Forumwalker
21-07-2004, 07:44
This is the first new article in a new site (http://fapnewsnetwork.tripod.com/fnn.html) devoted to satire like The Onion is. Enjoy.
Washington, D.C. - President George W. Bush announced today in a press conference of the "clear and present danger" of humor to the Presidency, Congress, the entire government, and even to the whole country. The President continued by announcing a new initiative to fight humor, which he has appropriately named The War on Humor. "This wide-sweeping initiative will strive to wipe out all comedians, satirists, and talk show hosts."
Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry spoke to the media today to respond to President Bush?s comments. When asked what his opinion of humor is he responded, "Humor? What is that? DOES NOT COMPUTE. DOES NOT COMPUTE." As Senator Kerry's head sprung forth from his neck bouncing around on a spring from the opening on the top of his neck. The reporter was pushed to the side as two men rushed up and carried the Senator to another room, while two other men carried another Senator Kerry to the previous spot and flicked a switch on his back into the on position. The interview thus continued.
Dick Cheney addressed the media later today to expand on the President?s War on Humor. "We must root out these Anti-American people who use their position to poke fun at our shortcomings. Al Franken, Michael Moore, and Alan Colmes we are coming for you. You cannot hide. The Greatest Nation on Earth is now on your tail, and you can?t escape or hide in a spider hole. We will find you." Vice President Cheney then proceeded to clutch his heart with his right hand as his left hand shot up straight into the air. He feel on his back. He was soon rushed to the hospital where he was treated with a heart attack. He is said to be recovering nicely now. But the doctors want to keep him in the hospital for a couple days for observation.
Secretary of State Colin Powell spoke out for this initiative, but seemed to be willing to go even further than Bush and Cheney. "We must strike now to rout Michael Savage, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Sean Hannity. They are a clear threat to our national security. Possibly an even bigger threat than Michael Moore is to our food supplies."
Vice Presidential Candidate John Edwards conversed with the media today about the recent announcement by President Bush and his Cabinet of their new initiative named the War on Humor. "There are clearly three America's. One America writes humor for the rest of America. These are great people in how they create humor for other people?s enjoyment. The second America is the America that enjoys the humor. The main purpose of this group is to keep it alive by clearly enjoying such humor, which makes the first America want to create more humor. The third and final America is the America that wants to kill humor. They are clearly the majority. They have no sense of humor, and they want to ruin humor for the rest of us. If they had it their way, we wouldn?t be able to laugh anymore because there would be no more humorous things to laugh at."
Washington, D.C. - President George W. Bush announced today in a press conference of the "clear and present danger" of humor to the Presidency, Congress, the entire government, and even to the whole country. The President continued by announcing a new initiative to fight humor, which he has appropriately named The War on Humor. "This wide-sweeping initiative will strive to wipe out all comedians, satirists, and talk show hosts."
Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry spoke to the media today to respond to President Bush?s comments. When asked what his opinion of humor is he responded, "Humor? What is that? DOES NOT COMPUTE. DOES NOT COMPUTE." As Senator Kerry's head sprung forth from his neck bouncing around on a spring from the opening on the top of his neck. The reporter was pushed to the side as two men rushed up and carried the Senator to another room, while two other men carried another Senator Kerry to the previous spot and flicked a switch on his back into the on position. The interview thus continued.
Dick Cheney addressed the media later today to expand on the President?s War on Humor. "We must root out these Anti-American people who use their position to poke fun at our shortcomings. Al Franken, Michael Moore, and Alan Colmes we are coming for you. You cannot hide. The Greatest Nation on Earth is now on your tail, and you can?t escape or hide in a spider hole. We will find you." Vice President Cheney then proceeded to clutch his heart with his right hand as his left hand shot up straight into the air. He feel on his back. He was soon rushed to the hospital where he was treated with a heart attack. He is said to be recovering nicely now. But the doctors want to keep him in the hospital for a couple days for observation.
Secretary of State Colin Powell spoke out for this initiative, but seemed to be willing to go even further than Bush and Cheney. "We must strike now to rout Michael Savage, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Sean Hannity. They are a clear threat to our national security. Possibly an even bigger threat than Michael Moore is to our food supplies."
Vice Presidential Candidate John Edwards conversed with the media today about the recent announcement by President Bush and his Cabinet of their new initiative named the War on Humor. "There are clearly three America's. One America writes humor for the rest of America. These are great people in how they create humor for other people?s enjoyment. The second America is the America that enjoys the humor. The main purpose of this group is to keep it alive by clearly enjoying such humor, which makes the first America want to create more humor. The third and final America is the America that wants to kill humor. They are clearly the majority. They have no sense of humor, and they want to ruin humor for the rest of us. If they had it their way, we wouldn?t be able to laugh anymore because there would be no more humorous things to laugh at."