NationStates Jolt Archive

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

wtf

I highly doubt you.

Well for riding on the clouds and stomping on the evil doers heads with the feet of the righteous instead you are playing videogames. Also I dont see any horsemen of the apocalypse roaming the streets. So I think its pretty safe to say your not.

Fine, If you are... then i welcome you back. If your arent then this isnt a funny joke... I wish you the best of luck.

undefinedundefinedHow lovely....and the first thing Jesus does on his return trip is jump on the computer and convince internet users of his authenticity. Prove it Jesus....make my internet connection stop lagging.....please. :rolleyes:

She burn you man...
http://art.digiartistsdomain.com/artists/kandlin/STPday.jpg

all hail*snigger*jesus*snigger*lol hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahah


I am not worthy


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah
ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahhah

what a hoax, what a pansy!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Good for you. Watch out for Yossarian, though, I heard he has it in for your dad...

[/catch22]

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

Dude, no...because, I'm Christ damnit! ;) I ahm the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.

Can I get a hallelujah?!?

And remembah, please, all donations in small, unmarked, non-sequential bills.

Whew! I sure am glad you're here! I just have a few small questions to start.

1.) Is that whole Crucifixion thing really such a big deal?
2.) Why does Satan have it in for you? Do you owe him money or something?
3.) Did you really create the universe in six days, or was that just a cool metaphor?
4.) Which religion is right? Is any religion right?

Edit: Halleluyah!

Ok this is so damn weird.... who here is real if any on you are!!!!
alpha omega... ugh to many people....
:sniper: bolt down the none believers!!! mhwua1!!!!!!!!
:mp5:
:sniper:
:mp5:
:sniper:

Good for you. Watch out for Yossarian, though, I heard he has it in for your dad...

[/catch22]

I love that book !

Cmon it must be Jesus, he has such a compelling argument "i am Jesus's second coming".

Jhen...wtf are you up to now??!!

omg (er...no...i don't really mean that) i've been rolling around at the Jolt Ball with...

oo-er :D :D

can you sign my jesus t-shirt please.

your not, and on top of it your gong to hell for blasphamy

that supposes hell really exists...prove it ;)

WE have a winner! good job person!
:mp5: :mp5: :mp5:
:mp5: :mp5: :mp5:
:mp5: :mp5: :mp5:

Now prepare to go down! {sorry hyper today!!!}
Bolt down the idiots!!!

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

Ah, the LORD our GOD says that capitalization doesn't matter, so I don't have to do it now either. isn't that nice?

can you sign my jesus t-shirt please.


Uhm, yeah...now just send all your earthly wealth to me and I shall sign your t-shirt...please remember, small, unmarked bills only. ;) lol

Fools! I have come on here to reach out to my believers! Since they all are on this and are all bitching 24/7 because they hate their lives, i have RETURNED for you! To tell you all this new message!

You are all bitches bitching 24/7 and its great!! Keep up the work of spreading my message of evil intolerance and unaccepting love! Ahh...i am a very modern jesus.

Fools! I have come on here to reach out to my believers! Since they all are on this and are all bitching 24/7 because they hate their lives, i have RETURNED for you! To tell you all this new message!

You are all bitches bitching 24/7 and its great!! Keep up the work of spreading my message of evil intolerance and unaccepting love! Ahh...i am a very modern jesus.

the word of our LORD.

*crosses self*

amen, ect ect.

Love me love me, say that you love me, ohh need me need me, say that you need me...

i am Jesus!!! Who can question what jesus does?

No one can! If i feel like spreading my word though here, i will spread it! Who cares? jesus can do as he wants, its his second coming no Horsemen need to fly around killing everyone!

Sigh...

Lameundefined

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

The Pink Pony is better man. She's got you beat solid.

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=340031

HA!

the word of our LORD.

*crosses self*

amen, ect ect.

:sniper: ::shoots CSW::
doshibdonia

If you really are Jesus, I expect the words "I AM JESUS" to appear on the moon by tomorrow night.

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...
Here's several reasons...

1. Christ can't be reborn... he was already born...
2. He can't be reincarnated, because he is already alive and resurrected, and very much flesh and blood... so to reincarnate a living person would be to clone... :)
3. You spell too poorly to be the Son of God
4. Why would we give you money? If you are Christ, wouldn't you be giving us money? :)

revive my grandmother and where are the coulds and why hasn't war stopped how long have i been baptised

Oh my! There are actually people taking this seriously!
"You will burn in hell for blasphemy" was my favorite... but the logical proof of how you can't be Jesus was aclose second...


Also the "Request for the lying idiots" was funny. Do people actually think of the orig. poster as lying? Like you are supposed to believe it? Some people are really gullible I guess. They are like "Wait, just a minute! You can't possibly be Jesus! LIAR!"

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

I bet my left testicle that you are an imposter.

And I bet my right testicle that I'm right.

If not, then I'll just start praying for a pair of titties and a vagina.

jesus, do you have two or three nipples? :sniper:

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

I believe you. But I'm pretty sure I'm Athena Incarnate... I'm just missing my boobs. >.<

Ahem, this is not Jesus, because in Revelation of the Bible, his own book it explicitly says that all of his believers will be marked and will be raptured, and as seeing that I am a christian and I sit here typing it goes to show that you are not christ. If you are, what is my full name? Tell me my whole family tree? Was Hitler assassinated? and Jesus does not cuss.

Futher why haven't i been persucted why hasn't my uncle been sent to hell by the way cure my uncle cure my aunt get a therapist teach me spelling and pucntation.

First of all, Jesus is not even a correct translation- it's Yashua, but whatever.

I think it's pretty obvious that the guy is joking, hence the sarcasm at the end of his second post.

Let's all just take a deep breath.

No! I am Spartacus!

:mp5:
:mp5:
:mp5:
:mp5:
:mp5:
:mp5:

Bah, Jesus ain't that great.

No! I am Spartacus!
Don't listen to him! I'm the REAL Spartacus!

Look, "buddy", I know JC isn't on the computer because Dad specifically said he couldn't access the internet for a week. And it's impossible to get past Dad you know. He's omnipotent and omnipresent. Bud, I'm JC's sister, Mercico, and I know you aren't my brother. My brother has a different way of speaking and writing, an oddly persuasive and hard to analyze sort of writing, though it's very notable and unique.

Dad left me out of the Bible for whatever incomprehensible reason. I don't know why he left me out. It would seriously cut down on MORONS like you.

Here are some excerpts from MY book in the Bible, Mercico.

Mercico 1:1
"Mercico is lucky for she doesn't have to get crucified and all that jabber."
Mercico 14:28
"And lo, all who said foolish or wicked things were first smited by Mercico then God."

ok now seriously it isn't funny you are all real annoying all of you must shut up
:sniper: :sniper::sniper::sniper::sniper::sniper::sniper::sniper::sniper:

Don't listen to him! I'm the REAL Spartacus!



No! I am Spartacus!

i Am Spartacus!

Fools! You should all listen to these lunatics you claim to be the second coming of Jesus, especially the parts about small unmarked bills. Why listen to me you ask? All should listen to me and head my every command..(dramatic pause).. for I am GOD.

As proof of my omnipotence I give you this:
The answer all that can be properly asked is 7, if it has not been properly asked then the answer will be green with a hint of blue.
The fighting over who is the real sparticus will not end until a third joins the fight and is soundly defeated my the first two.
If you still doubt my claim read this and ponder it for no less than ten minutes: “If it weren’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.” And I will see you shortly there after. (only the glorious will understand this)

(to all those loyal church goers reading this, worry not for I am already damned! I have been declared a “blasphemous heathen” and were it not for the trouble of having to join the church I would be proudly excommunicated)

i have a couple questions

who do you think besides your self's the pick of the crop?
buddha was he where it's at is he where you are?
could mohammed move a mountain or what that just PR?
did you mean to die like that was that a mistake or
did you know your messy death would be a record breaker

i only wanna know....

[QUOTE=Jhenova]I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!
[QUOTE]

Good for you! Can you do something for all those people in Africa, SE Asia and most of America? I think the first world countries can take care of themselves, so never mind those.

Thanks.

I believe you. But I'm pretty sure I'm Athena Incarnate... I'm just missing my boobs. >.<

(.)(.)

Here, take these.

What the heck. I'll worship all of you. I have nothing better to do.

*Sets up a few little altars and mutters.*

There. I feel better already.

What the heck. I'll worship all of you. I have nothing better to do.

*Sets up a few little altars and mutters.*

There. I feel better already.

*MEZZA!*

Well, since I have a direct line to Satan, and tend to keep up with the news concerning Armageddon, I can say that you can't be JC.

Oh and many of the so-called faithfull are in for one BIG surprise come judgement day.
:D

You're not jesus.

http://img12.exs.cx/img12/3572/mexgardnerb.jpg

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...

OKay. Jesus didn't talk like that. He's supposed to be perfect, so he would have capitalized his 'I's and oh course, capitalized his name. Oh, and Jesus has already come back...anyone remember Cannibal Christ?

No, he's not the real Jesus. Jesus only speaks spanish.

I am, i really am, im jesus christ reincarnated!

Try and prove im not, try it, i dare you, i am Jesus's second coming. Believe in me, i mean, why wont you? Must i do some great deed before you believe in me? do i have to do miracles? I am Jesus Christ! Now, please donate to me...if you would be so kind...


I have a lot of water that I need turned into wine