Bottle
26-07-2004, 21:48
found this saved on my laptop from a while back, thought people might get a chuckle out of it...
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT???"
So she says the words that I and every husband/boyfriend on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing
was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very
expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her
to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching
shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the
jewelery department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was
one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not
even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it
was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should
have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't
feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It
went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to
HOLD this stuff for a while."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs."
I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the
Spring of 2008 but godammit it was worth it.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT???"
So she says the words that I and every husband/boyfriend on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing
was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very
expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her
to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching
shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the
jewelery department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was
one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not
even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it
was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should
have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't
feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It
went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to
HOLD this stuff for a while."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs."
I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the
Spring of 2008 but godammit it was worth it.