NationStates Jolt Archive

Talk really fast.

Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.

Make up your own language. Speak it.

Hang up.

Make up a one word language. Speak it.

Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"

If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.

If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.

Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.

Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.

Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.

Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.

Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "

Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

Claim to be the mafia.

Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."

Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.

Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.

Ask the telemarketer to find your friend Mike last name Rotch. Claim you will only buy a subscription from them.

Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"

Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"

Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable *69."

Speak a foreign language.

If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.

Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone down to hang up.

Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"

Communicate only through Morse code.

Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.

Try to sell the telemarketer something.

Act drunk.

Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.

Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.

Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.

If he/she says "No" to #36 insist that he/she buy yours.

If he/she says "Yes" to #36 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.

Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.

Make him/her sing to get a sale.

If a male sings for #41, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.

If a female sings for #41, claim that she sounds like Barry White.

Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.

Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.

Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.

After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.

Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.

If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.

Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.

Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.

Wrong forum. This belongs in GENERAL, not nationstates.

*Sigh*

Wrong forum. This belongs in GENERAL, not nationstates.

*Sigh*

What? This is the General forum.

Those are some good ideas.

If it is MCI, ask them if they still have that Friends and Family plan and then tell them you always wanted a little brother.

One of the greatest "Seinfeld" moments was when Jerry got a call from a telemarketer, who wants to sell him something:

Jerry: I don't know...maybe. Hey, why don't you give me your home phone so I can call you back. Oh, you don't want people calling you at home? Well, now you know how I feel. *Hangs Up*

Awesome.

Pretend you are a Matrix character and ask for an exit.

Pretend you are a Matrix character and ask for an exit.
LOL

"Link?"

Having spent a moment on the darkside (I worked for two weeks as a telemarketer for SBC, well actually the contractor that handled SBCs telemarketing, which is part of the problem, but I'm skipping ahead) I can say this:
You will not be the first person to try just about any of these. Nor will any one of these really do much to the telemarketers. Remember, they have the ability to anonomously iratate you. I've seen it happen, an 'irratating' persons phone number will be bounced about and targeted for repeated calling, etc. There is no real way to tell which one of them is doing anything to you and the supervising staff has no real vested intrest in hunting them down.

The only TRUE way to irratate the telemarketer is waste their time. Most of the time they are on a quota or being pressured in some way to produce, so the longer they spend on a 'dead end' the worse their day will be. People waiting by the phone to pull their new favorite prank are easy to spot and are hung up on quickly. Fiegned intrest, then the dump-thats the butter.

IMPORTANT: Hang on the line and MAKE SURE you are taken off the list, and then-don't take their word for it. As stated above, often it is a seperate company contract out, so you should call the hiring company yourself and make sure you are taken off the list, as well as tell them how they are being represented as they do have a vested intrest in making the telemarketers behave.

If you asked to be taken off the list and you get called again anyway, it's time to complain to the authorities. Now is the best time for that, since telemarketers are the new tobacco.

good luck.

My grandpa, who died last year- bless him- would answer the phone. His last name is LeDuc (pronounced La Duke), but telemarketers would call asking for "Mr. LeDuck." My grandpa would reply, "He's dead." The telemarketer would reply, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'll call back later." My grandpa would then respond, "Well, he'll be dead then, too!" and hang up.

Thanks for the info Cannot Think

Oh, and I particulary enjoy answering the phone and saying that they're on the air with Bill O Reiley and if they have an opinion on the Democratic Nationalist Convention.

Makes em think a bit

ROFLMAO! Oh, nice! I love all the ideas. :D :D :D

Thanks for the info Cannot Think

Oh, and I particulary enjoy answering the phone and saying that they're on the air with Bill O Reiley and if they have an opinion on the Democratic Nationalist Convention.

Makes em think a bit
Actually, that's close to one of the good ones. If they find out it's a business they are more likely to take it off the list as a dead end. If you know a foriegn language that'll sometimes work, but it has to be rare. Latin will fool them, they ain't the best and the brightest. But if it's spanish or a common-ish language they might have someone on staff who speaks it and you'll end up getting pitched in the new language. Ultimately the language thing will get you called again, though. The business, that's a fair bet that you won't.

A little disturbed that my name gets shortened to Cannot think.......:(

CToaN is cool.....then I won't want to cry under the bed.....:)

heh, sorry. I was kinda lazy and I didn't know if you'd understand that I was addressing you if I called you "Cannot"

answer the phone "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, may I take your order *huhuh*"

ask them how much the product costs...in Klingon


tell them your busy and ask if you can call them back later

<zeleftikam> the internet is sweet
<zeleftikam> my phone was rining
<zeleftikam> and i looked up the area code on google and decided not to answer it based on the geographical call origin before it stopped ringing
<zeleftikam> Telefund, INC
<zeleftikam> We raise money and political support from core lists of donors, run successful acquisition campaigns to build membership, and generate persuasion calls to members in the heat of a political campaign.


... also reminds me how one of my friends answered the phone and it was a telemarketer. "we have about 10 guys in this room. were all naked"

you should've answered saying that you will not do any of the stuff it said there.


Make em think

have sex with :cool:

Some nice suggestions in the first post.

I hate telemarketing - like we don't get enough f*&%!#@ advertising on TV, radio, internet, newspapers, magazines, billboards etc etc etc

AFAIK, anything you do to these people is fair game...

When I get a tele-marketing call, I typically will tell the tele-marketer that she or he has called during the delivery of my girlfriend's baby. Yeah, she has a lot of "babies" to tele-marketers, but it's hilarious to get the responses from them when you tell them that your girlfriend is having a baby when they call.

Comcast is notorious for calling at all hours of the day making sure your "cable" is working properly... :gundge:

I would try to sell them something.

Alas, we're on the "do not call" list, so i don't get to try any of this...