NationStates Jolt Archive

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. Your annual report says that you own eight cows, with an option on one more.

LMFAO Jerks - that was good

I'll plump for American Capitalism. Though it sucks for the neighbor ;)

*Sigh* There are about 12 of these threads. Will someone please put a stake through its heart; it's funny the first time but boring afterwards!

NEO-LIBERAL CAPITALISM (as applied to the Majority World)

You have two cows. You sell them both for less than you paid for them because cattle owners in Argentina and Brazil can raise them cheaper than you can, and the multinational corporation buying up beef is looking for the lowest bidder. Now you're broke and selling genetically modified cotton which you can't eat, and is selling at a price that hardly makes it worthwhile to grow, because India just dumped their cotton on the market and the market price bottomed out. You burn out from all the stress and and need medical attention, but find that you are no longer covered under any health-care plan because the IMF and World Bank Structural Adjustment Programs forced your government to sell off all publically run programs in order to qualify for a loan, so now you're broke, hungry and sick and it's your own damn fault because at least you could've eaten the stupid cows:).

Welfare state with token socialist policies: You have two cows. You complain about not being allowed to use child labor and choose to read Ayn Rand instead of feeding them.

Anarcho-communism: You have two cows. You share your milk with your neighbors who share their eggs in return.

Nihilism:
There are no cows. There never were. You have a cigarette and a cup of black coffee to ponder the cow-shaped hole in the universe.


Political Correctness:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Thanks to you all...a bit of humour is exactly what I need right now:).

Oh, coconuts! I did quite a few for NS nations on the old forums, but I can't find them now.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. Your annual report says that you own eight cows, with an option on one more.

Running expenses through a corpporation. Bright idea.

*Sigh* There are about 12 of these threads. Will someone please put a stake through its heart; it's funny the first time but boring afterwards!

Perhaps to avoid a repetition of this thread, a moderator might use a sticky?


SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

Are you sure these are the correct way round?

Are you sure these are the correct way round?

Hmm, maybe you are right. In the past the Soviets and currently the Chinese describe themselves as communist, though they are actually Statist Socialist in operation. Due to the historic intonations of the word "communist" I have associated it with the state socialism.

As a secondary point however, this is meant to be funny, and I don't understand why I'm even trying to defend it.

SAURON THE DARK LORD CAPITALISM

You have 9 rings of power...