NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm looking for a conclusive list of God's top 10 mistakes. Post as many or as few as you like, and the best (funniest) 10 will be selected and will form the conclusive list. Additional, slightly less funny ones may make the second helping of God's worst hits ever. Personally, I'm pretty sure that flamingos are going to be on the list somewhere, cos they are truly ridiculous looking birds.

Anyone who puts GW Bush on their list can expect a slap around the face.

Creating man.

Funnier.

A couple of God's mistakes:

Human Babies - They can't do anything. Human Children are roughly a twenty year liability. Most animal children are dead by the time our shildren are ready to run their own life. It's ridiculous.

The Appendix - WTF!? A totally useless organ, that can get infected and kill you. A real stroke of genius.

letting people lose faith in him...

I mean...did anyone see that South Park when Kyle loses faith on God after Cartman inherited a million dollars and all he got was a hemerroid?

herpies, they're proof that God hates us

Even better, not putting the words, "I'm here you ****ing assholes" on the moon so the whole world read it.

Commities. On the rare occasion that they accomplish anything, its more than likely that no-one wanted it done in the first place.

AOL, how could he let that one slip through? Must have been his day off

AOL, how could he let that one slip through? Must have been his day off
Alright, AOL I'm liking, but I need more specifics. I don't use it... why is it so evil?

The uvula.

What is that thing all about anyway?

Alright, AOL I'm liking, but I need more specifics. I don't use it... why is it so evil?

because it really really sucks, aolers are the reason for l337 5p33k, and they chant Satan's mantra of death in their chatrooms: "asl asl asl!!"

everytime you say "asl" a baby cries.

AOL is evil as it formed a whole region of the underworld named AOHell where not even satan is twisted enough to rule. It drowns people who have sold their souls to it's crappy internet service under a flood of pop-ups and "free" trial disks.

you all missed the obvious.
political leaders!!!
i won't give any names like George Bush or Tony Blair. oops.

Alright, AOL I'm liking, but I need more specifics. I don't use it... why is it so evil?

Using it to send E-mails is like walking from China to Spain to deliver a letter, only you don't get the exercise.

Hmm, God's top ten mistakes? Let's see...

Algebra: What sick, evil deity would make it so that we have to use this crap? Come on, if we didn't have math there would be no monetary system (since there's no way to keep track of it without numbers) which would eliminate alot of conflicts.

Housecats: An animal whose sole purpose seems to be to give a two hour dry heave, capped by a disgusting wad of saliva and fur. The rest of the time it just eats, sleeps, and bathes itself in your living room--in front of everyone.

Mosquitoes and Fleas: All the animal rights activists, all the insect lovers and scientists can't figure out what role these d@mn things play in our world. It seems like they were put here specifically to bug the ever loving crap out of us.

Mormons: Nuff said.

Sex: The one thing more powerful than money, weapons, the human mind, and even God himself. This rules many people's lives and makes them do stupid things. I know it's essential for our survival, but he didn't think it through much, did he?

Mormons: Nuff said.


And we have a winner.

Housecats:

they only put up with humans because they cant open tins, as soon as theres a can opener that can be operated by a paw, they'll be gone


Sex: etc etc

:eek: :eek: :eek: erm what??

Celine Dion. I will never forgive God for her! jk :D

... George Dub...

*Is silenced with a severe thwackage*


Although Language needs to go in there as one of God's biggest mistakes. Since almost everyone speaks English now anyway, what was the point? Did God think that making everyone speak different languages was supposed to stop us working together? And in that case, Is God in favour of segregation?

Erm... Oh, Wasps. They serve no purpose on the food chain, and exist only to piss off every other lifeform. They're ugly, don't carry pollen effectively between plants, make sucky foodstuffs for birds or other insectivores, die in droves every year and only continue to exist because no-one's worked out how to get rid of them completely yet. Plus, they make enjoying eating food at scenic locations absolutely impossible during the summer months.

Although Language needs to go in there as one of God's biggest mistakes. Since almost everyone speaks English now anyway, what was the point? Did God think that making everyone speak different languages was supposed to stop us working together? And in that case, Is God in favour of segregation?


he did that on purpose. tower of babel, read yer bible soney

Carrot Top
VH1
Sitcoms
Windows XP
Internet Forums

ANTS
now i know that ants serve a uselful purpose in the natural world but do we NEED a couple thousand species of the damned things?

i imagine god falling asleep at the celestial computer with his omnipotent forehead pressed against the ENTER key. WHAM 2000 species of ants.

next "day" god wakes up.

OOPS

he did that on purpose. tower of babel, read yer bible soney

But my questions still stand. Evidently, if that's correct, God made language to stop people working together. Now many people today know how to speak English. Doesn't that kinda override God's decision?

Hah! Defy the Creator! ><;

All I'm saying is it was a mistake, purpose or not, since evidently it didn't work, and it was a pretty big one, since it eventually resulted in the division of the human race, thus proving the catalyst for all the conflict in modern Earth.

Sex: The one thing more powerful than money, weapons, the human mind, and even God himself. This rules many people's lives and makes them do stupid things. I know it's essential for our survival, but he didn't think it through much, did he?

He actually did a pretty good job there, making it fun instead of a pure neccesity.

now y'all know i live in the desert in new mexico

lately this really ODD thing has been happening

we get thunder and lightning (common occurrance in the summertime here)

and

WATER STARTS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY!!

it gets all over everything!

this has to be some kind of mistake by god, dont you think?

now y'all know i live in the desert in new mexico

lately this really ODD thing has been happening

we get thunder and lightning (common occurrance in the summertime here)

and

WATER STARTS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY!!

it gets all over everything!

this has to be some kind of mistake by god, dont you think?
no, it's a sign that global warming is at it's best

Providing there is a god watching everything goin' on:

10. ABBA
9. Multi-National Conglomerates
8. Hemorrhoids
7. Neocon Moralists
6. Pepsi
5. Christian Scientists
4. Top Ten Lists
3. British "Humour"
2. Viagra
1. Free Will

you all missed the obvious.
political leaders!!!
i won't give any names like George Bush or Tony Blair. oops.
*slaps round face.*

1. Gay men
2. Sweden
3. McDonalds
4. Africa
5. George bush
6. Civil flightsimulators
7. Ericsson telephones
8. Manga & anime
9. Popular music
10. TV soaps

3. British "Humour"


oh you mean irony? just because you dont get it

10. ABBA

I knew I forgot something.

3. British "Humour"
Oi, naff off you lazy yankee plonker! You must think you're the dogs fucking bollocks to say things like that.

1. Gay men
2. Sweden
3. McDonalds
4. Africa
5. George bush
6. Civil flightsimulators
7. Ericsson telephones
8. Manga & anime
9. Popular music
10. TV soaps
*slaps round face*

microsoft
a certin bush that grows in the white house
microsoft
jehovia's witnesses (spelt wrong i think)
microsoft
lawyers....

oh you mean irony? just because you dont get it

Oh yah .... I just don't get Benny Hill ...

1. Gay men
2. Sweden
3. McDonalds
4. Africa
5. George bush
6. Civil flightsimulators
7. Ericsson telephones
8. Manga & anime
9. Popular music
10. TV soaps
erm....more than half of those are debatable

oh, and *slap*

a certin bush that grows in the white house

*slaps round face*

Stop it!

*slaps round face*

He (imported_Torgau) diserves more than just a slap on the face.

Is it H2G2 that has the bit about rousing military-type anthems being the main cause for wars?

Oi, naff off you lazy yankee plonker! You must think you're the dogs fucking bollocks to say things like that.

*snicker*

*slaps round face*

Stop it!

I will the moment he steps down and admits he has no idea what he is doing : )

Science. Because it's the thing that will disproove his existence.

Curiosity. If you take the bible litteraly, it's what put us in this misery in the first place.

Radioactivity. Dangerous to his creation and can destroy it in bombs.

Babel Fish. See "Hitchhicker's guide to the universe" for the reason.

I will the moment he steps down and admits he has no idea what he is doing : )
Seriously, stop it. I said right at the start I wanted nothing about that. There are like 18 other threads on the first page where you can go to talk about B**h. Don't bring it here.

http://sinfest.net/comics/sf20000303.gif

Science. Because it's the thing that will disproove his existence.

Curiosity. If you take the bible litteraly, it's what put us in this misery in the first place.

Radioactivity. Dangerous to his creation and can destroy it in bombs.

Babel Fish. See "Hitchhicker's guide to the universe" for the reason.
I can't use anything else from Hitchhicker's guide to the Galaxy cos the title of this (when I've written it up) will be "Where God Went Wrong by Oolon Colluphid"

I think God's first mistake was letting the secret of his existance leak out from the land of his people. Now there are those of us who listen to our creators (ie, Asatru, Droai, Shinto, Tao, Shamans) and we get our harassed day in and day out for doing what our forfather's had done for years.

Second mistake. Letting some poor Jewish guy write down Elohim instead of YHWH in the Torah when the world is first created. Elohim means 'shining ones' or 'bright ones', a similar sentiment to the gods of Babylon. And this dosn't mean the Trinity is real because he isn't called Elohim throught the Torah. Just there. The rest of the book he is called YHWH, or, translated from the Jewish acronym, He Who Should Not Be Named. He is <i>one</i> of the Elohim, not Elohim themselves.

Third mistake. Conservatives, and fundamentalists. Like Bush. Like Falwell. Like Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. People who take the words of a book written by men thousands of years ago as being more important then the world around them. The Bible isn't a handbook for living, its a selection of stories on morality and rules. It is just like EVERY other religion on the planet, including the "godless" Neopagans.

Fourth mistake. Letting the Christian Church, or Pauline Christianity, first start. All of the Christians in the world today, unless they are Jewish Reconstructionists, are working on flawed logic. For the original Pauline (read, Catholic) Church, which was the only church of the time, decided which books from the deadsea scrolls were actually going to be in the Bible, and which weren't. And the King James version? Same Bible with even less in it. You don't know the whole story. And you probably never will. Thus invalidating the Bible as a true holy book.

Fifth mistake. If he really wanted to control every person's faith he would have stamped out magic completly. But he didn't. Wicca and Druidic magic works, so does Shamanism, Tao, Shinto, Hindu, and non-denominational occult, like Alchemy. There is even a Jewish magical system called the Qabbalah. Supposidly the path to Heaven. And if it works, that means there really ARE other gods and goddesses out there, they weren't just the collective hallucinations of most of the world for mellenia.

The common cold...didn't he realize what a pain in the ass it was.

Oh, yeah ... and Vanilla Ice.

Hes kinda like PERFECT, so he can't make mistakes.

Big Brother (actually.. all 'reality' programming)

(Current) Pop Music.

People who don't like the Euro, because the "Pound is British, and we're British."

David Blunkett

'Citizenship' classes.

Religious Studies.

No real order:

STD's - What...the...fuck?

My parent's divorce - Honestly God...how's that going to help anything?

Catholicism - hypocrits

...Organized Religion in General - hypocrits

Punk Music - good lord it's horrible

X-treme sports - "Yo, I'm a sk8ter yo!"

Fat People

Homosexuals

Yams/Sweet Potatoes

Fords

Chevys

Homework

PMS

Fat People

Jesse Jackson

Mushrooms

Xbox

mosquitoes

zits

pubic hair

humidity

fat people

mitsubishi

infinidi

hyundai

retards

Oprah

Ellen Degeneres

Michael Bolton

fat people

reality TV

spanish (the language, not the people)

pop music

The Simpson Sisters (Jessica and Ashlee)

uh...fat people

Where God Went Wrong, More of God's Greatest Mistakes and Whos is This God Character Anyway?

Clowns.

I think God's first mistake was letting the secret of his existance leak out from the land of his people. Now there are those of us who listen to our creators (ie, Asatru, Droai, Shinto, Tao, Shamans) and we get our harassed day in and day out for doing what our forfather's had done for years.

Second mistake. Letting some poor Jewish guy write down Elohim instead of YHWH in the Torah when the world is first created. Elohim means 'shining ones' or 'bright ones', a similar sentiment to the gods of Babylon. And this dosn't mean the Trinity is real because he isn't called Elohim throught the Torah. Just there. The rest of the book he is called YHWH, or, translated from the Jewish acronym, He Who Should Not Be Named. He is <i>one</i> of the Elohim, not Elohim themselves.

Third mistake. Conservatives, and fundamentalists. Like Bush. Like Falwell. Like Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. People who take the words of a book written by men thousands of years ago as being more important then the world around them. The Bible isn't a handbook for living, its a selection of stories on morality and rules. It is just like EVERY other religion on the planet, including the "godless" Neopagans.

Fourth mistake. Letting the Christian Church, or Pauline Christianity, first start. All of the Christians in the world today, unless they are Jewish Reconstructionists, are working on flawed logic. For the original Pauline (read, Catholic) Church, which was the only church of the time, decided which books from the deadsea scrolls were actually going to be in the Bible, and which weren't. And the King James version? Same Bible with even less in it. You don't know the whole story. And you probably never will. Thus invalidating the Bible as a true holy book.

Fifth mistake. If he really wanted to control every person's faith he would have stamped out magic completly. But he didn't. Wicca and Druidic magic works, so does Shamanism, Tao, Shinto, Hindu, and non-denominational occult, like Alchemy. There is even a Jewish magical system called the Qabbalah. Supposidly the path to Heaven. And if it works, that means there really ARE other gods and goddesses out there, they weren't just the collective hallucinations of most of the world for mellenia.


Yikes someone is looking for an arguement ... I hope no one rises to it (there are PLENTY of other threads devoted to arguing for/against your point of views) this is not a serios thread so leave if you dont like that


I think his biggest mistake ... alowing people to generate the acyronym "ASL" (also tied in with the origional aol idea) sheesh that gets anoying

Fifth mistake. If he really wanted to control every person's faith he would have stamped out magic completly. But he didn't. Wicca and Druidic magic works, so does Shamanism, Tao, Shinto, Hindu, and non-denominational occult, like Alchemy. There is even a Jewish magical system called the Qabbalah. Supposidly the path to Heaven. And if it works, that means there really ARE other gods and goddesses out there, they weren't just the collective hallucinations of most of the world for mellenia.

My girlfriend is Native American and I'll tell you that there is surely something going on there that you won't read in any bible. A guy on the reservation told her things about me that I've never told a soul, and I still have yet to meet this guy. I only wish I would have been able to see the stuff she told me about her visit with the medicine man.

Hes kinda like PERFECT, so he can't make mistakes.

That alone is a mistake

I can't use anything else from Hitchhicker's guide to the Galaxy cos the title of this (when I've written it up) will be "Where God Went Wrong by Oolon Colluphid"
Sorry about that. I wasn't aware there had a restriction. Anyway, here'S some more:

Greed. There's something we could have gotten along without.

Religion. You'd think God was happy to KNOW he did it, but no, he had to rub it in.

Diseases. I don't know about you but I would have been quite content with healthy or dead, but why do we have to have degree of health?

Politics. Colossal waste of time whether your liberal or conservative. Also the cause of most of the wars.

Rats. Nasty little buggers.

Comeon people don’t let him hijack the thread

Ignore him

This thread (one of the few out there) is about fun and jokes … so lets keep it that way

Britney Spears
Lima Beans
Abortion
Canada
Kentucky
Tube Tops
The 80's
My Co-Worker Brian
Reality TV
Sunburns

In no particular order...

I should have been clearer about this. Reasons are needed. And, to be funny as well, rather than offensive. For instance, Toupees can go on the list, but not bald people.

ohhh the 80's because hair bands are the tool of the devil!

Britney Spears No
Lima Beans Yes
Abortion No
Canada No
Kentucky No
Tube Tops Yes
The 80's Yes
My Co-Worker Brian No
Reality TV No
Sunburns Yes

In no particular order...

why not reality tv?

Oh... got some more. Tapworms and goats. I mean, think about it. What is the point of a goat. What can a goat do that a sheep or a cow can't?

why not reality tv?
Its not funny enough, its too obvious why its a complete waste of time.

Like this?

Chartreuse. I mean, what kind of color is chartreuse? It's not even a cool sounding name. It's just plain bad.

BTW, feel free to use my material in any way, shape or form as long as doesn't reflect me in a bad light.

TOP 10 MISTAKES

1. fundamentalists
2. the Catholic Church
3. Microsoft
4. Kernal crashes
5. spammers
6. trigger-happy ignorant whacko Republicans
7. Mike Harris
8. my ex-boyfriend
9. INT213 - fuck! that class is evil! (if anyone's ever done ASP... you'd know why!)
10. American tourists - nothing against Americans, but why is it when they are touring your country they feel obligated to act like such assholes and be as loud and obnoxious as possible?!

Like this?

Chartreuse. I mean, what kind of color is chartreuse? It's not even a cool sounding name. It's just plain bad.

BTW, feel free to use my material in any way, shape or form as long as doesn't reflect me in a bad light.
LOL. I like that one

Giving us free will...

I mean! He wants ALL of our worship, free will is contradictory to that.....

I'm looking for a conclusive list of God's top 10 mistakes.

It probably doesn't make the top ten, but I saw him pushing on a door marked PULL last week. Also, I don't think much of his facial hair.

insects in general all of them! If there were no bugs or spiders or any type of insect, we would need any of them to get rid of each other. Summer would also be more enjoyable!

What about handlebar mustaches.

The machine that goes *PING*

You mean the one that tells you the child is still alive?

- The French: See "Mormons"

- Hummer 2: A Humvee pumped full of estrogen.

- HGTV: ...

- Catholicism: Nothing worse than an old, limp man preaching "STOP FUCKING!" to the masses.

- Doppler Radar: I've seen spitballs more accurate than this thing. I ended up driving my freshly-washed '99 Viper GTS Coupe through a fucking rainstorm. Thanks, Channel Six.

Microsoft Error Messages.
Blue Screen of Death.
Impossible-to-open Plastic Casing on electronics.
Buttered Popcorn-flavored Dum-Dums. (so nasty!)
Microsoft Office Paper Clip
College students with nappy hair who think they are cool because they wear Che Guevara or "CCCP" t-shirts.
Drama Queens
High School Freshmen
Funk (the smell)
College Applications
Cold/Flu/Mono
Adobe Acrobat and .pdf files
Cigar Smoke

Hmm, God's top ten mistakes? Let's see...


Sex: The one thing more powerful than money, weapons, the human mind, and even God himself. This rules many people's lives and makes them do stupid things. I know it's essential for our survival, but he didn't think it through much, did he?


i totally agree. it's wholly overrated.

America!

Oh... got some more. Tapworms and goats. I mean, think about it. What is the point of a goat. What can a goat do that a sheep or a cow can't?

Tapeworms I can agree with, but goats do a lot of stuff that cows and sheep can't, such as turning browse (weeds, shrubs and small trees) into usable meat, milk and hair. Cows and sheep both need grass; a goat can survive in much more marginal conditions and keep on producing.

Goats are finding new use as land clearing services as well. If you want to plant something in a brush- and weed-choked location, turn loose a herd of rent-a-goats. Three days and your ground is weeded, fertilized and lightly turned over. What more do you want?

So we can't use George W. Bush for the same reason as Reality TV.... because it's too obvious, right?

But That "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" or whatever it was... just that blue song. God is still kicking himself for that one.

insects in general all of them! If there were no bugs or spiders or any type of insect, we would need any of them to get rid of each other. Summer would also be more enjoyable!

Except of course for the smell of slowly-decaying organic matter that coats wherever you want to step. Believe it or not, insects are a major part of the cleanup crew that keeps the planet from being buried in organic matter. You might not like flies and their wiggly infants, but with out them, that dead cat in the vacant lot would never go away.

As for other pests, they beneficial ones do more or less balance out the others. I say let's get on with summer here in the northern hemisphere. Only gotta month or two left.

You mean the one that tells you the child is still alive?

right..my mistake...

the most expensive machine in the whole hospital.

Evolution. You'd think god would have beta-tested his creation before releasing it and having to update once in a while.

Weather Prediction. When they're accurate is because they were lucky. Also can someone tell me why we need five different ways to say "there will be clouds in the sky but not all the time"?

Humans- What the HELL were you thinking? They're physically weak, whiney, and smell bad. They tend to destroy everything else you've ever "made". In conclusion: you should kill them all.

alternate side of the street parking rules

Windows (the OS)

...

Oh! Internet Latency! (Lag)

Humans- What the HELL were you thinking? They're physically weak, whiney, and smell bad. They tend to destroy everything else you've ever "made". In conclusion: you should kill them all.

I reckon I could arm wrestle a kitten.

making prostitution within the family illegal.

Except of course for the smell of slowly-decaying organic matter that coats wherever you want to step. Believe it or not, insects are a major part of the cleanup crew that keeps the planet from being buried in organic matter. You might not like flies and their wiggly infants, but with out them, that dead cat in the vacant lot would never go away.

As for other pests, they beneficial ones do more or less balance out the others. I say let's get on with summer here in the northern hemisphere. Only gotta month or two left.


Ok I'll settle for mosquitoes and black flies and bee's and wasps..lol :P

Gotta sya a few things here:

Ex-Girlfriends-is your number THE ONLY number they remember when they get sad!?(and the voice they use when they call you in that sad state)

Badgers-EVIL BEASTS, they need poking to death....with spoons....

Star Trek-For gettin me hooked on the thing. I spout Quotes from it all the time now

Daylight Saving Time-Seriously almighty creator, this might have worked when there were no clocks, but now we have VCRs, wall clocks, standing clocks, microwave oven digital timers.......(you get the idea) to change. WHY!?

ME-'nuff said

neway, that's my rundown.

In no particular order (and no, I didn't read through the other pages to ensure they haven't been posted before):

France
Commies
Humidity
Kansas
Disco
Size XXX Spandex pants for the big gals
Rap and Hip-Hop (don't want to waste two on them)
3.2 Beer
Did I mention Kansas?
France

In no particular order (and no, I didn't read through the other pages to ensure they haven't been posted before):

France
Commies
Humidity
Kansas
Disco
Size XXX Spandex pants for the big gals
Rap and Hip-Hop (don't want to waste two on them)
3.2 Beer
Did I mention Kansas?
France
You should have read the post. We are looking for funny things with an explanation.

I gotta say, Superman 64 HAD to be a mistake.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/spam2.jpg
'nuff said.

Got another one.

Body Odo(u)r. Okay, we all understand the need for sweat; it keeps us cool when we're really working hard or heating up. But why on earth does the stuff smell so bad? It's as though God rewards the lazy by making the physically active so utterly repellant through the stench of their secretions. I mean, when you've been putting yourself through the strain of keeping your body healthy, the last thing you want when you're tired, warm, hungry and in blinding pain is for no-one to dare approach you due to the wall of stink hovering a few feet in front of you.

Especially for overweight people. For them, it's a "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't" situation. They churn the stuff out like a McDonalds factory that's just had the local farm tipped into its burger-chute, which does almost as much damage to their social comfort as taking up two seats in the cinema.

And sweating in positions of nervousness doesn't help either. Imagine situation A: Guy wants to ask really hot girl out on date. Or Scenario B: A guy is applying for an important job position. Either fits the bill. He's gushing the mixture from every pore like a bathtap. How are his chances supposed to hold up when flies around him are dying from oxygen deprivation?

What's wrong with keeping cool without endangering everyone around you?

feminazi's (no not feminists, not the civil ones for true equality, the evil really bitchy ones)

Got another one.

Body Odo(u)r. Okay, we all understand the need for sweat; it keeps us cool when we're really working hard or heating up. But why on earth does the stuff smell so bad? It's as though God rewards the lazy by making the physically active so utterly repellant through the stench of their secretions. I mean, when you've been putting yourself through the strain of keeping your body healthy, the last thing you want when you're tired, warm, hungry and in blinding pain is for no-one to dare approach you due to the wall of stink hovering a few feet in front of you.

(skipping)
What's wrong with keeping cool without endangering everyone around you?
Well, the whole sense of smell could go if you ask me. Who would miss it? :p

hey, there are some things in the world that smell really good...

God's biggest mistake has got to be Linda Barker (only people from the UK, or those who watch the British version of Changing Rooms on BBC America will understand). When watching commercial television, it is probably easiest to count the advertisements that she does NOT appear in- she currently advertises for a shop that sells cheap, crappy electronic goods, a shop that sells cheaper, crappier Sofas, Toothpaste (only seen the advert once, but the scars remain), and she is naturally a reforming cocaine addict (so she has the ruined nose and prominent veins in her arms).

God's second biggest mistake is Leslie Ash.

His third biggest mistake is definately creating the makers of "Family Guy" so that they stop after only three series. I cry with laughter with every episode.

One final mistake- Celine Dion. Not one positive thing that I can think of when it comes to her- the teeth, her endorsement of the film "Titanic", the fact that she is French-Canadian, the list continues ad infinitum...

Toes- they don't really serve any purpose except to get stubbed on furniture when you're half-asleep or drunk.

non-alcoholic beer

Windows ME --- cool downgrade from windows 3.11

Cat 3

Heat Sink Clips (anyone that has ever tried to seat a fan already in a case … knows what I talk about)

Non optical mice (stupid getting clogged)

Qwerty keyboards (designed to make you type slower so you don’t get a “key jam” stupid hold over from typewriters)

Usb 1.1 (so slow)

640*480 resolution (BIG icons)

How about that whole... "Thou shall not kill." thing?

That was a mistake.

I gotta say, Superman 64 HAD to be a mistake.

Oh, hell freaking yes. I wasted $6.88 on that game!

Oh, hell freaking yes. I wasted $6.88 on that game!

I'm glad I read a review where it got 6% or something similiarly feeble, before contemplating buying it. I probably wouldn't have, anyway. I loathe superheroes. I think God screwed up pretty bad when he made them, too.

Humans. We've fucked up the rest of the planet so bad.

But excluding that, I can count a bunch just in human anatomy. Like having the food and air use the same entrance. what the hell is the point of that? also, why are humans' arteries and veins so close to the surface? I mean, come on, either that's a really morbid practical joke, or it's stupid. A smart design would have been to put the big arteries and such inside the bones.

toenails. fingernails. but mainly toenails. whyyyyy!?! to keep our tootsies warm whilst wearing sandals? gih?
umm
bees. wasps. feel a bit sorry for em. you piss them off by trying to kill them, and by seeking revenge they die. maybe they're being punished?
umm
simon cowell. :headbang:
umm

right well what i don't understand is the male g-spot.... surely god wanted people to arse fuck? god is batty boi? it makes no sense. anywho... im outta idea for now.

oh yeh and smiley smiley carol smiley (grr)

One big thing is letting Satan do what he wants to do in hell to us. I mean what the hell for all we know Satan could strap us to those infernal ddr arcade machines or even worse make us wach soap operas.

Thats pure EVIL!

Gods #1 mistake

Telling everyone to do what he says, then leaving that old bald guy in the golf cart to enforce his will. Not an authority figure.

Having said that, telling everyone to do what he says. period.
This kicked in my automatic disobedience circuits, along with most of the human race's

Toes- they don't really serve any purpose except to get stubbed on furniture when you're half-asleep or drunk.

ah, but thankfully, he invented shoes :p
also, toes help you keep balance (unless you're half-asleep or drunk, lol)

One big thing is letting Satan do what he wants to do in hell to us. I mean what the hell for all we know Satan could strap us to those infernal ddr arcade machines or even worse make us wach soap operas.

Thats pure EVIL!

youve got a good point mate. if god is the "supreme being" then how comes he doesn't kick satan's arse? or maybe theyre a team.......

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.............!

Tapeworms I can agree with, but goats do a lot of stuff that cows and sheep can't, such as turning browse (weeds, shrubs and small trees) into usable meat, milk and hair. Cows and sheep both need grass; a goat can survive in much more marginal conditions and keep on producing.

Goats are finding new use as land clearing services as well. If you want to plant something in a brush- and weed-choked location, turn loose a herd of rent-a-goats. Three days and your ground is weeded, fertilized and lightly turned over. What more do you want?

Didn't think about that. I'm from the City, you see. I retract the goat.

OK time to get to the serious mistakes

MENSTRUATION
its messy, nasty, annoying, painful, and has so little use that i cant think of another species that does it.

GIVING A BI-PEDAL SPECIE A QUADROPEDAL BIRTH CANAL
what? he had NO idea that it would make childbirth a bit problematical?

SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
well not the sex part, thats pretty ok but what about the MESS? surely a loving god wouldnt have given us the wet spot.

CELLULITE
oh yeah lets ruin an otherwise perfectly attractive gender by giving them fat thighs

SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
well not the sex part, thats pretty ok but what about the MESS? surely a loving god wouldnt have given us the wet spot.

What's wrong with the mess? I think it's a turn-on. ^^

As a side note: has anyone seen the "Ten reasons why beer is better than Jesus" thing?

God's mistake - creating humans with the capability of rational thought while remaining a disembodied voice that speaks in people's heads.

ex. you - "I heard god talk to me!"
them - "He's crazy, lock him up"

MENSTRUATION
its messy, nasty, annoying, painful, and has so little use that i cant think of another species that does it.

All mammals menstruate.

GIVING A BI-PEDAL SPECIE A QUADROPEDAL BIRTH CANAL
what? he had NO idea that it would make childbirth a bit problematical?

Well, the funny thing is that God covered the tracks on that one. Notice in Genesis it says that women would have pain in childbirth *before* Eve ever had a child.

What I don't understand is why she didn't look at God and say, "Well, now, how would I know the bloody difference, you putz?!"

SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
well not the sex part, thats pretty ok but what about the MESS? surely a loving god wouldnt have given us the wet spot.

Proof. :D

Powered revolving doors that move slowly so you need to shuffle to keep it from running over the back of your feet.

THe fact that you get less leg room on 15 hour flights than in short domestic ones.

The metal fold out footrests in airplains that when they are up dig into your calves and when they're down push your knees up under your chin.

Linear algebra and taylor series polynomials. Nuff said.

My peace studies proffesser who... speaks... like.... this... for... the... entire... lecture... and... then...pauses... to... stare... at... her... notes .................................................................................................... .........................................................and... who... simply... reads... the... assigned... readings... in... class... and... who... decided... halfway... through... the... exam... to... add... 3... more... essay... questions.

Brent International School's uniforms... THey HAD to be a devine practical joke. The flies never stay up for more than 5 minutes. So glad I'm out of there.

Close talkers, especially those with bad breath.

Male genitalia. They're just asking for trouble. they're left hanging there between the legs, ready to get caught on things, pinched, zipped and make sitting difficult. They can, under certain circomstaces even make walking impossible. Especially when you're wearing jeans. Not to mention they are perfectly placed to be kicked... the legs sort of guide the foot up.

The bit of fluff in tylanol bottles. There's no need for that.

the fact that a good 90% of our genetic material is perminantly inactive. He must have been a terrible programmer... leaving all that useless code around.

My landlord. There's no need for that either. It's not like he actually does anything but collect rent checks.

Bad poets.

Tea candles. You use them to light your room when the power goes out and you need to write an essay, and then they melt a hole in your carpet and set off the fire alarm, and you need to spend hours chipping melted carpet and airing out your room.

All mammals menstruate.



Well, the funny thing is that God covered the tracks on that one. Notice in Genesis it says that women would have pain in childbirth *before* Eve ever had a child.

What I don't understand is why she didn't look at God and say, "Well, now, how would I know the bloody difference, you putz?!"



Proof. :D

i suppose all female animals shed their uterine lining upon an unsuccessful ovulation but they dont bleed all over the place from it.

yeah pain in childbirth BIG MISTAKE

i suppose all female animals shed their uterine lining upon an unsuccessful ovulation but they dont bleed all over the place from it.


Heh ... well, no ... but most mammals lick themselves and eat the fluids. Humans use other methods for spill control.

republicans
bad goth poetry (black roses on spiderwebs bullshite)
internet smileys and internet slang
rap
harlequin romance novels
mental and physical retardation
disease
the cold war
the current war
hitler, holocaust, ect
cold coffee
the patriot act

OK time to get to the serious mistakes

MENSTRUATION
its messy, nasty, annoying, painful, and has so little use that i cant think of another species that does it.

GIVING A BI-PEDAL SPECIE A QUADROPEDAL BIRTH CANAL
what? he had NO idea that it would make childbirth a bit problematical?

SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
well not the sex part, thats pretty ok but what about the MESS? surely a loving god wouldnt have given us the wet spot.

CELLULITE
oh yeah lets ruin an otherwise perfectly attractive gender by giving them fat thighsNow that's funny!

Male genitalia. They're just asking for trouble. they're left hanging there between the legs, ready to get caught on things, pinched, zipped and make sitting difficult. They can, under certain circomstaces even make walking impossible. Especially when you're wearing jeans. Not to mention they are perfectly placed to be kicked... the legs sort of guide the foot up.

Ah yes, penises. Now don't get me wrong, I'd rather have my penis than not have it, but jesus, do a first draft first. To give such a small organ so much power and control over you is just wrong. And the badly designed control interface, that gives you no direct control over it, just an indirect control where you have to think very hard about other things to get it to do what you want to.

Oh, I agree entirely, I wouldn't want to lose it. But you're right, direct control WOULD be nice. And retractability would also be absolutely terrific for when you're doing up pants in the dark.

I'd have to say that his biggest mistake is getting people to pray to him on Sundays, his day off.

personally, my top eight...I'll think of 2 later

Periods- If I wanted to give blood EVERY month, I'd go to a blood drive. :(

Thou shall not kill-good rule, but not followed. My parents are overworked and underpaid to watch 31 yr. old children who raped and murdered.

Politicians-the same people who won't give my parents a raise.

Common sense-it isn't as common as we'd all like to think.

Computerized driving tests-You can't do the one thing required in driving to pass the test,-->think

premature balding-I think we'd all be happier if no one lost their hair until they were 90.

nearsight-everyone takes perepheral vision for granted until you have to turn your head 90 degrees to drive on a highway.

hot climates-give me snow anyday. :D

One word. I think anyone who has a younger sibling/child can agree with me on this one.

RAFFI

Crippling Insanity - Haha, you're a blubbering tormented peice of flesh and your mind is ill-formed enough to not understand the word of God, so you go to Hell and suffer more when you die.

Furries - I don't mean the tastefully done anthros, I mean the oversexbombed yiffy Winger-isms with genitalia that require ecological impact statements. Though I suppose this doesn't count. God had the sense NOT to make these things, people did this.

Apathy - Not so much a flaw in humanity as in God himself. I've created this wonderful universe! Oh look, they flayed my son alive! ...well I'm bored. ZZzzzzzz....

Grudges - "Yes, you will -ALL- go to hell if you don't WORSHIP ME, because your great^X grandfather ate an apple after I told him not to."

Satan/Lucifer, Angel of Light/The Deciever/The Serpent/ - "Hey! I'm an all-knowing God! I think I'll make someone with cool powers like me who will eventually betray me and lead my creation astray while trying for all eternity to overthrow me!"

Putting the damn apple tree in the garden. - "What's that?" "Don't eat it." "What is it?" "It's conscience fruit, and I don't want you to have one. So don't eat it." And then his all-knowing self acts surprised when a snake convinces these innocent and naive creatures to eat it.

Speed of Light Contraints - I've made a giant and glorious universe... but I'm taking it away a little bit at a time, and you can't ever go see it. Seriously, why not just have a rubber sheet around the earth with stars painted on it?

Genesis's Creation Order - And let the land bring forth seed and stem, leaf and flower... and... OOPS, I'll make a Sun tomorrow.

The platypus - No seriously, LOOK at the thing. It's part duck, part beaver, part rat, secretes milk directly from its skin, is POISONOUS, and lays EGGS. That was added -just- to screw up taxonomy.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. - And then he should have hit the undo button.

RAFFI

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Raffi!!! :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :mp5:

Bad, Goed! Bad! No!

Sell By, Use by and Best before dates....no so much the dates to warn you but the point when a food starts to mould.....whats the point in mould, surely it would be smarter to let food last.....

Models, thin models to be more precise, Children grow up in a world that, worships these models and they grow up to believe thats how they should look....which is one cause of suicide....and self harm...

Slavery......need i say more...

ESURE ADVERTS, ARGHHHHH there annoying, the man thinks he's funny, esure think there funny and there fucking not and ... NO!! :headbang:

Dance music, it all sounds the same and it has no meaning and no reason for being apart from people to get drunk and dance around like twats

ALL soaps....except neighbours....because of crap storylines and people who watch them all the time religiously and cant miss one eposode, just stick with one soap, neighbours as it beats the rest

....

How about creating the gene that makes people think boy bands have talent or that dances like the macarena are cool? Would that count as one of God's greatest mistakes?

Democrats and Presbyterians.

Gods biggest mistake?

Wiping out the great Dinosauria. Humans are a frail, weak pathetic species. The great dinosaurs were the lords of creation.

They were better custodians of this Earth...

1. You all
2. Your mothers
3. Free Will
4. Staplers, espescially when you wind up with a staple in your hand for the rest of your life.
5. :sniper:
6. The smiley icons, they are the work of satan, and they make effective communication even harder.
7. The internet in general, it has reduced the level of human communication to practically nil, and it makes it easier for psychotic computers to take over the world.
8. Doug, his favorite band has a horrible name, the Beets
9. Backstreet Boys, need I say more.
10. Not giving humans telepathic/telekinetic powers.

Democrats and Presbyterians.
Republicans and Catholics

Hailstorms. They hurt like hell, and if strong enough, destroy stuff. And that's it. No other benefit whatsoever.

Mirages. Giving people hope like that but taking it away is just a little vicious, to say the least.

Stinging Nettles. They do absolutely nothing, except hurt things. Lovely.

Pop-ups. He really needs to stop them. Espesciall the ones that open new ones when you close them...

People Who Think That There's No-one Else On The Road. Seriously. If people wanted large scrapes along the side of their vehicles, then they could get any pointy metal object and do it with that instead.

Potholes. Walking or driving along, and suddenly not, with a wheel stuck and half your suspension gone, or half your leg disappearing underground.

How did god let Boy Bands get on this Earth.

Spamming

Time.
Yeah, sure, he(she/it/whatever) made the universe in 6 days. . . at whatever timeframe God runs in. . Not like I can work out of a black hole where the rules of time don't work. (though it be a hell of a diet. .)
And all I got was 7 lousy days to get my crap (work, clean, pay bills etc) done in?!!!
Hence, humans created procrastination.

-Christians
-Not actually existing
-Being the main character in a long, boring fairy tale called the Bible
-Did I say Christians?

The worst thing he created was Jesus, I mean whats the point in making a baby if your not having sex.

Free Will - This is what I hope to remove from my nation. Without it, people will stop complaining about BS nobody cares about. Don't think for yourselves, leave it to a higher power, Me.

Creating Republicans.

television. Evil mind warping horror that it is. Why would any just and loving deity do something like that to his creations? God is the ultimate t.v. assisted parent.

Television isn't bad in and of itself. Reality television, however....

Amish in the City? The Littlest Groom? Yeah--God deserves a swift kick in the nads for that idea. Where LG when you need him?

Australian Rules football
John Howard (Australian Prime Minister)-you can't tell where Bush ends and Howard begins!
Sulphur-Crested cockatoos-They're noisy, stupid, messy and they scare the other birds away
Anime
Pregnancy-couldn't He have made propagating the species less painful for women?

10. Dr. Phil, Rush Limbaugh & Dr. Laura Schlessinger....nuf said.

9. Haggis... "hey, I know, I'll stuff a sheeps stomach with some crap and eat it...that sounds good!" What the ....? Who would say that?

8. http://pixyland.org/peterpan/ (check out the fashion page)

7. Aryan Nation...and every other Nazi assed, Hitler loving sadist

6. The mosquito (serving less than no purpose and spreading disease no less!)

5. Reality TV... (better writers, better scripts)

4. Courtney Love (a mess in a dress)

3. Strip mining, strip malls, strippers with cellulite

2. Red Tape

1. incurable diseases

Light:

In the beginning, God called the Archangel Gabriel into his office.

"LET THERE BE LIGHT" He said.

"Doable," Gabriel said, rubbing his chin. "What kind of light do you want?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

"Well, for example, you might want light to be a wave, or perhaps it could be a particle."

"A WAVE OR A PARTICLE?"

"Those are pretty much the options, Sir."

"I SHALL HAVE BOTH."

"Both? Are you sure-?"

"I AM YOUR GOD!"

"I'm just wondering if you've thought this through, is all. I mean, I'm sure that's gonna cause a whole bunch of problems later on."

"I SAID: LET THERE BE LIGHT!"

"Okay, okay, no need to get tetchy about it. Oh, there's one more thing before I go: How fast do you want it to go?"

"I THINK THREE HUNDRED MILLION METRES PER SECOND OUGHT TO DO IT."

"Right," he said, noting this down on his clipboard, "And that's relative to the light source, right?"

"NO."

"No?"

"NO. RELATIVE TO EVERYTHING."

"Sir?"

"YES?"

"May I go now? I think I'm getting a migraine."

"YES, YOU MAY GO. LET THERE BE LIGHT - I WANT IT DONE BY TONIGHT."

"There is no tonight."

"WHEN YOU'VE MADE THE LIGHT, DIVIDE IT FROM THE DARKNESS. I SHALL CALL THE DARKNESS NIGHT AND THE LIGHT DAY."

"Alright," said Gabriel, and gave a half-hearted salute, and let himself out.

God leaned back on his La-Z-Cloud, and said, "NOTHING LIKE A GOOD DAYS WORK"

(Excerpt from Genesis: http://www.frabjous.org/writing/genesis.html )

Guys! Guys!!! You're missing the BIGGEST 2 mistakes of All Time! The 2 things God should never have given us.

1-Strong Wills.

2-Closed Minds

Think about it! The reason we have wars is because neither side is willing to admit they're wrong, and Neither side is willing to listen to what the other side has to say!

Goofball's Top Ten Biggest Mistakes God Has Made:

10) Putting testicles on the outside of the body.

9) Carrot Top

8 ) Onions

7) Giving seagulls weak bowels and good aim.

6) Not giving Earth enough mud. We need more mud.

5) For the most part, opposeable thumbs have led to nothing but trouble.

4) Religion. Is our faith in Him worth the lives of millions? I wonder if He regrets talking to us in the first place. I think He might have underestimated our ability to take good ideas and screw them up.

3) Vegetarians. I didn't claw to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.

2) The People's Court. Making lawsuits popular and entertaining has led to the decline of western civilization. Judge Wapner and Doug Llewelyn have a lot to answer for in the afterlife. :mad:

and #1) Celebrities with Causes. GRRR!!!!! Nobody cares what I think about AIDS in Africa. Why the hell should I care what Bono thinks? Bono needs to get struck with a blunt object. ... ...like maybe a bus.

Nazis, nough said

Where God Went Wrong, More of God's Greatest Mistakes and Whos is This God Character Anyway?

Clowns.

HEY!!! :mad:

PMS, sweet jesus how does someone make that up.

Extremists/Jihadists in general. The whole world doesn't want to destroy you, your just making them.

Abu Saayaff. Only a Filipino will get this.

Thin Lips. There just wrong.

AIDS. That is one evil motherfucker.

Diamonds. Sure, their pretty, but you know how much your girl bitches about not having them?

Transvestites. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS!!

People that don't like Mentos. Just because.

1. Spinal Cords -- Come on, exoskeletons are so much cooler.
2. George W. Bush -- See, if I had an exoskeleton, I would be protected from the battering I am about to receive.
3. Not giving humans opposable toes -- I mean, what's up with that?

People who post replies on topics like this for no reason other then piss other people off, I'm talking to anyone who listed anime here.

:sniper:

Duran Duran

You know Satan created AOL just to orally rape humans.

OK, I know this is more than ten, but I had to put all of these down:
-Soccer moms
-Rebulicans
-Multiple religions(what kind of god would let several different belief systems about him/her/it spring up, then fight with each other about who is right?)
-Country music
-Boy Bands
-The mystery of his/her/its gender. Referring to an almighty being as "it" sounds disrepectful, and referring to god as a "he" or "she" sounds sexist. Which is why the pronoun I use for gods that had no definate gender in their relitive religions as "he/she/it" or the equvalent.
-Survivor, Amercian Idol, Who Wants to be a Millionare, etc...
-1337 sp34k
-Tobbacco, crack, alcohol, etc.
-The US's system of driving on the right(direction, not the other meaning) side of the street when everyone else drives on the left side of the street
-Edutainment. That stuff is neither entertaining, nor more educational than book studying.
-Mosquitoes & flies
-Aging
-People who complain too much(then again, I suppose that'd make me a mistake judging by this list...)
-Mall Tycoon. Worst. Game. Ever.
-Liposuction. "Exercise? Why? I can just SUCK the fat out!"
-Atheists, like me. What kind of god would allow people who didn't believe in him/her/it to exist?
-Only 2 weekend days. >_>

And finally:
-Micheal Jackson


Thank you for reading this mini-rant. You will not get your 4 minutes back. Have a nice day.

Uh, I'm pretty sure it's only Great Britain that drives on the left, most of the world drives on the right (like the U.S.A.)

8- The Canadian-US exchange rate... and the fact that our ten dollar bill (7.50 US) is purple... that's just odd.
7- Survivor... what number is that show on by now? 20 or something?
6- Bolsheviks... those guys really hurt us. All of a sudden "communist" is a dirty word to half the world, and it's all their fault!
5- The fact that we, too drive on the right side of the road, and are thus in another respect similar to the USA.
4- The cruel twist of fate that made Tommy Douglas one of his nation's most important leaders, but robbed him forever of enough votes to hold real power. I'm looking at you, two house parliamentary system we took from England! (Don't know what I'm talking about? You should look it up, because Canadian politics is a wild roller-coaster ride.)
3- People being comfortable with the status quo. More specifically, the lack of desire which is going to leave Canada and Australia with the Queen of England as a figurehead "head of state" for all time. It degrades us all, really.
2- Losing that battle with the dollar sign that made it more powerful than he is.
1- Putting all the US's oil under Arabs' land. Now you're just asking for a fight, G-man.

Note: I didn't read the whole thread, so I might be repeating something already posted by another user.

1.) Logic. Why would you allow us to make something that makes believers in you look stupid so often? (It almost makes one think that God has an incredible sense of humour.)

2.) Why make the Universe so damn big? What, one galaxy wasn't enough? What a showoff that God chap is!!!

3.) Why make us sentient? That goof has caused untold misery for our species. Now we have to go around trying to figure out whether you exist or not for millenia upon millenia.

4.) Lifeforms that are mostly water and slice open easily? What were you thinking? I'm sure you could do better than that.

5.) Hundreds of different languages? Wouldn't just one have helped unite people in their belief in you? Tsk tsk.

5.) Hundreds of different languages? Wouldn't just one have helped unite people in their belief in you? Tsk tsk.

He did that on purpose. The Tower of Babel. Mankind tried to build a tower high enough reach the heavens themselves. God got pissed, broke the tower, and scattered mankind to the winds, making hundreds of different languages so that they could never work together again.

He did that on purpose. The Tower of Babel. Mankind tried to build a tower high enough reach the heavens themselves. God got pissed, broke the tower, and scattered mankind to the winds, making hundreds of different languages so that they could never work together again.

I've read the Bible a couple times, and I know the story. I'm just not sure if it's historically accurate enough that we could posit it as a solid explanation. That story's an excellent way to try to teach kids not to be prideful, though. That and Spoff said he wanted funny stuff, so I tried to be funny. I may not have succeeded though. ;)

Teach kids not to be prideful? Are you kidding? After I heard that story I spent a month trying to build my own tower to the heavens. It showed me it could be done ;)

Oh, I agree, PMS is definitely up there. Seriously. As a male, I enjoy being as reasonable this week as I was last week and I will be next week. So why not the other half of the species? Really, would it be too much to ask?

Imacculate creation, my ass.

Mold. I hate mold. It scares me.

6) Not giving Earth enough mud. We need more mud.

Ah, but he gave us a great amount of dirt and a crapload of water.

Ah, but he gave us a great amount of dirt and a crapload of water.

Last time I made mud in industrial-sized quantities and spread it around, I got another 3 day observation period. :p

3. British "Humour"


Why??? its not as bad as american 'Spelling'. :rolleyes:

anyway i think WASPS are the ultimate evil.

menstruation - why, God, WHY?!

Time.
Yeah, sure, he(she/it/whatever) made the universe in 6 days. . . at whatever timeframe God runs in. . Not like I can work out of a black hole where the rules of time don't work. (though it be a hell of a diet. .)
And all I got was 7 lousy days to get my crap (work, clean, pay bills etc) done in?!!!
Hence, humans created procrastination.
hey if we go by gods time...
6 days from the creation of the world to the garden of eden...
we are still early on on day 7, the day he rested on..

so what the hell, take the next eon or so off. he is.

you have a LOOOONG time til the end of the month!

ok
the biggie
the worst mistake of all

FREE WILL

as a mother, i can only shake my head sadly at this huge error

consider:

you make a human being from scratch, raise them up "by hand" . nothing is too good for them. no bottle feeding for MY kid. only hand made organic food. the best schools the best neighborhoods the best EVERYTHING no matter what the cost or sacrifice

THEN

john jr comes home from harvard to announce that he has become a communo-anarchist and that he shall from now on be referred to as john X because surnames are a symbol of capitalist oppression

little mary, upon turning 17, drops out of highschool so she can be with her SOULMATE, a 35 year old stoner who has never held a legal job. they plan to move in with you.

WHY, GOD? couldnt you have at least had free will kick in at some reasonable age... like 30??

Let's see...great evils...hmm...

Ah! I know.

Rust - killed my first car, it did. After I spent $300 to get it fixed, five minutes after I got it out of the shop, it fell apart again. Look in the dictionary under the word "sucks donkeys" and you have what happened to my car.

Windows ME - possibly the most Satanic OS ever devised, and since I do tech support and have to troubleshoot people with ME, I go almost insane. Windows 2000 and XP are far superior OS, and people with ME and 98 must be made to use the far better OS whether by force or by slowly driving them insane.

"Dr." Robert Atkins - WTF is with the Atkins diet? You can eat all the bacon you want, but the minute you pick up a rice cake you're cheating on your diet. Only in America does "healthy eating" have 60+ grams of fat...even if it does have -6 net carbs. Well, I like my fucking carbs. If I want to count something it'll be the miles on my car's odometer.

Ketchup - is there a more vile condiment on the face of the planet? Aside from that, name me all its uses and I can name you something that does the job far better, generally either salt, BBQ sause, or Ranch dressing.

Firearms - do we really need more efficient ways to blow each other to kingdom come? Whatever happened to the old-fashioned bludgeoning your enemies with a battleaxe? It relieves more stress anyway.

Tobacco - a product that serves only a few discernable purposes, among which is giving people cancer, causing public air to reek, giving people's allergies fits, and making tobacco executives rich. And don't even get me started on chewing tobacco.

John Ashcroft - since I can't list Dubya, I will list his Attorney General, who lost a Senate race to a dead man, spent the pre-9/11 days griping about a statue in a Washington building with one bare breast, and frankly is actually scarier than Janet Reno, if such a thing is possible...

Captain planet...need i say more.