal, more fish in the sea...

I know it's corny and stereotypical, but you'll just know. Being in love is pure and whole, if you are in love you will know.
Yea, there is one thing that is thinking someone is hot, and another thing that is actually loving someone. I am 14 btw.

I guess everyone has different perceptions of love. I would agree that if it doesn't hurt, it ain't love...but I definitely don't agree that you can't fall in love until you're a certain age. I fell in love when I was 12. In hindsight, I wish I'd never met him, but some part of me will always love him. It still hurts, even years later, but it's good to know what love is.

I just don't get it.

I cannot get a date, and I believe in treating women like equals. But I figured it out, my standards are too high...

My standards?

I want somebody smart and a decent looking girl (you can only get one or the other where I am)

So now my friends, have took it upon myself to turn me to, I quote "pimp".

I DO NOT WANT TO PIMP. I will not touch another girl, I will not fake talk, I will be myself and a gentleman. Sure I won't get a date till 35 and get laid till 50, but I MUST REMAIN BY MY PRINCIPLES!

-A very very bitter 15 year old male...

EDIT: By the way, tell him your true feelings, if he says no, don't take it personal, more fish in the sea...

i hate to say it, but teen girls are shallow. (teen boys are too, but it doesnt apply here)

have you really tried talking up the quieter smart girls? the ones the other boys ignore? if you get to be friends with a decent looking smart girl who is a bit shy and doesnt date much yet, you will probably be successful

keep to your principles, after all you CAN date girls who are attracted to "pimps" (not that im sure what that means) but you won't respect her or yourself for it.

take good care of yourself and try to look your best at all times. a well groomed confident gentleman will not stay on the shelf until he's 35.

and remember to stay away from those drama queens who only date men who will stomp on their hearts. they are more work than they are worth.

TIOR-

Jus' relax. You'll find her someday. Trust me; I've been in the same situation. It gets better. *DON'T* compromise your standards. If there is a girl out there like you say you want, she'll be watching you, making sure you really are the nice guy you seem to be. Make sure that you are.

At this point, I have had two girlfriends. The first was a cheating bitch (but the first six months were great, and I definitely learned a lot!). The second (and current) is wonderful. It all comes from friendship turning into dating. I knew this current one for quite a while before we started dating. Even after we were both thinking that's what we wanted, we held off, just to make sure. It seems to have worked... but if not: it's been another learning experience.

Good luck!

Oh and TIOR... you're only 15? Shiat, boy! You RP like you're so much older!
-a very happy 19-year old male

When your young you fall in love easily. You have never felt certain things before and so now that your getting new feelings you missinterpet it as love. You generally have to get shit on alot and experience alot before you really know. And youll probably never find "the one". My friend never really had a girlfriend and theres this girl that was all over him and sice he had never had that before he immediately was "in love" Well shes a dirty nympho that does that to like every guy and they are nothing alike and shes stupid as crap but whatever. Be careful.

Oh and TIOR... you're only 15? Shiat, boy! You RP like you're so much older!
-a very happy 19-year old male

I thought I RPed normally :rolleyes:

@Ashimora:
A Pimp is a person with hos, hos are women/men that are sold for a few hours and come back with money, if the Pimp don't got the money, he must unleash the Pimp Slap. Eh, it's a black thing.