NationStates Jolt Archive

Catholocism: You are what eat


How would you put yours?

As a dedicated and sober (ten years now!) member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I would sum up my relationship with my Higher Power:

"You gotta pray even when you're NOT drunk!" :D

Judiasm: "Our dad likes us better!"

"Atheism- Thou Shalt Have No God Before You."

Note that's "BEFORE you", not "before YOU". The latter means you are a God, this one doesn't.

Catholocism: If you enjoy it, its a sin

Satanism: We are the shit.

God is every where he wachts you in the bathroom and in bed.
Christainity.

"God's watching me go number two? Aw, now I'm a sinner and God's a pervert."
-Chris Griffin, Family Guy ("Holy Crap")

It doesn't really matter what religion you apply that to, really. As long as it has an omniscient figure somewhere in it.

I know that was supposed to apply to my own personal religion, but screw you.

dude its the only thing i could come up with thats the most none serousis thing i could think of. I am extremely dedicated.

Atheism: "Fuck that"

"Yeah, but..."

Freedomism: Do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt others.

Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses: We know you're in there!

atheism: if you care about it, we don't

omgwtfbbq

I just posted this in another thread and realized it probably would fit here.

"You know what they say about Catholics, after you put in enough years to get tenure you only have to go to church on Easter and Christmas."

"Free Ham"

I'm sure the Jews will get it.

:D

shamanism: "i will sacrifice 2 pigs" ahaha... but i won't really...

Judaism: Why us?

I got three religions that I kinda do:

Unitarianism: "Dude, we're a religion!. Except we don't require you to believe anything... or do anything... or have any kind of holy book... and we're generally lax on coming to church. But we're still a religion!"

Aethiesm: Completely not religion. Except for calling everyone one believes differently wrong..that's pure religion.

Judiasm: It's how aetheists keep the born-agains away.
(If you're an aetheist with Jewish blood, and one of "those" types asks you you're religion... say Judiasm...works wonders. Somebody here must know what I mean)

These probably aren't too funny.. but I'm tired and bored. But not tired enough to go to be, and not bored enough to start playing games, SO ENDURE ME.

Agnostic:

"Maybe...but what if...dammit!"

George Carlin's standup on religion is great.

Any form of Christianity: Hey, we have Christmas.

Christianity: Jesus! Save us from your followers!

if you stopped believing in santa when you were 8 and you never really believed in the easter bunny or the tooth fairy, how come you're so slow figuring out the god thing?

"Meh"
(Agnostic)

"Ehm... which God is the one to be prayed to for money?!"
Ancient Greek Polytheism

Catholicism: "We know it makes no sense, and we still don't care"

Athiest: "If I tell people they're wrong, it's because I have a logical argument to support my view, not because some old badly translated book contains one or two passages that *might* support my view... if you squint at them from a few feet away, at any rate"

Also, I must concur with "Any form of Christianity: Hey, we have Christmas".

Me :

Atheism -

" I get gifts from christian friends for no particular reason twice a year ... "

" Because I'm Worth It ! "

A friend of mine :

Born Again Christian :

" I finally found god, along with my keys and a 3 month old sand-wich. "

Taoism: Shit balances itself :p

cult leader : "the end is near!"

cult leader : "the end is near!"


so pass the coolaid

morman: bitch i told you we got the same husband

Catholicism: ........

Hmm, I'm finding this very hard to make up a funny joke. I must be quite uptight to not be able to make fun of my religion.

Catholicism: ........

Hmm, I'm finding this very hard to make up a funny joke. I must be quite uptight to not be able to make fun of my religion.
do you always have to act "mature" and they're just playing around, not making fun of their religion...

Taoism: Shit balances itself :p
lol

Atheism: If you can't fuck it, eat it.

do you always have to act "mature" and they're just playing around, not making fun of their religion...

I beg your pardon....since how often do you see me? I don't even know who you are so how can you even comment as to the nature of my posts? You really don't know my post content if you believe the above to be true.

Catholicism- God's answer to pedophiliacs

The object of Catholicism- Whoever has the biggest hat wins. :p

Ah, Pope John Paul II our modern day Quasey Modo. "The Bells!! The Bells!!!"

Catholicism--- if you feel guilty, we must be doing something right.

Catholicism "If you're happy then we are not doing our job" :p

Catholicism "If you're happy then we are not doing our job" :p
lol catholicism sounds confusing...
but i guess that's what makes it good?

Catholicism makes you feel guilty about whatever you do.(ie-cursing, masturbation, adultery, etc) The list goes on and on.....

Agnosticism: We just think we're right and won't admit we're too indecisive.

Catholicism (Formally): And you wonder where all those fanatical protestants come from...

Hinduism: Don't worry; you can always try again.

Judaism: Pork is bad for you anyways.

Christianity: Everything's closed on Sunday; why not come to church?

Atheism: Who needs spiritual enlightenment when you can have the Playboy channel?

Hmm, my religion. Skeptical Agnosicism with envy of those with faith, even if it is only faith in the non-existance of the Divine.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through."

shareitism. as for our motto "if you have it, share it"

"You can sin as much as you want, just as long as you say you're sorry later."

Judiasm: It's how aetheists keep the born-agains away.
(If you're an aetheist with Jewish blood, and one of "those" types asks you you're religion... say Judiasm...works wonders. Somebody here must know what I mean)

I know what you mean. But the other week "Jews for Jesus" were active around Manchester so I had to abandon that tactic.

Gnostic Dualism:

"It feels so good."

I know what you mean. But the other week "Jews for Jesus" were active around Manchester so I had to abandon that tactic.

Gnostic Dualism:

"It feels so good."


Know the feeling, they know where I live, so they keeping giving me books and rubbish. One time they came round and tried to give me leaflets - I told them to go away until they had some in Hebrew...5 minutes later they came back and gave them to me in Hebrew :(

Jewish festivals:

They tried to kill us, we won, let's EAT

You should have said "Shalom" and then offered them sausage.

I should have nicked the tyres off their big landrover

*mutters and twitches*

Jew: "Hey guys wanna go out and not eat something?"

HinJew, reincarnated into a pig. *BOOOM* (implosion)

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Calvinist: "If you're in deep shit it's because you don't work hard enough."

Zen Buddhism: "Shit ís."

Rasta: "Let's smoke this shit."